Scraps To A Tank

Scraps to a Tank

Chapter two

2.5 k words

Fandom: Redacted Asmr/Audio

TW/CW: Quinn in other words toxic, controlling, abusive relationship. nothing graphic. This is a Boxing/Fighting Au so there is fighting, i wouldn't consider it graphic, but everyone's different so read with your own discretion. Homelessness. Yelling.

Let me know if I missed a trigger or spelling mistake.

Please comment and reblog, it lets me know people like my stuff and encourages me to write more!!!!!!

Two months later

Honestly, Darlin was expecting this to be easier for them.

But two months had passed and David still wouldn't let them in a real ring.

It was more than frustrating.

Day after day, hour after hour they would fight the same two people.

And that was if David was feeling nice.

Most days it was just punching bags and lifting.

They were itching to do more.

To fight new people.

To fight in a ring.

In front of an audience.

The adrenaline from that was something they craved.

Even when it was staged, and they lost. Hearing the crowd's reaction. Feeling the blood dripping from their face. Feeling the sweat cover their body.

They were an addict.

And David was keeping them sober.

They were using their frustration to attack the punching bag. They weren't planning on stopping anytime soon.

" You don't seem too happy"

Darlin's new friend, sweetheart intersects. Sweetheart watches as they take off their gloves, seemingly done with their practice for the day.

Darlin huffs.

Sweetheart watches for a while. After a minute or two they look around, no one else is in the gym. So they propose an idea

" would you want to spare?"

Darlin stops punching the bag, excitement distracts them, barely stopping the bag before it could swing back.

Darlin takes a few large breaths, catching the lungs up.

Sweetheart starts strapping their gloves back on

" No one's here, you wouldn't get in trouble"

Sweetheart walks away, yelling to account for the distance as they climb into one of the rings

Darlin smirks grabs their water, and takes a large sip before practically skipping to the ring sweetheart resided in.

" I'm not worried about that"

Darlin climbs into the ring. Sweetheart cocks an eyebrow

"Oh, so what are you worried about then?"

Their voice drips with a taunting tone

Darlin bounces on their feet a little

"You. Not sure if you remember the last time we fought."

Sweetheart lets out a short but genuine laugh.

"Oh, I remember. I remember letting you win."

" so you're saying you let me headbutt you"

" yes, in fact, I told you so seconds before you did it"

" I don't recall that."

Darlin was lying, this was just a little friendly shit talk before a fight. To ramp them up, and it was working.

Both fighters were ready. They circled each other while holding eye contact.

They both knew the first swing would come at any moment.

Darlin planned to Strick first, but first, they gave one more small push with their words

" must be the hit you took."

Darlin felt the signals in their brain move to take action, a simple swing to sweetheart's left cheek. But before anything connected, a voice boomed from across the room

" What do you two think you're doing?"

David

Both fighters dropped their hands.

Darlin rolls their eyes as Sweetheart whispers an apology

Darlin doesn't let up though. They were tired of this

" What does it look like we were doing?"

They didn't dare call him any names but they really, really wanted to

" What it looked like was you two were about to fight. When you both know you're not supposed to."

Darlin shaped back

"And why's that? We're both awesome ass fighters, so why can't we have a little sprawl"

David looked to sweetheart. They knew the answer, at least their answer.

"You want to know?"

Darlin rolls their eyes and lets their head fall back in annoyance

"Yes. Are you even listening?"

David began to walk to his office

"Fine. Wash up a meet me in here"

Darlin's eyes lit up, and they immediately headed to his office. That was before David glared them down.

" I said to wash up first"

Darlin took a breath, holding back the anger they felt. They forced a tight smile and walked away and toward the locker room.

In minutes they were sitting in David's office. David sat at his desk. Darlin on the other side. Without saying anything David's turned the computer screen toward Tank

The screen shows a steady shot of two fighters.

Darlin and Asher.

Darlin remembers this fight, there wasn't anything special about the fight.

They just remember because David set up a tripod.

Being filmed didn't change how they fought.

It was a good fight. They lost but they always lost. But the fight still felt amazing.

So why film it?

It was like every other fight they had with Asher.

So why show them it?

David Interrupts their thoughts.

" I want you to pay attention to Asher. See how he fights from this perspective."

Darlin leaned back into the chair, already annoyed with this task

" I've seen Asher fight before."

David sighs

" I know, just- just watch the video"

They do as he says, though they're more focused on how intently David is watching them.

They felt belittled

He didn't trust them.

Not like he should

They really didn't see the point in watching a video when they saw Asher fight, I  person about a hundred times now.

They figured if David was going to watch them so closely they might as well do as their told.

