This Is The Best Story In The World Right Now. Of Course It Comes From Taranaki.

This is the best story in the world right now. Of course it comes from Taranaki.

Judge Allan Roberts was sentencing Tierra Bianca Ngeru (I wonder if I know her...) for breaching community service. Judge Roberts kindly said he would take her pregnancy into account when considering her sentence. Aww, nice guy.

Then Ngeru unleashed the classic line:

"I'm not pregnant," Ngeru replied. "I'm just fat."

Oh shit!

Naturally, the judge was absolutely mortified. To make up for the insult, he knocked two weeks off her jail term. I think he did the right thing.

Remember kids, don't make a comment unless you can see the head coming out.

TSA keeps getting it wrong

I've been kinda following the TSA saga. I say kinda, cos I ain't following too closely. Just keeping a wary eye on everything.

Today, I came across two pieces of rage. I can't decide which one is worse.

Young Boy is strip Searched by TSA

Can I get a "oh hell no!"? I understand that there are douchebags who hide stuff on their child. But they are a minority, not unlike TSA employee's with common sense. If you're gonna strip search a kid (and you better have a DAMN good reason to do so), then at least take him to a room. How often does this occur?  What made him stick out among all the other little boys? Was the boy of Arab descent or something? I'm trying to come up with a justification for their actions so that this can be a well-balanced rant. I can't. I just...sigh. I haven't taken aim at the paedo-vibe yet.

Fuckin hell.

TSA pat down leaves traveller covered in urine (HT to BK Drinkwater)

Quick summary: Thomas Sawyer is a bladder cancer survivor and is required to wear a colostomy bag. TSA pulled him out for a pat down that was too rough. Colostomy bag burst and he had to board his flight humiliated, crying and covered in urine. TSA offers no apology.

At no point should anyone have to board a flight in that sort of state. I'm not even gonna take a hit at this one. It speaks for itself.

Man, TSA employs some winners. Where do they hire these people? This is what happens when you take the creme de la creme of reality show douchebags and give them a gun and some power. Shit gets outta control.

Obama has already defended the TSA security procedures:

"I understand people’s frustrations, and what I’ve said to the TSA is that you have to constantly refine and measure whether what we’re doing is the only way to assure the American people’s safety. And you also have to think through are there other ways of doing it that are less intrusive,"

"But at this point, TSA in consultation with counterterrorism experts have indicated to me that the procedures that they have been putting in place are the only ones right now that they consider to be effective against the kind of threat that we saw in the Christmas Day bombing."

Why are people making excuses for these morons? Why are they being defended? If a private security firm did something like this, they'd be fired. Their name would be mud. Obviously, the protective force of government employment is even stronger than I thought. Or the tolerance for incompetence is higher, I don't know.

Don't get me wrong, I understand the need for airport security. If terrorists are still targeting airlines, then yeah, there needs to be security. There also needs to be common sense. Surely it's not too much to ask, even for airport security?

However, I live in a relatively safe country - what the hell do I know? All I can say is that I've flown in and around the US and never once gotten a pat down. In fact, I've flown across the world and never gotten more than a "Have a good trip" from airport security. Trust me, I look a lot more dangerous than those two people.

In fact right now, I probably am.

This is not a huge surprise. However, the most interesting nugget of information (well, it was for me) is the thrid line:

...The Southland Times has learned the union owes money to various businesses, including its major funder the Invercargill Licensing Trust where the booze tab is believed to be more than $100,000

Did you see that? More than $100,000!! Well done boys!

<begins slow clap>

Seriously though, I love these guys. They keep it real.

confessionsofacrabhole:

Set Adrift On Memory Bliss - PM Dawn

This song is the fucking jam!  It popped up unexpectedly on my ipod shuffle this morning and pretty much made my day. 

Today is Christina Applegate's birthday (NZT). Happy Birthday to her. Why do I mention this? Because she's namechecked in the song.

This is one of my favourite songs.  Perfect for relaxing on beaches during warm summer evenings, not unlike the weather I'm experiencing right now.

This used to happen to my father. People would be quite scared. Then my white brother (who has since turned brown after living in Perth and working outdoors for years) would walk into that elevator, hold his hand and call him Daddy.

Scared stares would turn to bewildered stares.

I can find the humour in this now that I'm older.

Leslie Nielsen, February 11 1926 - November 28 2010.

His movies were a massive and important part of my childhood. Sometimes, they were the only thing that ever made me laugh.

Requiem in Pace.