It'll Pass.

it'll pass.

pairing: levi ackerman x gn!reader summary: a drabble of that fleabag scene but in levi's version wc: 1,826 genre: major angst warnings: fleabag (tv) and aot spoilers obvi a/n: i was in my feelings sorry

“I love you.”

You know it wouldn’t end well.

You told yourself a million times, “Don’t expect. It will lessen the disappointment.” But as you sit there, side by side, shoulder to shoulder, and knees almost touching, with the one you need like water, there are no more expectations to break. It’s done. You’ve said it. You’ve let out those words that prick like thorns at the back of your throat, aching to be said longer than you can admit. Now, it hangs dead in the air, waiting to be caught—to be answered.

From the small distance between you, you can see his steel eyes glisten under the moonlight. You can see the dark lines under his eyes and the creases on his forehead. Life hasn’t been kind to the man you love. It never was to anyone. But if you could change one person’s fate, it would be his. You don’t know the extent of what you would give to lighten the load in his heart. You would give anything to have him smile, to have him laugh, and to have him live, that was your wish.

And yet, you know that by having done this, you’ve burdened his heart more.

His eyes bore into yours, a million words settling into his irises. Just like that, you were back to where it all started.

It started at stolen glances, cheeks heating up whenever his eyes meet yours. You tried to avoid his gaze, pulling yourself out of the trance it would give you. You wanted to get lost in them. But you know that having an eye for the Survey Corps soldier was a stupid idea.

There were things much bigger than the both of you, things that only he could do. Levi Ackerman is humanity’s strongest soldier. One of Commander Erwin’s greatest gambles in the war against the Titans. There was no room for you in it, a normal resident of Sina. You know that the expected fate for you is to accept a marriage from someone who can stay with you as long as you can live inside these walls while relying and waiting on the scouts’ mission to maybe end the suffering of the people in these walls. It’s what was taught to you for years. But as always, you weren’t one to listen.

You couldn’t help it. You couldn’t help but to shop on your own in the markets when you can have servants do it for you. You couldn’t help but to talk to the people there, asking them what new things they could offer you every time you were around. You couldn’t help but try out every new food and beverage you could find.

You couldn’t help but notice the timid and quiet man buying tea every third Sunday of the month. He would be there exactly at the time you first saw him and you would wait to see him, not even talk or be near him. You just want to see his face. He always looks tired. There were creases on his forehead that always seemed to be scrunched. His lips were either turned down into a frown or a straight line. Although he looked very neat with his long-sleeved white button and black slacks, his clothes don't seem to be of noble or great wealth. He doesn’t seem to be a servant or one of the workers from Rose.

He orders the same black tea every Sunday. The same one your father drinks every morning. It was rare and expensive, something about it being grown on a small plot of land protected here in Sina. You’ve tried it once out of curiosity but was not very fond of it. It was too bitter for your liking. But nonetheless, you thought that if the mysterious man had enough to spare for one canister of it a month, he must have enough of an income.

Eventually, he notices your stolen glances and thought you were suspicious. He cornered you in an alley one time on the way to the markets, having expected you to be there already. In fear and fluster that the man was finally in close distance, you sputtered out your apologies and told him the truth that you only found yourself being curious about him. He warned you not to do it again. You could only meekly answer an agreement.

In anticipation for the next time he came, you were fully prepared to offer another apology. Your next interaction would have to be better that time around, you thought as you have already carefully gone about your words and have been holding a canister of the same black tea he prefers. Unfortunately, he didn’t come by the next month. Still, you waited.

The month after that as you wait, it was running a bit late, and when you were convinced that you have officially run the man away from this market, you finally caught sight of the man you have been waiting for. He had the same tired expression on his youthful face, the same haircut that always seemed to be trimmed at the perfect length, and the same grey cold eyes. Except, this time, he wears a military uniform with an insignia you don’t see much on these walls—the wings of freedom.

You froze where you stood, just near the pop-up teashop. You see that someone strides closely behind him, towering over him with his upright posture and blonde hair. Of course, you know who that is. That’s Erwin Smith, the commander of the Survey Corps. People thought him to be the devil commander, ruthless and ambitious. And beside him is the man you’ve been following every month, a member of the military division that gets sent to their deaths every expedition.

But still, you approached them with a smile and introduced yourself. Erwin gives you Levi a glance after, one that you couldn’t interpret the meaning of. At first, you thought that Erwin didn’t particularly enjoy your presence there. But he gave you a smile and even pushed the smaller man in your direction. He even gave you a wink behind his back.

Since then, Levi, a wonderful name for a breathtaking man like him, continued to come back every month.

And here you are now, standing at the edge of a cliff from the pressure of accepting a marriage for convenience versus your feelings for the captain of the Survey Corps.

It was silent. Not even the sound of air whistling or the birds chirping can be heard in the dead of the night. You can only hear the sound of your heart beating. You can hear his heart in sync with his. You can feel his pulse as he closes a hand over yours. Not fast. Not slow. Perfectly balanced. His rough hands held your soft ones, caressing them with his thumb. Fond, caring, and comforting.

“It’s him, isn’t it?”

Carefully, he smiles. A painful one. If you knew that the first time you’d see him give you a smile like this, you would have never asked for it.

After spending a long time with Levi more than his monthly visits to Sina, you’ve come to learn more about him. You were his only friend outside the scouts and if he were to choose who he’s the closest with among them, you know he’d choose Erwin. He highly respects him and he told you how he vowed to follow the great commander to the darkness. And you know fully that what you’re asking of him will collide with Erwin’s decisions. He can’t be with you. He can’t love you.

Gently, two words come out of his mouth. “It’ll pass.”

They were not the three words you longed to hear. But you smiled back, holding back the tears with an accepting smile. He nods, smiling back as if he was convincing himself. It was there that you realized that he was saying it to himself more than to you.

There was another silence. But this time, it no longer holds the weight. And yet, you don’t feel any relief, no burden lifted, and no thorns plucked out of you. You could only feel his hand for comfort and you looked down on it once again, memorizing the veins on his skin as if it will be the last time you look at it. You trace your fingertips over them, blinking away the tears that seemed to fall without your consent. The blurriness in your sight that your tears caused is going against your purpose to capture his hand in your brain. You don’t want to forget him. Ever.

You would rather memorize his face and how he looked knowing one day, you might forget his face. But with his hand and the way he holds yours, you know that both your dreams and nightmares will be plagued by it. You want to see it. You want to remember how it felt to be loved like this—to be loved by him, even if he didn’t say it yet. You know. You always knew.

His forehead is close to yours and you can feel him trying his best not to make them touch, he’s hesitating—pulling away in fear that he might never want to break it. His lips are quivering and he draws them in tightly into a line to halt it.

You don’t know how long you sat there but somehow, Levi was able to pull away, mutter he has to leave, and stand up. He takes a few steps away from you before pausing, back turned on you.

You called his name, the ache in your chest intensifying as it rolled off your tongue.

“I’ll see you next Sunday.”

He turns around, the same pained expression on his face. The corner of his lips twitches up ever so slightly in amusement. Both of you know that things will never be the same again. You will never come to see him in the market and he will probably never come to buy tea personally again. But still, he nods and lets out an unexpected response to your statement.

“…I love you too.” It came out in a whisper but it was loud enough for you to hear. He looked into your eyes for a few more seconds before looking away entirely. Before he turned around, you see a single tear fall from his eye. You watch as he walked away until you could no longer see his form fade into the darkness.

It never passed. Not even as the truth about the Titans and the people outside was uncovered. Not even as you survived all that, somehow. Not even as you held your child from a man that wasn’t him, a gold ring adorning your finger. Not even as you saw him again, wounded, and being wheeled by two children. Not even as your eyes met his cold, gray one.

It never passed.

© levisolace. please do not copy, translate, claim any of my works. my works are cross-posted only on my ao3 account. thank you.

dear young/new/insecure/unsure/hurt/just plain bummed writers and artists: fanfiction and fanart isn’t a competition. your voice and words and your creations have inherent value regardless of your level of skill. art is art. don’t be discouraged please. keep writing, keep creating, keep posting, keep being unapologetically you

blipped: gone and back (2)

title: gone and back pairing: brother’s best friend!yoongi x female reader genre: major angst !!, fluff, brother’s best friend au, unrequited love, set in the marvel cinematic universe (mcu), slow burn?, implied age gap, heavy themes, brother!namjoon, bestfriend!taehyung warnings: none for this part disclaimer: you can read this without knowing anything marvel at all. word count: 3.6k

At the age of 21, you confessed your feelings to your brother’s best friend, Yoongi, which he rejected. One day later, Thanos snapped, turning fifty percent of the world population to dust, leaving the other half lost, confused, and mourning–including you. Five years later, Bruce Banner snapped everyone back to life, including Yoongi, who doesn’t really know you anymore.

a/n: i've decided to make blipped a series with shorter chapters instead of a two-part lmao. we are finally at the time skip!!

index part 1 > part 3

He wasn’t the type to ignore someone during disagreements. Yoongi was a firm believer in not running away from problems. In all honesty, he doesn't know why he did it. The moment he heard the door click, he knew it was you. And before he knew it, he was dropping his phone to his side and closing his eyes, pretending to be asleep. It’s a dumb idea, he thought. You would probably ask why was the television muted. Yoongi wasn’t the type to waste electricity and use the television for a dim light in the living room. 

When he hears your door shut, he sighs and slaps his forehead. “You dumb fuck.” He mutters to himself. He ponders on what to do when he actually can’t avoid you. And while thinking of you, he doesn’t realize that sleep was slowly taking him.

“Yah.” Namjoon nudges his arm, getting his attention. 

He turns his head to his friend who was wearing suit and tie attire for some reason. His hair was brushed up too. 

The lighting behind him wasn’t bright. It was dimmed yellow. Just like at hotels and restaurants. 

He looked down at his body and finds himself wearing something similar to his friends. 

“What’s up? Why are you spacing out?” Namjoon teases his friend. 

Yoongi’s brows furrow and he looks around, blurred faces all over. He was at some kind of event. They were guests and so is he. Flowers. There were flowers too. Round tables. People were laughing, dancing, and congratulating.

“Where are we?” He finally speaks. 

Then a few taps from a microphone are heard. He whips his head in that direction. There, on a platform, stands a man with a blurred face. He was wearing a tux. 

“Good evening, everyone.” The man starts. A few hoots here and there are heard after his greetings.

“I would like to thank everyone for coming tonight. Me and my love and now my wife, Y/N, are so grateful that you are here to celebrate this moment in our lives…” Whatever the man was saying, Yoongi had tuned out. Sat just behind him was you, the only recognizable face in the crowd. 

You were smiling, looking at the man speaking with tears in your eyes. Yoongi’s eyes were only on you. You were the only thing that felt real among the others. That, and the sinking feeling in his heart. It was like his worst fear coming true and he doesn’t even know it. 

Then your eyes meet. 

Your face forms into something like disappointment, but with soft eyes. Your mouth opens and you scream…

“Mom, mom! There’s a guy on the couch!”

A voice of a child shrieking pierces Yoongi’s ears and into his dreams, shaking him awake. He groans and opens his eyes slowly. “What the fuck?” He whispers. Who the fuck brought a child into the apartment? Certainly not you, you hated children. Namjoon? Maybe. But he was at work. Did his dream suddenly change scenarios or what?

