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미안해 •| ᶜʰᵒᶤ ʸᵉᵒⁿʲᵘⁿ |• [ ᵖᵃʳᵗ ¹ ]

It's been hours since you left home. It's been hours since that stupid argument. But not being here is part of your job, I know.

You were right, it's your room and only you know how you keep it tidy.  Even though I was right too, it's a mess. You should take the time to tidy up a little better. 

It's been a while since I last called you. I asked you to have dinner together, a truce to fix this stupid situation.  You refused my request. 

You're still upset, I could feel it in your voice.

The door to the apartment burst open, giving way to the thunderous voices of the boys coming in, playing and shouting. But you weren't there.

Why did you have to, why if everyone else was leaving did you have to stay? Why did you?

Heuning and Beomgyu went straight into the kitchen, looking for something to eat while it was time for dinner. Soobin took a seat next to me on the spacious sofa. Taehyun walked slowly in our direction after locking the door informing me that Soobin and Heuning had planned to go to the movies before dinner, mentioning that they had only stopped by the apartment to change. But he didn't mention you.

I struck up a conversation with the guys, trying to forget the fact that I felt rejected by you.  

Beomgyu zapped at the TV, while Taehyun fought with him for not allowing him to see what was on some channel. Soobin and Heuning had long since left, excited because the movie they would be attending looked very promising.

The next moment Beomgyu and Taehyun's voices stopped as did the constant switching on the TV. They had finally left a channel. But it felt strange the abrupt change of mood.

I turned in their direction and they looked like they had seen a ghost, frozen with their eyes glued to the TV.  As I prepared to take a look at what had caused their reaction, Taehyun obstructed my point of view and started talking very fast while trying to pull me along with him.

What was wrong with him? I was about to protest when the words of the person behind the TV set froze me in my tracks.

"A second explosion is reported at HYBE entertainment agency. The trapped people could not be rescued yet. Rescue bodies report that they expect 3 to 6 more explosions to happen due to the rupture of several gas lines. So far at least 10 people are reported trapped." 

The three of us kept silent.

Beomgyu changed the channel again, his hands were shaking, we all knew you were there.   

"It is reported that 2 or 4 people could be found lifeless. This is due to the difficult situation and that the location does not lend itself to a safe rescue. Viewers are asked not to be present at the site, as this could cause even more chaos than what is already there. This is primarily directed at all the young women who are crowding around the company in search of information about members of various groups in the company."

Why if I asked you to have dinner together did you have to turn me down? Why do you have to allow your pride to go so far?

One more change.

"The area affected by the explosions is reported to be on the central floors of the building, the area where the agency's practice rooms and locker rooms are stipulated to be located. So far, no injuries or people trapped in the few debris generated on the lower floors have been reported. It is reported that at least 7 people were on that floor at the time of the incident. All the victims have been identified, 4 or more of them could be company personnel and we have the report that 2 of them could be idols. We are not allowed to inform who they are or what group they belong to, to avoid increasing hysteria among fans."

I know it's you, I know because you haven't called yet. If we hadn't argued you'd be with me now. But you're not.

Another change.

"A successful rescue of 3 people has just been carried out, they were found trapped inside one of the elevators of the place, none of them has any serious injuries or damage."

The transmission was cut for several seconds after a loud noise was recorded by the microphones that were in place. When the signal came back on, the reporter was a little further away from the scene and had a frightened look on his face.

"We have just witnessed a new explosion, the rescue corps reports that this explosion can generate a collapse in the construction. Because of the previous explosions the foundations of the site were damaged. So far a large amount of debris has fallen, which will further delay the rescue of the victims of this disastrous accident."

Another one.

Everyone's nerves are on edge, Taehyun still hasn't let go of me, and I really appreciate it because his touch is the only thing that keeps me still standing and not on the verge of collapse.

The door to the apartment opens again, our eyes traveled to that point and for a moment no one came in and it kindles in me the hope that it is you, that you had reached to leave the Company before all this happened. Then Heuning enters, letting out little sighs, a sign that he was crying, followed by Soobin. Again, not you.

—Take your things, we'll go to the company.—

Soobin's request was in a calm voice, but no one moved, we just exchanged glances.

—¡MOVE!—

Beomgyu's shout brought us out of our state. Tae let go of me, from then on it was all a race, the boys looking to change clothes and everyone fighting for the toilet.

I went to your room, I felt calm, I wasn't scared, I wasn't afraid, and the thought of panicking had left me. 

