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미안해 •| ᶜʰᵒᶤ ʸᵉᵒⁿʲᵘⁿ |• [ ᵖᵃʳᵗ ⁵ ] αlтєяηαтινє ƒιηαl

Very long text, the end of a series

1 2 3 4

we тaĸe ιт ғroм нere;

The door burst open giving way to the rushing sounds caused by the boys entering the room. I took a seat on the bed and they were all there.

Taehyun was the first to speak.

—They've found them. They've been put to safety.— He paused unnecessarily, should I celebrate? You were safe now.

—Yeonjun was not with them.— Soobin's words broke my heart again.

•×•

I woke up, not sure what was going on, without moving I managed to look around, the building collapsed on top of us. Could we die here, would they find us?

I have no idea how much time has passed or if they are even looking for us. I try to stand up. But a great pain in my left shoulder stops me.

It hurts a lot.

I don't remember where I am in the building and it's killing me that I left those girls alone and now we are in this situation. I try again, this time slower. Pain travels up and down my back but this time I don't stop.

I glance around again and remember that it was just that that got me into this mess.

A column. A column was what kept me from being crushed to death. I see no way out, everything is collapsed, I'm trapped.

I need to get out, I need to get out of here, I need you.

I move around the place looking for a way out. There must be a way, there must be a way out.

Please wait, I'm on my way to you.

•×•

We left the apartment immersed in a silence that was not normal for us. Especially the guys.

We were all willing to check on our own if it was true that you were not among those who were rescued.

Because if it was true, if you were not there, where were you? Where did you go?

I needed to convince the rescuers to look some more.

Please hang in there!

The rescue teams are already leaving the site by the time we arrive. It's over for them. They found most of the victims, that's all that matters to them.

For them the testimonies of these girls who claim that you saved them were not enough. I see them crying, I see them begging you to continue the search. They cry for you, they are worried about you. And that's enough for me to take their word for it.

But they don't really care.

They insist, they claim that you are there, they claim that it was you who saved their lives.

Where are you Choi Yeonjun?

I don't want to give you up for lost. I don't want to think that I have lost you. I don't want to get the idea that I lost you.

If they don't look for you, I will. I'm going to get you out of there.

I made sure that no one was watching me, that everyone was distracted so I could sneak through the concrete debris. Not far from where I was entering, the television stations were interviewing the rescued women.

A group of trainees and stylists from the agency.

They asked them the same questions, made them repeat their story over and over again. But they still didn't believe a word of it.

But I do, I really believe them.

My heart knows they are not lying. Whatever happens I will rescue you.

"He was there, I can swear it. He was the one who saved our lives".

"He saved us, he was willing to give his life for ours."

"I owe him my life, that's why I refuse to end the search. He is out there somewhere."

Once upstairs I heard my name being called. I didn't turn around though. Nothing would stop me. I would get to you.

But Kai's screams were getting louder and louder. Which would draw attention. I had to be quick, I had to keep them from reaching me.

—Noona what are you doing? Noona you're going to hurt yourself!— Seeing that I wasn't going to stop Heuning carefully climbed up after me. All the while wailing.—My hyungs are going to be upset.—

—Noona is going to get hurt, but she doesn't care.—

—Soobin Hyung is going to lose his mind when he notices Noona is gone.— Lost in his words we made it to the top of that huge concrete mountain, there were so many places to start looking.

You could be anywhere. They swear you helped them so we have to find you.

We can't give up.

We split up and started moving and searching through the rocks. We will find you, don't worry.

After about 20 minutes a distant scream caught my attention.

They were calling me, was it you? I stood still with the intention of listening clearly. But it wasn't you and it wasn't just me they were looking for.

The boys had already noticed our absence.

I tried to ignore them, tried to silence them in my mind. But I found it impossible the boys were insistent and I knew Kai wouldn't ignore them.