The first thing he sees is the face of an adorable child. The boy’s eyes are wide, sparkling with stars and his smile lights up in glee. Yoongi’s eyes widen in concern but also in panic. “Who are you?” He asks, confused, raising his body on his forearms. 

“I’m Jumong! I am five years old!” He giggles. Yoongi’s eyes furrowed. “What are you doing here? Where’s Y/N?–” He looks at the leather he’s feeling on his arms. Leather? We don’t have a leather couch. He thinks. And when he looks around, the apartment is the same structure but a different interior. 

“W-where am I? I was just at my place–” He stutters. The last thing he remembers is that you just came home then he fell asleep on the couch. How did he travel to a different apartment? And who are these neighbors? He knew all the neighbors in the small building but he never saw this child before. Did he sleepwalk? Oh my god does he have amnesia? This is all Tony Stark’s fault. 

“Oh my god.” A woman in her apron walks in, staring at him in shock. “Who are you? Can you– where did you take me?” He pleads. The woman shakes her head and smiles. “I’m Jenny, and this is my son Jumong. You must be someone who has lived here before.” 

“Lived?” He asks. “Past tense?” 

“I’ll make you tea. This is gonna be a lot to take in.” 

The world was once again in chaos. 

You thought about this a lot of times in the past five years. You thought about the blip never happening. You thought about everybody miraculously going back to life. At first, it was a nice thought— a hopeful dream. Then it was just dreadful. Because you know that it would probably never happen. The Avengers have been quiet since then. You didn’t mind. You know they tried their best—or at least that’s what everybody believed. And to be honest, you never really liked them anyways. You don’t know them. You don’t know who they are, what they’ve done, what they have not done, and they’re human just like every one of us, maybe except that alien god. Still, it’s just that they were given more power than the rest of us. And just like every being on this planet and outside ours, they lose. 

On the day of the Blip, everybody lost somehow. The damage has been done and it stayed for five years, not five minutes, five days, or five months. It was years—half a decade. It left trauma that is not gonna be resolved the moment everyone materializes once again. You recall the countless stories and documentaries about the Blip. People didn’t just disappear—people died. Aside from half of the population, countless people died that day. From the pilotless planes and driverless cars that crashed, the patients in the hospital whose doctors or loved ones blipped leaving them alone and dying, the uncared-for abandoned children, the elderly who outlived their children, and so many more heartbreaking stories. Not only that, after all that destruction and devastation, the ones who were spared the sweet roulette of Thanos’ snap—they were the ones who were left to pick up the pieces. You know people who moved on and carried on with life. You know people who stayed there on that day, destroying themselves forever until eventually, they gave out—people who were barely scraping by. 

You know it all too well because one of them was you.

Endless scenarios have filled your mind about this moment. But In all honesty, you never thought of it going this way. You always thought it would be a happy reunion. You would run into their arms and cry. They would hug you and tell you everything would be alright. But right now? All you can think about is how you are trying to be happy and excited. Your head is aching at how much you’re forcing yourself to be happy. You are trying hard to make yourself want to run to Namjoon’s old office or maybe hope to see Yoongi in your old apartment so that you could finally see them.

But you can’t. 

You sat there, frozen and unmoving in your car seat. The vehicle was just parked outside of your old apartment building. Instead of happiness, fear is what consumes you. You don’t understand. And so you were angry. You mourned them. You accepted that they were never to come back to your life. You got by. You did it all by yourself. So why are they back now? 

Without thinking about your actions, you find yourself inserting your car key into the ignition once again. But before you turn the key, your eye catches a familiar mop of dark brown hair. The said owner of the hair is walking aimlessly on the sidewalk like he was lost. You felt your chest getting tighter and your vision blurrier. Heat rushes up to your face and wet tears were falling down your cheeks. 

He’s there. He’s there. He’s there. You kept repeating in your head. 

He looks just like the day he left for work in the morning. In his white button-down, black coat, and tie. He doesn’t have his bag—no, you took that with you when you came to the office yourself to see if he did disappear. It was the only thing his co-worker handed you when you asked, pity painted on his face. 

You won’t forget the look on the worker’s face. Everybody in that office knew that Namjoon was your only family. They looked at you like how you’ve been looked at your whole life but for the first time, it was actually true–you were alone and pitiful.

It all came crashing back to you—the pain you have felt all over the years; the feelings you tried so hard to push down and still trying to bury like a dead body in the middle of the night. It was getting heavier and heavier to breathe by the second. And you find yourself grasping the car door handle. Lips quivering and shaking your head, you try and calm yourself down.

He needs you, Y/N. They need you. 

And with one last final breath, you fix yourself and open the car door, finally stepping out of the vehicle. 

The wind felt crisp when it hit your skin. Namjoon was already near the main entrance, still looking lost. But this time, you see the worry in his eyes. You don’t shout his name. You don’t call his attention or make any sign that you were there. You didn’t really feel like exerting any energy talking. Instead, you slam your car door and sprint toward your brother. You didn't say a word but chose to wrap your arms around him and buried your face in his warm back. The only sound that can be heard is your muffled sob. 

The both of you stood like that for minutes, basking in each other’s warmth and comfort. From behind, you can hear Namjoon’s sniffles and the shakiness of his breathing. When he thinks the both of you finally had enough, his hands drifted to where your hands rested on his stomach and softly caressed them with his thumbs. Slowly, he releases himself from your hold and spun around to face you. 

His eyes were puffy from crying and the corners of his eyes crinkled when he finally gave you a soft smile. He takes a step back and looks at you from head to toe.

In your head, you wished you could hear his thoughts as he inspects you. Instead of the worn-out jackets you stole from his and Yoongi’s closet, you wore a business casual outfit that fits you well. The shoulder-length hair you maintained now reached below your chest and was colored with highlights. Everything about you looked mature now–better and wiser. That is, excluding your eyes… it was almost like you were tired and he couldn’t find the same light it used to shine.

“You’re all grown up.” He chuckles in between his sobs. 

“No one answered?” Jenny asked Yoongi as he handed her the cell phone she let him borrow. He shakes his head and gives her a small smile.

“Maybe I’ll head out and look for them.” He suggests to himself, thinking out loud. The woman nods.

“Well, It's a mess outside right now so you could always stay the night if you want. After all, yesterday this was your home. It’s the least I can do.”

Yoongi shakes his head. “No, no, that’s too much. I can’t just do that.”

Jenny sighs and picks up the empty cup of tea from the coffee table across the couch. “It’s fine, Yoongi. Maybe you can play with Mungie to return the favor. That little guy’s been lonely.”

“Thank you, Jenny. It means a lot.” 

The single mother in front of him nods and vanishes to the kitchen. Well, technically, she’s not a single mother. At least that wasn’t the plan before the blip. Jenny’s fiance was one of the victims of the blip. It all happened when she was pregnant. But now that they have all come back, Jenny definitely knows that he was out there now and she said she’ll be waiting for him to come home to his family. 

Yoongi taught about his family back in Daegu. Are they waiting for him? How about you? How about Namjoon? He wonders if the two of you disappeared too. He prayed that you two did. He couldn’t imagine either of you being alone or not having each other. It would definitely break one. He sighed and looked at the four-year-old kid playing with his toy car on the floor.

Just how much had he missed? 

His thoughts were interrupted when the doorbell rang. “Jenny?” He called out, standing to check who was at the door. “Were you expecting someone?” 

Jenny comes rushing out of the kitchen again. “I wasn’t! I’ll get the door though.” She says, tapping Yoongi on his chest and running to the door. Before Yoongi was even given the chance to react, Jenny has already unlocked the door.

“Oh.” He heard the amusement in Jenny’s voice. “Are you here for Yoongi?” She asks. Yoongi’s head whipped in the direction of the sound when he heard his name. He found his feet moving involuntarily. His steps stop when his body is directly visible from the doorway, just a few steps behind Jenny. She had opened the door wider with a grin on her face. 

There was Namjoon, in the same clothes he saw him leave in the morning. And then there was you. It was still you. Same pretty face, stance, longer hair, and pretty smile. 

It is still you, his Y/N… just five years older. 

If this was a dream, if it was some God’s way of punishing him for saying all those mean things and ignoring you the next day, then he pleads with God in a way that he had never before. He had learned his lesson, he thought. 

“Yoongi.” Namjoon was the first one to speak, immediately going in to wrap his arms around the shorter man. 

“Joon.” He breathes out in relief. It was a selfish thought, but he was also glad that he was still the same age as Namjoon.

When the two best friends let go of each other, you lunge for your chance to hug Yoongi. Your face was still puffy from the previous crying session with your brother and he noticed that. 

“Hey, Yoon.” It was a whisper to his ear, soft-spoken. Like bamboo swaying with the wind. Before he was even given the chance to place his hand on your back, you let go.

“You must be the new owner of the apartment.” You face the woman who was having an emotional moment, hands clasped together as she watched the three of you. She nods excitingly. “I am! I’m Jenny.” You smile and shake her hand. “I’m Y/N. This is my brother Namjoon. We were Yoongi’s roommates here before the blip.” 

Jumong, who Yoongi didn’t notice was already there as well, was tugging her mom’s sweatpants and hiding behind her back. 

“This is my son, Jumong.” Jenny takes her son’s hand and tugs him to her front. “Mongie, say hi.” 

Yoongi watched, wondering how you’ll interact with the child. His eyes widened a little when you dropped to your knees to keep your eye level the same as Jumong. “Hi, Mongie. I’m Y/N!” 

You raise your hand in front of him. “Will you give the older sis a high five?” Jumong giggles and slaps his small hand against yours. You laugh at his energy and boop his nose. “Well, aren’t you a cute little thing?” 

Since when were you good with kids? Have you known any kids? Do you have kids now? He suddenly remembers the dream he had earlier. Are you married? You can’t be, right? You were only 26. Life was just starting for you. Well, 26 is a nice age to get married for some people. Were you one of those people?

The thought made his gaze drift to your hands. A slight relief comes to him when he finds your fingers empty. Wait. Pause. Why did he care? Well, of course, it’s an important moment in your life. And it would be a shame if he missed it, right?

“Thank you so much for taking care of Yoongi. We take it, you have explained what happened already?” Joon shakes Jenny’s hand while she nods vigorously. “I did. He wouldn’t have believed me if I didn’t show him the news. Your guy has major trust issues.” She rolls her eyes and the three of you laugh. 

Joon shakes his head and Yoongi swears he almost saw him give him an odd look he can’t describe. “Yeah, he does.” 

The lights flicker open in the small apartment. “It’s a two-bedroom. I was wondering if you guys can share a room. Or maybe one person on the couch. Or I can be the one on the couch–” You say as the two men follow you into your small apartment. You scratch your head and toss your bag on the couch. “Sorry, it’s not much but it’s my home.” 

“I’ll take the couch,” Yoongi claims, sitting on the surprisingly comfortable cushion couch. It isn’t the same one the three of you had but it was similar. With that, he couldn’t help but compare the home you called yours to the home that he once shared with you. Your place was neat, it was undeniably a nice place for a single woman. Single–were you single? he pondered. In front of him was a flat-screen TV. The lack of plants makes sense because only Namjoon really was obsessed with taking care of them. No pictures hang on the wall unlike before when Namjoon would hang your high school and college graduation pictures. However, he noticed that on the drawer beneath where the TV is attached to the wall, the picture of the three of you still stands. 