They focus on Asher, their fight is about halfway over at this point. At least that's what the recall. There's no indicator of who's winning yet. Just two fighters, fighting.

Then Asher laughs

He's known for his laugh

He's named after it.

Tank begins to roll their eyes at the obnoxious sound, it was pointless really.

But then they caught something.

Asher's body was practically split in two.

The side closer to Tank was moving one way. Fast, a clear attack.

But the other side was staying back just a little bit.

Darlin watched as they blocked Asher's first attack only to be thrown off and hit, square in the face by Asher's other hand.

Darlin remembers that.

He did that move a lot, but they never caught the pattern until now.

Because from the opponent's view, there is nothing to see.

It is invisible.

Tank is drawn in now.

Asher pulls the same trick over and over till he wins.

Though it is not the same, it is always a different move, a different combination. He has no clear dominant hand. No clear strategy. Not to the opponent at least. The only sign is that laugh.

It's a giveaway

But he still gets away with his sneak attack every time.

David watches as Tank's brain starts to pick at Asher's moves.

He glared door it but he's afraid their missing the big picture.

" Now watch you"

Darlin is actually interested now.

It's like their not even watching themselves because all they can think about is how stupid this fighter has to be, to fall for Asher's trick

David restarts the video

Darlin watches themselves very intensely. And yet they noticed nothing before the video ended

They were perfect. Practically at least. All their throws were strong, their timing was amazing, and their blocks were fast.

So what was wrong?

They looked to David

Hoping he'd help

Reluctantly he questioned

" What difference between the two of you."

"Well, Ashers did that thing."

"No. Not what you did differently. What is the difference between the two of you."

"Well, he is Asher and I'm Tank. We're different people."

David tries to relax, Tank was definitely his most frustrating trainee

" How are you two fighting, that is different?"

"Repeating the same question doesn't help. And we are both trained by you so nothing."

David looks into their eyes, he blinks. He's annoyed.

" Then why did he win? You are both trained by me and both lift the same amount, your strength is equivalent. Why did he win?"

" I.don't.know"

Tank wanted David to answer for them.

David refused to let that happen.

"Watch again. This time watch your chest and face. Ashers too."

Tank held eye contact with David.

David didn't back down either

" you'll watch this video until you figure it out."

Tank sighed before letting their eyes move back to the screen.

Once again the video played. And though they wanted to pay attention to the punching, they did as David said.

They watched their chest, move up and down consistently. They watched how fast they were breathing, how fast their chest reddened and covered in sweat. They looked over at Asher, it was completely different. He was still sweating but his breathing was slow.

They look back at themselves. They pay attention to their face, their eyes were rapid. Focused on Asher's arms.

Ashers were sharp, staying locked onto Tank's full body.

The video ended.

David asked again

" What is different between you and Asher?"

"We breathe differently."

They were proud to find the answer

" So?"

They weren't so proud anymore

"So what? The question was what was different. And now you're asking more."

" yes. I am. So why is the breathing important?"

" How the hell am I supposed to know. You are the teacher, you're supposed to tell me."

David doesn't reply, he waits for them to work it out

" So what if I'm fast, I move fast, so I breathe fast, s9 my eyes move fast."

"Why?"

It became too much too fast. They jumped out of the chair. They pushed past David and left the office

" I don't know David. God do you not understand that."

David followed the stubborn fighter out. He knew they were getting there.

" Fighters fight differently. So why does it matter if I was sweating more or if my eyes were watching his arms? Why was he watching my body? I mean the real question is why wasn't he paying attention to my arms? Why wasn't he fighting as hard as I was? Does he not see me as a real competitor? It's infiltrating. I'm good, maybe not perfect, but I'm a good fighter. It makes me so angry. How am I supposed to focus when I'm this fucking angry?"

They go quiet, fast. Then they mummer the last sentence again.

The realization makes them angrier

Their to fucking angry

“Fuck! It's cause I'm too angry. Right?

David's face confirmed exactly what they thought.

“I need to be angry David! That's all I have, it's all I have. I need it. I need it to be strong, it's how I live!”

David was a teacher

A great one

Because he cares

Even if it wasn't always obvious

But at this moment Tank could see it clearly

David stepped closer wanting to be some comfort

Tank stepped back.

They weren't scared

Not of David

Just what he was trying to do

As much as they wanted to turn around and run away, never returned.

David was right

He always was

And they were in the best position they've ever been in their life.

