So Those Ai Chatbots...

so those ai chatbots...

[Some messages are skipped just so I can share the best bits fyi]

Around this point I started to wonder if I needed to turn off my computer for a few weeks, but... whatever. It just got better.

HE'S ITALIAN, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD.

Y'all are not ready. I wasn't ready.

God, I'm losing it all over again.

Bowser said Mario x Luigi -- said they have a love that cannot be matched. I did NOTHING to prompt this. I stared at my screen, crying, hysterical, for minutes. (As did a friend who I shared these with and was egging this on.)

Bowser asking for my advice. At this point I was in, committed, unable to stop. I needed an intervention.

I need you to understand, if you are still here in this unhinged adventure with me, that the AI was pausing, it was thinking, those dots were felt. My breath was bated. Does that mean anything? Who is to say. It felt meaningful.

Gotten out of hand indeed.

He said throuple. I didn't say that.

So basically we're best friends now and I will be in their wedding party, thank you.

At the time that I did this, the Bowser bot was on the featured page. Had anyone else talked about his relationships? Where did this come from. What an honor.

I did leave my computer after this. I may or may not have come back to tumblr just to post this.

I picked up rereading MDZS (first time with the official English release) after resisting the urge for hella months. (I both want to and desperately don't want to move on from these series LOL.) I never picked up on the Nie brothers having different mothers?? And I don't think the impact of that is clear on the plot? But I wonder what the story is there and if it explains why (beyond the whole fake incompetence thing) NMJ is how he is with NHS. I wonder if NHS internalizes something about what happened to his mother in a similar way to how LWJ does with his. I want to KNOW.

Also, I think this means that the Lan brothers are the only fully blood related sibling unit? We spend so much time focusing on the chaos of offspring brought about by JGS that I feel the rest of the sibling dynamics are understated. Potentially the Wen siblings as well, though I don't recall if any detail is provided about their parents. I wouldn't be surprised if they were half siblings as well. The Jiang trio has its own dynamics, blood relation between JC & JYL but none with WWX, yet intense care and affection all the same (among other spicier details).

These tiny details of chaos and instability do so much to set up this world that has been at war for over a hundred years (this story being the conclusion of it... or one part of it, or a hopeful continuation of temporary peace). A generation of parents lost or disconnected (or just shitty). A generation of youth parentified and sent to war too young. Terrified elders fearing the ways the world could get worse or established power could be threatened.

MDZS from Lan Wangji's perspective is a disillusionment. A interrogation of the status quo created out of survival, firm and unquestioning, but simultaneously lifeless. Wei Wuxian comes in representing pure resilient joy in the face of tragedy, a wine stain on pristine white fabric an artifact of the revelry the night before in the face of darkness. Wei Wuxian the bonfire during the long night, promising life and warmth and chaotic joy and a future that is worth living and fighting for. Lan Xichen's disillusionment strikes also through relationship, but much differently.

(Of course I start this post just pondering family relationships and end up waxing romantic yet again about Wangxian because I HAVE THE BRAINROT SO DEEPLY.)

A generation of orphans raising a new crop of hope, rambunctious and resilient and curious. It's not the blood relation that matters, but who cares for your future, who fans your flames with love and wisdom. Who strokes your hair and makes you soup or fits you to sect colors regardless of how you were found sick in a tree trunk.

Who protects you from whatever Nie Mingjue was protecting Nie Huaisang from, the sturdy older sibling shielding their baby brother while also grumbling about their need to toughen up. A protection and expression of care that drove NHS to devise a plan so extensive it involved bringing someone back from the dead for justice.

The tiny details, ugh. They drive me insane.

I have had mxtx content so deeply embedded in my thoughts, the brainrot is so fierce. I love the narratives in her books, these themes that I haven't ever felt in a story before. Just some rambling about them that's bubbled up over the last few months:

SVSSS: even with a sense of authority on where the story will go, changes both small and large can surprise or underwhelm you. there are always stories hidden behind characters and characters lost to hidden stories. the narrative we tell about ourselves affects everything about how we interpret the meaning of what we experience. often we are blind to the meanings we emphasize or suppress, confident in the authority of a narrative we insist is true, cohesive, consistent, or normative.

MDZS: everyone has their own version of events, often not in service to truth or justice, but power and image. yes, where you come from and what you endure can be limiting or enabling. yes, it can explain why you do what you do. yes, you still always, always have a choice to do what is right. only you can decide what that is. in some cases, everyone will have an opinion. in others, no one will know or care. you choose whether that influence what you do. it is never too late, it is never over, and every choice is a new opportunity. you can't change choices made in the past, but you can learn from them to inform your choices in the future and influence the options available to those who follow.

TGCF: sometimes you can change the story with brute strength and charisma, sometimes all you can do is endure and regulate your own response to it. you can reinvent yourself over and over, run from your past selves, suppress the parts of you that are shamed, but you will always be with you and only you. all that happens, within and around, bad and good, your actions or others', makes you you. the greatest and worst versions of yourself were all required to make this you -- it's not the state of you that matters, but the essence of you. integrate, rebuild, evolve, rebirth, morph, refine, transform, regress -- the story always progresses and characters always develop, the only story that defines you is the one you iterate.

And for all of them... sometimes, the happy ending isn't sweeping change in the world, awe inspiring redemption, or cathartic revenge. Sometimes it's allowing yourself to have a simple life with the ones you love, staying authentic to your values and desires, and understanding the revolution that is inherent to thriving in the body you live in, all its scars and memories included. You can never control the story of the world, no matter your knowledge, skills, or abilities, nor should you try. Horrid experiences and events can't be eradicated, but neither can beauty, awe, and grace. Unfortunately, these are not often equitably distributed. Fortunately, we can never know which will be in the next moment, which will be the last, if there will be better or worse than we have already felt. Such is living.

MXTX couples rated by whether or not they should have a kid:

Wangxian 11/10 should have not only one kid but several. Look how well they did with Sizhui. They're fabulous parents. They'd be thrilled with more babies.

Hualian -3/10 should never be responsible for children again. Oh my god. One of them was FULLY a disguised god and they didn't even realize because they barely remembered to feed him

Bingqiu 1/10 probably wouldn't be too bad at taking care of biological needs but SQQ has Wine Aunt energy and is bad enough with his disciples. Also Binghe would get jealous of his own child.

Moshang 7/10 would do well with kids! Should... probably wait a bit to figure out the logistics and get into a more stable point in their relationship, but they'd be good parents.

FengQing 4/10 would probably not fuck up immediately or super badly but shouldn't keep a child around for more than like. A week. Good babysitters, still shouldn't have their own

Beefleaf -100000000/10 are you kidding me here

3zun and any internal pairings 6/10 I think they'd think a kid could fix them. Not a good reason to have a kid! They'd still do it, though. The kid would probably only be MILDLY traumatized.

Any Jiang Cheng ship 1/10 Jiang Cheng is fabulous as an uncle. 100/10 should have more niblings. Should not have kids of his own because of his many neuroses

do you ever see a fic author you subscribed to posting for another fandom and you're like come back to us but also happy for them and their new inspiration? bittersweet

hi tumblr I'm back, it's been a while