Dont Mind Me, Just Sitting Here Utterly Mesmerized By That Choker Knowing Damn Well Im About To See A

Don’t mind me, just sitting here utterly mesmerized by that choker knowing damn well I’m about to see a Taehyung post that will snatch me back in his lane

⁂ 29/100 days of park jimin | Prince of Busan

Happy Birthday, Kim Taehyung!

Happy New Year from the Central Time Zone!

I’m ringing in 2023 with the first ever K-Pop song I heard: GOT7’s Stop, Stop It

I hope to bring new projects to you all in the New Year, and do a lot of healing.

Here’s to 2023!

If my father says one more condescending/secretly judgmental/hurtfully sarcastic thing to me today I am either going to absolutely explode on him or just go off to bed and cry. I’m leaning towards the exploding thing, because he’s an in-denial, not-so-sneaky alcoholic who is using his extremely mild case of COVID back in fucking AUGUST as an excuse to leaving mom to do everything or it just go undone and I am SEETHING.

I’m this 👌 close to telling him to stop acting like his mother, which short of saying I hate him is the worst thing I could say (I would never say I hate him, I DO love him just don’t necessarily like him atm)

You guys, please pray for me, or send good thoughts and vibes my way.

I think I am having a psychotic breakdown. I was up the last 2 nights unable to sleep because I just absolutely could not make myself feel safe. I kept seeing people—full figured, defined—in whatever room I was in, walking into them and I’d turn to fully look at them and they’d not be there. My brother came into the kitchen and I nearly threw my drink because it scared me so bad. I hadn’t heard him coming. I refused to have the lights off. I heard footsteps and knocks and all sorts of things. A couple of times I heard voices that did NOT belong to my family. I stayed awake until the birds started chirping and the sky outside started getting lighter before I could calm down enough to actually try to sleep.

I’ve been going through old pictures on our external hard drive, and I have noticed 2 things:

1. The Jess of today was being so harshly critical of the Jess of the past. I found myself criticizing everything. EVERYTHING. The unabashed smiles, the open silliness, the mismatched outfits, the fit of the outfits, etc. I absolutely was mentally tearing down this child. This child who was me, once.

2. When I finally looked at little me, and saw how happy her eyes were, how authentic the smiles were, how in the moment and not insecure she was, I realized I was doing exactly what had inevitably had changed those eyes, smiles, and confidence.

Now I wish I was her again, or at least still had her innocence.