Actually Adhd - Tumblr Posts

Dude I got in a car accident nothing major just a little fender bender but that's exactly it I thought that I was doing everything right and it's been really hard on me

A RANT ABOUT AUTISTIC/ADHD VOX

Fuck it, I’m rambling.

(THIS COMES FROM SOMEONE WITH BOTH ADHD AND AUTISM)

Autistic Vox, ADHD Vox, lots of people love it, but why?

I fucking hate autistic/adhd Vox with all my being. He doesn’t have either in what we get from the show.

“Oh but he’s obsessed with sharks! He loves sharks!” Okay? And?

“He hyper fixates on sharks!” No, he really doesn’t. He looked at the sharks once. ONCE and now people think he has adhd/autism.

From someone who has these, it feels like people don’t understand that autism and adhd isn’t just hyper fixating, it’s a fucking problem. I hate being on the spectrum, it’s hard with the way people look down on you. With adhd Vox, all that portrays him that he has it, is that he hyper fixates. That’s it. He has no other changes besides “taking meds” (I also do, so don’t take this the wrong way).

Overall I just fucking hate it

I just so tired of living with this constant feeling of burn out while everyone wants something from me all the time I can rarely unmask and be myself even at home and I feel like I'm going to collapse at any given moment. I want to scream and punch the wall and I wish I could cry my heart out but i can't I'm to broken inside to cry anymore. Fuck this society that makes Nerodivergent people feel like shit for just existing

Mental Stuff

I am living with ADHD, PTSD, Anxiety, and Depression. People think it’s easy. It’s not. I am here to share what it has been like so far for me and to help others to the best of my ability.

My dudes. . . How do you stop all consuming obsessive thoughts?? Like, I collect trinkets. Old tamagotchis, religious paraphernalia, bits of string and pop can tabs, stuffed animals, etc.

But I want to share the joy, and well of course giving some of my things to friends is a great way to do that! Besides, I don’t even think about this thing anyway, right???

EEEEH red buzzer!!!! Very very wrong!!

Like, now I’m thinking about the things I’ve given away and I can’t sleep. GOD. How can I stop that??? It feels like a physical pain, this is stupid!!!!

GAH????

Like, how else am I supposed to show people I like them then to give them a piece of myself in the form of a vintage silver crucifix???? I AM AUTISTIC

Like this poem:

We are not our things

Not out here holding open hands

Covered in rings

Your ear cradles gold

So brilliantly twinkling

And through your hair is a pin

Which sparkles like sunlight

A waterfall of yellow diamonds— a golden trickling

I cannot say to you how much you are bought

How dare you lock up the treasury

And tie the knot!

The horse pulls the carriages

And you your stuff

Trotting around like venison

With a cattle cuff!

What a prized possession— A Koi fish tank!

Surely you can’t be happy

When the apple of your eye concerns the bank!

I feel like humanity would greatly benefit from a late adulthood support group. To my neurodiverse company, there are so many of us that got a late start into adulthood.

We could talk about what is like with little job experience or none at all.

College going in late, dropping out, or not going at all.

Relationships and navigating them as adults.

Having to live with parents or still supporting you in some way.

Being busy all the time or not at all and how that effects our mental health and what that means as adults to us. ( Adult busy is soo much different)

Special day for what I’m calling “Alternative, Nerdy, and Young At Heart Interests” A day where we talk about what it’s like and how to deal “what is weird but harmless and people have to deal with it” and “that’s crossing a line on my part how do I do better”.

Not having a license as an adult.

Navigating not having kids because it’s your choice, no money, physically can’t, or mentally it’s not something you can handle.

I seriously think it would help a lot of folks.

Having AuDHD is like having two different people in your brain that are polar opposites and are constantly in a fight to the death over how to do anything. And meanwhile NT people are asking how you get so little done.

So the hyperfocus activated..

I've been playing Minecraft for over 4 hours now..

I made a cool villager trading hall and I have a monopoly on fish, sticks and wheat!

But y'know what I also have?

An 8am class. I need to be up in just over 4 hours. It's 1:45am. The hyperfocus has betrayed me.

This but instead it's just the most random bullshit either that or my negative perception of relationships or myself lmao

I hate disassociating during class. I go from “the mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell” to “I’m not real, none of this is real, we’re all dead somewhere or in a simulation.”

we neurodivergenced too close to the sun today lads

Something light hearted after my previous post <3

Does anyone know any good brands for noise canceling headphones? I think they would benefit me greatly.

a neurodivergent blurb

I have ADHD. very, very bad ADHD. Anything and everything can be overstimulating. But there are some weird things that I do that make no sense.

