Zeus: *throws A Golden Apple At Hera*

Zeus: *throws a golden apple at Hera*

Hera: *breaks her nose*

Zeus:

Sam: Strider, why do good people die young?

Aragorn: When you're in a garden full of flowers, which ones do you pick?

Sam: The ugly ones.

Aragorn: Exactl- wait what?

Sam: Because ugly bitches don't belong in my garden

Zephyrus: people who date a twin, how do you tell them apart?

Hyacinthus: it's easy – Artemis has a red manicure and Apollo has a dick

Imhotep: yeah but what if we take a mastaba and put another smaller mastaba on top of it, and another one on top, and so we have a stack of mastabas on top of each other

Djoser: how much coffee did you drink?

Imhotep: i can see time

Imhotep: also i haven't slept three days, help