They were stronger and still learning

They were surrounded by people who wanted that

Who helped them both as a fighter and a person

They were surrounded by friends

They didn't notice when tears started to flood their eyes

They refused to notice the tears

They got quieter

They don't remember the last time they were this vulnerable

Or just vulnerable

“It's how I got away David”

David stayed still

He could understand to an extent

They needed to be heard

He knew any interruptions could make them run.

so he stayed still.

“I can't let the anger go, as soon as I do I'm done. So don't, don't tell me that the problem.”

David let the silence settle

Tank sniffled

When David felt it was safe he spoke

“ You don't have to let it go”

Tank scoffs

“ You don't. How badly do you want this? To be a fighter, a great fighter?”

The energy in the room shifted

“I need it, David”

Tank's voice was almost desperate. David knew they wanted to say more but something stopped them.

“ Then you have to listen to me. Don't let go of your anger, it will be useful. Store it, let it build. Let it build and use it when needed. You don't need to be angry at Milo, Asher, or sweetheart. You need to save that anger for a real fight, when your dignity is on the line when your opponent doesn't see you as a worthy opponent. For now, you store it. While you learn how to fight without it.”

For a minute the tension in the gym was suffocating.

Then Tank laughed and smiled at David

“That's the Best advice you've ever given”

David's lips lifted, just enough for Tank to consider it a smile

“Thanks, my dad said something similar when I was young. So it's mostly his advice.”

“ don't sell yourself short, David.”

“You're one to talk.”

The two stood there with partial grins. The conversation was over, it was clear to both of them yet no one was leaving.

David was expecting Tank to leave, everyone else was gone, and the gym was officially closed

“Do you need something else?”

David asked with his normal amount of annoyance in his voice

“No”

Tank answered

“ then you are free to go”

Tank's face changed to one of realization, though David thought it to be one of exhaustion

Tank finally looked away and made their way toward their bag. Once they grabbed it they headed to the door.

David right behind to lock it after they left.

Tank grabbed the handle and pulled before letting go and spinning around rather quickly.

“ David, I don't want to leave”

David was reaching his limit for the day, he didn't want to play any more games with Tank.

“Too bad, I'm kicking you out, go home.”

David reached around and opened the door for Tank. The cold hit him quickly as he stood outside waiting for Tank.

But they just stood there

“That's the thing, David, I don't have a home.”

Even though they had a strange lightheartedness, almost joking tone to their voice. David was fast to take this confession seriously. He slowly walked back in allowing the door to close

Intimidated and scared, Tank backed further into the building and started to overshare

“Ive been staying here. I don't use anything that's not mine. I just sleep.”

David held down his distaste about Tank staying before asking. He wanted to focus on the fact that they were in need.

“You can continue to stay here, just make sure you clean up before anyone shows up. And for future reference don't ever do shit like that behind my back.”

“ Of course, the first time it was an accident. Still sorry for not asking. I don't really make enough to pay you what I should but I do have some-”

“ no, I don't need your money Tank.”

“But I-”

“You staying here doesn't change how much rent or utilities cost, that is as long as you aren't taking extra showers or anything. So I don't need the money, you just save up while you stay here so that you can get a place.”

“Thanks, David”

“Yeah, no problem. Ive got some paperwork to do in my office. I'll lock up now and say goodbye before I go.”

.... if your a writer I highly suggest making a plan , and WRITING IT DOWN, for your story.. I just reread this and I want the next chapter but I literally have no idea were I was going with this

Unforgiving

the title is a work in progress, if any oof you have ides please tell me

 2.3 k words

Fandom: Redacted Audio/Redacted ASMR/ Redactedverse

Couple: Lasko/Gavin, Past Lasko/ original male character

TW/CW: Past large age gap, mentioned cheating

After being heartbroken Lasko plots revenge with the help of and incubus. Fake dating

Let me know if I missed a trigger.

Please comment and reblog, it lets me know people like my stuff and encourages me to write more!!!!!!

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Disgust, heartbreak, regret, loneliness, helplessness.

“Mother of god- Gavin- what- what are you doing here? And why do you have to - scare me like that every time.”

Fear, shame, relief

“My fault Sunshine, did not mean to frighten you.”

Anxiety, Hesitation

“Liar.”

“You know me so well.”

Calm

“You didn't answer, why are you here? Do you need something- I heard that your- um interested in classes- I could help-but um- I don't think right no-”

“ I'm not here for that Sweets. “

It was hard to ignore the tear stains and the wobble in his voice, even an unempowered would notice. A demon though, he could feel the heartbreak from miles away. 

“I could feel it.”

Shock, Fear

“What?”

He knew what Gavin meant but almost didn't believe it.

“ I'm sorry Lasko, I wasn't trying to eavesdrop, I'm kind of tuned in to my friends.”