Noises. I hate large crowds. They're loud and chaotic and terrible. But! I can and will blast k-pop at full volume in my earphones.

Using a weighted blanket. Most people think that if I can't freely move around, I'll be overwhelmed. But, actually, that makes it worse.

Lots of accessories. Sometimes, certain pieces of jewelry make everything bad. Like, I can't wear rings on my left hand and I can't wear bracelets on my right wrists. That's how you know that I don't have OCD.

Yay, ADHD.

i got so unbelievably fucking lucky with my roommate i can’t believe it like i cant even put into words how much i love them and how grateful i am for their patience and consideration and consistency

as much i love them all, i really think if i lived with anyone else in our program the sheer stress of the work would bleed into the home and they wouldnt be as tolerant or cognizant of my peculiarities, so i think i truly am very blessed to have all that i do and i’m glad my roommate and i can grow and learn and accommodate one another together instead of letting stubbornness and different needs pull us apart

I think one of the trickiest things I've experienced having ADHD is people simply calling your behaviours weird. For those who don't know, ADHD means that dopamine (the happiness hormone) doesn't get released regularly throughout the day, and on some days (at least in my experience) it doesn't get released at all. On these No-Dopamine-Days, motivation is impacted massively and everything that would usually make me smile is suddenly boring. But it's more than just being bored, my brain literally can't see the point to doing anything because nothing is giving me dopamine.

Now imagine on one of these days, you randomly find something that starts giving you dopamine. It could be a new song, a comfort movie or a random show. You aren't always able to find something, but when you do, it literally feels like pure gold :⁠^⁠). Which is why I end up repetitively listening to songs on a loop for hours, rewatching the same movie start to finish 5 times a day, or obsessively binge watching and rewatching series (baisically, finding a new hyperfixation or revisting an old/current one)

I'm struggling so hard to find anything that gives me dopamine, and when I've finally found something, I exhaust that resource because there's nothing else that is interesting me or motivating me.

So now imagine that multiple people in my personal life have straight up said that they think that behaviour (rewatching films, looping songs) is weird and that I need to "cut it out". =⁠_⁠=

It's so tricky because I don't know how to explain to them the entire situation because they just call me dramatic, but it really upsets me when they ostrichise me for just like, watching Freinds alot :⁠,⁠-⁠)

So if anyone has been in a similar situation and has any sort of advice I would appreciate it ;-; ! And this is your reminder that rewatching shows + listening to songs on loop is completely valid, there's literally so much worse things you could be doing with your time (⁠T⁠T⁠)

I'm the only neurodivergent person in my friend group (ADHD) and it is literally so exhausting sometimes. Firstly, they all hate my hyperfixations and actively shittalk the things I'm passionate about because I talk about them too much and I guess that annoys/bores them, so I end up just feeling like a burden whenever I go to talk about something that interests me. They aren't bad friends, they just don't really understand how important my hyperfixations are to me and how much it hurts my feelings when I'm constantly cut off or when they change the subject while I'm talking. I need more neurodivergent friends because it's so refreshing to talk to someone who shares my hyperfixations and doesn't think all my tangents are weird :⁠^⁠)

vent post 🫶🏼 (tw skin picking, ocd, anxiety, mention of blood)

2 weeks ago i started taking adhd medication. this is my first time on this type of medication so i expected some new side effects but i feel like my mental health has changed sort of drastically since i started taking them. i have had a past of OCD traits but i have never been tested. i have an anxiety disorder and i haven’t been fully diagnosed but i am taking medication for that and my depression.

so my anxiety has spiked since taking the adhd medication. before the medication i was actually doing really well with anxiety and depression. i hadn’t had that general anxiety feeling in a long time. and then it came back. yk that feeling where you feel anxious/worried but you don’t have anything in particular that you’re worried about? that’s what i mean by “general anxiety feeling”. so that was one of the first signs of my anxiety spiking bc it was just there. i could sense it. next was the nausea. i have different feelings of nausea and i have been able to label all of them over the years. the nausea i have been feeling is my well known anxiety nausea. again, there was nothing making me worried. although i was starting to get a little worried around this time because i was really struggling with communication so it was hard to tell people how i was feeling. it’s made my social life really hard. but i wasn’t necessarily overthinking this when i got that anxiety nausea. next was the obsession with my fingers. i could not stop picking the skin around my nails. i hate the little bits of skin that stick out. it looked bad and it made me uncomfortable somehow. so i’d pick it. and i’d pick it again and again until all my fingers had scabs/infection or were bleeding. i felt so bad. i didn’t want to keep picking but i couldn’t help it. even though it made me feel worse for picking my skin, it make me feel a bit better. it relieves some of the anxiety. that’s how i felt at least. it was a distraction from the things around me. i realised i actually liked the pain sometimes. this worried me. i’m not the type of person that hurts themselves as a coping mechanism. but the pain felt good. like i deserved it.