Namjoon sits beside him. “You sure about that?”, he asks. Yoongi nods. “Yeah, man.” 

“Okay, that’s settled.” You nod to yourself. “I’ll just get ready and cook dinner. You guys make yourself at home.” You announce before heading to your room. 

“Yoongi…” He heard Namjoon mutter beside him. “This… this isn’t just some nightmare, right?” 

“I really hope it is, Joon.” 

When he heard you making sounds in the kitchen and Joon was busy watching the news, Yoongi decided to come and talk to you. You had your back to him, occupied with your cooking task. 

“Hey.” He greets. You shriek, jumping and placing a hand over your chest. When you realize it’s him, you sigh in relief. “Sorry, need some help?” Yoongi asked you. You shake your head. “Nah, I got this.” 

He looks over and realizes you were already done with preparing the ingredients and just put them in the pan. Yoongi nods. “I’ll set the table, then?” You smile at him. He noticed your eyes flash sadness for a second before you nod and turn away from him. “The plates are right there.” You pointed without looking at him. 

Yoongi walked towards you, just a few steps away from your back. 

“Y/N,” He speaks, only loud enough to hear you. You froze at his serious tone. “I-I don’t know if it matters now… but it was just yesterday for me. So, I’m sorry… for what I said that day.” 

Yoongi fiddled with his fingers while talking, nervous about how you’ll react. You don’t react for a moment, but when you do, you turn to face him. There was no anger, no sadness–not anything. You stared at him genuinely. 

“I forgive you.” You pressed your lips together to barely form a smile. Yoongi’s eyes widened for a second before his brows furrowed in confusion. “Just like that?” he asks. 

You shake your head and you give him a light punch on the shoulder. “It’s been five years, Yoongi. I’m not the same kid whose eyes sparkle over a crush.” You chuckle and turn back to the meal you were cooking. 

Yoongi watches your face for a moment, looking for any sign that you didn’t mean what you said. He didn’t know why he was hoping for that. But he wished you were lying. And when he fails, he presses his lips together and nods. “Okay.” 

The three of you eat silently. You have become really good at cooking, Yoongi thinks. Before, your cooking was saltier than the average. Now, it almost tastes like his cooking, which you always argued that you don’t like. 

“This is really good, Y/N. Who taught you to cook like this?” Namjoon compliments you. You roll your eyes while drinking water. You settle down the cup, hand still on it. 

“I’ve always cooked well.” You answer, dismissing the question nonchalantly. Yoongi scoffs and you send a questioning glare his way.

“What, Yoongi? I don’t?” You raise a brow. 

“Yeah, you don’t think so, Yoongs?” Your brother teases, egging you on.

Yoongi straightens his posture and places his elbows on the table. His fingers intertwine with each other. “I mean,” He smirks. “Not bad for five years.” 

And he swore he saw you blush for a second. It made him happy when you rolled your eyes, meaning he still gets under your skin. It made him think that maybe, he can still catch up with the five years he lost. 

© wolfvmin. please do not copy, translate, claim any of my works. thank you. my works are not cross-posted anywhere else but this blog. thank you.

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blipped: before the snap (preview)

title: blipped: before the snap pairing: brother’s best friend!yoongi x female reader genre: major angst !!, fluff, brother’s best friend au, unrequited love, set in the marvel cinematic universe (mcu), slow burn?, implied age gap, heavy themes, the blip is kinda fucked up if u think abt it, brother!namjoon, bestfriend!taehyung warnings: manipulative and abusive mom, family issues, y/n has a careless one night stand, no smut for this part yet, this part is a bit boring i'm really sorry. word count: 19k (bruh,,) teaser word count: 695

At the age of 21, you confessed your feelings to your brother’s best friend, Yoongi, which he rejected. One day later, Thanos snapped, turning fifty percent of the world population to dust, leaving the other half lost, confused, and mourning–including you. Five years later, Bruce Banner snapped everyone back to life, including Yoongi, who doesn’t really know you anymore.

a/n before i wrote it: it’s okay to read this if you aren’t into the marvel movies. i just think that the concept of the blip is a really interesting (very traumatic and sad) topic for civilians. imagine the adjustment of your loved ones disappearing and then they just come back. a/n after i wrote it: holy shit i thought this was a fun idea but this is just pure devastation writing about the blip is no fun at all. so i'm not really happy with this one but it's looooong overdue so fck it i'll just post it and get it over with.

release date: October 30, 2022 playlist: blipped.

𓆩♡𓆪 want to be tagged to all my works or a specific one? 𓆩♡𓆪  : ̗̀➛ fill up this form here: taglist request form.

Silence filled the air for a few minutes. It’s always like this with Yoongi. Silence, comfort, and safety. It was never quiet with you. Not in your life. But whenever Yoongi come into it, it became quiet. He has made you feel at peace. He has made you feel warm.

The warmth he offered sometimes hurt, you admit. But it was not his fault. You are greedy. You want more of the warmth than what he can offer. But you would take this hurt everyday than go back to the chaos and noise that you have known before him. And tonight, you feel you can allow yourself to be more greedy.

“Do I look pretty tonight?” The words come out of your mouth before you even think. The beating heart in your chest seemed to want to run away from your brain with how fast it went.

“What?” Yoongi undoubtedly found the question unusual as you have never asked him questions like this. You weren’t one to worry about your appearance. They know that you’re definitely insecure about a myriad of things but you refrain from letting people know about it. Indulging the people you care about your problems is just not you.

“I’m asking you if you think I’m attractive.” You repeat, cheeks blushing and eyes set in the other direction. Where you’re getting your confidence right now, you’re not sure where.

“Tsk.” He cocks his head and began to remove his jacket. “You are attractive.”

“No.” Your hands are now by your stomach, fiddling and playing together. “I’m asking if you think I’m attractive.”

There was a pause in the air for a few seconds. It seemed like he was thinking. “Come here.”

When your eyes lift up, you find him offering his jacket to you. He was holding it by its shoulder part, the back facing him and ready for you to slide your arms into the empty sleeves. A black long sleeve shirt was left on him, complementing his growing ebony hair that was reaching the back of his neck. He was yet to get a haircut and you’re thankful for that.

“My arms are gonna die, get in.” He pleads and you comply. You’re disappointed he doesn’t answer the question but you decide not to press into it further due to sudden embarrassment.

You step in and turned around, sliding your right arm first and then your left. You fix the jacket on you as you look straight ahead the empty sidewalk. This was his favorite one. The black one adorned with white details of dragons on the chest and the sleeves.

“Put your hand in the right pocket.” He instructs and you did. You feel something box-like and fish it out of the garment.

It was a rectangular black velvet box not bigger than your palm. “Wha–”

“It’s your present.” He interrupts your confused reaction.

Inside the box was a gold necklace with a pendant not bigger than half an inch. It resembled a butterfly. The wings were carved by horizontal lines but was connected to four tiny diamonds on each wing’s inner part.

“Is this real?” You ask, eyes squinting at the necklace now in your hand.

“Are you saying I’m cheap? Of course, it is. I had my friend from work get it. That’s where I stopped by before going in.” He answers and takes the necklace from you from the back.

Before you knew it, his arms were in your peripheral vision, ready to put the necklace on you. He clasps it around your neck and you feel the cold pendant on your hand, admiring it.

Cold hands turn you around by the shoulders, making you face him.

“You look beautiful.”

And he smiles. His hands are still on your shoulders, literally making him an arm length from you. The smile on his face is the cutest you have ever seen. It’s toothless and his cheeks more fluffier than ever. The way his eyes sparkled competed with the street lights and the present stars the night sky above the two of you.

He looked so beautiful.

You’re so fucked.

You’re irrevocably in love with Min Yoongi.

© wolfvmin. please do not copy, translate, claim any of my works. thank you.

I just know if you asked Levi to send you a dick pic the response would be:

And then there'd be several minutes of no response where you aren't sure if he's actually upset or not, followed by the most unflattering, kinda-blurry picture of his cock.

He's sitting, thighs spread wide, and his slacks are only barely tucked down beneath it. You can see the dark trail of his public hair, thick against his extra pale skin, peaking out from where he has his dress shirt pulled up. You can barely follow the blue lines of his veins twisting along his abdomen, and you can tell that he's a little flushed and sweaty. He's not even holding his cock, it's hard and flushed a needy pink and the tip is shiny with a ooze of glistening white, angled straight up towards his belly.

The angle is terrible, clearly he's just pulled himself out and tilted the camera down between his thighs. The tip of him is somehow directly facing the camera, and you can see a trail of cum beading out from the little hole there that must be throbbing oh-so-needily. It's blurry as hell though, you don't know if he couldn't figure out how to focus the camera in the lighting of his office or if his hand was shaking. Maybe he just so happened to twitch at the exact moment he clicked. There's also a hint of his thumb in the upper right corner, which somehow makes it more endearing.

The picture is immediately followed by another text:

blipped: before the snap

title: blipped: before the snap pairing: brother’s best friend!yoongi x female reader genre: major angst !!, fluff, brother’s best friend au, unrequited love, set in the marvel cinematic universe (mcu), slow burn?, implied age gap, heavy themes, the blip is kinda fucked up if u think abt it, brother!namjoon, bestfriend!taehyung warnings: manipulative and abusive mom, family issues, y/n has a careless one night stand, mentions of death and funeral, no smut for this part yet, this part is a bit boring i'm really sorry. disclaimer: you can read this without knowing anything marvel at all. word count: 19k a/n: thank you so much for 100 notes on the preview and for 200+ followers T.T i'm crying. let me know if i should continue this because the reason this took so long was bc i'm anxious that it is not at all entertaining lol. i'm not finished with part 2 yet it's only at roughly 10k words rn. let me know what you want to see in part 2 if you're interested.

index > part 2

For as long as you know, it’s always just been you and Namjoon. 

Your parents were divorced, your mother a drunk, and your father a classic no-show. It didn’t really bother you that much, you always say. Although you didn’t mean it, you pretend you do. Not only for yourself but also for your brother. Your brother, the one having to work two jobs since a teenager. Your brother, who learned how to braid your hair when you were little because your mom never bothered to teach you. Your brother, who cried when he learned you were picked on in preschool. Your brother, who helped you with your math when your teacher gave you a D. Your brother, who drove you to sleepovers. Your brother, who scolded you when you had your first alcohol with your friends in high school, who, the next week, brought you liquor to teach you how to drink properly, saying that if you wanted to learn to drink, better that it’d be with his guidance so he knows that you will always be safe. 

Your brother, who was your best friend, your mother, and your father. 

That’s why with you, always comes Namjoon, and with Namjoon always comes Min Yoongi. 

Namjoon met Yoongi when they were in college. Being broke college students, they agreed to become roommates. Eventually, they became best friends. Platonic soulmates, the people in their university always say. They were good people with good hearts. Many were envious of their bond. Including you. You were never really good with people. While you do have your own friends, you never really had someone you can call your best friend except for your brother. You never told him this; you didn’t have to. He never made you feel alone. He even introduced you to Yoongi and the boy treated you absolutely well. At first, you doubted your friendship with Yoongi. You always thought you were just a liability—something that came as a plus-one with Namjoon that he can’t really shake off. 

But even if that thought always creeps at the back of your head, you have always had a crush on the charismatic man with the gummy smile. It was just a harmless admiration at first. And to be honest, you never really knew how you liked him in that way. With Yoongi being away from his family, he would always say that Namjoon is his brother, and you, his own little sister. And it would hurt you every time. 