—Min where are you?—

—Heuningkai where did you go?—

—Hyuka!!!—

—Min!!!—

I still continued my search. If the rescuers quit, we wouldn't. At least I haven't

—Huyng!!! Hyung!!!—

—Heuning damn it! What are you doing up there?—Beomgyu's shout echoed through the place.

—I went up following Noona.—

—What?!!! MIN IS UP THERE?!!!—The unmistakable voice of Soobin reached my ears. After his shout all was silence again.

I continued my search, the concrete pieces were heavy, too heavy to tell the truth. But it didn't matter because I just wanted to get to your side.

I felt in my heart something that told me we were close. We were close to you. I leaned down again to move another rock when something abruptly brought me back to my full height.

—Are you crazy? What do you think you can do up here alone? You're only going to hurt yourself!—he was clearly angry and about to lose his mind.

•×•

I was worried about you, how ironic isn't it? I'm the one at risk of being buried to death, but I still can't be selfish, I can't think only of myself. Every minute here I was flooded with worry about how you were doing.

The more time passed, the more it became a torture to keep my eyes open for long periods of time. I was resigned to the fact that I would never get out of here.

Time seemed to move so slowly that it made me think about the probability that maybe I was already dead, but it was not possible, how did I know?

Because of the pain. I once heard that it was pain that made us human or something like that. Because of that and the immense pain that spread through my body I knew I was still alive.

But what I wasn't sure yet was if I would still be alive to remind you how much I love you.

What did we do to deserve this, is it some kind of lesson to make you value what you have and those who are with you, is it some kind of punishment? Thousands of questions come to me in the moment, but so does your image.

Your smile.

It was your smile that made me fix my eyes on you, did I ever tell you that?

Your smile was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen and of course it still is. That was the first time I saw you.

It was right after our debut.

Soobin was very tired and looked sick, but he wouldn't admit it. One day just like that you appeared in our practice room, carrying some lunch boxes with you.

Beomgyu immediately stood up to help you and Soobin pulled you to him in a tight embrace. His face and yours glowed with happiness as you were in each other's arms.    And something stirred inside me.

It turned out that you brought some snacks for everyone, soobin bragged that you were the best cook. I can't deny it, your food was delicious.

Remembering that day I had an immense craving for that rich food that was your favorite, something typical of your city. Some time later it became mine too.

  •×•

One by one each of the boys came up behind us.

Soobin was still upset, but I knew he would help us, he would support us. We would find you, we would.

We basically split into groups so we could move the rocks. About 20 minutes passed and there was definitely no trace of you.

Come on Jun, you can't do this to us.

Time went by and little by little more people joined our search. The girls you rescued, agency staff. Even MOA was coming from different parts of the city to help us find you, we all wanted you back.

The authorities were completely opposed to what we were doing, because there was a possibility that someone would suffer some kind of injury. But we didn't care.

More MOA's slowly arrived to help. Girls who had taken a train, or taken a plane ride to help find their idol. I would love for you to see the love everyone is showing you right now.

Why wouldn't we let you, wouldn't we.

The newsreels were all about filming us. They were broadcasting us for hours, broadcasting as much as they could of our search work.

In the headline you could clearly read ;

THEY ARE THOSE WHO STILL HAVE HOPE

And boy, did we have hope.

No one was giving up. We are fighting for you. Hours went by, endless hours in the sun. And now I was really losing hope. We had moved tons of debris and nothing to show for it.

Should we resign ourselves?

I took a moment. A moment to admire all these people who took the risk of joining our search. What will happen will happen. Whether we found you or not, I was going to be eternally grateful for it. Maybe it was time to take a break. Or maybe it was time to give up and stop.

The sun was killing me.

The heat was intense and the glint of something was burning in my eyes. I covered them for a moment, it was bugging me.

Where was it coming from?

I slowly withdrew my hand and looked around for it. I couldn't believe it. It had to be. It had to be. It was your watch.

Your watch was barely peeking through the rubble.

—It's here, it's here."—

•×•

The more time passed the stronger the pressure I felt.