I guess I hadn't quite assimilated the fact that you are trapped in a building at risk of collapse. Because there can be no other explanation for the fact that I was so calm.

I went to the closet and grabbed two sweatshirts. One was obviously for me, it was cool at this time of night. The other is for you, because when you left the house this morning you didn't have one with you and you're probably a little chilly. 

When I returned to the living room, the TV was already off and the boys were standing near the door.

They were waiting for me.

•

On the walk to the company many doubts assaulted me. Will you be okay? Did you suffer any damage? Did something even worse happen in there? Will you still be alive?

With all these thoughts in mind, I began to experience a strong pressure in my chest, everything around me spun and the boys' conversation began to be heard in the distance. I had to call you, I had to know you were okay.

You couldn't leave me now, you couldn't go away upset because of that stupid argument, I started a desperate search for my cell phone, but that was the moment when I started to feel short of breath.

Was this a panic attack?

I could see the worried faces of the guys who were almost on top of me. They all spoke at once and it was impossible for me to understand what they were trying to say.

Taehyun pushed them all away and helped me into a better position so that it was possible for me to breathe.

—You need to calm down, breathe...—

There were no words of encouragement, it wasn't an "Everything will be okay" and it certainly wasn't a "He's safe". Why we didn't know, we didn't know how you were doing and we had no idea what we would find when we got there.

When we finally arrived the boys came down immediately, but I didn't know what to do, would I be able to keep calm now that I had the real version of the event in front of my eyes?

I need you by my side, now I realize how much I really love you.

This morning that you left we didn't say goodbye... we didn't say goodbye, we didn't give each other a kiss. We didn't say "I love you".

While I was in that internal debate of how to take the situation a loud noise like a big thunder flooded the atmosphere. The hustle and bustle of the moment stopped, everyone was looking at that big damaged structure. And without being able to avoid it, I turned my gaze behind the glass to the same place.

A large part of the building had collapsed. The area around the site had been reduced to rubble.

Not far from us stood one of the reporters we had seen on television. He immediately settled down in front of the frame to report on the latest development.

A little further back was a group of firemen, one of whom was carrying a megaphone through which he began to instruct people to move away from the structure for safety.

I turned my attention to the reporter to hear his last words.

"After minutes of waiting, the collapse the authorities were talking about has happened. The rescue forces communicate that they expect to find the 7 people who were trapped lifeless. The weight of the debris is too much for anyone to have survived."

The Lieutenant in charge took the megaphone and made the announcement that woke me up from my state of shock.

—The explosions were on the central floors of the building, the columns of the site are already too badly damaged and the upper floors are beginning to collapse. There is no hope for a successful rescue.—

I immediately got out of the car, it couldn't be true, what we had just witnessed had to have been an illusion, this couldn't end like this.

I need to see you, I need to hold you. I need to tell you how much I love you, one more time.

I ran towards the building dodging all the agents that tried to stop me, if they didn't come in to get you I would, because I need to have you by my side.

Strong arms wrapped around me preventing me from continuing to run into the building. They held me close to his chest, which was rising and falling in agitation, he had run after me. And there, in the warmth of that embrace a new hope grew within me. But I didn't want to turn around and find out again that it wasn't you.

— You need to stop, you can't do something like this, what do you think you can do for him once you're in there? You couldn't do anything.—

Soobin's voice came directly from the one who was holding me, so.... Again it wasn't you.

I felt my heart sink in a sea of anguish. Why aren't you here with me yet? What are you waiting for? Come on, get out of there.

•

"All night has passed and rescue teams have still not found any people trapped under the wreckage."

"After what seems to be 12 hours of the tragedy, the rescue teams have managed to stop the explosions and have also controlled the fires caused by these."

•

It's been more than 24 hours since I last saw you.

The guys dragged me back home, that I needed to sleep was their argument. But still, in the silence of the night, without you by my side, it was impossible for me to fall asleep.

I miss you.

Look at your room again. It is still the same as you left it yesterday morning. Your desk is full of notebooks and notes. On a chair and isolated in a corner is a pile of clothes, clean or dirty, I'm sure you don't even know. Sweatshirts and pants everywhere. And even as I'm admiring this mess again I think; are we really fighting over something so futile?

I need to hear from you.

I stood up slowly, I had to go there again. I needed news, and I didn't want to watch it through the TV, I had to be present on the spot.

I left your room ready to go back to the company. I left without making any noise, but when I got to the living room my plan went down the drain. Everyone was there, and judging by their expressions there was still no good news. I turned around and resignedly went back to the room.