It was your senior year in high school. You were in a tight little black dress, you thought it looked better on you than it collecting dust in your mother’s closet. Your friends had invited you to a house party of some football player. Namjoon didn’t like you going to parties without him knowing even if he was more than an hour away in college. And you, in your angsty teenage years, that bothered you. You wanted to not be treated like a child anymore. So you went to the party and pulled out an outfit you normally wouldn’t wear even at a party like this. 

Somehow, you think that this would convince you that you are no longer a child. But being a child, mistakes are to be made. And you made a lot of mistakes that night.

“Y/N, you look amazing!” Your friend, Sana, screeched as soon as you entered with Mina, another friend of yours who gave you a ride. “How come you never dress like this? you look stunning!” 

“Yeah, that’s what I told her too.” Mina agrees, hugging her after you.

You roll your eyes and wave a hand. “Yeah, yeah, you guys look amazing too. Where are the drinks?” 

Sana points to the kitchen. “They’re in the kitc– Oh!” She is suddenly interrupted when her boyfriend, Seojoon, hugs her from behind. “Hey, baby. I’ve been looking everywhere for you.” And just like that, she bids the two of you goodbye. 

“Ugh, I hate lovers.” Mina groans and fakes a vomit. 

You laugh and point out the irony of her words. “Says the same person who’s looking to get laid tonight.” You tease as the both of you head to the kitchen to get some drinks in your system. 

“And as you should too, you bitch! If you would stop pining at your brother’s hot best friend, you would see how many guys actually have a crush on you here.” 

“Hold on, I’m not yet drunk enough for this conversation.” You hold up a hand.

The unpleasant taste of alcohol flows down your tongue as you tilt your head back and gulp down the rest of your drink.

“Okay, go.” You allow her to continue while refilling your cup.

“I’m just saying, maybe if you eliminate Yoongi from your options, you would actually get to move on from him, you know?” 

While actually considering her suggestion, you sigh. “It’s not that easy, Mina.” 

As you tell her that, you notice her eyes drifting away from you. With this, you already know that she found her target for the night. 

“Well, Y/N, it could be just for tonight. We’re seniors, yeah? Would you please enjoy yourself?” She says genuinely while holding both of your cheeks. 

“Fine, fine, go.” You tell her because you know she wants to approach the guy she saw.

“No. No. I’m not leaving you alone if you’re just going to sulk here.” She crosses her arms in front of her chest.

“I’m fine! Just go! He’s looking at you already.” You push her. Mina groans and she kisses your cheek, grabbing her cup and heading away.

“Text me if you wanna go home and I’ll come and get you, okay?” 

“I will. I will.” You assure her, waving your hand for her to go.

As you were left alone, watching people you have classes with play beer pong, your friend’s words lingered. 

You came here tonight to be different. You weren’t Y/N who was worried about getting a scholarship to university. You weren’t Y/N who didn’t have loving parents. You weren’t Y/N who had a brother that would be angry when he knows you are at a party he doesn’t know. 

You weren’t Y/N who was hopelessly in love with her brother’s best friend, Min Yoongi. 

“It’s just for tonight.” You tell yourself as you down your cup again. 

And that probably is why, at 3 o’clock in the middle of the dark morning, you find yourself on Choi Wooshik’s bed. 

The said man was asleep beside you. A pang of pain hits your head when you open your eyes which indicates you drank more than usual. Despite having been in the influence, you still remember hooking up with the guy in the same year—and now bed—as you. 

“Y/N, you stupid shit.” You whisper to yourself.

It was the first time you had a one-night stand. You weren’t a virgin–no, that happened when you were 16 and you brought home your boyfriend that Namjoon didn’t know about. The relationship lasted for five months, which came to a halt after your sex. You didn’t really mind. You never liked him anyway. But it did hurt to be used. But this was completely different. Your mind went into a spiral. 

Did we use a condom? Oh my god, what if I get pregnant? I’m not ready to be a mother. I have a scholarship. What would happen to college? 

Gosh, what would Namjoon say if I get pregnant? He’s gonna kill me. He’s gonna have to take care of me and the baby and I would be more of a burden. What would Yoongi think of you then? You will be a bad mother.

With tears practically prodding out of your eyes, you dress up and look for used contraception in the trash can—which you did not see, making you panic more. You wanted to call Namjoon to come to pick you up. 

But you got scared. You know he has an exam coming up in Taxation, which you know is a difficult course because he has been studying for it for weeks. And plus, you were scared of his reaction to your recklessness.

You thought of Mina. You could call her and ask for help. Maybe she hasn’t gone home. You scramble to look for your phone and when you did, you mentally curse. 

Oh fuck, your phone is dead. 

Wooshik’s phone, however, sits at the bedside table ready for you to use. You go through his contacts and find Mina’s name. You cuss after realizing it wasn’t there.

The problem is that you only have Namjoon’s and Yoongi’s contact memorized. There could probably be another option but you weren’t really thinking straight.

Before you knew it, you were dialing Yoongi outside of the house of Wooshik. He answers in five seconds.

“Yoongi?” You call in a whisper.

“Y/N? God, it’s like three in the morning. What’s up?”

He sounds like he just woke up, voice groggy and worried, maybe a bit annoyed too. You know he doesn’t like his sleep interrupted.

You don’t know if he heard your sobs but he probably did when his voice turns to pure worry. “Bub? What’s wrong?” He asks again when you don’t answer, using that damned nickname for you. 

“Y-yoongi– I–... please don’t tell Joonie.” You sob. 

“Where are you, Y/N?” He asks, sternly this time, sounding fully awake unlike a few seconds ago. 

You tell him what happened and he listens carefully. He didn’t say much, only asked you where you were, and said he would come to pick you up. You told him to come and pick you up at the 24-hour diner where you and Joon are regulars which eventually, Joon brought Yoongi whenever they would visit. 

Mrs. Park, a woman who worked there, gave you chocolate chip pancakes as soon as she saw you. It was your favorite breakfast. Namjoon, on the other hand, likes blueberry pancakes.

“Bad night?” She asks when she places down the pancakes. 

You nod sadly and give her a small smile. “Please don’t tell Joon about this.” You sigh. 

She shakes her head. “I won’t if you eventually do.” She tells you in a scolding tone. You chuckle and nod, not really sure if you were telling the truth.

Forty-five minutes later, Yoongi arrives. He’s wearing a hoodie and zip-up jacket over it. He looks around the diner and finds you. Your eyes meet, and you could see a little bit of frustration when he spots you. 

“What are you wearing?” He asks when he sits down in front of you in the booth. You sigh and look away. 

“What? You don’t like it?” You ask, voice down and tired to make the joke. You play with your pancakes. 

“It’s just… not your style.” He actually answers. 

He sighs. “Finish that and then drink this.” He puts down a small brown bag beside your plate. 

You were still chewing your food when you asked. “What’s this?” You open the bag and see a pack of a pill inside. 

“It’s a Plan B pill. You asked for it.” He tells you and takes off his zip up jacket. “And wear this.” He hands you the thick clothing, which you wear immediately, wanting to bask in warmness instead of the cold your revealing dress gave. 

“Hey, Yoongi. Came to take care of this brat?” Mrs. Park joked as she came to greet Yoongi, a hand on her hip. Yoongi nods. 

“Good morning, Mrs. Park.” He smiles. 

“Anything I can get for you? Pancakes? Waffle?” She asks. 

“Maybe a hashbrown and an Americano? I’m not really hungry yet. Thank you, Mrs. Park.” He answers and she replies she got it and walks away.

It was quiet after that. The both of you ate your food in silence. After you finished your pancake, you drank the pill. 

“Are you mad at me, Yoongi?” You ask him, fiddling with your fingers.

He shakes his head. “What’s with you? You don’t act recklessly like this Y/N. And doesn’t Joon know whenever you’re at a party?” 

Tears well up in your eyes again. “I-I don’t know.” You answer, head down as you stare and play with your pancakes. “I just wanted to breathe.” You mutter to yourself. You don’t know if Yoongi heard it. Even if he did, he didn’t answer.

Yoongi drove you to your mom’s house after. “Go inside.” He said. It was almost 5 in the morning, it didn’t really matter because your mom never stayed up to wait for you anyway. Hell, she probably doesn’t even know that you were out. 

You nod and remove your seatbelt. “Do you wanna come in?” You ask him. 

He shakes his head. “I need to get home before Namjoon wakes up.” 

You nod. “Alright.” You were about to open the car door when you hesitated and looked at Yoongi again. 

“Thank you, Yoongi.” You told him. “I mean it. I’m sorry that I’m such a burden to you because you’re friends with Joon.”

His brows furrowed. “What?” He looks straight into your eye.

“I mean, I know I’m just this immature and  annoying kid that comes with Namjoon as a package deal so–”

“No, no– stop. Who said you were a burden to me?” Yoongi asks seriously. Your mouth opens but nothing comes out. “You were never a burden to me, Y/N. You’re a friend.” Friend, well that’s a different one–you think. 

“Even if Namjoon doesn’t exist, I would gladly be your friend. Or your older bro.” And there it is. Your heart ached once again. You are nothing but a little sister. 

You chuckle a little, trying to distract him from the tears trying to form in your eyes again. “Y-yeah. Drive safe, Yoongi.” You say as you jump off his car, leaving Yoongi wondering what he said wrong.

High school graduation. Like Namjoon, you graduated with high honors. The both of them stood there, clapping as you received your diploma. Joon was crying like the idiot you expected him to be while Yoongi held a digital camera, filming you with a gummy smile on his face.

“Okay, look here.” Yoongi holds his camera while you hold the bouquet they brought you. Namjoon is by your side, smiling proudly. “Say cheese!” Yoongi says as he clicks the picture. 

“Right, me next! Me next!” Yoongi says as he hands the camera to Namjoon. He wraps his arm around your shoulder and brings you closer. You blush as you feel the warmth of his body in his closeness.

“Okay. One, two, three.” Joon takes the picture. You feel yourself finally able to breathe again when Yoongi lets go of you. Then, you asked one of your friends to take a picture of the three of you. 

“They look like your gay dads.” One of your friends that saw the whole ordeal says, which the three of you laugh at.

“Well, we are a family.” Namjoon agrees to which Yoongi nodded and flashed his gummy smile at you. “Yeah, my sibling roomies soon.” 

And you smile. Yoongi is family.

“Come on, we have a reservation.”

The dress you’ve put on would definitely be one of your favorites. It isn’t really in your character to like formal dresses but the memories of this one would definitely be the reason. Albeit, you do look more beautiful in it. 

You laugh when Namjoon’s piece of steak flies off his plate, he’s always been the clumsy guy you know. He had declared the night to be your family dinner coming straight from the graduation. He wanted to throw a party but you refused, opting to go for a sweet formal dinner with him and Yoongi instead.

The dinner went wonderfully. The 5-course meal was something the three of you weren’t used to but it was something nice to treat yourselves once in a while. After the meal was over, the three of you went back to your house. Namjoon and Yoongi agreed to stay the night so they can help you move your things to the three of you’s freshly bought apartment tomorrow.

That night, you find yourself sitting on the porch of your house. Your mom didn’t even greet you, she just gave you a scoff when you entered in a beautiful dress she haven’t seen before with Namjoon and Yoongi who were wearing their suits and ties. Even if you said you didn’t mind, you actually do. 

