Leebythegods - Ur Dad

a portrait of the self in space \\ cmartine

Derealisation is a jarring and frustrating experience that can be extremely difficult to recover from. What are your experiences with feelings of detachment from reality?

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I feel like every person, for some reason or another, will have an experience of derealisation in their lives. Derealisation is defined as ‘a mental state where you feel detached from your surroundings’. During this, reality might feel distant, like you are outside of your head and watching yourself or like you are seeing the world through a filter or film-like haze.

For me derealisation has always come with a busy, yet empty feeling. Reality becomes painfully bright and loud and it feels as though I am seeing the world with extreme sharpness- but at the same time all that overwhelming business is hazy, inconsistent and incomprehensible. Nothing feels articulate or tangible. I question whether I and anything around me is actually real, or if I’m dreaming or possibly even dead.

I created this illustration after a very jarring and overwhelming episode of derealisation. I’d been in a social situation that required my attention and conscious participation but I was so scatterbrained and overwhelmed that I struggled to even respond to my name. I was so unaware of my own body that I was clumsy and uncoordinated, and I couldn’t produce a single coherent thought through the haze. All I could do was find a quiet spot and try to draw my experience to help me process it. This illustration, a portrait of the self in space, was the outcome of that. I think it might be my most accurate representation of an overwhelming experience yet.

Need help from some willing punks !

I want to be punk; and not just in aesthetic and style. I've come to realise how tired and disturbed I am of my own complacency and the staggering lack of change i see around me, in the larger world and in my local communities. I know what i want to see, i feel strongly about what needs to be done, but i am without the bite and information and the know-how to feel i can do much.

I need all the punk you can throw at me. I need literature and media around punk ethos, punk politics, around punk action. I need to feel like i can put some bite behind my desire for change.

I've started my own slow research and teaching myself around anti-corporatism, environmentalism, anti-authoritarianism, im deepening my understanding of the massive reach and impact of capitalism. But it mever feels like enough.

Please any punk who sees this send everything and anything my way. I need to start feeling like i can do something

Baby punks!

Listen up. I got a few tips and stuff.

1: Thrift everything. I'm not even remotely kidding. You can go MILES with the shit available at thrift stores and only spend like 10 bucks. I go to Goodwill about once a week and I find more than I even really need.

If you wanna make patches but don't have anything to cut up, just buy like 3 pairs of jeans for like 3 dollars and you'll be set up for a while. Cloth, clothes, gadgets, wallets, jackets, even shoes. If you're worried that punk is "expensive", you're not looking in the right places.

2: Five Below. They have really solid fabric paints and stencils you can get. Also check out Joann's and Michael's. They got needles, embroidery floss, fabric paints, fabrics, etc. But be wary about those two, prices are up due to inflation.

3: YouTube tutorials are your friend!! If you're confused about how to do something, take to the web. You won't get all your answers, but you sure will find how to attach a zipper to your pants.

4: Dental floss. This is brought up every time in these discussions because it works. If you need to sew something onto your pants, jacket, whatever, use dental floss. You can snatch some up at CVS. It is very helpful.

5: Find a jacket with wide armpits. Especially if it's denim and especially if you plan on adding zip-off sleeves. ESPECIALLY if you have armpit hair. Just trust me on this.

6: Do you drink soda/beer/other canned beverages? Because if you do, save them. The cans, the tabs, all of it. It can be very useful. The cans, you can turn into spikes. The tabs can be helpful for zippers, chainmail, whatever you might use them for.

7: Believe in what you're saying. Don't just claim you stand for human rights, put it into action. Learn. Understand that some women, black people, and/or other minorities are gonna be hesitant to trust you and understand why. Know when it is your turn to participate in a conversation, and don't force your way into a community or conversation that isn't yours. You're going to be in a strange place where you've been pushed away from all the bigots in your life but can't go to other minority communities because they don't know whether or not you can be trusted. And don't try to make them know that you're "one of the good whites/men/etc". You're gonna need to find community and put weight behind your words. A friend or a relative says something just a little bit off? Don't laugh it off, make them know it was wrong (my go-to is to stare at them in silence the moment they say it and not budge until they repent the comment). Nobody's gonna trust you unless you mean what you say.

8: Don't listen to the gatekeepers. Anybody who tells you "oh well, that's not really punk, you're a poser!" Is missing the point and is hence the real poser.

9: Participate in the culture! Really! Go to playlists, find local bands. Go to a punk show. Make friends, participate in rallies/protests.

10: Be you! Seriously, be you. Whatever you think would look cool or would be comfy, do it. Literally, if you wanna turn a winter coat into a battle jacket, go for it. The key to punk is expression. Don't feel like you've gotta meet up to everyone else's standards. Punk fashion should be a tool to help you find yourself and what you're comfortable in, what you enjoy. If you're doing something to fit in, you're doing it wrong, and you're doing yourself a disservice.

"I wish there were some way to look without looking / when you look, you sign a contract / that lets them look back

Looksee \\ cmartine

I always thought I was observing without participating. It turns out they're more the same thing than I'd ever realised.

Anyone else know this feeling?

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I think everybody can understand this feeling of comfortable detachment to some extent - for some people certain situations are simply more comfortable if they are able to distance themselves, whilst for others (like myself) this desire to be present but not active is more constant.

I've always preferred to observe than to participate. It might be due to my introverted nature, or maybe (as some people have suggested) my love language is quality time, but I always feel most loved, most at peace, and most myself when I'm able to be near but not 'a part of' the action. If that makes sense.

But recently I've found that even observation can leave you vulnerable; refraining from participation doesn't save you from perception. Its frightening to think I exist to others in their thoughts and memories and senses. As I spend my whole life observing others are also capable of observing me.

I wish there were some way I could see without looking. Some way I could still feel connected to others in that comfortable way, without exposing myself to their perception. I wish I could observe the world and all its warmth from the safety of my bed. Where none of it can observe me back.

How hypocritical of me.

reblogging this again because i am fantastically in love with this poem. Since i first read this it has been playing on my mind over and over.

op, permission to print this off and frame it on my wall?

a very quick poem i just wrote, made from excerpts of texts my mum has sent me this year.

she/her. 23 years old. sfw & nsfw content. chronically online since the age of 12.

simon riley ⋆ masterlist ⋆ spotify playlist john price ⋆ masterlist ⋆ spotify playlist

please never hesitate to drop into my inbox i love talking with you all and feeding into your little ideas & delusions🤍

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note: as stated, there is nsfw content on my blog - my writing, reblogs, etc. - with that being said minors do not interact with my blog. thank you.

my work is NOT for anyone to repost, translate, use for ai, etc. - one shots, blurbs, you name it.