Im Loving The Breeze Winter , I Can Finally Feel The Wind In My Brain In My Head In My Cells. Im Hoping

✧ i’m loving the breeze winter , i can finally feel the wind in my brain in my head in my cells. i’m hoping it never ends or my soul might finally be awake ✧

‘life is not meant to not meet the person you love, min yoongi you changed me for good you’re the one person i feel connected to and i feel sad and happy at the same time cause i don’t get to meet you but i still get to admire you from afar.

maybe our paths won’t ever meet but you’re the one i’ve always aspired and dreamed of, you’re the one that makes me happy, you’re the one to me and i hope you get to feel happy for the rest of your life’

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do you remember summer ‘09?

️alone 

jimin had to keep on living, he had to stop thinking, he had to stop getting hurt. he did some shit yeah, but doesn’t mean he has to be ghosted by his old and much dearest to his heart friends. they left him, they left him to feel rotten and broken, the words of “i’ll be here no matter what happens” rings onto his mind, realizing that that one was just a lie. he wanted out, he didn’t what to feel not anymore, he was lonely and desperate. his “friends” assuming he was okay, going to yoongi instead, caring much more for him than for himself. he hated it, he felt left out, abandoned, and he wanted to cry. but he wouldn’t. nothing was worth crying anymore. Not his friends, not yoongi. -

jimin returned to what once upon a time made him break, this time, maybe adding a few more stuff, drugs, alcohol and the same old same lust he looked for pleasure, he looked for stuff that could fill in the hole that yoongi left when he decided to leave him out to dry. he needed something. every night regretting the things he’d done and remembering the arms of the one he really wants to feel. fuck, jimin was so fucked up, he couldn’t stand life anymore, he couldn’t find any purpose to living it, other that the memories he held from him and his old lover. to the point where the only thing he thought about was yoongi, yoongi, yoongi, yoongi his mind kept screaming yoongi. he needed him he couldn’t live without him. there was a breaking point, he was broken once again, but not in the same way as he was before. he didn’t care, not anymore, he now let’s people just toy with his body, make him introduce substances having no clue of what they are and being aware that he was being destroyed. he destroyed himself for him.

-

he didn’t believe in love, he couldn’t, he was suffering so much. it hurt he was hurting; he couldn’t get out of the cycle he was in. he wanted to rot nothing yet again made sense. as in for yoongi, he knew jimin was having it rough but he didn’t know he was destroying himself. till one day he saw him, he was there sitting on a club, with probably more than one boy next to him. jimin was letting them touch him, kiss him, he let them do whatever they wanted, jimin was alone now, that’s what yoongi was thinking. he saw jimin stand up from his sit, being really touchy with one of the guys that were insinuating themselves for him. and that broke yoongi, even though he did the same every night, seeing jimin’s dead eyes follow that dude to what seemed redemption, he felt something on the inside pinch and explode. he then realized he was the one who hurt him. He was the one that even though he knew jimin was watching his every move he broke him letting him see whatever he was doing with other people. and at that moment he knew, jimin didn’t want to be saved anymore. but then again he wanted to save him.

-

but then again, life is unexpected. it wasn’t a surprise anymore when yoongi left  15 missed calls on jimin’s phone, he felt regetful, that’s a first. when jimin picked up, shit was rough yoongi couldn’t stand what jimin wanted to say to him. he couldn’t stand the fact that jimin felt regretful for whatever he did, he didn’t want it to be true, he didn’t want to be hating jimin for nothing. but that was all he had hatred on his body.

jimin knew yoongi fucked he fucked up. yet still he was wiling to be forgiving, it’s hard to let go when in the first place you didn’t even want to. 

yoongi messed things up again, and that was were this unending cycle begun.

‘looking at you i can see myself begging you to feel all the pure emotions you hold’

️let go 

letting go might be one of the hardest part in the break off of a relationship. spending so much time with that one person can make you feel comfortable and not lonely, once the relationship is done it hurts to know that the one that you love won’t keep on being next to you. 

it’s hard to accept that you’re probably going to live sleepless nights, feel empty bed sheets, and miss those morning kisses you loved so much. not feeling in companion even when you’re alone, it’s probably the worst of all.

-

from the outside yoongi’s way of letting go was kind of off. considering that whatever he was doing, was one of the reasons that him and jimin broke things off. 

he still drunk a lot, he was shit faced most of the time, oh well, that was when he was spending his time alone. around others he seemed pretty chill and collected without a worry on his mind, he looked as if he totally got over jimin, and once jimin saw his character being this way it broke him, more than he was before. 

-

nights with friends, new found lovers and multiple none meaningful  kisses and touches. he was the one now doing it. he was the one giving himself to the lust and pleasure but then again feeling pain and shame for himself. he couldn’t seem to find a route anymore. 

his mind would barely travel through the memories of his old lover, he barely wondered how he was doing, he only thought about his feelings. absorbed by the loud and painful knifes that would hold those memories, he was scared to forget but even more to regret the decision he made.

-

most of the times he wouldn’t dare spend his time alone. he was scared of what loneliness could bring. he spent time with friends, friends that jimin thought were his friends too since he has developed a relationship with them for much longer than yoongi, but then realizing he was wrong, the friends jimin thought were his, only left him to abandon him for yoongi taking yoongi’s side and forgetting all about jimin.

yoongi somehow, never cared for that, he really was an egoist, he really only cared for himself at that point, he somehow just forgot that his old lover was a person, and acted like he was not allowed to feel any pain. yoongi acted like he was the victim, and whatever he did and hurted his old partner had it coming considering he made him feel worst in retrospect. since yoongi learned from the miss information of his friends that for them probably jimin had all the fault. and it consumed him, it consumes jimin. til the point that jimin was so hurt, that he wouldn’t dare speak to yoongi ever again.