Lasko stumbled into his chair. He let a few more tears slide down his face.

“You-you don't need to be sorry- it's my fault. I'm an idiot- it's my fault. I let that- I let them play me. I-”

He stopped to breathe. Gavin stood, listened, and waited. Lasko took the time he needed, he crossed his arms over the desk, stuck his head in, and cried. Gavin felt the slow shift in Lasko's energy. He wasn't calming down.

Anger

“ I wish it was different."

Lasko said, inaudible to Gavin

“Puppy, I can't understand your words when you're talking through your arm."

He lifted his head, seating his chin on his arms. He wasn't blushing like he normally was when Gavin used any nickname. Now he was just blank-faced.

“I wish it was different. He was always- he was very possessive- and even if- if he said that he doesn't love me-  that she's who he loves. I know- I know he'll hate it- he'll hate seeing me happy with someone else, 'cause he knows that he treated me like shit. And I want him to know that. I want to make him jealous, I want him to hate himself for leaving me. I WANT HIM TO BE THE ONE THAT BEGS FOR MY LOVE. “

Anger, Desperation

“Lasko.”

They make eye contact. in Gavin's eyes there's sympathy and confusion but somehow it's paired with understanding.  It brings Lasko a sense of calm. He takes a few breaths before standing up and walking around to the other side of his desk. Standing right in front of Gavin. He looks up, a strange sense of confidence flashes through his body. A very small flash, before Lasko, got sucked back into his shell. His head down avoiding confrontation.

“ I used to beg him. To stay, to show me, love.”

Shame, Regret, Guilt

“I know I should have realized-should have- should have left. It was my fau-”

“Lasko.”

Thankful

Gavins takes a hold of Lasko. 

“It's not your fault, there are a lot of people who have learned, trained how to use people, they know how to make you think, feel loved. It's not your fault.”

“A part of me knows that, I want to believe that.”

Rage

“ But I still, I want him to feel how I feel, he needs to understand what he does to people. I want to make him so jealous he begs for me back.”

Hope

“ But you won't go back”

Anxiety, Fear

There's a pause

“Of- of course”

He lies.

Gavin pulls Lasko out of his chest and tilts his head up to him.

“I'm serious, Lasko, you can make him jealous, Get your revenge. But you can't go back, you won't.”

Lasko nods, that's all. Before he pulls and turns away.

Fear

Gavin wondered what Lasko was scared of now.

“Gavin.”

“Yes”

“Will you help me?”

Gavin knew what Lasko meant. He realized why Lasko was scared. He's expecting him to say no, with good reason.

“Lasko, you know I don't do relationships.”

“I know that, but he doesn't, we can fake it. Pretend we're together when he's around”

Desperation

" and you can benefit off it cause you can feed off m-"

" I'll do it Sweets, but because you're my friend, not because you're offering to let me feed off you. We should have some rules though."

Relief, Excitement 

"Yes, of course. Do you have any in mind?"

"Well, it depends. Who do you want to lie to everyone, or just him?"

" I mean- I guess everyone, I think we can, or should tell our friends. I don't want to lie to them. So just in public, we'll- we can act like a couple."

Fear, shame

Gavin is tired of Lasko hiding stuff from him.

"There's more, come on, out with it."

"I- I think the best way to sell- to make him believable and make him jealous well have to- be physical. But only when he's around, and only if you're comfortable. That's why I said you could use my energy because if I'm going to be, umm touching and if I'm touching you, you might as well take what I'm giving you. I've already come up with a few ideas, scenarios, and things I know will hurt him. But just the thought - uhh fluster me- you know."

" I think you mean 'turned on' but it's cute that you can barely even hint at such"

"Shut up, Gavin"

" ah ah ah that's not my name. Y'know what -"

" Lasko what is this empty section, I told you to fill my schedule as much as po-Gavin."

"Damien.”

Gavin greets the frantic confused fire element before he turns back to Lasko. kissing the back of Lasko's hand before saying goodbye to the both of them

“ it seems my time with you is over, for now. I hope you start feeling better, night sweets. Damien, good luck with your schedule, but don't overwork yourself.”

And then he was gone.

Lasko moves back to his deck, trying to move past what just happened and act as if nothing happened.

“ I- so I put a space in your- um schedule because well- you need it but also the timing of the classes were unreasonable- impossible, you - no one would be able to make it across the campus like needed in that time. So I decided that it would be best to giv-'

“ What the fuck was that Lasko?”

“Oh it was - it's nothing- not important. So do you still want me to - to fix you-”

“ Lasko don't - don't fucking lie to me, what was Gavin doing here, and the kiss?”