My heart ached so much, I ached so much from how much I missed you and the fear I felt about leaving you alone. I was desperate to get out. To come back to you.

My body slowly stopped responding, maybe because I was tired. Maybe because of the hunger I felt or maybe because of how damaged and hurt it was.

And just now that he was so close to freedom. It was a matter of minutes, a matter of moving a few more rocks. But it was impossible, I reached my limit. I saw the light, I saw the light of my freedom but everything went black.

I wish I could turn back time and not fight with you. Or failing that take Soobin's advice and stay with you the whole day.

•×•

Taehyun ran beside me as soon as he heard my screams.

We had finally found you!

In a matter of seconds there were dozens of hands moving and throwing the rocks in the area where you were. All treading cautiously but in a hurry to get you out of there as soon as possible.

I'm not going to lie to you. I was praying to God that you would be okay, that he wouldn't take you away from me. When we finally managed to get you out of that place, the paramedics snatched you from our arms.

They did not allow us to see you, they immediately transferred you to the nearest hospital, they had to make sure you were okay, that you were not hurt in any way.

I don't know how long we spent in the waiting room of that hospital, they didn't allow us to see you, they didn't want to give us any report.

We didn't know anything.

Was it so serious?

Doctors came in and out of your room non-stop, but they kept ignoring our pleas for information, it got to the point where they forbade the nurses to come near us.

And just like that, one day when we were still waiting for some details about your health condition, this girl came up to us.

It was a nurse, she asked me to accompany her, without hesitation I went after her.

She would take me to you.

You had woken up, after a week, you had woken up and the first thing you did was to ask for me.

•×•

I woke up once again.

I was alone and without further ado I began to remember everything I had experienced being trapped in the building.

A nurse came into the room, not once did she look at me.

—Park Min, I need to see Park Min.— The nurse left the room without giving me a word or even a small glance. Time marched on, but nothing was happening.

Or so I thought, because within seconds after my thought the door to the room opened again.

But this time it showed me someone totally different. This time it was your beautiful eyes peering out from the other side of that door.

You crept in. Neither of us uttered a word. Then you threw yourself weakly onto the gurney crying and with what little strength I had I clung to you even tighter.

I was afraid that we would be separated again. And now we would not be able to find our way back like this time.

—All the time I was so worried about you.—

—Why? It was you who was stuck in that place, you should have left that for us. I was so scared I'd never see you again, that we'd get separated like that after that stupid fight.—

—I was worried about getting to leave you alone, I knew you'd be scared and I was so mad at me for turning down that dinner the other night.—

—That's in the past, let's try to forget about it. We're here together now.—

—Please never forget how much I love you.—

enнypen

𝕙𝕖𝕖𝕤𝕖𝕦𝕟𝕘 ::

Stop it, it's not funny

𝕛𝕒𝕪 ;;

nothing yet

𝕤𝕦𝕟𝕠𝕠 ;;

My only wish

𝕛𝕦𝕟𝕘𝕨𝕠𝕟 ;;

nothing yet 

𝕟𝕚𝕜𝕚 ;;

nothing yet

𝕤𝕦𝕟𝕘𝕙𝕠𝕠𝕟 ;;

nothing yet

𝕛𝕒𝕜𝕖 ;;

𝓦𝓮𝓻𝓮 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝓽𝓻𝔂𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝓽𝓸 𝓯𝓲𝔁 𝓲𝓽?

Honey, Happy new year - Choi Yeonjun

I needed a break after all the hustle and bustle, all the hugging and screaming. I slowly walked out onto the balcony of the place, hugged myself, gently rubbing my arms.

It felt a little chilly outside and I had left my coat on my seat.

I walked up to the railing watching the beautiful fireworks that adorned the sky, wow. What a beautiful sight, what a beautiful way to start a new year, I took a quick glance inside the room, the guys were still giving each other hugs, a few handshakes accompanied by promises and proposals. I was happy to be here with them, to have them in my life and to be able to spend this beautiful moment together.

