S S [ ]

ɪғ ʏᴏᴜʀ ʜᴇᴀʀᴛ ɪs sᴛɪʟʟ ᴍɪɴᴇ — [ ʜᴇᴜɴɪɴɢ ᴋᴀɪ ]

I wanted so much to stop time at this moment, the moonlight illuminated her face in a beautiful way and her eyes sparkled as she gazed at the star-filled sky. I felt infinitely happy to be with her right now, so much so that I didn't want it to end.

— Say it now.— I blurted out. She turned her face slightly towards me.

— What are you talking about Kai?.— I could detect the confusion on her face, she looked so tender.

— Tell me what you want, I'll give you anything.— We were having problems, it was all my fault. I was too focused on the band, the tour, the album, I had too many things, I was putting her aside. I wanted to make it up to her, I would give her anything she asked for.

— I want you.— Her answer didn't surprise me, but that's not what I was talking about.

— I don't mean that, just say it... I'll get it for you, I want to make up for all the time we haven't spent together.— She smiled sweetly as she shook her head slightly in denial.

— I don't need anything, just knowing that you're still with me makes me happy, you know that... Don't worry sweetheart, wherever you are, whatever you do. If your heart is still mine everything is fine...— She came even closer to me and I put my arms around her.

I loved her and could not believe that a girl like her would give me her heart so sincerely. She gave me her support and love unconditionally and I could only think that I didn't deserve it, but she was trying so hard to show me that I did.

I kissed her temple and then placed another kiss on her cheek.

— I love you.— She let out a small laugh and even though it seemed impossible, she moved even closer to me.

— I love you too.—

𝒄𝒐𝒎𝒆 𝒃𝒂𝒄𝒌 𝒕𝒐 𝒚𝒐𝒖 - 𝑱𝒂𝒚 [ 𝑬𝒏𝒉𝒚𝒑𝒆𝒏 ]

I'm wishing I could see you tomorrow, the waiting is killing me, I wouldn't mind you visiting me even in my dreams. I really hope I can see you tomorrow, a promise I don't want to become a lie.

You said you were traveling home. So I hope I can see you tomorrow. When I open the door even if it was a tiring day, I wish you'll be waiting for me with open arms.

I don't want to celebrate one more birthday away from you. You promised you would be here.

Three days without answering messages, you don't answer my calls, you promised you would come home tonight.

You promised I'd have the best birthday ever, but you're not here. I don't want to distrust your word, I don't want this feeling.

I stirred once again on the already uncomfortable couch, you're not coming. Enough time had passed, maybe it was time for me to resign myself, it's not like you can throw away all your responsibilities with the group and come here in the middle of your promotions.

I am fully aware that even if you promised you would, it was not in your hands what schedule you would be given.

11:50 p.m.

I sighed as I took another glance at the clock, nothing separated us from the big hour. You promised to be first this time.

My heart was filling with sadness as I remembered all your promises, I didn't want this. I didn't want to blame you and I didn't want to remember everything we had said, but it was there. It is unforgettable.

I tried to distract my mind, to not think about the time anymore, to not think about the date but I found it impossible. I left my place on the couch to head for the kitchen. With blurred vision I began to clear the table, put away the food and put away the nice cake I had obtained hours ago from a nice bakery near home.

In my pants pocket my cell phone vibrated insistently, I stopped what I was doing to answer the call.

—¡HAPPY BIRTHDAY!—. The collective shout of 6 voices attacked me the second I answered, then everything turned into an endless mix of words and speeches that I was not able to understand.

—Thank you guys, I really appreciate it, you have been the first this year—. I answered without much encouragement.

—The first? But what about hyu...? Oh that hurt—. Niki had started to speak, but was interrupted.

—Shut up, you always talk too much—. I could make out Sunoo's voice in the background.

I sighed.

—Again thank you guys so much, I really appreciate it, I've missed you guys so much, I hope to see you soon... I have to hang up, it's time for me to go to bed—.

—But you can't... Ah stop it—. Niki was interrupted again.

—Okay, have a good rest. We miss you so much and hope we can celebrate with you next time, as soon as we are free we will take you for a date—.

I laughed at Jungwon's words, I knew it wouldn't be like that, Jay was not one of those people who enjoyed a date surrounded by the members. After saying goodbye and thanking the guys once again I ended the call and continued what I was doing.

12:20 a.m.

The cell phone screen lit up at the slight movement I caused to the table showing me on it the time once again.

He still hadn't called. Maybe he had forgotten, he hadn't even been with the guys when they congratulated me. I stared at the pretty cake, a waste of dessert that was not to be. I placed the little candle and lit it and in the saddest way I had ever experienced I began to intone in a whisper the most depressing "happy birthday".

I was about to blow out the candle when I felt two strong arms around me, I panicked so I jumped up trying to get away.

Who had entered the apartment? And how come I didn't hear it?

—Careful baby, you can hurt yourself—. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. He was here. He really had come.

—Jay... How?—.