I threw myself on your bed and without being able to help it I burst into tears. Why did this have to happen to us?

The sound of the door was like a whisper next to my uncontrollable sobs, this time that illusion that it was you didn't appear. I knew who it was.

Feeling the warmth of his embrace only made my crying increase. He didn't try to make me stop, he didn't comfort me, he didn't do anything like that. He did nothing but join me in my crying.

I knew that for the boys this was also a difficult situation. But of all of them, he was surely the one who was coping the worst, he also needed a support, but at this moment I couldn't be one, we were both equally broken.

I'm sorry Soobin, I'm sorry for not being able to comfort you.

part 2.   part 3

I never wanted this; Carlos Sainz

WARNING; Topics such as suicide, death and poisoning are mentioned.

I was in our room, crying. I couldn't believe it, it was all my fault.

On the TV the news about his disappearance was on repeat like a damaged record, the social networks were a chaos of theories and speculations, everyone seemed to want to know where Carlos had gone, and it was all my fault. I caused the fight that brought us to this moment in time, it was all my fault.

I knew it was only a matter of time before the police would be looking for me to ask their usual questions, but I was aware that if they noticed the house in chaos they would suspect me. I had to leave, at least while the first few hours of investigation passed. After that, I would have time, everything could go back to normal.

No one had to know, no one could find out that everything had been provoked by me.

I didn't want to be alone, I didn't want to face everything alone, so I took some of my things deciding that I would spend the night at my mother's house, she would be with me, she would comfort me and support me because she knows how much I love him.

When the call from the police arrived, they came to my mother's small but cozy house, they asked me some questions and I told them my husband's usual routine, which ended this time when they reported finding his sport car abandoned on an unknown stretch of road not frequented by him.

No one knew what had happened, the policemen were trying to advise me by the time I could receive a rescue call. They were all assuming that Carlos had been kidnapped and were waiting for whoever committed this act to look for me, to call me and ask for a large amount of money so that Carlos could be released alive. The agents who came to talk to me gave me so much advice to the point that I felt overwhelmed, I felt that with just a few words in front of them I would spoil everything and they would discover the truth, they would discover that it was all my fault.

When they finally left with the promise that if they found out anything they would inform me or if anyone contacted me I would come to them, I could breathe. I knew I had taken them off my hands for a few hours, I knew they would be out of my way for as long as it took. And with the Sainz family licking their chops with the media, this was my perfect opportunity to return home, to our home.

A home that was broken, hurt and wounded, but  ours.

As I tried to sort out everything that had happened, as I tried to bring everything back to the perfection that our home always projected, one by one, neighbors, friends and family knocked on the door, but I could not receive anyone, I had no time, everything was measured.

—I want to be alone—. That was what I shouted over and over again in response to the knocks on the door.

I needed to be alone, everything had come to an end. Things were decided, I would wear my wedding dress and he would wear his black suit and we would be happy once again, happy as when we started this life together. I would arrange everything, I would see to it that everything happened before anyone found out what was going on.

My dress lay on our bed, and the tuxedo next to him. I admired the view in front of me for a few seconds, there was no turning back now, there was no longer anything that could change the course this whole day in our lives had taken.

I turned around and went back to the first floor, I had to look for some things still, I had to make sure everything went well.

As I made my way to the first floor, there was another knock on the door, I stopped, I stood quietly on the stairs, I was exactly in front of the front door that I would not answer once again, hoping they would understand that I wanted to be alone and that I didn't want to be disturbed. But his voice came from the other side of the darkness.

—I know you're there, please let's talk—. A lump settled in my throat, it was Lando, Carlos' best friend. I couldn't see him, I couldn't face him, I was sure he would want to come in and stay with me until we knew what had happened with my husband and I couldn't allow that, I couldn't allow him to see it.

—No Lan, I don't want to talk to anyone, he's gone—. I was not able to control my emotions and I burst into tears.

—Hey, we'll find him, everything will be all right, okay?—. Lando couldn't understand at this moment, but Carlos had left not to come back and I had taken care of that.

—Lando, I want to be alone, could we meet later?—. I needed him to leave, I needed to be alone so I could put an end to all this.

—I understand, I'll call you in the morning, bye—. I heard her footsteps as he was leaving. With a big sigh I resumed my walk, while I admired each and every detail that flooded our house, our home.