I was in awe, the way the lights in the sky illuminated the Eiffel Tower, the people in the street hugging each other, the voices of the boys in the background, I could only wonder what I had done to deserve to live this moment.

A warmth surrounded me from behind, as I turned my face a little I could see Yeonjun's beautiful smile as he wrapped his jacket around me.

—Hi.— He leaned a little on me to kiss my temple.—I lost you with the boy's commotion.— He looked at me from the side.

—I'm sorry, I felt a little suffocated.— I saw him deny softly.

—You don't have to apologize. — He shrugged.— What a beautiful view.—I watched him as he admired the scenery, an immense peace filled my being, and the words left my mouth.

—I want to thank you for being by my side, for making me happy.—He turned to look at me, his face seemed expressionless, but his eyes showed many meanings.

—You know, I want to give you all my love, I want to give you my heart so that you will always be by my side .— He turned me gently so that we were face to face .—If we get tired of this world, if they oppose us... I promise you, we will always stay together.— He smiled reassuringly, that was one of my biggest worries and he was making a promise right now.

I knew that with him I could say everything that was on my mind, I could bring out everything I had in my being, so I was not afraid.

—I pray to heaven and fate that you are the one for me—. he smiled again, stroking one of my cheeks.

—I would be so happy if you were my last destiny, I want to be forever with you,—. He moved a little closer to me.— Happy new year, honey—. He whispered against my lips before pressing his lips together creating a sweet kiss.

A bright light and the sound of a camera made me turn away from him to find Beomgyu holding a Polaroid and the boys smiling at me behind him. I wouldn't change anything about this moment, I wouldn't change having them in my life, nor would I change loving Yeonjun the way I did.

미안해 •| ᶜʰᵒᶤ ʸᵉᵒⁿʲᵘⁿ |• [ ᵖᵃʳᵗ ¹ ]

It's been hours since you left home. It's been hours since that stupid argument. But not being here is part of your job, I know.

You were right, it's your room and only you know how you keep it tidy.  Even though I was right too, it's a mess. You should take the time to tidy up a little better. 

It's been a while since I last called you. I asked you to have dinner together, a truce to fix this stupid situation.  You refused my request. 

You're still upset, I could feel it in your voice.

The door to the apartment burst open, giving way to the thunderous voices of the boys coming in, playing and shouting. But you weren't there.

Why did you have to, why if everyone else was leaving did you have to stay? Why did you?

Heuning and Beomgyu went straight into the kitchen, looking for something to eat while it was time for dinner. Soobin took a seat next to me on the spacious sofa. Taehyun walked slowly in our direction after locking the door informing me that Soobin and Heuning had planned to go to the movies before dinner, mentioning that they had only stopped by the apartment to change. But he didn't mention you.

I struck up a conversation with the guys, trying to forget the fact that I felt rejected by you.  

Beomgyu zapped at the TV, while Taehyun fought with him for not allowing him to see what was on some channel. Soobin and Heuning had long since left, excited because the movie they would be attending looked very promising.

The next moment Beomgyu and Taehyun's voices stopped as did the constant switching on the TV. They had finally left a channel. But it felt strange the abrupt change of mood.

I turned in their direction and they looked like they had seen a ghost, frozen with their eyes glued to the TV.  As I prepared to take a look at what had caused their reaction, Taehyun obstructed my point of view and started talking very fast while trying to pull me along with him.

What was wrong with him? I was about to protest when the words of the person behind the TV set froze me in my tracks.

"A second explosion is reported at HYBE entertainment agency. The trapped people could not be rescued yet. Rescue bodies report that they expect 3 to 6 more explosions to happen due to the rupture of several gas lines. So far at least 10 people are reported trapped." 

The three of us kept silent.

Beomgyu changed the channel again, his hands were shaking, we all knew you were there.   

"It is reported that 2 or 4 people could be found lifeless. This is due to the difficult situation and that the location does not lend itself to a safe rescue. Viewers are asked not to be present at the site, as this could cause even more chaos than what is already there. This is primarily directed at all the young women who are crowding around the company in search of information about members of various groups in the company."

