Incorrect Greek Gods - Tumblr Posts
Computer: Choose a password
Apollo: *types Hermes*
Computer: Password is too short
Apollo: *sighs* I know
Apollo: You're going to hate yourself in the morning if you stay up late.
Hermes: Jokes on you I'm gonna hate myself regardless.
Apollo: Give me one good reason why you had to stab him.
Hermes: Because of what he said.
Apollo: What did he say?
Hermes: 'What are you gonna do Hermes, stab me?'
Dionysus: Do crabs think fish are flying?
Hermes: How high are you?
Dionysus: 5'9
Hermes: I don’t think we can mansplain, manipulate or malewife our way out of it this time.
Apollo: [cracking his knuckles]
Apollo: Manslaughter it is.
Hermes: I'm socially awkward, and have no idea how to romance.
Apollo: Fear not! For it is-
Dionysus, walking past: The least qualified person to help.
Apollo: Crushes are the worst.
Hermes: I know! Whenever I’m around mine, I always act stupid.
Apollo: Pffffttt, you always act stupid!
Hermes:
Hermes: Please don’t think about that too hard.
Apollo: Just to be sure, are you asking me romantically or platonically?
Hermes, down on one knee, ring still out: You did not just fucking ask me that-
Apollo: Im going to start a false crime podcast where I explain crimes that never actually happened.
Hermes: Im going to do the crimes you explain, forcing you into having a true crime podcast.
Hermes: I turned out perfectly fine!
Apollo: Hermes, this morning you thought a ghost made your toast
Hermes: I DIDN’T PUT THE BREAD IN! YOU DIDN’T PUT THE BREAD IN!!!
Hermes, pointing: May I sit there?
Apollo: That's my lap
Hermes: That doesn't answer my question, Apollo
Hermes: Look. I may not be a saint, but it's not like I’ve killed anybody. I’m not an arsonist. I’ve never found a wallet outside of an IHOP and thought about returning it but saw the owner lived out of state so just took the cash and dropped the wallet back on the ground.
Apollo: Okay, that's really specific, and that makes me think that you definitely did do that.
Hermes: Okay. I get it. You've had a really hard time lately, you're stressed out, seven people died-
Apollo: Twelve, actually.
Hermes: Not the point. Look, they're dead now and really whose fault is that?
Apollo: Yours!
Hermes: That's right: no one's.
Apollo: This is such a bad idea.
Hermes: Then why are you coming along?
Apollo: One of us need to be able to talk the cops out of arresting us when this inevitably goes wrong.
Hermes: Whaddya call a fish with no eye?
Apollo, not looking up: Myxine Circifrons
Hermes:
Hermes: fsh
Apollo: Hermes...
Hermes: Oh no, 'Hermes' in b-flat.
Hermes: You're disappointed
Apollo: Is something burning?
Hermes: Just my love for you.
Apollo: Hermes, the toaster is on fire.
Apollo: Hey Hermes can I get a sip of your water?
Hermes: It's not water.
Apollo: Vodka, I like your style!
Hermes: It's vinegar.
Apollo: Wh-Wha-
Hermes: It's vinegar, COWARD.
Hermes: Today is a day of running through hurdles.
Apollo: Aren’t you supposed to jump OVER hurdles?
Hermes: Whatever. Fear is only something to be afraid of if you let it scare you.
Hermes: *Kicks the door down looking panicked*
Apollo: What did you do?
Hermes: Nobody died.
Apollo: WHAT KIND OF ANSWER IS THAT?!