I stopped in front of the stove, took a deep breath and took the courage to do it. One by one I turned all the knobs without turning on the burners, just allowing the gas to come out. At that moment many things went through my mind, all the memories of a life together seemed to play in front of me, soon we would be together again.

I walked back to him, back to our bedroom. It took me a lot of effort to place him on the bed, but I managed to place him right where he always liked to sleep. He looked so pale now, but he still looked so handsome. From his side I took my beautiful dress and decisively took some scissors that were on my vanity, without thinking twice I started to make some cuts before putting it on, then I looked at myself in the mirror, I hated myself, I hated being the person who had brought things to this point, and with tears in my eyes, scissors in hand, I started to cut my hair evenly.

I dropped the scissors, I had ruined everything, I had ruined our life, our marriage and I had ended his dream and all his effort had gone down the drain because of me. I walked over to the small bureau next to the bed and took from the only drawer his sleeping pills, Carlos always took two after a day full of adrenaline to be able to rest properly. I also took the forgotten bottle of anti-stress pills that had once been prescribed for me.

I looked at them for a moment before walking to the bar and grabbing a glass to pour a shot of whiskey. Drink with which I took the pills, I have no idea how many there were but I knew it might take a while for them to take effect. So I started to dress him.

In his tuxedo he looked so handsome, but now he was so cold. I sat next to him and admired his now expressionless face, it had been my fault, I had caused him this. In a moment I felt all the strength leave my body and I climbed a little on the bed, to lie down next to him. I positioned myself so that my face was on his chest and hugged him with my arms. I had a great desire to sleep, but I was still conscious of how I felt my demons being released.

In the distance the sound of police sirens could be heard, but it was too late. Still, before it was all over I had to say goodbye, I had to apologize to him, later we would be together again, somewhere after death.

—I am so sorry my love, I never wanted it to come to this. I wanted to spend my life with you, I wanted to be able to give you so many moments and memories, I wanted to give you the surprise that we would be parents, but if I don't have you by my side, I don't want to live a life without you. I know it's all my fault, but it doesn't matter anymore, we made a promise to each other, we promised to always be together—. The words began to come out of my mouth in a rush, my eyes were heavy and I knew that there was little time left but I still had some words to say.— I will make sure that it is so, I will make sure that we can keep that promise, I love you and I will always love you—. The words stopped coming out of my mouth and I concentrated on closing my eyes and sleeping, it was time for me to leave everything here.

The knocking on the door was so loud, the sound of the sirens was also louder, but it was impossible to open my eyes again.

—Police, open the door!—. The knocking was getting more and more continuous.— Police, open the door, I will not repeat it one more time—. More knocks on the door, louder and more determined. I knew they were going to break down the door, but nothing mattered, because even if they tried they could not save me, they could not save us.

Everything seemed to happen in slow motion, rapid footsteps coming up towards us and distorted voices.

—We need paramedics, someone call for an ambulance urgently—. Everything seemed to spin around, I tried to open my eyes, to see what was going on, I really tried but it was impossible.— We have a probable suicide attempt and a person with no vital signs, we need paramedics urgently... —. And everything became silence and thick blackness, finally I was free from the hell that my life was becoming.

      --- ---

—We have sad and regrettable news in the world of sports, last night the famous Formula 1 racer, who played a role in the Ferrari team, Carlos Sainz and his wife, better known as Mr. and Mrs. Sainz, were found in their apartment without vital signs. According to police reports, the autopsy of the driver indicates that he died from severe poisoning, while the autopsy of his young wife indicates that she died from an overdose of different pills, which makes them think that she committed suicide—. She looked at the camera after reading all the information she had in her hands —. A sad loss for the world of Formula 1, we extend our condolences to the family of both... That's all for today, have a very good night.

Honey, Happy new year - Choi Yeonjun

I needed a break after all the hustle and bustle, all the hugging and screaming. I slowly walked out onto the balcony of the place, hugged myself, gently rubbing my arms.

It felt a little chilly outside and I had left my coat on my seat.

I walked up to the railing watching the beautiful fireworks that adorned the sky, wow. What a beautiful sight, what a beautiful way to start a new year, I took a quick glance inside the room, the guys were still giving each other hugs, a few handshakes accompanied by promises and proposals. I was happy to be here with them, to have them in my life and to be able to spend this beautiful moment together.

I was in awe, the way the lights in the sky illuminated the Eiffel Tower, the people in the street hugging each other, the voices of the boys in the background, I could only wonder what I had done to deserve to live this moment.