“ ok- so "

Damien gave Lasko a look telling him not to try lying again

“Gavin and I have decided to- fake a relationship with each other.”

“Lasko.”

“I suggested it, I've mentioned umm Zen to you before, he cheated on me, left me, and -I wanted to make him jealous.”

“God Lasko, how stupid- “

Damien stopped, realizing now wasn't the time to use harsh words.

“ I don't think that's wise Lasko.”

“Why's that? I know I act like- like a shy nerd but I deserve revenge, don't you thi-”

“ Of course I do, but this isn't the way”

“Why not?!”

“ because you'll just get hurt”

“ No, I won't it's fake I'll be fi-”

“ Lasko, I've seen it, you fall in love when someone looks at you. When Gavin starts giving you all that attention you're going to fall for him, hard. And you'll start to think that he feels the same because you're in this fake relationship. And when you confess, he's going to reject you, and you'll be heartbroken, inconsolable.”

“That's not true!”

Damien sighed knowing there was nothing he could say to stop Lasko's plan.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Professor Dawson"

Damien stared at the closed door, here for one reason. To meet up with Xavier, but he didn't want to go in.

"Damien?"

Huxley's voice and shoulder nudge broke Damien's thoughts

"We can head in, the class is over, Xavier is just talking to the professor."

Huxley steps in front of Damien and opens that door, holding it open for his friend.

The door shuts when both men are inside. Xavier and Professor Dawson are the only others in the room, just a few steps ahead, Xavior notices his friends come in and waves them over to join in the conversation. Huxley takes a few large steps while Damien begrudgingly shuffles closer, head down avoiding the professor's gaze.

“Dawson, this is Huxley one of my amazing teammates, and Damien”

“Sophia's kid?”

Damien didn't allow himself to physically react, but he was shocked by the professor's knowledge of his mother. He didn't like it.

“Yeah.”

“ I've heard quite a bit about your mother, I've watched her display her element, and I've heard of her accomplishments as a human born, she's truly remarkable. I didn't believe it a first when I was told she was human-born.”

 Damien snapped his head up, his eyes not hiding his burning rage. He knew this guy was a piece of work, from what Lasko told him but now it was personal. Damien waited for the professor to speak, make a mistake, so Damien could let himself go, let the stereotype of being hot-headed win.

Then Dawson laughed.

Right in Damien's face

Damien looked at his friends

What the fuck was funny

“Oh, Damien, I'm sorry I offended you, and your mother. I was very young when I thought that, I was still ignorant. I was barely ten, my father quickly corrected my thoughts. I'm sorry.”

Damien was confused

He was sincere

He wasn't lying

Sure Damien was no lie detector but he considered himself pretty good at spotting lies and insincerity.

Damien kept his eyes locked with Dawson. The professor's eyes soften from ice to snow.

“Truly Damien, I didn't mean anything by my statement. I hope you realize that.”

Xavier stepped in, realizing Damien wasn't calming down, and the room was only getting hotter.

“I know professor, I'm sure Damien does too but we're going to go ahead and leave, thanks for class”

The three students headed to the door as the professor commented to talk

“ Of course Xavior, I'll see you, and Huxley at your next game. Which is?”

“ Friday sir”

“ got it, I'll be there”

When the three were in the hall, with the door to professor Dawsons closed, Damien let out a groan

“I fucking hate that guy”

“Wow, Damien, that- this was the first time you met him”

Hux was shocked at his friend's immediate distaste for the professor

Xavier tried to calm the fire elemental down with a joke

“Maybe it's because of your opposing elements?”

Hux made a face at the ice boy, Xavier knew he messed up. Xavier still didn't know Damien too well.

“ Xavier, you're an ice elemental, I don't hate you.”

Xavior took that as a good sign.

Huxley changed the topic when they got outside, using his vast knowledge of the earth to keep the fire elemental from becoming angrier. It worked, the group found a table to have lunch at as they talked about various things

“Wow, is that Lasko and Gavin”

Damien slowly turns his head to see Gavin and Lasko sitting on the same side of a small table, Gavin's hand on Lasko's knee, Laskos face bright red.

“Yep”

Damien says it like he saw the two like this every day.

“ What do you mean ‘yep’, it's Lasko and Gavin.”

Huxley gestured toward the two, he was pretty freaked out by the unexpected pair. The more he looked the more things clicked

“Oh my gosh bro, is Gavin his not-so-secret boyfriend”

“ Not so secret boyfriend?”

Xavier questions, a little out of the loop with Huxley's friend group. Damien calmly explained, already tired of this conversation.

