Insults - Tumblr Posts
Gilded Lily - pair 1
Gilded Lily - pair 2
currently making a list.
strange insults to use someday:
fuckjug
Can we stop using "still lives with their parents" or "unemployed" or "doesn't have a drivers license" or "didn't graduate high school" as an insult or evidence that someone is a bad person? Struggling with independence or meeting milestones is not a moral failing.
“Your looks are the only thing you have going for you. And even your beauty is fading.”
The last time.
The last time he and I spoke I told him about the brother in law of one of my close friends. He was in the hospital with sepsis and it was not looking good. I told him how I felt terrible for my friend and her husband, and how I wish there was something I could do to comfort them.
He asked me why I was bothered. He said I never cared about his struggles or his burdens, so why was I taking this personally? Furthermore, he told me that I was messed up enough myself that I didn’t have time or energy to worry about anyone else.
My friend’s brother in law subsequently died.
He called me every name you could think of and insulted me any way he thought would hurt me. Nothing was off limits.
I called him mean. He couldn't handle this insult.
One time he screamed in my face "I'm not fucking mean!!!" And then physically threw me out of the house.
Play dead.
“Emotional abuse works like this: You are screamed at, and then, not knowing any better, you stand up for yourself. You think this is a way of being strong. You think this is a defense tactic.But this only provokes more screaming. Going silent provokes more screaming too, but usually it keeps the threats to the minimum. It keeps it just at screaming and not: a shove down the stairs, or order to pack your stuff and get out. So you learn how to go silent. How to play dead. How to cry without making a noise. How to swallow noise. How to wipe your cheeks, get out of the car, and go about your day. You learn. And when the screaming has stopped, when the two of you are in the car or out to dinner and they’re all smiles, all asking for favors, all questions, you are still hurt and annoyed and want to ask them, how? How can you speak to me like that? How can you pretend you did not say those things? How can you have forgotten? But you’ve learned. So you listen to, “Can I borrow your key”s and “how was your day”s and you play dead. You swallow the noise. And sometimes it doesn’t matter who is speaking to you, it doesn’t matter if they’re a friend, it doesn’t matter if their criticism is constructive, it doesn’t matter. You’ve learned. Any sort of speaking, any raising of the voice, any insult and you play dead.”
— Good Girl, Lora Mathis (via lora-mathis)
Morgana: *approaches Merlin and Arthur*
Morgana: Gentlemen.
Arthur: Oh dear.
Morgana: What?
Arthur: It's always trouble when we're 'gentlemen'. I prefer when we're 'imbeciles'.
Merlin: Or 'dolts'.
Arthur: Yeah, 'dolts' is good, yes.
Peter thought that he and Ned would be best friends forever, but that all changed once Ned hit him in the face so hard, he broke his nose. Ned had betrayed him for some mysterious reason, and Peter was confused. Things get so much worse once the Green Goblin joins the party.
Disclaimer: I own nothing except for my plot!
Trying to be creative with insults
Me: go blink at a weeping angel
Them: wtf that makes no sense.
me: *goes into long and over-complicated explanation*
them: ok whatever man *runs off in other direction*
*time skip brought to you by my sarcasm*
other person: haha you have awful fashion sense
me; well Aph France would be having a cringe attack looking at you
them: *slowly backs away*
Let me add one. YOU ABSOLUTE KOALA! YOU INCORRIGIBLE PENGUIN! YOU MOIST BICYCLE! YOU'RE SUCH A SANDWICH! "YOU UNEVEN TABLE!" YOU LOW WIFI SIGNAL! Oh and if you couldn't tell, "one" means like 6.
since so many people are a fan of my insults, i’ve made a curse-free insult generator at the request of a very enthusiastic anon
here u go, bud
When insults had class
These glorious insults are from an era before the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words. A member of Parliament to Disraeli: “Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease”. “That depends, Sir,“ said Disraeli, “whether I embrace your policies or your mistress.” “He had delusions of adequacy.” - Walter Kerr “He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.”- Winston Churchill “I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.” -Clarence Darrow “He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.” - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway). “Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I’ll waste no time reading it.” - Moses Hadas “I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.” - Mark Twain “He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends..” - Oscar Wilde “I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend…. if you have one.” (George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill) “Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second …. if there is one.“ (Winston Churchill, in response.) “I feel so miserable without you; it’s almost like having you here.” - Stephen Bishop “He is a self-made man and worships his creator.” - John Bright “I’ve just learned about his illness. Let’s hope it’s nothing trivial.” - Irvin S. Cobb “He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others.” - Samuel Johnson “He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up.” - Paul Keating “In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily.” - Charles, Count Talleyrand “He loves nature in spite of what it did to him.” - Forrest Tucker “Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?” -Mark Twain “His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.” - Mae West “Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.” - Oscar Wilde “He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts… for support rather than illumination.” Andrew Lang (1844-1912) “He has Van Gogh’s ear for music.” - Billy Wilder “I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn’t it.” Groucho Marx
Matthew 5:11-12 NIV
[11] “Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. [12] Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.
I feel like this is the worst insult you could ever give to someone...
Never insult the eyebrow game.
insults against gedoin
i could pop you like a balloon (his head i mean like goddamn its round)
'i despise humans' he says. 'HEY. YOURE HUMAN. DIE. LIKE. OH. YOU HATE THEM? THEN [] cuz thats U, u "HYpoCRITICAl" ASS WHO HATES HUMANS DESPITE BEING HUMAN. LIKE. OK. IF YOU HATE IT SO MUCH THEN GO []' (i dont know if im allowed to actually say it or if it counts as hate speech or something?. uh. ) 5:55:30 - (if it doesnt work. clip)
is all to lucifer 'i did it all to please you!'. 'and thats why I do the ordering, and the subjects don't.' or variations of it like 'and that's why you're meant to listen' (as in that was stupid of you. and thats why thats not your job. and your job is to follow orders. except you cant even do that right.)
'next time i will live up to your expectations!' 'what next time?'
sorry every time hes on screen im just fuming and ive had these sitting in my head for a bit. im usually really bad at insulting people but idk man something about him makes me really aggressive
Steven: I got you this rose, because it reminds me of you. Tony[blushing]: Thank you so much- Steven: It’s fake and cheap, like you.
Loki: Valkyrie, You’re really campaigning for bitch-of-the-year, aren’t you?
Valkyrie : as defending champion, you nervous?
English insults simply can't compare to Hindi ones.
Like, genuinely, the difference between "Fuck you!!" and "Saale teri aukaad mere jooton ke zameen se bhi neeche hai limit me rehle"
(translation: You bastard, you're worth less than the earth under my shoes, stay within your limits)