A warmth surrounded me from behind, as I turned my face a little I could see Yeonjun's beautiful smile as he wrapped his jacket around me.

—Hi.— He leaned a little on me to kiss my temple.—I lost you with the boy's commotion.— He looked at me from the side.

—I'm sorry, I felt a little suffocated.— I saw him deny softly.

—You don't have to apologize. — He shrugged.— What a beautiful view.—I watched him as he admired the scenery, an immense peace filled my being, and the words left my mouth.

—I want to thank you for being by my side, for making me happy.—He turned to look at me, his face seemed expressionless, but his eyes showed many meanings.

—You know, I want to give you all my love, I want to give you my heart so that you will always be by my side .— He turned me gently so that we were face to face .—If we get tired of this world, if they oppose us... I promise you, we will always stay together.— He smiled reassuringly, that was one of my biggest worries and he was making a promise right now.

I knew that with him I could say everything that was on my mind, I could bring out everything I had in my being, so I was not afraid.

—I pray to heaven and fate that you are the one for me—. he smiled again, stroking one of my cheeks.

—I would be so happy if you were my last destiny, I want to be forever with you,—. He moved a little closer to me.— Happy new year, honey—. He whispered against my lips before pressing his lips together creating a sweet kiss.

A bright light and the sound of a camera made me turn away from him to find Beomgyu holding a Polaroid and the boys smiling at me behind him. I wouldn't change anything about this moment, I wouldn't change having them in my life, nor would I change loving Yeonjun the way I did.

미안해 •| ᶜʰᵒᶤ ʸᵉᵒⁿʲᵘⁿ |• [ ᵖᵃʳᵗ ³ ]

I am alone in your room waiting for your call to come soon. 

I feel lonely, Soobin has left some time ago, I had no words to comfort him, neither could I ask him to take care of me at this time. 

If I had my favorite guy with me I wouldn't feel fear. 

I feel this fear is consuming me, still no news, where are you? The house feels different, it feels empty. No one dares to smile.  I haven't been able to sleep, I can't eat, I can only cry.  

I'm afraid of losing you. 

I miss that smile when you looked at me. I'd give up everything, to have you here. I want to confess that I miss you so much.

Should I try to sleep? Is this a cruel nightmare? I don't know what to do anymore, I'm not aware of the time that goes by, it seems like it's been years.

I feel I've lost the life that filled me, I've run out of joy, what will we do without you? Nothing will be the same.

I lay down on the bed again, hugging one of your pillows tightly. It has your scent, it feels like you are here with me. I wish someone would come and give me comforting words. I need someone to tell me that you're okay, that you are alive.

"It has been 36 hours since the building collapse. Relief and rescue efforts have yet to find any of the people who were reported trapped."

Thousands of memories cross my mind, the day we met, our first kiss, our first date.

So many good times, I close my eyes and picture you here, You're standing right in front of me, with that beautiful smile narrowing your eyes, but suddenly you fade away, a constant reminder of how close I am to losing you.

"48 hours of searching, people start to lose hope."

"54 hours of searching. A miracle has occurred, the trapped people have been located alive. The search efforts are over now, the city, the Country can breathe easy again."

The door burst open giving way to the rushing sounds caused by the boys entering the room. I took a seat on the bed and they were all there.

Tae was the first to speak.

—They've found them. They've been put to safety—. He paused unnecessarily

Should I celebrate? You were safe now.

—Yeonjun was not with them—. Soobin's words broke my heart again.

▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄

The whole time I was conscious at times.

I couldn't do anything, it hurt to breathe so I couldn't even try to make any movement.

I opened my eyes and visualized the horror in which I was trapped. I forced myself to close my eyes again.

I couldn't look at that, I couldn't look at the place I was in.

I refused to observe what separated me from you.

An immense peace took over my being.

I no longer felt pain, I no longer felt fear, I opened my eyes once again, there was no ruins, no fire. A beautiful blue sky stretched into the distance, I was outside, I was free.

But only my soul managed to escape.

I failed you, I failed to keep my promise to come back to you.

My love, I am sorry.

But please don't forget that I will always take care of you. You and the guys.

Watching the distance of that valley, the panorama changed.

Everything went black and uncontrollable crying flooded the air.

I'm standing outside the mess. When did I get here? How did I get out?

I look around me and there is a lot of movement. Rescue crews are coming and going.

An immense pain invaded my whole body, I need someone to help me.

Somebody please help me. But everyone keeps passing me by, what's going on?