As usual, when your brother is here, your mom doesn’t even go out of her room. She stays inside and avoids your brother the rest of the time. When she doesn’t do this, it always ends up with them shouting at each other. And since they know it’s a special occasion, you know they’re just being civil with each other for you. 

The moon looked bright today, you observed. The chilling wind of the night somehow seeps through the material thin jacket, but it helps lessen it. You rub your arms with your hands and sigh. You’re finally leaving home. It should’ve been the moment you turned eighteen like Namjoon did or the moment Namjoon told you he was stable enough to take you in. Yet you told him that it’d be better to just move after high school since it’s just a few months anyway. 

It was an excuse. 

As much as you hate it, you love your mother. She isn’t a good mother. Hell. She wasn’t even a good person either. You don’t like her, not most of the time. Not when she sold your earrings that Namjoon got you on his first paycheck to pay for her vices. Not when she ruined the project that you worked on for three days straight and when she accidentally stepped on it. She said sorry but laughed. She laughed and walked away. But even with memories like that, you know that you love her. You only get one mother and unfortunately for you, that’s her. 

You’re not sad that you’re leaving her. No. But you sure as hell isn’t happy either. You don’t understand it because all your life, all you’ve wanted to do is to leave this hell and be with Namjoon. It’s as if you’ve actually found comfort in something that you hate. You don’t understand why you’re feeling this anxiety, which is why you’re now sitting outside the house that you grew up in, looking up at the sky in the middle of the cold night. 

“What are you doing here?” 

You turn when you hear Yoongi’s voice from behind. You notice that he was holding your favorite mug and had borrowed some of Joon’s old lounge clothes. The old Attack on Titan shirt was a bit too big for him as Joon is taller. He also wears Joon’s old sweatpants from high school. 

“Hi, Yoongs.” You give him a weak smile. 

“It’s cold out here, Y/N.” He says but you shrug, scooting over and tapping the space beside you. He sighs but still sits anyway. He hands you the mug he holds which you accept with a quick thanks. 

Now, you stare at the grass in front of you, holding the warm mug of hot chocolate with two hands. The front yard is a mess, weeds were growing all over and you stopped caring about it looking nice a long time ago. It was the tip of the iceberg for people outside the house. 

You sit there for a few moments in comfortable silence. “Yoongi, can I ask you something?” You don’t look at him but you see from your peripheral vision that he shifts his eyes from in front of you to you. He nods. 

You bit your lip before finally asking. “Does life get better after high school?” 

He chuckles lightly. “Post-graduation depression?” 

You pout at his teasing tone. “Shut up.” But you sigh. “I guess that’s one of them.”

He nods and stares back at the nothingness in front of you. “Honestly, it probably doesn’t get better. Life has been and always will be a big piece of shit.” 

You laugh at his honesty. “I think that all those talks about peaking in high school are bullshit.” He continues. “It doesn’t matter if you were a nerd or were Regina George in high school. Those people saying that are either stuck in high school or are bitter about their high school experience.” 

“It’s all about how you adapt to change. Life is constantly changing. You get thrown from one place to another before you even know it. Most of the time, it sucks. But what are we supposed to do? We can’t stay in comfort in one place forever. If you get stuck, you lose.” He shrugs, leaning on his palms and staring up at the sky.

“But what if I can’t adapt at all?” You look at him, watching his beautiful face gleam in the moonlight. His eyes were sparkling, plush pink lips forming a small warm smile when he heard your words.

“That’s impossible.” He claimed. He sounded so sure of his answer that it almost irritated you. How can he be so sure that he believes so much in you? 

“How is that impossible? I always fuck up, Yoongs. I’m a fuck up.” You spat. 

“Hey.” He sits up straight and deadpans. “You are not a fuck up.” 

You let out a huff and look away from him. “Yeah, right.” 

The silence after that was loud. Yoongi had decided not to press on the topic any longer, you noticed. Not because he agrees with you, but because he knows it’s not gonna help you even if he does argue about it.

“You’re not your mother.” 

At the mention of your mother, you can’t hide your surprise as you whip your head to look at him.

“And it’s okay to move on from here, Y/N.” He assures you. Before you know it, tears are pooling in your eyes. They fall one by one as you stare at your brother’s best friend. “Your home could be not this. It doesn’t have to be her. And it definitely does not make you who you are.” 

Before contemplating your actions, you find yourself lunging at Yoongi for an embrace. He lets out a quiet yelp when you catch him by surprise.

“I’m scared.” You confess and wet his shirt with your silent tears. He laughs a little and places the mug in your one hand on the ground. After he does this, he uses both his arms to embrace you, body no longer stiff and melting with yours. 

“I know, Y/N. I know.” 

And you think to yourself, why does he make it hard for you to not like him?

That same picture you took during graduation is framed at your shared three-bedroom apartment with the two older boys. With Yoongi and Namjoon being six years older than you, they were already done with their studies when you were a freshman in college. They both had their own stable jobs. Namjoon was recently hired as a junior accountant. While Yoongi had a job in Advertising. And you... you had a part-time job at a convenience store near your apartment. It was the only job Namjoon allowed you to do. You wanted to help with the rent, but Yoongi and Namjoon would always tell you to just focus on your studies, arguing that they both earn enough for the three of you. It would make you laugh and tell them how they really both act like your gay parents.

With Yoongi closer than ever, you didn’t know how you could ever move on. Not when he’s an arm's length away. Not when he looks so good in the morning when he just woke up and cooked breakfast for you. Not when he places a blanket over you on the couch when you three have your movie nights. Not when the three of you have your general cleaning day, and the music blasts as he raps his lungs out with Namjoon. Not when you see every side of him—and every side of him is beautiful to you. 

He looks exceptionally beautiful when he cooks. Namjoon would be out till late at night. You were doing your school work in the living room on your laptop when Yoongi set down a plate of some kind of ham sandwich on the coffee table.

You mockingly gasp in surprise. “Did you make me a snack?” 

He rolls your eyes. “You’re welcome. Eat it.” He says and plops down on the couch next to you. 

It took some getting used to. It was new to find the place you’re living in to always be clean or not reek of alcohol. You always have good freshly made food. Yoongi always likes to clean the place, even shouting at Namjoon from time to time because as much as a responsible man your brother is, he is clumsy and messy. Just a few days ago, Yoongi threw his boxers at his face while he was sleeping because he found them on the bathroom floor. Namjoon argued he probably dropped it on the way out of the shower. You found out that Yoongi really likes doing domestic things. He likes cleaning, cooking, and architecture-related things. He knows a lot about fixing. You know because he was the one who built and fixed the furniture you got from IKEA. And he’s also the one you call when something needs fixing. You wonder if he just learned it by fixing all of the shit Namjoon destroys over the years with him or is it a trait that has always been with him from his family home.

Out of all the things he does for you and your brother, cooking has to be your favorite. Yoongi loves cooking meat and especially steak. It’s a rare occurrence because steak is not the cheapest meal to have but it’s always a delight when the three of you have it for dinner.

Yoongi puts his whole heart into cooking. You asked him why he chose not to do it for a living instead and he said that cooking is a thing he does for people he cares about and he’d rather not do it for money.

You quickly realize that one of Yoongi’s love languages is acts of service. He cooks and cleans for the three of you. He always has time for the people he cares about. He watches the 2005 film version of Pride and Prejudice with you even if you have seen it at least twenty times with him. He drives and picks you up from school when he can. But most importantly, you find comfort that Yoongi doesn’t only take care of you, but also your brother. 

You realize that even though Yoongi may never return your affection, he cares for you nonetheless. 

And you quickly find yourself at home in both of their presence. 

“What got you smiling like that? I find it hard to believe statistics is making you happy.” 

Suddenly, a throw pillow on the couch is flying to his face. From you, of course.

“Hey, I cook for you and this is how you repay me?” He complains, fists on each side of his waist. You giggle at his childish action. 

“You and your brother are ungrateful imbeciles.” He huffs. 

“Y/N? We brought you dinner.” You snap out of your studying in the living room when Namjoon opens the door. They’ve been out for a few hours to play bowling with a few of their friends from college. Yoongi follows from behind him, which did not surprise you. Wherever Namjoon goes, Yoongi follows. But what—who, rather— follows Yoongi is the one that surprised you. 

A pretty, petite brunette girl comes in, smiling at you. “Hey.” You greet them, blocking a million thoughts running inside your head. “Still studying?” Joon asked, but your eyes were still on the girl by the doorway. “Oh, this is Jieun. Yoongi will drive her to her house in a while.” 

Yoongi will drive her home? Why? Who is she to him? Is she her girlfriend? Why didn’t he tell me? Maybe he’s just courting her. Does he like her?

“Oh.” You smile at her. “Hi. I’m Y/N. Joon’s sister.” They come in entirely. “I heard so much about you, Y/N.” She said as she sat on the couch across from where you sat on the floor. You close your books and stretch. “Good things, I hope.” You say, eyeing the two men who were setting the table.

She winks. “Oh, those boys wouldn’t tell a story without you.” You laugh and stand up, walking to sit beside her. “So, how’d you meet those doofuses?” She shrugs. “Oh, I'm Yoongi's friend from college but I work with Namjoon.” 

So she knows Yoongi first. They’re close. And if there’s one Yoongi you don’t know, it was college student Yoongi. You wonder what he looked like carrying his books and studying. Did he party and hooked up with girls a lot? You didn’t know. You haven’t lived with them then.

“Alright. Let’s eat.” Yoongi calls the two of you from the dining table. 

That night, you feel like you watch the three of them from the sideline. They told stories when they were in university. Every now and then, they give you advice about college. As you stare at them and listen, you realize that no matter how much you know Yoongi and Namjoon, you will never be at their level. Not like Jieun, who glows with maturity and class. This is what Yoongi likes, you think. Not a freshman in college who can’t get her shit together.

With heavy words running through your mind, you fall asleep with an aching heart.

You should have seen it coming. 

There must be something wrong with you, you think. Why do you only realize the truth when it hurts you? You used to brush off your feelings for Yoongi. Well, you know it’s there but you don’t really make a big deal out of it. So why is it that when you heard the words from Yoongi’s mouth, your heart sank so deep it almost felt like you were going to choke? 

“Ji-eun and I are going on a date tonight.”

He was all dressed up. Leather jacket, white tee and leather pants. He looked like the rock star of your dreams. He was putting on his shoes by the door while you and your brother ate your meal.

“Text me if you’re going home tonight.” Namjoon teases, which makes you look down on your food.

You were feeling so weird inside that you wanted to throw up. You want to scream and throw things around. You were angry at yourself. Why were you feeling this way? You always knew this day would come. You’ve been expecting–readying yourself for this. Nonetheless, it still hurts. More than you ever thought it would. 

Jieun and him were a cute couple. He probably gave her his gummy smile when he asked her on a date, or his nervous smile—it didn’t matter. He really doesn’t like you. And you have been telling yourself that since high school. So why did it hurt so much?

It was at the same time that you met Taehyung. He’s your upperclassman in college, only a year older than you. You gave in to his pleas of becoming your friend when he started to constantly annoy you the moment you caught his eye. 

The loud noise of the university cafeteria is blocked out by your earphones as you sit down on a chair. You fished out the lunch box from your bag and gently placed it on the table. When you remove the lid, a smile immediately flashes from your face.