—It was hard, I didn't think I was going to make it... The guys helped me get out, I couldn't let you down—. He came up to me to wrap me in a hug again.— Happy birthday, babe—. He kissed my forehead and pulled me tighter to his chest, my tears were soon flowing, he had kept his word, he was really here.

—Thank you Jongseong, you are everything to me, I love you so much—. Jay caressed my hair while slowly and in a low tone he started to sing again the traditional chant in his style, while he made us dance slowly in the small kitchen.

—I know I almost failed you, it wouldn't be the first time... But I ask you to please never forget how much I loved you, I would move heaven, sea and earth to come back to you—.

I nodded without looking at him, I didn't need that. Maybe I had doubted, but still I always had my faith and hope in him, I loved him very much and I knew he always gave his all not to harm me, not to fail me.

Honey, Happy new year - Choi Yeonjun

I needed a break after all the hustle and bustle, all the hugging and screaming. I slowly walked out onto the balcony of the place, hugged myself, gently rubbing my arms.

It felt a little chilly outside and I had left my coat on my seat.

I walked up to the railing watching the beautiful fireworks that adorned the sky, wow. What a beautiful sight, what a beautiful way to start a new year, I took a quick glance inside the room, the guys were still giving each other hugs, a few handshakes accompanied by promises and proposals. I was happy to be here with them, to have them in my life and to be able to spend this beautiful moment together.

I was in awe, the way the lights in the sky illuminated the Eiffel Tower, the people in the street hugging each other, the voices of the boys in the background, I could only wonder what I had done to deserve to live this moment.

A warmth surrounded me from behind, as I turned my face a little I could see Yeonjun's beautiful smile as he wrapped his jacket around me.

—Hi.— He leaned a little on me to kiss my temple.—I lost you with the boy's commotion.— He looked at me from the side.

—I'm sorry, I felt a little suffocated.— I saw him deny softly.

—You don't have to apologize. — He shrugged.— What a beautiful view.—I watched him as he admired the scenery, an immense peace filled my being, and the words left my mouth.

—I want to thank you for being by my side, for making me happy.—He turned to look at me, his face seemed expressionless, but his eyes showed many meanings.

—You know, I want to give you all my love, I want to give you my heart so that you will always be by my side .— He turned me gently so that we were face to face .—If we get tired of this world, if they oppose us... I promise you, we will always stay together.— He smiled reassuringly, that was one of my biggest worries and he was making a promise right now.

I knew that with him I could say everything that was on my mind, I could bring out everything I had in my being, so I was not afraid.

—I pray to heaven and fate that you are the one for me—. he smiled again, stroking one of my cheeks.

—I would be so happy if you were my last destiny, I want to be forever with you,—. He moved a little closer to me.— Happy new year, honey—. He whispered against my lips before pressing his lips together creating a sweet kiss.

A bright light and the sound of a camera made me turn away from him to find Beomgyu holding a Polaroid and the boys smiling at me behind him. I wouldn't change anything about this moment, I wouldn't change having them in my life, nor would I change loving Yeonjun the way I did.

미안해 •| ᶜʰᵒᶤ ʸᵉᵒⁿʲᵘⁿ |• [ ᵖᵃʳᵗ ³ ]

I am alone in your room waiting for your call to come soon. 

I feel lonely, Soobin has left some time ago, I had no words to comfort him, neither could I ask him to take care of me at this time. 

If I had my favorite guy with me I wouldn't feel fear. 

I feel this fear is consuming me, still no news, where are you? The house feels different, it feels empty. No one dares to smile.  I haven't been able to sleep, I can't eat, I can only cry.  

I'm afraid of losing you. 

I miss that smile when you looked at me. I'd give up everything, to have you here. I want to confess that I miss you so much.

Should I try to sleep? Is this a cruel nightmare? I don't know what to do anymore, I'm not aware of the time that goes by, it seems like it's been years.

I feel I've lost the life that filled me, I've run out of joy, what will we do without you? Nothing will be the same.

I lay down on the bed again, hugging one of your pillows tightly. It has your scent, it feels like you are here with me. I wish someone would come and give me comforting words. I need someone to tell me that you're okay, that you are alive.

"It has been 36 hours since the building collapse. Relief and rescue efforts have yet to find any of the people who were reported trapped."

Thousands of memories cross my mind, the day we met, our first kiss, our first date.

So many good times, I close my eyes and picture you here, You're standing right in front of me, with that beautiful smile narrowing your eyes, but suddenly you fade away, a constant reminder of how close I am to losing you.

"48 hours of searching, people start to lose hope."

"54 hours of searching. A miracle has occurred, the trapped people have been located alive. The search efforts are over now, the city, the Country can breathe easy again."

The door burst open giving way to the rushing sounds caused by the boys entering the room. I took a seat on the bed and they were all there.

Tae was the first to speak.

—They've found them. They've been put to safety—. He paused unnecessarily

Should I celebrate? You were safe now.

—Yeonjun was not with them—. Soobin's words broke my heart again.

▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄

The whole time I was conscious at times.

I couldn't do anything, it hurt to breathe so I couldn't even try to make any movement.

I opened my eyes and visualized the horror in which I was trapped. I forced myself to close my eyes again.