Why if I asked you to have dinner together did you have to turn me down? Why do you have to allow your pride to go so far?

One more change.

"The area affected by the explosions is reported to be on the central floors of the building, the area where the agency's practice rooms and locker rooms are stipulated to be located. So far, no injuries or people trapped in the few debris generated on the lower floors have been reported. It is reported that at least 7 people were on that floor at the time of the incident. All the victims have been identified, 4 or more of them could be company personnel and we have the report that 2 of them could be idols. We are not allowed to inform who they are or what group they belong to, to avoid increasing hysteria among fans."

I know it's you, I know because you haven't called yet. If we hadn't argued you'd be with me now. But you're not.

Another change.

"A successful rescue of 3 people has just been carried out, they were found trapped inside one of the elevators of the place, none of them has any serious injuries or damage."

The transmission was cut for several seconds after a loud noise was recorded by the microphones that were in place. When the signal came back on, the reporter was a little further away from the scene and had a frightened look on his face.

"We have just witnessed a new explosion, the rescue corps reports that this explosion can generate a collapse in the construction. Because of the previous explosions the foundations of the site were damaged. So far a large amount of debris has fallen, which will further delay the rescue of the victims of this disastrous accident."

Another one.

Everyone's nerves are on edge, Taehyun still hasn't let go of me, and I really appreciate it because his touch is the only thing that keeps me still standing and not on the verge of collapse.

The door to the apartment opens again, our eyes traveled to that point and for a moment no one came in and it kindles in me the hope that it is you, that you had reached to leave the Company before all this happened. Then Heuning enters, letting out little sighs, a sign that he was crying, followed by Soobin. Again, not you.

—Take your things, we'll go to the company.—

Soobin's request was in a calm voice, but no one moved, we just exchanged glances.

—¡MOVE!—

Beomgyu's shout brought us out of our state. Tae let go of me, from then on it was all a race, the boys looking to change clothes and everyone fighting for the toilet.

I went to your room, I felt calm, I wasn't scared, I wasn't afraid, and the thought of panicking had left me. 

I guess I hadn't quite assimilated the fact that you are trapped in a building at risk of collapse. Because there can be no other explanation for the fact that I was so calm.

I went to the closet and grabbed two sweatshirts. One was obviously for me, it was cool at this time of night. The other is for you, because when you left the house this morning you didn't have one with you and you're probably a little chilly. 

When I returned to the living room, the TV was already off and the boys were standing near the door.

They were waiting for me.

•

On the walk to the company many doubts assaulted me. Will you be okay? Did you suffer any damage? Did something even worse happen in there? Will you still be alive?

With all these thoughts in mind, I began to experience a strong pressure in my chest, everything around me spun and the boys' conversation began to be heard in the distance. I had to call you, I had to know you were okay.

You couldn't leave me now, you couldn't go away upset because of that stupid argument, I started a desperate search for my cell phone, but that was the moment when I started to feel short of breath.

Was this a panic attack?

I could see the worried faces of the guys who were almost on top of me. They all spoke at once and it was impossible for me to understand what they were trying to say.

Taehyun pushed them all away and helped me into a better position so that it was possible for me to breathe.

—You need to calm down, breathe...—

There were no words of encouragement, it wasn't an "Everything will be okay" and it certainly wasn't a "He's safe". Why we didn't know, we didn't know how you were doing and we had no idea what we would find when we got there.

When we finally arrived the boys came down immediately, but I didn't know what to do, would I be able to keep calm now that I had the real version of the event in front of my eyes?

I need you by my side, now I realize how much I really love you.

This morning that you left we didn't say goodbye... we didn't say goodbye, we didn't give each other a kiss. We didn't say "I love you".

While I was in that internal debate of how to take the situation a loud noise like a big thunder flooded the atmosphere. The hustle and bustle of the moment stopped, everyone was looking at that big damaged structure. And without being able to avoid it, I turned my gaze behind the glass to the same place.