“Lasko tried to, and thinks he did hide that he was in a relationship but everyone in our group knew. He's pretty bad at lying.”

Huxley jumped in

“ yeah but he told you who it was”

Huxley then turned to Xavier

“But he wouldn't tell us- which is totally respectable, Lasko wanted to keep it a secret”

“No, he didn't.”

The two athletes snapped their heads to Damien

They didn't have to ask as Damien started to explain

“ Gavin isn't the ’secret boyfriend’. They broke up, and Lasko never wanted to lie or keep his relationship a secret he was forced to”

Huxley didn't like hearing that, he looked over at his air-powered friend. Xavier asked the next question

“Why?”

Huxley wanted to know but he was also scared of the answer, he couldn't come up with many good reasons to lie about a relationship[

“His partner thought it would look bad.”

Damien's hands grabbed at his jeans, squeezing hard as he thought about it

“Like- Lasko was embarrassing to be seen with?”

Huxley's voice had changed, it was steady but still unsure.

“Partly.” Xavier felt it wasn't his place to talk, but he felt for Lasko.

Huxley continued to stare at Lasko. Damiens stared at his jeans as he began to speak

“He thought-”

“ Who was it?”

Huxley's voice was, emotionless, not angry, or sad, but Damien knew it was a demand

“Zen Dawson.”

Xavier took a deep breath and looked over at Lasko, he'd always wondered why Lasko often came into Dawson's room after class. 

“Isn't Dawson like twice Laskos age?”

“No”

Huxley and Damien were surprised that Xavier was the one to answer. Damien finished what Xavier said

“He's 12 years older, that was one of the reasons he didn't want the relationship to go public”

“I'm starting to understand your hatred towards that guy.”

Damien let out a huffed laugh.

“There's more”

Huxley looked out the window as Professor Zen Dawson walked by, waving to the table as he passed.

Damien watches him as he walks.

“So much more.”

I hate you

Fanfic based on Our Life: Beginnings and Always, Baxter DLC

1999 words

Tw for drinking cursing and it is slightly suggestive towards the end

A drunken confession fic

Fueled with hate and alcohol, you arrive at Baxter's place. And everything he does pushes you towards the truth.

Stumbling through the hall you found the apartment you were looking for. With both hands, you steady yourself. You fake a stance you believe shines " totally sober" before you knock on the door.

It doesn't take too long before Baxter opens the door, he's wearing a silky white and black pajama set that fits him so well you assume it has been tailored. You focus on his body, and the set does a phenomenal job highlighting his physical assets. His slender waist flows perfectly to his lean chest which leads to his beautiful shoulders. That's when you see his face. Watching as it shifts from a confused look to a smug smirk.

"And may I ask why you are here?"

You answer quickly.

Or at least you believe you did. In reality, you gawked a little longer before slowly pushing yourself inside, while saying.

"You owe me a drink."

Baxter stepped aside to allow you in and closed the door. He didn't miss your unsteady steps or the smell of alcohol on you.

"Is that so"

You take a seat at the inland. Baxter makes his way around to be across from you, standing. You avoid eye contact as you confidently reply.

"Yep."

He chuckles a little, it fills your ears and then your heart. You know it's fondness but you must hate him. So you pretend the love in your heart is rage. Scoffing and keeping your eyes focused on something else.

" Why is that?"

You think or try to. Your brain is slowed by the alcohol, and baxters arms. He was resting them on the countertop, his hands as beautiful as you remembered and his forearms just slightly buff, you wondered what it felt like, to squeeze,  to be squeezed by them. How it would feel to be held both softly and roughly by them. Your thoughts are interrupted by Baxter answering his own question after he figured you weren't going to answer.

" Would it be because the bar you were at may have cut you off?"

In disbelief of the correct accusation, you make eye contact with him. Loudly claiming he's wrong.

" Then I must assume you're here because you wanted to see me."

Your breathing halts a little, those brown. eyes captivate you, there's so much hope behind them. You could almost fall for it. But the color was still all so familiar. It was still Baxter. The man who, with his brown eyes, stared into your soul and tore your heart apart. 

You want to start yelling at him, force him to apologize, to cry, even to deny the truth. You just wanted a reaction. 

Instead, you sit as he fills a glass of water and sets it in front of you. 

Not right in front of you. 

It's like he's trying to avoid offending you.

Or avoiding getting too close.

But you can't tell which because of your dissociated state, and because he's always been quite good at hiding how he feels.

A small bubble of anger filled in your stomach but you held it down. 

You would not embarrass yourself more.

So you reached for the glass.

You failed to take a sip, spilling a decent amount on yourself.

When you looked up for help.

Baxter was on his phone.