Yoongi’s cooking has always been amazing. Ever since you complained to him and Namjoon that you had a stomach ache when you ate lunch at the school cafeteria, Yoongi had forced you to take lunch boxes from him. When you argued that you may have just over-ate that day or that you’ll just eat lunch outside of the campus, he forcefully took your backpack and shoved the lunchbox in your bag before sprinting out of the apartment to get to work.

You admire the food first. Sometimes, Yoongi would make faces with them, something he learned from Tiktok, which you always laugh at. Today was an octopus sausage, your favorite. You smile and put one in your mouth. 

“Wow. That looks so good.” You look up when a metal tray of food slams in front of you. Kim Taehyung stands there, adorably smiling at you. 

You look at him suspiciously. You had never spoken a word to the man in front of you. He was a year older pursuing the same major as you. He’s hot, popular, and you heard of his… promiscuous adventures. “Do you need anything?”

He sits in front of you. “I just wanted to say your presentation to Mr. Byun’s class was amazing.”

It seemed like a genuine compliment so you nod and smile at your upperclassman. “Thank you.” And resumed eating your food.

“You’re Y/N, right?” He asks before chomping on his broccoli. You nod. 

“I’m Kim Taehyung.” He says with his mouth full.

And that was the first time you actually spoke. Ever since then, Kim Taehyung would eat with you when spots you at the cafeteria, wave dramatically when he’s walking and sees you, and he would even give you a ride on his motorcycle to your home. And on an annoyingly bad day, you blew it. He was okay, but you didn’t know what his intentions were which made you uneasy with him.

“You gotta tell me what’s wrong, Y/N.” He pouts and you can hear his feet stomping beneath the table.

“I said nothing’s wrong.” You say coldly while eating your meal.

“There is! I can totally feel the vibe from the other side of the campus. Just tell me and I’ll see how I can help.” He flashes his pleading eyes with you, placing his chin on his hands.

“What are you doing? Aren’t you already friends with like, the whole campus? Why do you keep annoying me? What’s your motive here?” You ask him, gently pushing his face away from your food in the cafeteria.

His smile drops, eyes deadpanned set on you. “I’m not here to become your friend, Y/N.” 

You stare at him, awed at the sudden change of atmosphere.

“I’m here to become your best friend.” He grins, eyes determined.

You scoff at his perseverance. “You’re unbelievable.” 

“And so are you! You scared off one of your classmates today because of your gloominess. You literally look like sadness AND anger from Inside Out right now.” 

Your mouth drops. “I look like who now?”

He giggles awkwardly, his seat slowly backing away from you. “I-I mean in a very cute way, you know? And sadness IS cute.”

You glare at him for a few seconds before sighing and dropping the utensil from your hand. “Okay, so…” You take a deep breath.

“There’s something bothering me lately.” You say.

“I knew it! Tell me. I won’t tell a motherfucking soul.” He scoots closer again then pressed his index and thumb finger together, acting like zipping his lips.

“I have a friend.” You sigh and begin. “She knows this older guy who has been like her friend since she was in high school.” You tell the story as Taehyung nods and listens attentively. “And she has had a crush on him since, like,  forever. Which she thought was just a silly little crush. And she was okay with that since she knows it’s impossible since he only sees her as a little sister anyway. But he recently got a girlfriend and suddenly she’s heartbroken. Like, crying every night heartbroken.” 

Taehyung was grinning by the end of it. “Yoongi’s dating?”

“W-what? It’s not Yoongi.” You stutter, looking away from him. “Y/N, I’ve known since like, the day he fetched you. You literally had heart eyes whenever you look at him.” 

You hit him lightly on the arm then sigh. “Fine. Yes, it’s him.” 

“Yeah, well, I don’t really know what to say. All I know is that Y/N, you’re an amazing woman. I know this because I have heard like ten people say they have a crush on you on this campus. Men AND women.” Your eyes widen at the information he just drops on you so you try and ask more but his next words stop you.

”Yoongi is someone who won’t just disappear in your life.” He says softly.

Then his eyes harden, grinning wide and he slams a hand on the table. “So I say fuck it and seduce him.” 

“Are you fucking serious right now?”

You first brought him home a month after Yoongi announced his relationship with Jieun. Taehyung was helping you with a class that you were having a hard time with. It was only because you were distracted, Yoongi being one of the main reasons. But you won’t admit that to anyone, not even yourself.

“Ugh!” You groan and slam your head on the opened book. “I don’t understand. I understand it all but when the quiz comes it’s like a totally different topic!“ You complained to Taehyung who was sitting by the headboard of your bed. The relaxed guy was totally amused at your suffering, drinking the apple juice box he stole from the fridge. 

“Help me.” You pouted as you held his hand, practically pleading. You were lying beside him in the bed on your stomach, kicking at every difficult question that goes into a dead-end in your tired brain.

“I’m telling you just need to practice these questions and you will get it eventually.” He rolled his eyes. Ever the sassy bitch, Taehyung snatched his hand away from you. 

“You literally offered to teach me that’s why you’re here in my apartment.” You glare at him. “I’m literally just here to steal this juice box. I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about.” He raised his eyebrow at you. 

Your mouth drops dramatically at his words. “Okay, that’s it.” 

The books fell off your bed with thuds when you pushed them off and straddled Taehyung, who shrieks. “Hey- what the fuck!” You begin to tickle his stomach while he laughs and trashes away from you. “You bitch, stop it!” He says in between laughs, tears in his eyes. You’ve learned that a good counterattack for Taehyung’s annoyingness is his being ticklish. 

Both of your laughs fill the air and eventually you get tired of using your strength over Taehyung’s. This gives Taehyung a chance to overpower you. He holds your fists and flips you over. You gasp at the swift motion that put you under Taehyung

“Oh, you’re gonna pay for that.” His devilish tone puts a blush on your face, a wide grin spreading across his face.

“Y/N.“

The deep familiar voice pushes both of you into a halt. Your heart sinks to your stomach when you see Yoongi standing by your doorway. His mouth was partly hanging open for a second before turning into a frown and you realize how bad the scene would look from an outsider. You quickly push your friend away, making him lose his balance and fall off the bed.

“Who’s this?” 

Taehyung quickly shuffled to his feet and walked to Yoongi who was at the door. “I’m Kim Taehyung. Y/N’s friend. You must be Yoongi.” He introduces himself brightly, offering a hand to the boy at the door. Yoongi’s gaze falls to his hand, which he does not accept. Instead, he turns his gaze to you. 

“Your brother wants you to know that he’ll be working late tonight. I’ll cook dinner in a little while.” The tone in his voice is cold, familiar to the night in senior year. You nod and reply uneasily, finding the tension weird and uncomfortable. “Okay, thank you Yoongi.” He nods, eyeing Taehyung once again, then back to you.

“Tell me if your friend will stay for dinner.” He says then shuts the door. 

“Dude, your guy is scary.” Taehyung whispers, before exaggerately shivering.

“He’s not my guy.” 

Taehyung excused himself out of dinner that night. He told you he feels like Yoongi will poison his food if he does so he’ll just get some free food elsewhere. So you gave him a light smack on the head for that.

Yoongi was quiet the whole meal, which was not unusual but you sensed something was off. The atmosphere was heavy and you felt like an invisible wall separating the two of you even if you were eating at the same table and sitting across from each other. 

“How’s Jieun?” You ask him. He didn’t answer. 

“Okay. Fine. Don’t tell me about your relationships.” You pout. “You know what, you should bring her here so I can ask her myself.” You suggest and tease at the same time. 

“We broke up.” Yoongi spoke.

You froze for a second before dropping your spoon gently back to your plate. “Oh. I-I’m sorry.” You say softly. Yoongi's eyes never faltered from his food. You watched him silently. 

“Don’t be. It just didn’t work out.” He tells you. 

“But she really liked you.” You find yourself saying. 

He shrugs. “Yeah, she did.” 

How about you? Did you really like her too?

“You know, if you want to tell me anything, you can, Yoongi. If there’s something bothering you.” You say and he nods, muttering a thank you.

And then it was silent again as you both ate.

“What about you?” You were taken aback by the question Yoongi suddenly asked.. 

You laughed awkwardly. “What are you talking about?”

“What’s going on with Taemin?” He asks again. 

You roll your eyes. “It’s Taehyung. And we’re just friends.” 

He looks at you in the eye before lightly pointing his spoon to you. “Friends don’t get caught like that in bed, Y/N.” He says before standing up with his plate and utensils. You followed him with yours too to the kitchen. He places his dishes in the sink and you do too. 

“It’s not like that. You just caught us messing around..” You sit on the kitchen counter while he starts to wash the dishes. “I mean, playing. Not that kind of messing around.”

“As long as this “playing” won’t have me buying a pill for you in the middle of the night.” Your mouth drops as he mentions your secret two years ago. You huff and cross your arms. 

“I just don’t see the big deal, Yoongi. It won’t be a something like that.” You roll your eyes at him. “I just want you to be careful.” He replies almost finished washing the dishes. 

You don’t think about your next words at all. “Well, I’m on the pill, actually. So I am being careful.” You swore you saw him freeze for a moment but recover himself in a second. Talk about TMI, Y/N.

“But I’m telling you, we’re not like that.” You repeat for the nth time. 

He stops the water running and doesn’t even look at you sitting from the kitchen counter. “And why not?” 

“Because I don’t like him like that.” And you jumped off the counter, heading back to your room, the weight of your words going unnoticed by the man you were previously speaking to. 

“Make a wish!” You exclaim as you hold the cake in front of Namjoon. The grin on his face was unerasable as he closed his eyes. After he blows it, everyone in the room hoots their cheers and claps their hands.

The party went on and on. Namjoon’s, Yoongi’s, and your friends were drinking till the end of the night. Taehyung is swaying you to the tune of the slow music, drunk off his ass. Something was wrong with him tonight and you were trying to find out what.

“Tae.” You groan as he spins you around once, his hands falling back to your waist when you turn to face him again. You wrap your arms around his neck to bring him closer to you. It wasn’t a big party. If you were in a club full of people you would have let him. 

This was the first time you have ever seen Taehyung like this. He was always a sight, inducing a refreshing aura wherever he goes. 

Not tonight, though. Tonight, his eyes burn a little darker, something about the way his eyelids droop on his face. He carries himself in caution, almost like he was too aware of his surroundings. You realize that this side of Taehyung is not someone to be brought to parties. Especially something as small as this. “What’s wrong?” You finally ask him.

He shakes his head, pressing his forehead to yours. You know you shouldn’t be this close to a man where your brother is in the same room. Not that he is strict like that. It’s just that you were never someone to show a public display of affection–or just affection in general. Over time, you’ve learned that it’s better not to be as transparent as you can be. So you know why Namjoon was throwing you looks every few minutes. He’s finding the scenario odd. 

“I’m fine.” He mutters. Taehyung was the opposite. He likes being touchy. Skinship is one of his love languages. He likes giving hugs and holding hands down the hallway, arms swinging. And he does it with everyone. Taehyung is a spring sunshine that everyone adores. But not right now. Today, it’s as if the light in him has been turned off.

“I think we should head to my room and talk.” You whisper to his face. “You’re drunk.” Your thumb caresses the skin on the side of his neck, trying to soothe him to go with you. He hesitates for a while, looking around you. Nobody was paying attention to you two, but you know they were just trying not to make you uncomfortable. When he nods, you smile gently and drop your hands to hold his. You lead him back to your room. 