A large part of the building had collapsed. The area around the site had been reduced to rubble.

Not far from us stood one of the reporters we had seen on television. He immediately settled down in front of the frame to report on the latest development.

A little further back was a group of firemen, one of whom was carrying a megaphone through which he began to instruct people to move away from the structure for safety.

I turned my attention to the reporter to hear his last words.

"After minutes of waiting, the collapse the authorities were talking about has happened. The rescue forces communicate that they expect to find the 7 people who were trapped lifeless. The weight of the debris is too much for anyone to have survived."

The Lieutenant in charge took the megaphone and made the announcement that woke me up from my state of shock.

—The explosions were on the central floors of the building, the columns of the site are already too badly damaged and the upper floors are beginning to collapse. There is no hope for a successful rescue.—

I immediately got out of the car, it couldn't be true, what we had just witnessed had to have been an illusion, this couldn't end like this.

I need to see you, I need to hold you. I need to tell you how much I love you, one more time.

I ran towards the building dodging all the agents that tried to stop me, if they didn't come in to get you I would, because I need to have you by my side.

Strong arms wrapped around me preventing me from continuing to run into the building. They held me close to his chest, which was rising and falling in agitation, he had run after me. And there, in the warmth of that embrace a new hope grew within me. But I didn't want to turn around and find out again that it wasn't you.

— You need to stop, you can't do something like this, what do you think you can do for him once you're in there? You couldn't do anything.—

Soobin's voice came directly from the one who was holding me, so.... Again it wasn't you.

I felt my heart sink in a sea of anguish. Why aren't you here with me yet? What are you waiting for? Come on, get out of there.

•

"All night has passed and rescue teams have still not found any people trapped under the wreckage."

"After what seems to be 12 hours of the tragedy, the rescue teams have managed to stop the explosions and have also controlled the fires caused by these."

•

It's been more than 24 hours since I last saw you.

The guys dragged me back home, that I needed to sleep was their argument. But still, in the silence of the night, without you by my side, it was impossible for me to fall asleep.

I miss you.

Look at your room again. It is still the same as you left it yesterday morning. Your desk is full of notebooks and notes. On a chair and isolated in a corner is a pile of clothes, clean or dirty, I'm sure you don't even know. Sweatshirts and pants everywhere. And even as I'm admiring this mess again I think; are we really fighting over something so futile?

I need to hear from you.

I stood up slowly, I had to go there again. I needed news, and I didn't want to watch it through the TV, I had to be present on the spot.

I left your room ready to go back to the company. I left without making any noise, but when I got to the living room my plan went down the drain. Everyone was there, and judging by their expressions there was still no good news. I turned around and resignedly went back to the room.

I threw myself on your bed and without being able to help it I burst into tears. Why did this have to happen to us?

The sound of the door was like a whisper next to my uncontrollable sobs, this time that illusion that it was you didn't appear. I knew who it was.

Feeling the warmth of his embrace only made my crying increase. He didn't try to make me stop, he didn't comfort me, he didn't do anything like that. He did nothing but join me in my crying.

I knew that for the boys this was also a difficult situation. But of all of them, he was surely the one who was coping the worst, he also needed a support, but at this moment I couldn't be one, we were both equally broken.

I'm sorry Soobin, I'm sorry for not being able to comfort you.

part 2.   part 3

What are you waiting for? — Beomgyu [ TXT ]

I keep repeating the same thing over and over in my mind. I like Her, that's all.

Voices and the sound of the television invade my room from the other side of the door.

Outside her laughter fills every corner of the house causing my heart to ache.

It hurt to see her laughing with the boys, it didn't make sense she had always been like that. And if I just liked her why did it bother me so much?

I stirred once again, unable to fall asleep. Her voice sounded loud and high quickening my heart.

I stood up tired of not being able to sleep, I didn't know what to do. Should I join them? What are they doing? I slowly opened the door to look further down the hall. I could see her profile, she was sitting right next to Yeonjun. She was laughing and joking with him as he held her lightly by the shoulders. I felt my soul leaving my body.

I couldn't go on like this, I had to do something.

I had to figure out my feelings.

I left the room ready to go to the kitchen, from there I would have a better view of where she was. I had to keep an eye on her, I couldn't let her be with him.

It's not like Yeonjun hyung was a bad person, but she didn't have to be in his arms. I stared at them as my mind traveled elsewhere. I didn't just like her, she was the person I wanted to be with the most. I wanted her to be mine, I wanted her to just spend time with me.

A hand waved in front of my eyes snapping me out of my trance.

— It's Something wrong Gyu?.— And there she was, as beautiful as ever, I blushed as I shook my head slightly.—Are you sure?

She tilted her head a little bit trying to look me in the eyes. I nodded running away from her gaze.

I stood up and tried to move away from her, but she was quicker and grabbed my hand.

—Why are you running away from me? Lately you don't spend time with me and you always run away from me. I don't understand what's going on... Did I do something to upset you?— Her voice was a whisper, one full of feelings that attacked my heart, I couldn't leave her there. I couldn't leave and run away from her again.

I turned and looked her straight in the eyes, I didn't know how to do it. Did I say it all at once? Did I just say it? Nerves were beginning to flood my being. I couldn't do it, I couldn't.

I tried to turn around again but her words left me frozen.

—Is it 'cause you've realized that I like you? Is that why you're running away from me? I know we are friends, but I couldn't control my feelings, I'm really sorry if that causes you problems—. Her voice was getting lower and lower as she spoke, it became a whisper. She was going to cry.

My movements were fast, I brought her to me in an embrace, I leaned my head against hers while I gave small caresses to her hair. I was an asshole, she liked me, she liked me. God how could I not have noticed.

—Did you really like me?—. A silly question, but I wanted to confirm it, I wanted to hear it one more time.

—Don't make me repeat it Beomgyu—. I pulled her a little away from me to see her face, she was red as a little tomato and she was trying to hide her eyes from me. I laughed, she was so cute.

—I like you too, I like you a lot, but I couldn't decipher my feelings, I was confused and I moved away from you. I had no idea that you felt the same way I did.—

—Then what are you waiting for?—. I looked at her without understanding, she laughed while her cheeks filled with a crimson pink, she had blushed. I was about to tell her how cute she was when she caught my lips in a kiss, it had to be hard for her, she was on her tiptoes, with her arms around my neck. But to me it was the most tender act in the world. She really was the person I wanted by my side.

미안해 •| ᶜʰᵒᶤ ʸᵉᵒⁿʲᵘⁿ |• [ ᵖᵃʳᵗ ⁴ ] final

Mention or reference to death

Again those pain-filled cries broke through the air. And without being able to help myself, I made my way through the place to get to where they came from.

A big group of people was gathered near what seemed to be the most damaged area of the building, I approached

What was going on?

But the image that flashed in front of my eyes completely devastated my heart.

I can't tell you how sorry I am.

I tried, I tried as hard as I could.

Soobin hugged you while everyone cried inconsolably.

Your crying burned my soul, I wanted to hug you, I wanted to come back but that was the moment when I realized that it was no longer possible.

I no longer belong on that plane.

I am sorry, I love you.

This was so unfair, we had so many things left to live, so many years left to live together.

I prayed to God to let me come back to your side.

But nothing happened. Today I left you.

Everything began to look in slow motion, my vision was blurred.

What would I do now? How could this even happen?

I saw you walking away with the boys and I knew it was time. It was time for our goodbye, it was the moment to say goodbye.

Honey 미안해. I'm sorry for all those times I was a jerk and didn't know how to value you. I'm sorry for all those times I made you forget your pride so that you would forgive my bullshit, for every rant, for the fights, for each and every one of my failures. I hope someday you will forgive me, but above all I hope you never forget how much I love you and how grateful I am to you. Thank you for always being there, for supporting me and for loving me as purely as you always did.

