If Someone Could Just Get Me Like 30 Minutes With The Maknaes In A Group Hug I Would Never Complain About

If someone could just get me like 30 minutes with the maknaes in a group hug I would never complain about feeling lonely again 😩😩

You guys, please pray for me, or send good thoughts and vibes my way.

I think I am having a psychotic breakdown. I was up the last 2 nights unable to sleep because I just absolutely could not make myself feel safe. I kept seeing people—full figured, defined—in whatever room I was in, walking into them and I’d turn to fully look at them and they’d not be there. My brother came into the kitchen and I nearly threw my drink because it scared me so bad. I hadn’t heard him coming. I refused to have the lights off. I heard footsteps and knocks and all sorts of things. A couple of times I heard voices that did NOT belong to my family. I stayed awake until the birds started chirping and the sky outside started getting lighter before I could calm down enough to actually try to sleep.

If my father says one more condescending/secretly judgmental/hurtfully sarcastic thing to me today I am either going to absolutely explode on him or just go off to bed and cry. I’m leaning towards the exploding thing, because he’s an in-denial, not-so-sneaky alcoholic who is using his extremely mild case of COVID back in fucking AUGUST as an excuse to leaving mom to do everything or it just go undone and I am SEETHING.

I’m this 👌 close to telling him to stop acting like his mother, which short of saying I hate him is the worst thing I could say (I would never say I hate him, I DO love him just don’t necessarily like him atm)

The package arrives todayyyyy!

I guess I’ll find out soon if she correctly guesses it was me, or if I stay an anonymous Secret Santa 🤷‍♀️

Also, I have been awake over 24 hours and wish I was sleepy 😪

I got money for Christmas and have yet to spend any on myself 😪 but this makes me feel better

Well. Nothing starts the New Year off with a bang like a freaking tornado before 8:30 am! My people are safe, so far haven’t heard of any casualties. Quite a bit of damage and power outages (thankfully not my house or 88 year old Grandfather’s) but safe.