i started using the app “i am sober”. it’s been sort of helpful. so today i was so close to reaching the 3rd day milestone. i was so proud of myself. at school i planned with my bf to go to his house. one, because i love hanging out with him and two, i never feel anxious at his house and atm i’ve been opting for the “stress-free” option ofc. turns out i couldn’t come over. i was really disappointed but i sucked it up and went home. me and my bf were kind of pissed and i felt like he was a bit annoyed at me which didn’t make me feel any better (he wasn’t annoyed at me btw). i get home and i remember that i broke a nail at school and my nails are uneven now. as much as i’ve been trying to avoid going anywhere near my finger nails, i realise my finger nails are getting in the way of my mouse pad giving my finger tips a weird feeling.

fast forward 3 hours. i spent 3 fucking hours, trimming, cutting and filing my nails. i picked at the sides of my fingers with the nail clippers trying to remove any dead skin that might show up later (which i hate). i attempted to remove my cuticles because i just couldn’t get them even. i picked at the side of one of my fingers so much it began to bleed. i hated myself. i realised then that i’d lost my streak of not picking my skin. i had been doing so well and then i ruin it all. which is untrue, i didn’t really ruin it all. but that’s how i felt. still, i kept picking. it had been around 2 hours and i hadn’t even finished a whole hand of fingers. by 3 hours i’d completed one hand. the only thing that stopped me from continuing my picking was the call that dinner was being served and after dinner my bf called me. he knew i wasn’t ok. i wanted to leave the call but he begged me to stay. i can’t say no to him. the feeling that i need to finish the other hand is still lingering in the back of my mind but i don’t want to upset or disappoint my bf.

tonight i felt like hurting myself. there were scissors on my bed i used on my nails earlier. i imagined what it would feel like on my skin. i hate myself for admitting that i was going to hurt myself if my bf wasn’t on the phone with me at the time. i pray i wouldn’t have been brave enough to do it anyway. i felt like i deserved it. to be in pain.

anyways my lovely bf made me feel better just be being there. we didn’t talk, he listened to me and when i stopped talking we sat in silence. but he was there and that’s what matters. if we wasn’t there i might have done something id extremely regret. i also think i might have had a panic attack if he wasn’t there to calm me down. i love him 🫶🏼

i realised later that when i wanted to go to my bf's house it was like my body was warning me that the anxiety was going to be bad. that the picking was going to be bad. it's not bad at his house so my brain wanted to go there. maybe i'm reading into this too much but the way i felt when i realised ii couldn't go to his house wasn't just disappointment. it was worry and stress. i felt like i needed to go to his house.

if you read all of this, bless your heart 😭🫶🏼 if you have any similar experiences or thoughts on this lmk!! could this be ocd or is it something else?

｡ﾟﾟ･｡･ﾟﾟ｡ ﾟ。 - nina's book nook 　ﾟ･｡･ﾟ

everything i do is a joke. people aren’t laughing with me, they’re laughing at me. i am the joke. the way i speak, the way i look, the things i say. all of it is a joke. they don’t take me seriously. i have put up with being the outcast for so long. i had no friends in primary school. then i started highschool and i became a joke, an outcast and a weakling. i guess everyone thought i was a joke in primary school too, they just didn’t say anything. they think i don’t see how they laugh at me. they think i’m so gullible. i know how funny i look, i get it. nothing i say could be taken seriously because i am a fucking joke. maybe it’s the autism that makes me stand out but sometimes i don’t want to stand out. i don’t want people to look at me and realise how different i am. i know im different but i hate that people think that just by taking one look at me. i hate being perceived.

｡ﾟﾟ･｡･ﾟﾟ｡ ﾟ。 - nina's book nook

　ﾟ･｡･ﾟ

THIS IS YOUR INVITATION TO INFODUMP IN MY ASKBOX

Even if I don't know you feel free to tell me about anything you'd like!!!

Hyperfixating? Have a special interest? Or just want to share some facts? Ramble on!!! Please!! :DD