Finally a paramedic seems to address me and I bend down to greet him.

—Excuse me...— No, that's not true. How is that even possible? I looked down taking a look at my body. Everything looks normal but he... He just passed through me.

He went through me.

This really can't be happening.

Desperately I kept looking around, looking for a sign, looking for something that would tell me this was a nightmare. But nothing happened.

And nothing was going to happen.

Daniel Ricciardo - I'm here baby

I admired the photograph in my hands sadly, feeling my eyes burn with held back tears. I couldn't cry, not in the privacy of an aeroplane. I miss her so much, I have missed her so much these last few difficult months.

My heart is full of desire to see her again, to hold her in my arms again.

—Passengers on flight 6033 France Airways to Perth, this is Captain Antoine Bélanger, I am pleased to report that we are about to land—.

The Captain's voice broke the silence that had settled on the plane, everyone began to prepare for landing, and I couldn't help but think that I was just a few minutes away from seeing her again...

When I finally arrived home, I entered in total silence, I tried to remain as quiet as possible, I wanted to surprise her.

I left my luggage at the entrance, I took one of my cameras from a cabinet nearby, I used to leave them within reach for special moments. I started to look for her around the place, it was about 10 in the morning, there were three options; 1.- In the kitchen, having breakfast. 2.- In the living room, studying. 3.- In the greenhouse.

I knew the answer very well, I was in the last one, I loved taking care of her flowers.

I approached slowly, I could see her through the glass door, surrounded by chrysanthemums, carnations and tulips. Her beauty stood out among those colours and flowers.

She looked as beautiful as I remembered, my heart fluttered. I moved forward to slowly open the door, positioned my camera at the perfect angle and pressed the little button. I captured her image, her scenery and her beauty in a picture next to a path of flowers.

The sound emitted by the camera surprised her, making her jump slightly and turn in my direction. She opened her small lips slightly as she looked at me even more surprised. She brought her hands to her face and let out a small sob. I walked over to her and took her in my arms, wrapping my arms around her with all the love I had to give.

—I'm here baby, I'm back—. Little sobs left her body as her hands clung to my back.

—Dan, I missed you so much. The time went on forever—.

—It's okay babe, now I'm finally back, I promise I won't leave you alone for a long time—.

I was promising her something that I might not be able to keep, but I couldn't think beyond the fact that I had her in my arms, I had her with me. I was back home and I didn't want to go far away again.

—I missed you, I missed you so much. Damn it Daniel, I love you so much—.

I pulled away from her and took her face in my hands, gently wiped the path of her tears and looked her straight in the eyes.

—I missed you too, you have no idea. I love you so much—. I pulled her face slightly to join our lips in a kiss, because after months we were together again.

———————————————

This is my first time posting on this platform about F1, I hope you like it; in case you like to read any of my previous posts in F1 version, you can find them on wattpad (Hira hdx).

미안해 •| ᶜʰᵒᶤ ʸᵉᵒⁿʲᵘⁿ |• [ ᵖᵃʳᵗ ⁵ ] αlтєяηαтινє ƒιηαl

Very long text, the end of a series

1 2 3 4

we тaĸe ιт ғroм нere;

The door burst open giving way to the rushing sounds caused by the boys entering the room. I took a seat on the bed and they were all there.

Taehyun was the first to speak.

—They've found them. They've been put to safety.— He paused unnecessarily, should I celebrate? You were safe now.

—Yeonjun was not with them.— Soobin's words broke my heart again.

•×•

I woke up, not sure what was going on, without moving I managed to look around, the building collapsed on top of us. Could we die here, would they find us?

I have no idea how much time has passed or if they are even looking for us. I try to stand up. But a great pain in my left shoulder stops me.

It hurts a lot.

I don't remember where I am in the building and it's killing me that I left those girls alone and now we are in this situation. I try again, this time slower. Pain travels up and down my back but this time I don't stop.

I glance around again and remember that it was just that that got me into this mess.

A column. A column was what kept me from being crushed to death. I see no way out, everything is collapsed, I'm trapped.

I need to get out, I need to get out of here, I need you.

I move around the place looking for a way out. There must be a way, there must be a way out.

Please wait, I'm on my way to you.

•×•

We left the apartment immersed in a silence that was not normal for us. Especially the guys.

We were all willing to check on our own if it was true that you were not among those who were rescued.

Because if it was true, if you were not there, where were you? Where did you go?

I needed to convince the rescuers to look some more.

