The SCP Foundation As Things My Friends Have Said

The SCP Foundation as things my friends have said

Bright: Oh I forgot myself at home

Rights: STOP FUCKING ME AND LET ME FINISH THIS LEVEL!

Gears: I don't want you all to die, but if you went missing, I'd say you told me you were running away from this and changing all your information.

Teeth (O5-7): *Distant eldrich shrieking*

Founder (O5-1): I think I just heard my spine snap in half at the mere thought of trying that

Rights: Break my back like a glowstick daddy (Sometimes I think I need new friends)

Bright: So now there are two of us.

Kondraki, to Clef: Why do you look like a gremlin in the intro, but I look normal? Shouldn't that be reversed?

SCP-049: Bonjour bitch.

Kain: I'M A GOOD BOY *Sound of something breaking*

Roth: You say I'm a human in a catsuit, I say you're a cat in a fleshsuit!

Any person in the Foundation about Bright: She might have pneumonia but it's ok.

I have so many more of these, but I want to see if anyone actually wants this before I post more of this. I have come to the conclusion that my friends are all on some kind of strange drug, and I want it.

I thought he was 8'5 for some reason. He doesn't have the metal arms and legs, so he'd only be about 7 lbs underweight

TW: EDs, discussion of weight, discussion of starvation, discussion of BMI. Stay safe out there bestie

So reportedly, SCP-073 is 6'0 and about 165 lbs. Why does this need to be posted?

Do you know how much metal weighs? Having metal arms and legs would make the absolute lowest weight of a healthy 6'0 male AT LEAST 300 LBS.

We could say that the metal isn't all that heavy, but for it to be functional at all (And it IS) it would still need to up his healthy weight range to at least 200 lbs, probably closer to 250.

*Violently shakes kin* ARE YOU OK? DO YOU NEED A MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL?

We're going to use a BMI calculator to figure this out. We'll say that he's 7'0 because to be in a healthy weight range you must be at least 225 lbs if you are 7', and we assume that eh would also need to be in that range.

That would put his BMI at 16.4. This is considered dangerously low, and while his anomalous properties do allow him to be immortal, that doesn't mean that being in a state of starvation with no chance of turning down your metabolism to keep you stable won't have consequences. Quantity of life isn't quality of life.

All I'm saying is someone should check on this magnificent bastard.

I like the idea that Remus and Regulus had always gotten along. They just understood each other. They vibed. They were chill, and Remus was the only Marauder who was normal about Jegulus.

Then the Prank rolls around and suddenly there are no 'Marauders' anymore. James pulls a dumb bitch move and, in the most out of character thing he's ever done, chooses Sirius. Oh sure, he's LIVID with Sirius, but he chooses Padfoot anyways.

Peter, despite being a simp for James, sides with Remus, because he sides with the person who can protect him, and he was introduced to the Marauders by Remus beating the everloving shit out of a bully who was picking on Peter and he is now slightly scared of the werewolf.

So Remus and Peter are alone, and even the TEACHERS are beginning to feud over the whole situation. Minnie and Pomfrey love Remus like their own child, and Sprout is 110% willing to join that group, even though she has no idea what's going on, and don't even get me started on Newt Scamander (CoMC Teacher at the time)

Around this time, the Slytherin group was starting to get tired of Snape being an asshole and an idiot, so he kinda got booted, because god knows Reggie knows Remus is a werewolf and he does NOT tolerate people trying out out his friends, be that saying that Lucius is gay as the sky is blue (It's pretty obvious but still) or saying that Barty is intersex, he won't put up with it.

Keep in mind, at this time, Remus is absolutely DROWNING in guilt and self loathing. Like, for Peter, every day is a 24 hour attempt to talk him down from the roof.

So instead of siding with Snape, Regulus replaces him with Remus. At first, everyone is kinda iffy on this, the Marauders don't exactly get along with them, but they kinda grow to 'tolerate' it. (Read: They like it and they love him)

Like, all these pureblooded reluctant Death Eaters, and a gay werewolf. It makes no sense, but it happened. Flash forwards to the beginning of year seven, Euphemia Potter takes James and Sirius to Platform 9 3/4. Remus hasn't spoken to either of them for months, to the point where they were slightly concerned.

Sirius feels bad, James feels bad, Remus wants to not exist anymore in a violent way, and Peter just wants everyone to get along. Euphemia is confused as to why Remus is just towering over against a wall instead of coming to say hi to the other Marauders, weren't they super close? Of course, she has no idea what happened, because James won't tell her The Secret.

Effie: Why is Remus standing alone?

James: It's a long story.

Effie: You and Sirius should go say hello, at least!

James: I don't wish to die today, mum.

Effie: He's your friend, and he clearly needs to talk to someone. Go check on him.

James: Mum, I promise, he does not want us to talk to him.

Effie: Then I will. *Walks away*

So Effie talks to Remus and gets more of the story. Not all, but more. She now understands the basic plot. Sirius fucked up bad, Snape also fucked up bad, James made a bad choice but it isn't his fault, Snape and Remus got hurt. Badly.

And it is at this point, when Sirius and James (Who now is targeting Lucius because Snape has blackmail) are both looking at Remus, that Regulus appears. He arrives alone, as per usual, and the first thing he does is rush over to Remus. Sirius goes completely slackjawed and has the goddamn audacity to be offended that Remus moved on so fast, despite the fact that he did not and is actually barely coping enough to talk or even just eat on a semi-regular basis.

Quickly, Remus and Regulus are joined by Barty Crouch Jr., Evan Rosier and Lucius.

And the only thing Sirius and James hear over the chaos of the station as the group passes them is "So Lucy..." Trailing off as they walk away. And Remus said it. Remus is close enough to these people to call Lucius 'I hate everyone and everything other than my hair' Malfoy by Lucy.

I don't know, I just like the idea of the Slytherins adopting Remus after The Prank.

My wife and I are similar to the Perciver ship in HP and somehow I only just now realized that.

First off, I am not married. I just refer to them as my wife because we have decided that if we are unmarried by 30 we will marry each other, and we are not going to be married by 30.

They're Oliver. Driven and, while outwardly a bit hyper and maybe somewhat messy, quite driven. Low self esteem which I don't understand because how can someone so pretty not know that they have fantastic hair and a brilliant personality and great bone structure and I need to shut up about how hot my wife is or my family will find out I'm gay, and they're Christian, so that won't go well.

I'm Percy, a burned out gifted kid with a probably autistic father and a nice mom. I burned out early but, as I was already severely psychologically damaged, I wasn't able to show that without triggering my fight or flight response because the idea of any visible imperfection causes panic.

Anyways, my wife is hot, I need therapy, good night.

I know we all love the idea that James would flirt with Remus to make Sirius jealous enough to confess, but what about adult Wolfstar? 'Cause James is dead, and Wolfstar are split.

I think it's Kingsley. Like, any time Wolfstar start a fight, Kingsley just walks up and kisses Remus, and then Sirius is jealous again, so no fight! This results in some awkward experiences with the golden trio however, because nobody knows who Remus is actually dating. Everyone is in love with him though so it doesn't matter.

Glass: Well, there's no way your family could be THAT weird.

Bright: