What Is This Earth? What Is This Life? What Have I Chosen To Experience? What Are My Memories And What

What is this earth? What is this life? What have I chosen to experience? What are my memories and what are my discoveries?

How deep is my within? How far is my without?

I have a deep fear of being 'out front'. Of having the spotlight on me. Of being at the forefront.

I know that sounds like a weird statement because who doesn't want to at the forefront and be accredited for what they achieved. Especially in this day and age where we seek 'instant fame'. Well...it turns out, Me.

Thinking back on my career, in all of my roles, I am the strategiser and the doer, the one that makes it all happen and I'm content to be behind the scenes to watch the success of my efforts unfold in front of me. I'm content for others to take the credit and stand at the forefront to take the congratulatory bows, the compliments and high regards.

I have wondered about this 'trait' of mine. Not often, I can count them all, no more than three times.

After alot of energy work this weekend, clearing and releasing more blockages, I had many realisations. One relating to this 'trait'.

I learned this 'trait' is actually a deep seeded fear that has been the result of many lifetimes. I have been at the forefront before, many times. I received all the flowers for all my efforts and on many occasions I was taken advantage of. By jealous people, by power hungry people, by insecure and unhappy people.

So in this life, I stay away from being at the forefront. It was a subconscious choice.

I think there are major changes happening for me very soon, care of the Universe. If I accept these changes, I will be at the forefront. They will take me to the forefront. I'm not afraid of that. I'm abit anxious because Spirit gave me a disclaimer, said if I want this part of my journey, there will be more lessons for me.

I dont know about you, but when Spirit gives me a disclaimer beforehand, my mind starts wondering into worst case scenarios. Asking questions, like is jail a part of my experiences? Major injuries? Family...?

I accepted. Afterall, it is why I chose to be here.

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What are you sure of?

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Every night you dream that you talk to a genie, when you wake up you can't remember what you wished for. One morning you wake up with a giant crab pincer replacing your right arm. What do you do?

I love you in every moment.

"As you start to walk on the way,

the way appears."

~ Rumi

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