You sat him down on your bed while his gaze never strays from the floor. “I’m gonna get you some water. Be back in a sec.” You tell him and before you’re completely out the door, you hear him mutter okay.

No eyes were on you when you walked past the people and to the kitchen. A few people were there because that’s where most of the drinks are. You open the fridge to get your water tumbler. 

You shut the fridge door only to reveal Yoongi standing next to you, gaze hard and fuming. His silent and sudden appearance frightens you, the bottle in your hand almost slips from your hand.

“Fuck, Yoongi!” You whine, placing a hand on your chest.

“What are you doing?“ His gaze on you was hard, almost angry. He was using that one tone again. Something specific to you when you were doing something he thinks is wrong.

“Getting my tumbler?” Your words hang, unsure of what to reply. You move past him, gently pushing him off the way. 

His hand catches your wrist, preventing you from walking away. “Stop.” He commands. Your gaze falls at the hand on your wrist and then up to the man that owns it. 

“Dude, what the hell? What do you want?” You ask, tone rising in annoyance. 

“What was that out there? With Taehyung?” He scolds. Confusion and a little bit of anger rises within you, laced with the small amount of alcohol in your system. 

You snatch your hand away from his grip. “We weren’t doing anything wrong. It’s not like we’re the only ones dancing.”

You don’t understand why he was being this way. Lately, all he seems to be doing is be irritated with you. 

The two of you stare each other down, seeing who gives up first. It ends when he lets out a tired breath. 

With the way his expression changed, it looked like he still had a lot to say but decided to let it go.

“I’m sorry. I’ll let you two be quiet in your room.” And he walks away. 

You watch his back as he walks out the kitchen, confused and somehow annoyed at his actions. Why is he still treating you like a kid? You are 20 now, can’t he see you as an adult? 

There was a light clang pang of your metal water bottle when you slammed it down your kitchen counter. You catch your breath you didn’t even know you were holding. It was like that with Yoongi always. He always makes you feel like you can’t breathe but free at the same time. When you get in arguments with him, you want to wash your mouth with soap. You never want to be in a bad place with him. He matters so much to you.

When you entered your room, Taehyung was still there, still in the same position you left him. You set down your water bottle and glass on the side table. Pouring out the liquid in the glass, you ask your friend. “You can tell me what’s wrong.” 

You offer the glass of water to him, which he accepts with a small thanks. He sips a bit and sets it in his hands, elbows resting on his thighs. You sat beside him and placed a hand on his back that was slouched gently. 

“Or you can sober up first.” You pat his back. “Your choice, buddy.” 

It was silent for a while as you both sat side by side. You stare at the wall, basking in the tense silence you both created. That was until you heard the small sniffs from your friend. Barely audible sniffs that eventually turn into sobs. You feel his body shake beneath your hands and you see his hands firmly gripping the glass. 

“He…” Taehyung hands you the glass of water which you quickly set down before it breaks in his grip. He doesn’t look at you at all time, not wanting to make you see him crying. “My dad, he’s gone.” 

“Oh, Tae.” You embrace him, wrapping your arms around him. He rests his face on your shoulder as he sobs. You couldn’t help but be moved by his emotions, tearing up and you caress his back. 

You know that Taehyung was from a far province, he has a loving mother and father. He grew up well with a father who managed a factory before he got sick and bedridden. His mother, a beautiful loving housewife who had a small bakery. Financials weren’t an easy subject for them. When his father got bedridden, her mother had to cut her time in the bakery to take care of her husband and younger kids, lowering their family income more. Thankfully, his father had already set aside a bank account for Taehyung’s education before he even reached age, one that his grandparents had contributed in as well in honor of him being the first grandchild of the family. 

“Why haven’t you come home?” You asked him. You feel him shake his head. “I can’t.” He sniffs. “Because if I go then it’d be real.” 

You sigh, not knowing what to say. 

“Do you want me to go with you?” You suggest instead. “We can take the bus tomorrow morning.” 

“You’d skip classes?” He chuckles bitterly, his crying pausing as he lifts his head to be at the same head level as you. You never skip class. You laugh and roll your eyes. “I will. For you.”

“Damn. I wish I recorded that. I would show it to the whole school. The Ice Queen, will do anything for silly old me.” He jokes and sniffs, making you frown and hit his shoulder. And he finally smiles.

“Kim Y/N, you told me that you have a few days off. I didn’t know you were gonna skip classes!” Namjoon scolded you, his jaw clenching like it always does when he’s angry.

You hung your head low. Apparently, when you were gone with Taehyung, Namjoon came to know that you skipped classes when your friend in one class dropped by to give you some notes that you asked for. You should’ve asked her to send it by mail instead.

“And to do what? Hang out with this Taehyung guy?” Namjoon was fuming and you understood why. You bite your lower lip and look up at him.

“I’m sorry, Joon. I should’ve told you the truth.” You reply with a trembling voice and teary eyes.

Yoongi watches from the edge of the couch. When you came in, the two were already sitting in the living room. Namjoon was looking pissed and Yoongi just stared at you. 

So here you were, a backpack full of used clothes on the floor in front of a now fuming standing older brother.

Your brother's eyes softened when he saw how scared you were. “I’m sorry for yelling.” He sighs and picks up the backpack that you dropped. 

“It’s not about skipping. I don’t give a shit about that. You can skip all you want as long as you graduate, Y/N. It’s just that you know that I don’t like you lying to me.” He hands you your backpack which you accept.

He was right. Trust for each other is what made you two hang on up to this moment. And you shouldn’t ruin it.

“I’m sorry.” You say and nod, tears threatening to spill out of your eyes. “I’m sorry, Joonie.”

Your brother hugs you, his tall frame looming over yours. You wrap your arms around him. “Don’t cry. I’m sorry.. Have you eaten?” He breaks off the hug and looks down at you.

“I’ll go get a plate for you. Go clean up.”

In your room, you close the door behind you and lean your back on it. You sigh. You’re 20. You should be starting to make adult decisions. Maybe you are really just still a kid. 

When you’re done preparing yourself and making your way to the dining table, Namjoon wasn’t there. It’s just Yoongi reading a book. His ebony hair was still a bit wet from the shower he had. A few strands of dried hair falling over his brow and just above his eyeglasses. He looks up for a second to shoot you a glance before turning his attention back to his book. 

“Hey.” His sweet deep voice greets you. 

“Hey,” you reply and sit across from him. “Why are you reading here?” You ask him and pick up the utensils in front of you. 

The food looks delicious but you weren’t really that hungry. The bus ride with Taehyung was spent talking, napping, snacking, listening to music, and snacking again. Still, food at home is different. It was your favorite thing to go home to–Yoongi’s cooking.

“Joon went out to buy something.” You realize this doesn’t answer your question but you chose to ignore it with a huff.

“Did you have fun on your little trip?” He asks, still not looking up from his book. You shrug. “It was okay.” Your back rests on the chair, shoulders now slumped while playing with your food. 

“Why do you do that?” Yoongi asks again, flipping a page on his book. It takes a second for you to answer in confusion. “What do you mean?”

“Why… do you never tell me things?” He asks softly and you wish you could see his eyes beneath the strands of his hair. 

You chuckled nervously, confused at the sudden heavy atmosphere. “What do you mean? I do tell you things, Yoongi.” 

The man in front of you clicks his tongue. “Nevermind. Forget I said anything.”

You let out an exaggerated sigh. “Can you stop doing that? Just say what you want to say to me.” You drop your utensils on the plate and cross your arms.

Yoongi’s book closes with a loud thud and it lands on the table when he tosses it lightly. “You don’t tell me shit anymore. It’s like you've been keeping me at a distance for months. I’ve been wondering what the hell I’ve done, Y/N.”

You fix your gaze on the man in front of you. You feel the pent up frustration flowing through him. He has been feeling this way for months? 

“I-” You open your mouth to speak but no words come out. Why do you keep thinking that it’s only you who cares enough for the two of you? Yoongi has always been there for you as a friend. It’s not what you wanted but he was everything you need in a friend. 

He was right. Back in high school, you would even text him at least three times a week. You would ask him any random thing and tell him about your day. He always responds right away which makes your heart jump every time. 

Ever since he started dating Jieun and even when they broke up, you’ve been putting all your energy into everywhere else but him. You started going home late so you don’t have to eat dinner with him and on weekends, you always hang out with Taehyung instead of hanging at home when you usually watch movies with Namjoon or Yoongi. You didn’t realize he noticed or even cared.

“Oh. I’m sorry.” You stammer before bowing your head. You try to think of an excuse for your actions. You can’t just tell him it’s because you’ve caught feelings for your brother’s best friend and you’ve been trying to move on from him on your own. 

He sighs and his tensed shoulders fall. “It’s.. it’s fine. Just tell me what’s wrong.” He says and leans forward, elbows on the table. 

You shake your head. “You’ve done nothing wrong, Yoongi.” 

“Then why avoid me?” He replies fast, a slight hint of desperation in his voice. “Have I made you uncomfortable in any way? Do you not like living with me?” 

You chuckle and bite your lip. “You can never make me uncomfortable, Yoongs.” You pause. “It’s just weird for me right now. And it’s got nothing to do with you or anyone. It’s just me. And I’m trying to figure it out myself. I’m sorry if I’ve been avoiding you.” 

He sighs. “Okay. But you know you’re my best friend too, right? You’re family to me too.” 

You nod and give him a warm smile. “I know. And you are to me too.” 

Namjoon could never stay mad at you. The two of you went back to normal after a few days. You never told him the reason why Taehyung and you made that trip. You only told Namjoon your friend needed support back home. Why you never told him the whole truth, you don’t know why. Parents have always been a taboo subject to you and Namjoon. Growing up, he didn’t like to talk about parents. 

When you were younger, you used to ask Namjoon if he knew your father. He would smile sadly and change the topic. Once, he answered he didn't know. But you know he was lying. You stopped asking when one night when he was a sophomore in high school, after he had accompanied you to a meeting with teachers in school, you found him crying in his bed. 

You didn’t know why he was crying and you didn’t want to ask him. Namjoon has always shown you his tough side. Your strong older brother was crying but your feet stayed planted on the floor. Silently, you slid to the floor, listening to his sobs and cries.

And when he finally stopped, you peek in his room again. That’s when you realize that he had been clutching a poster you made in school. It was a poster of appreciation to your parents or guardian. You didn’t know who to put and you didn’t really want to put your mother because she made your brother angry that day. And you liked Namjoon better than your mother. So you drew Namjoon instead. 

So after placing a kiss on his cheek on his sleeping form, you left his room and never asked again. 

“Mom, what are you doing here?” You asked as you opened the door and found your mother looking like shit. More than she ever had been. Her eyes were bloodshot and she was staring at you with a weird sloppy smile. 

You were home alone, both Yoongi and Namjoon at work. She huffed and pushed you out of the way. “Hey!” You complain as she continues to let herself in. 

“You’re not welcome here, Mom! Get home before Namjoon finds you here.” 

She flops herself on the couch and you wince when you get closer to her. Not only does she look like she hasn't showered for days, you can also smell she hasn’t showered for days.

“Namjoon, Namjoon, Namjoon.” She mocks while rolling her eyes. “What’s so great about that kid? Just because he has money now, he can treat me like shit?” She complains, finger pointing to her chest. You look at her in disbelief. 