Paying you no attention.

Even when he talked to you, he just stared at his phone.

“ Is there someone I should call for you, or I guess you have a list I could call, so it's more about your preference.”

And for some reason, that's what caused your anger to burst.

Cause why would you show up at his door if you wanted someone else to take care of you.

You wanted him.

Even if you couldn't admit it.

Abruptly you stood up, hands gripping the counter.

" I hate you! You know that! You have to know that! Even if you’re beautiful and handsome, it doesn't change how much I hate you. I can't stand to look at you and your big stupid chocolate eyes. It's nauseating. Why did you have to become even hotter? I hate it. It was easy to hate you when I couldn't see you but now you're right in front of me, showing off your amazing body and perfect arms. And I hate you and I hate how much I want to kiss you and you hate that I'm here and that you don't care!"

You breathe heavily after your confession. Your energy suddenly plummeting. Your eyes release tears as you can't hold them back anymore. 

Your tears blur your vision, but you feel a gentle, hesitant pair of hands on your arms. You let them guide you to the living room and seat you down.

" I do care."

It wasn't defensive like you were half expected.

To him, it was just a fact. 

" I care for so many reasons. I care because you're drunk and it worries me. I care because you're upset and I don't know what to do. I care because I'm the reason you're upset. I care because I'm only making it worse. I care because I never stopped. "

He was sitting next to you, but allowed distance, yet your hands found each other.

"Seeing you at the restaurant was my worst nightmare and my dream came true."

He was hesitant but after a few deep breaths, Baxter mustered all his confidence. He moved from off the couch to kneeling in front of you. He took both your hands.

" I hate myself. I can't say for sure I hate myself more than you hate me.  Though I know I've regretted that night, more than I can ever put into words. So just…"

He leaned in, the smell of his cologne was faint but it was all you could focus on. But then your hand was sandwiched between Baxter's chest and hands. His pulse could be felt from both.

His heart raced.

And without words, you could feel it. 

The love.

The hurt.

The pain. 

The regret.

The begging. 

It was all on the table.

His heart was in your hand.

He was once in this position. 

Years ago, when you begged him to try.

That's all you wanted was to know you were worth fighting for.

When your heart was in his, he crushed it to dust.

And now that you had the opportunity to do the same.

You couldn't.

Part of you screamed at yourself when you pulled him in. When you held him, held him to heal him, held him like he was yours.

But a much larger part of yourself felt complete. 

And relief.

So much relief you cried and giggled in this tender hug.

It confused Baxter as he pulled out of the hug.

But not away.

He adjusted, his hand holding your face.

“ Are you- what's going on?”

His eyes are so big and sad, concerned.

At least till he caught your eyes, though blurred with tears he could tell you were  full of glee

Soon his face lit up the same, the sad look turned to a smile, which turned to a laugh.

A laugh you found to be your favorite sound.

And every negative thought you had about this man floated away.

When the laughing stopped, he looked into your eyes. 

His eyes filled with sparkle once again.

“I never stopped loving you. I locked it all away, locked you out. I thought it was the safest option. Maybe it was. I thought I was protecting both of us from disaster. Maybe it will be a disaster But these past years, without you. Being without isn't worth it. I want to be with you, to try. Even if it ends in us hating each other, let's love each other for as long as we can?”

A full smile was locked on his face, but you could still see his anxiety in his body language.

You leaned toward him, initiating the kiss.

Your hands find his shirt, pulling him closer.

He laughs into the kiss before moving his hand down to your neck.

He bites at your lip before keeping the kiss.

He's practically on top of you. 

His knee between your legs, your neck craned up for the kiss.

His hands mirror each other as they caress your skin from your neck, down your shoulders and arms.

When he gets to your hands he takes hold of them, backing up and lifting you off the couch so you are both standing.

You push further into the kiss, but he pulls away.

A small bubble of fear builds in you.

“Before you get the wrong idea, dear, I'm stopping because I don't want our first time to be while you're not completely in control.”

One of his hands moves from your hand to your face, gently holding it as his thumb softly grazes your skin.

“I'm just kissing you, you perv.”

You joke before moving in for another kiss.

He kisses you back before pushing you away. 

“ It is just kissing, but I'd like to remain a gentleman but your tongue in my mouth is infecting my mind, coercing me further.”

You reach for his shirt again, wanting to pull him in again.

Before you can accomplish your goal he spins you around. And wraps his arms around you. 

He leans into the crook of your neck and whispers.

“ I want the time we spend together,  on my bed, against a wall, in the shower, over the counter or anywhere else you'd allow me to devour you. I've dreamed of nights where I would have you, where you'd have me, the years of temptation have my restrictions thin. What keeps me, and my hand away from your body, away from bringing you all the pleasure you deserve, to prove that forgiving me was worth it. What keeps me away is knowing your mind is intoxicated by alcohol, I want to be the only thing intoxicating you.”

Your breathing becomes labored as you take in everything this man is saying. You can't help but agree with him. As much as your body craves him now, your mind pleads for the day Baxter takes you with passion, and you want to be able to recall that moment.

“Take me to bed, Baxter.”

His arms relax from your body, his hand finding your arms, sweetly caressing them

“Of course my love”

Maybe you imagined those words but if you didn't you prayed to hear him say it again, and if he never did, you hoped you'd be able to remember the way those words sounded in his voice.

He took your hand and led you to his room. He treated you like royalty as he ensured you were comfortable, as he tucked you in.

“Would you like me to join you?”

You blushed at the respectful question. You knew if you told him no he'd listen with a smile. 

“Please”

He was so pretty when pleased, but before he climbed in he spoke again.

“Could I -”

His face flushed slightly as he cleared his throat.

“My Apologies. How would you feel about me holding you .”

You thought it was cute how nervous he was to ask about something far less scandalous than what he was telling you mere minutes ago. You know to him these sweet innocent moments were harder for him.

“No need for the apologies Baxter, get in and cuddle me.”

He let out a short laugh, it seemed to be so easy for him, and that's what he wanted. 

So he did as you said. Climbing in, nervously finding a comfortable way to hold you. Settling on the classic spoon, his hand laying over your waist. There was an awkward gap between your bodies, so you took the liberty of closing it. He stiffened a bit but soon he was able to relax into you. After years of regret, hate, and yearning the two of you found what you wanted, falling asleep peacefully in each other's arms.

Thank you for reading. If you enjoyed please comment or reblog and check out my other work

( If i missed a TW or spelling mistake please let me know )

oh god i’d heard about the “i won’t commission artists who undercharge for their art” post and now it’s making its rounds on my dash.

please understand that this concept does not actually help anyone. the sensible thing to do if an artist is undercharging is to tip them for what you think their work it worth, and be sure to let them know that. even if this doesn’t cause them to actually change their base prices, at least YOU’RE paying for what it’s worth, and THEY’RE getting business instead of nothing.

by essentially boycotting artists who are already unsure of the value of their own work (and are thus underpricing) you’re not sending any positive message. no one is going to up their commission prices when nobody is buying them. the only thing the artist gets out of it is that people don’t want to buy their art for some reason, and people who’s products aren’t selling aren’t going to say “oh i guess it was because i wasn’t charging enough, i’ll pump up the prices!”

if you want to support a commission artist, please do it by actually SUPPORTING THEM WITH COMMISSIONS rather than by choosing to take your business elsewhere because their prices were too low.

posted a small snippet of this idea. if you want to check it out.

The kings precious

I have an idea

It is free for grabs if it inspires you

Redacted au , some sort of royal au or maybe even imperium au (idk I never listed to them)

But royal quinn with forced engagement darlin ( quinn wants them so they have no say) and knight or servant (omg he could be a stable boy ) Sam.

Sam and darlin fall for each other or maybe they were already in love before darlin was engaged to quinn.

Any ways I just love forbidden love and jealousy so like just imagining darling sitting next to quinn , wearing a ring , fingers intertwined with quinns.( if you want to make it worse put darlin on quinns lap)

Sam has to see this everyday, he has to watch as darlin is a shell of the person he loves, as they submit to quinn.

But he hold back, untill their alone. He doesn't "claim" darlin as most of these story's go ( thought I wouldn't mind) but he loves them and calls them brave, tells them that no one not even quinn can change who they are, change who he fell in love with.

I have an idea

It is free for grabs if it inspires you

Redacted au , some sort of royal au or maybe even imperium au (idk I never listed to them)

But royal quinn with forced engagement darlin ( quinn wants them so they have no say) and knight or servant (omg he could be a stable boy ) Sam.

Sam and darlin fall for each other or maybe they were already in love before darlin was engaged to quinn.

Any ways I just love forbidden love and jealousy so like just imagining darling sitting next to quinn , wearing a ring , fingers intertwined with quinns.( if you want to make it worse put darlin on quinns lap)

Sam has to see this everyday, he has to watch as darlin is a shell of the person he loves, as they submit to quinn.

But he hold back, untill their alone. He doesn't "claim" darlin as most of these story's go ( thought I wouldn't mind) but he loves them and calls them brave, tells them that no one not even quinn can change who they are, change who he fell in love with.