Please hang in there!

The rescue teams are already leaving the site by the time we arrive. It's over for them. They found most of the victims, that's all that matters to them.

For them the testimonies of these girls who claim that you saved them were not enough. I see them crying, I see them begging you to continue the search. They cry for you, they are worried about you. And that's enough for me to take their word for it.

But they don't really care.

They insist, they claim that you are there, they claim that it was you who saved their lives.

Where are you Choi Yeonjun?

I don't want to give you up for lost. I don't want to think that I have lost you. I don't want to get the idea that I lost you.

If they don't look for you, I will. I'm going to get you out of there.

I made sure that no one was watching me, that everyone was distracted so I could sneak through the concrete debris. Not far from where I was entering, the television stations were interviewing the rescued women.

A group of trainees and stylists from the agency.

They asked them the same questions, made them repeat their story over and over again. But they still didn't believe a word of it.

But I do, I really believe them.

My heart knows they are not lying. Whatever happens I will rescue you.

"He was there, I can swear it. He was the one who saved our lives".

"He saved us, he was willing to give his life for ours."

"I owe him my life, that's why I refuse to end the search. He is out there somewhere."

Once upstairs I heard my name being called. I didn't turn around though. Nothing would stop me. I would get to you.

But Kai's screams were getting louder and louder. Which would draw attention. I had to be quick, I had to keep them from reaching me.

—Noona what are you doing? Noona you're going to hurt yourself!— Seeing that I wasn't going to stop Heuning carefully climbed up after me. All the while wailing.—My hyungs are going to be upset.—

—Noona is going to get hurt, but she doesn't care.—

—Soobin Hyung is going to lose his mind when he notices Noona is gone.— Lost in his words we made it to the top of that huge concrete mountain, there were so many places to start looking.

You could be anywhere. They swear you helped them so we have to find you.

We can't give up.

We split up and started moving and searching through the rocks. We will find you, don't worry.

After about 20 minutes a distant scream caught my attention.

They were calling me, was it you? I stood still with the intention of listening clearly. But it wasn't you and it wasn't just me they were looking for.

The boys had already noticed our absence.

I tried to ignore them, tried to silence them in my mind. But I found it impossible the boys were insistent and I knew Kai wouldn't ignore them.

—Min where are you?—

—Heuningkai where did you go?—

—Hyuka!!!—

—Min!!!—

I still continued my search. If the rescuers quit, we wouldn't. At least I haven't

—Huyng!!! Hyung!!!—

—Heuning damn it! What are you doing up there?—Beomgyu's shout echoed through the place.

—I went up following Noona.—

—What?!!! MIN IS UP THERE?!!!—The unmistakable voice of Soobin reached my ears. After his shout all was silence again.

I continued my search, the concrete pieces were heavy, too heavy to tell the truth. But it didn't matter because I just wanted to get to your side.

I felt in my heart something that told me we were close. We were close to you. I leaned down again to move another rock when something abruptly brought me back to my full height.

—Are you crazy? What do you think you can do up here alone? You're only going to hurt yourself!—he was clearly angry and about to lose his mind.

•×•

I was worried about you, how ironic isn't it? I'm the one at risk of being buried to death, but I still can't be selfish, I can't think only of myself. Every minute here I was flooded with worry about how you were doing.

The more time passed, the more it became a torture to keep my eyes open for long periods of time. I was resigned to the fact that I would never get out of here.

Time seemed to move so slowly that it made me think about the probability that maybe I was already dead, but it was not possible, how did I know?

Because of the pain. I once heard that it was pain that made us human or something like that. Because of that and the immense pain that spread through my body I knew I was still alive.

But what I wasn't sure yet was if I would still be alive to remind you how much I love you.

What did we do to deserve this, is it some kind of lesson to make you value what you have and those who are with you, is it some kind of punishment? Thousands of questions come to me in the moment, but so does your image.

Your smile.

It was your smile that made me fix my eyes on you, did I ever tell you that?

Your smile was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen and of course it still is. That was the first time I saw you.

It was right after our debut.

Soobin was very tired and looked sick, but he wouldn't admit it. One day just like that you appeared in our practice room, carrying some lunch boxes with you.

Beomgyu immediately stood up to help you and Soobin pulled you to him in a tight embrace. His face and yours glowed with happiness as you were in each other's arms.    And something stirred inside me.

It turned out that you brought some snacks for everyone, soobin bragged that you were the best cook. I can't deny it, your food was delicious.