﹝---﹞

"The funeral ceremony for singer Choi Yeonjun who was a member of the Idol group Tomorrow x Together will be held tomorrow, October 27 this year in Seongman City, Gyeonggi Province. The ceremony will be held behind closed doors. The dear singer will be bid farewell by family members, friends and agency colleagues. However his family surprised by releasing a statement informing that MOA, the name by which the supporters of his former group are known, will be able to say goodbye to their idol before he is transferred to what will finally be his eternal resting place."

﹝---﹞

We bid you farewell amid tears and praise. A sad vibe haunts us since your goodbye. But for you we will go on, for you we will live our lives again.

Days after our sad farewell I accompanied your mother to your room in the group dormitory.

They were happy to see us and went out of their way to be kind to your mother. I am sure that for a moment she was happy again, but she still missed you.

While we were there, we had many memories of you. We laughed and talked about your habits. We laughed and had fun with the guys, because we promised ourselves not to cry for you anymore.

But in the end we ended up doing it. It was inevitable.

We found countless things in your room, letters and plushies, gifts and details, thousands of things that moa gave you and you kept with fervor.

We also found hundreds of photos of immemorial occasions. Beautiful photos of family dinners, or group outings. Photos full of feelings and love.

But when we got to It, when we found it hidden in your night table, we could not stop our endless crying.

It was still in the bag it came in and it was so beautiful.

We admired it for minutes and I really couldn't stop looking at it, it was so beautiful.

Your mom mentioned that she knew about it, but had never seen it, she knew that you wanted it to be a surprise for everyone, and that you had taken the time to make the design.

What a beautiful detail.

Knowing you, I'm sure it could have been the most beautiful and romantic proposal I could have ever seen.

And you would have gotten a yes. Yes I want to marry you.

Because it was what I wanted most in this life.

But now you are gone and I can only move forward without you in my life. To move on and get over your absence.

In tears your mom confessed to me what she knew about what you had planned;

—He mentioned that he planned to ask you in the new year or on your birthday, he had something really beautiful and romantic planned. He wanted us all to be present and make it something unmemorable for your relationship, he was a good guy, and would be a good husband—.

I couldn't say anything, I couldn't do anything but hug her, she seemed so fragile to me now and it made me want to always protect her, but I couldn't. I had to let her go at her own pace, let her take the mourning you deserve.

She left first and I feel it was mostly the fact that it hurt her to be among your stuffs and not feel your presence. But I did, I felt your presence as something warm that flooded my heart and embraced my soul. Because the fact that you are no longer here does not mean that you just left me alone, I know that you are still by my side.

When I had enough of you, when I felt that my heart was filled again with your essence, when it was time to leave the boys made me promise to come back, to visit them as much as I could, that as much as I wanted to, I would not leave them alone and aside.

Kai came up from behind everyone and with tears in his eyes he caught me in a sweet hug and with his words he made me feel the affection of a universe. I couldn't fail him, I wasn't going to leave them.

—We don't want to lose contact with you Noona, we love you and we don't want to lose you. Please keep coming back. Please remember that we are a part of Hyung just as he is a part of us—.

And I promised him, I promised him that I would come back. And I promised him that I would be there supporting them always, because as he said, they were part of you, and with them I would have the opportunity to relive that part of you that they had in them.

It wouldn't be the same, it never would be.

But just as I needed them, they were needing me, because I was a part of you too, a part that they were now going to need and I couldn't deny them.

Jun, 미안해. I'm sorry for you being gone now and all I can think about is how much I will miss you. I'm sorry for being selfish and only thinking about me. I'm sorry for not wanting to forget you and not being able to let go. But thank you for being a part of my life and teaching me everything you taught me. I will never forget how much you loved me, so please don't forget how much I was able to love you.

I will be happy, that's a promise to you.

Goodbye.

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미안해;

                  I'm sorry