I couldn't look at that, I couldn't look at the place I was in.

I refused to observe what separated me from you.

An immense peace took over my being.

I no longer felt pain, I no longer felt fear, I opened my eyes once again, there was no ruins, no fire. A beautiful blue sky stretched into the distance, I was outside, I was free.

But only my soul managed to escape.

I failed you, I failed to keep my promise to come back to you.

My love, I am sorry.

But please don't forget that I will always take care of you. You and the guys.

Watching the distance of that valley, the panorama changed.

Everything went black and uncontrollable crying flooded the air.

I'm standing outside the mess. When did I get here? How did I get out?

I look around me and there is a lot of movement. Rescue crews are coming and going.

An immense pain invaded my whole body, I need someone to help me.

Somebody please help me. But everyone keeps passing me by, what's going on?

Finally a paramedic seems to address me and I bend down to greet him.

—Excuse me...— No, that's not true. How is that even possible? I looked down taking a look at my body. Everything looks normal but he... He just passed through me.

He went through me.

This really can't be happening.

Desperately I kept looking around, looking for a sign, looking for something that would tell me this was a nightmare. But nothing happened.

And nothing was going to happen.

What are you waiting for? — Beomgyu [ TXT ]

I keep repeating the same thing over and over in my mind. I like Her, that's all.

Voices and the sound of the television invade my room from the other side of the door.

Outside her laughter fills every corner of the house causing my heart to ache.

It hurt to see her laughing with the boys, it didn't make sense she had always been like that. And if I just liked her why did it bother me so much?

I stirred once again, unable to fall asleep. Her voice sounded loud and high quickening my heart.

I stood up tired of not being able to sleep, I didn't know what to do. Should I join them? What are they doing? I slowly opened the door to look further down the hall. I could see her profile, she was sitting right next to Yeonjun. She was laughing and joking with him as he held her lightly by the shoulders. I felt my soul leaving my body.

I couldn't go on like this, I had to do something.

I had to figure out my feelings.

I left the room ready to go to the kitchen, from there I would have a better view of where she was. I had to keep an eye on her, I couldn't let her be with him.

It's not like Yeonjun hyung was a bad person, but she didn't have to be in his arms. I stared at them as my mind traveled elsewhere. I didn't just like her, she was the person I wanted to be with the most. I wanted her to be mine, I wanted her to just spend time with me.

A hand waved in front of my eyes snapping me out of my trance.

— It's Something wrong Gyu?.— And there she was, as beautiful as ever, I blushed as I shook my head slightly.—Are you sure?

She tilted her head a little bit trying to look me in the eyes. I nodded running away from her gaze.

I stood up and tried to move away from her, but she was quicker and grabbed my hand.

—Why are you running away from me? Lately you don't spend time with me and you always run away from me. I don't understand what's going on... Did I do something to upset you?— Her voice was a whisper, one full of feelings that attacked my heart, I couldn't leave her there. I couldn't leave and run away from her again.

I turned and looked her straight in the eyes, I didn't know how to do it. Did I say it all at once? Did I just say it? Nerves were beginning to flood my being. I couldn't do it, I couldn't.

I tried to turn around again but her words left me frozen.

—Is it 'cause you've realized that I like you? Is that why you're running away from me? I know we are friends, but I couldn't control my feelings, I'm really sorry if that causes you problems—. Her voice was getting lower and lower as she spoke, it became a whisper. She was going to cry.

My movements were fast, I brought her to me in an embrace, I leaned my head against hers while I gave small caresses to her hair. I was an asshole, she liked me, she liked me. God how could I not have noticed.

—Did you really like me?—. A silly question, but I wanted to confirm it, I wanted to hear it one more time.

—Don't make me repeat it Beomgyu—. I pulled her a little away from me to see her face, she was red as a little tomato and she was trying to hide her eyes from me. I laughed, she was so cute.

—I like you too, I like you a lot, but I couldn't decipher my feelings, I was confused and I moved away from you. I had no idea that you felt the same way I did.—

—Then what are you waiting for?—. I looked at her without understanding, she laughed while her cheeks filled with a crimson pink, she had blushed. I was about to tell her how cute she was when she caught my lips in a kiss, it had to be hard for her, she was on her tiptoes, with her arms around my neck. But to me it was the most tender act in the world. She really was the person I wanted by my side.

enнypen

𝕙𝕖𝕖𝕤𝕖𝕦𝕟𝕘 ::

Stop it, it's not funny

𝕛𝕒𝕪 ;;

nothing yet

𝕤𝕦𝕟𝕠𝕠 ;;

My only wish

𝕛𝕦𝕟𝕘𝕨𝕠𝕟 ;;

nothing yet 

𝕟𝕚𝕜𝕚 ;;

nothing yet

𝕤𝕦𝕟𝕘𝕙𝕠𝕠𝕟 ;;

nothing yet

𝕛𝕒𝕜𝕖 ;;

𝓦𝓮𝓻𝓮 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝓽𝓻𝔂𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝓽𝓸 𝓯𝓲𝔁 𝓲𝓽?