Remembering that day I had an immense craving for that rich food that was your favorite, something typical of your city. Some time later it became mine too.

  •×•

One by one each of the boys came up behind us.

Soobin was still upset, but I knew he would help us, he would support us. We would find you, we would.

We basically split into groups so we could move the rocks. About 20 minutes passed and there was definitely no trace of you.

Come on Jun, you can't do this to us.

Time went by and little by little more people joined our search. The girls you rescued, agency staff. Even MOA was coming from different parts of the city to help us find you, we all wanted you back.

The authorities were completely opposed to what we were doing, because there was a possibility that someone would suffer some kind of injury. But we didn't care.

More MOA's slowly arrived to help. Girls who had taken a train, or taken a plane ride to help find their idol. I would love for you to see the love everyone is showing you right now.

Why wouldn't we let you, wouldn't we.

The newsreels were all about filming us. They were broadcasting us for hours, broadcasting as much as they could of our search work.

In the headline you could clearly read ;

THEY ARE THOSE WHO STILL HAVE HOPE

And boy, did we have hope.

No one was giving up. We are fighting for you. Hours went by, endless hours in the sun. And now I was really losing hope. We had moved tons of debris and nothing to show for it.

Should we resign ourselves?

I took a moment. A moment to admire all these people who took the risk of joining our search. What will happen will happen. Whether we found you or not, I was going to be eternally grateful for it. Maybe it was time to take a break. Or maybe it was time to give up and stop.

The sun was killing me.

The heat was intense and the glint of something was burning in my eyes. I covered them for a moment, it was bugging me.

Where was it coming from?

I slowly withdrew my hand and looked around for it. I couldn't believe it. It had to be. It had to be. It was your watch.

Your watch was barely peeking through the rubble.

—It's here, it's here."—

•×•

The more time passed the stronger the pressure I felt.

My heart ached so much, I ached so much from how much I missed you and the fear I felt about leaving you alone. I was desperate to get out. To come back to you.

My body slowly stopped responding, maybe because I was tired. Maybe because of the hunger I felt or maybe because of how damaged and hurt it was.

And just now that he was so close to freedom. It was a matter of minutes, a matter of moving a few more rocks. But it was impossible, I reached my limit. I saw the light, I saw the light of my freedom but everything went black.

I wish I could turn back time and not fight with you. Or failing that take Soobin's advice and stay with you the whole day.

•×•

Taehyun ran beside me as soon as he heard my screams.

We had finally found you!

In a matter of seconds there were dozens of hands moving and throwing the rocks in the area where you were. All treading cautiously but in a hurry to get you out of there as soon as possible.

I'm not going to lie to you. I was praying to God that you would be okay, that he wouldn't take you away from me. When we finally managed to get you out of that place, the paramedics snatched you from our arms.

They did not allow us to see you, they immediately transferred you to the nearest hospital, they had to make sure you were okay, that you were not hurt in any way.

I don't know how long we spent in the waiting room of that hospital, they didn't allow us to see you, they didn't want to give us any report.

We didn't know anything.

Was it so serious?

Doctors came in and out of your room non-stop, but they kept ignoring our pleas for information, it got to the point where they forbade the nurses to come near us.

And just like that, one day when we were still waiting for some details about your health condition, this girl came up to us.

It was a nurse, she asked me to accompany her, without hesitation I went after her.

She would take me to you.

You had woken up, after a week, you had woken up and the first thing you did was to ask for me.

•×•

I woke up once again.

I was alone and without further ado I began to remember everything I had experienced being trapped in the building.

A nurse came into the room, not once did she look at me.

—Park Min, I need to see Park Min.— The nurse left the room without giving me a word or even a small glance. Time marched on, but nothing was happening.

Or so I thought, because within seconds after my thought the door to the room opened again.

But this time it showed me someone totally different. This time it was your beautiful eyes peering out from the other side of that door.

You crept in. Neither of us uttered a word. Then you threw yourself weakly onto the gurney crying and with what little strength I had I clung to you even tighter.

I was afraid that we would be separated again. And now we would not be able to find our way back like this time.

—All the time I was so worried about you.—

—Why? It was you who was stuck in that place, you should have left that for us. I was so scared I'd never see you again, that we'd get separated like that after that stupid fight.—

—I was worried about getting to leave you alone, I knew you'd be scared and I was so mad at me for turning down that dinner the other night.—

—That's in the past, let's try to forget about it. We're here together now.—

—Please never forget how much I love you.—