“Mom, can you please just leave?” You beg this time, not really wanting to deal with her at all. This is the first time she’s been here. As usual, she’s drunk off her ass. 

The woman glares at you before standing up. For a moment, you thought she was gonna head to the door. But you know better that this woman is not that easy. She shifts her walk to the television. Just below it lies all the framed pictures of you. Your high school graduation picture, Namjoon’s and Yoongi’s college ones, and the picture of the three of you in your high school graduation.

“Look at all of you.” The bitterness in her tone is evident. “All happy now without me, aren’t you?” 

Anger flows through your veins. How dare she act like this at your own home? “Mom, leave it.” You demand this time. She looked back at you for a second before picking up the picture of the three of you. 

You step closer to her, about to retrieve the picture frame but she moved it away from you. “Can you just tell me what the hell you’re doing here? And how the hell did you even find us?” You say as you reached harder and snatched the frame from her hands. 

“I have my ways.” She shrugs and moves to sit on the couch again. 

She sighs. “I just miss you, poochie coo.” You’re disgusted as you watch her pout and lay on your couch like she’s back at home. “Haven’t you missed your momma?” 

You gave her a groan in disgust. 

And just like that, she began rambling on like she used to when the two of you were alone.  You’ve tuned out all of it as you stayed standing by the television, gripping the picture frame in your hand. Knuckles were turning white as your lips trembled in anger. She still can't act like this. You’re free from her. This isn’t her home anymore. This is your home. She can’t put her dirty paws in it and trash the place.

“Why can’t you just leave us alone?” 

She stops talking, staring at you with a brow raised. Instead of answering, she kept on rambling on how hard life has been for her since you left that hellhole of a house.

“We left you because you deserved it!” You scream and throw the picture frame. You hear the glass break but you don't care. Tears fall from your red face. “You’re a bad fucking mom and an an even worse person. Namjoon doesn’t give a shit about you and you know exactly fucking why!” 

You’ve never been angry at your mother. You’ve always loved her. No. You tolerated her. But what you can’t tolerate is her being at your home and walking over you. This is your safe place. You’re no longer her doormat.

That shut her up. You’ve never raised your voice at her. Her countenance couldn’t be deciphered, giving you a flat face, but with years of experience, you know she’s angry. And it wasn’t the anger she gives Namjoon when they fight. It’s a different kind of anger. 

“J-just…leave us alone from now on, please.” It was let out in a whisper that you don’t even know if she heard. 

She stands up and walks over to you. You know what comes next. You know it all too well.

“You’re raising your voice now to me too? You’re leaving me too?” The tears in her eyes were too familiar that you find it both disgusting and heartbreaking. She stares at you and places a hand on your cheek. The anger on your face quickly subsides. Her thumb caresses your skin. Her hands are rough, which is a texture you’re used to. “Like your father and Namjoon?” 

Like it was second nature, you fold into her hand. “I…” You’re unable to answer, shaking your head.

“You know what your father did to me, Y/N. You know. And I’m trying. I’m gonna be better. I promise. So don’t leave me, please.” You sigh, tired of hearing these words. You sigh and you know it’s just going to be another lie. You sigh but you nod. 

“Y/N?” 

You didn’t even hear him come in. Yoongi stands there, fresh from work. His eyes go back and forth at the two of you in a way that you can’t decipher. Within three seconds, his face hardens. You don’t understand why. You only watch as he heads to the door and opens it again. He stands by it while holding the knob and then turns his body to face your direction again. 

He stares hardly at your mother, eyes burning and never drifting away from her. 

“Get out.”

Your mom drops her hand from your face. She huffs then chuckles in disbelief. “Excuse me?”

“You didn’t hear me the first time? Get out of our house.” His voice is louder this time, but he’s not shouting. No. Yoongi never raises his voice when he’s mad. That’s one thing you know about him–one thing you love about him. He’s calculative and calm when he’s mad. There’s no screaming. No fighting. He tries to understand. And when he doesn’t, he walks away for a while.

The woman beside you looks at you for help and you try and stutter out a few words. But before you can really say anything, Yoongi stops you. He still doesn’t look at you. 

“Don’t look at her. She’s not gonna help you. So take your wrecked ass out of my apartment.”

She stares at the two of you in disbelief before chuckling again bitterly. “Fine. Rude fucking kids. Got a whole place to themselves and think they fucking rule the world.” She looks at you then wraps her arms around you. You cringe.

“Be careful, darling. We’re two peas in a pod, you and I. I just don’t want you to end up like me. That’s why I don’t want you to leave me, okay? I love you.” She whispers in your ear. 

I just don’t want you to end up like me. These words repeat in your head. And you don’t even notice as she leaves. You just stand there right where she left you, unable to lift your feet of the ground. You don’t see her walk out the door. You don’t see Yoongi walking over to you in concern. You don’t notice as Yoongi sits you by the couch in silence. You don’t hear Yoongi calling your brother in concern. You don’t realize he disappears for a moment to shower and get out of his work clothes. You only realize when he’s now beside you on the couch in his comfortable fluffy sweatshirt he loves.

Yoongi just sits there beside you. He doesn’t touch you or talk to you. He just sits there, letting his presence be known at all times. 

When you snap back into reality, you call for him. “Yoongi?” 

You don’t look at him when you ask the question that came up in your mind. “That wasn’t love, was it?” 

He smiles sadly before shaking his head. 

“No. Y/N. I don’t think so.”

Before you were ever to miss your best friend, he was back in the city to annoy you. The two of you were studying peacefully in the university library as Taehyung as you to join him cram his missed works because of his sudden trip. 

“Did something happen while I was gone?” Taehyung whispers, making you furrow your brows in confusion. 

“What do you mean?” You asked, your gaze still focused on the paper you were writing on. 

He sighs barely audibly. “Nothing. You just look kind of down… or something.” 

You shrug. “It’s nothing. Mom dropped by our apartment unannounced and it shook us up. Even Yoongi.” Taehyung didn’t press on the topic any further, focusing back on his own work. You were glad he doesn’t.

It was silent until you feel the vibration of your phone in your pocket. This bothered you because you’ve put it on study mode. Which means that your phone was set only to receive notifications from your brother and Yoongi. You fished out your phone from your pocket to look.

joon is on his way to ilsan. angry.

It was Yoongi’s text. You mutter a curse under your breath but it does not slip by Taehyung. He peeks at your phone and his eyes widened. “I-I need to go.”

“You need me to drive you?” He asks and you nod immediately, worry filling your eyes.

The two of you quickly pack your things up and rush out of the library. Taehyung guides you to his motorbike but not before throwing your things inside his dormitory. You don’t even notice that Taehyung was the one who put your helmet on because you were thinking too much to do it on your own in a quick motion. You hop behind him and wrap your arms on his waist. 

“All set. Hold tight.” He orders before driving away. 

On the way, you call Yoongi. 

He answers in two rings. “Yoongi!” You scream to the phone so he can hear you through the traffic. “Y/N? Are you on the road?!” He asks the obvious. “Yes! I’m on Taehyung’s bike!” You answer. 

“You– I’m already on the way to stop him–or hold him back. I don’t know. Get back to your school, Y/N!” There is anger and worry in his voice. 

You roll your eyes like he could see it. “Well then, you shouldn’t have fucking told me!” 

Namjoon voluntarily seeing your mother specifically is never a good thing. It always ends badly. You have to be there for your brother. You always have to be there.

Because you know he’d be there too.

“Fuck, okay. Just drive safe. I’m almost there. Tell Taehyung not to rush on the road.” Those were Yoongi’s last words before he dropped the call. 

Screams.

The first thing you heard from outside the house was your mother’s voice. 

You hopped off the motorbike and handed Taehyung’s extra helmet to him. “Go.” He nods. 

The door swung open before you even knock, revealing your brother’s best friend with a worried face. “Y/N’s here.” He sighs. 

“Oh, thank god. Can you talk some sense to your brother? He’s being so dramatic.” 

Alcohol. The first thing that your senses take in was the smell of alcohol, then it was cigarettes. Every corner of the place that used to be your home reeked of vices. The living room was a mess more than it ever was before. Clothes and bottles were scattered around everywhere. But the woman standing in the middle of it was the biggest mess of them all. 

“Namjoon, let’s go home.” You say under your breath, tired.

“Right. Go back to where you came from and stop bothering me, little fuck.” Namjoon’s jaw clenches, burning eyes never straying from the woman in front of him. 

“You never go back to our home. If I even hear you step foot a block away from our apartment, I’ll call the police. Fuck you.” 

“You can’t keep her away from me.” She laughs in between her words like a maniac. She steps closer to Namjoon, her height making her raise her head to look him in the eye. “She’s my child.” 

The frown on his face disappears into an astonished smirk, but the moist eyes was a dead giveaway. You know him well enough to know what he’s thinking. She does not treat him like his child. She never did.

Before Namjoon could reply, you speak up from where you stand. 

“You’re not my mother.’’ You spat, finally looking at the woman you gave birth to you. She looks at you with a stunned–no, offended look on her face. Dare, it even left her speechless for a moment.

“Namjoon.” You shift your eyes back to your brother and call him again, louder this time.

“That’s right. Go call your brother who wants to act like a victim. Every fucking tim–” 

“Shut the fuck up!”  You interrupt your mother, making her pause her words. 

She looks at you with disdain in her eyes. 

“Namjoon’s your child too.” You callously spat, stepping closer to your supposed family. “He raised me. All on his own. You should be thanking him. You should be worshipping him, kissing his feet, and apologizing to him.” 

You don’t know how you were stopping yourself from crying. You feel like you could be passing out at this very moment, but you don’t. Instead, you stand your ground, gathering all the lost courage and tell your mom the words you always wanted to say, words never wavering and dicted with conviction. This time, no tears were spent for your mom. 

“I despise you.” And you grab your brother’s hand to leave.

Namjoon gets to his car and looks at you. You shake your head and point at Taehyung who was waiting patiently outside. 

You know your brother will cry and you wanted him to have his privacy. 

Before you even touch the helmet Taehyung was handing to you, Yoongi grabs your hand.

“You’ll ride with me.” And so you went with him, giving Taehyung a look of apology. Your best friend doesn’t mind, giving you a thumbs up before hopping on his bike.

“I’ll head back to the dorms!” Taehyung shouts while you follow Yoongi to his car. 

You sat on the passenger’s seat quietly the whole ride, not once looking at Yoongi. Instead, you basked in the comfort of his presence, trying to get your mind off the whole ordeal earlier. 

The drive back to the apartment was too fast to leave you alone with your own thoughts and Yoongi’s presence enough. You almost feel disappointed when you make a turn on the familiar street. 

It felt normal, the ride. But the realization only comes when the engine of the car shuts off and he lets go.

Yoongi was holding your hand, the other effortlessly on the wheel.

Silence fills the car. You tell yourself to speak up because you do want to tell him something. But you don’t find the words in your head. The longing to feel his touch longer than this moment. 

“Yoongi.” 

“Y/N.”

His gaze falls on the hand that is still wrapped in yours. Then it goes back to your face. You look back at him, the atmosphere in the car getting heavier by the second. For a moment, you allow yourself to let your eyes drift to his lips. But you avoid it intently, moving back to his eyes. His dark eyes that seemed to hold a lot of thoughts. You attempt to speak up, but didn’t continue as you hear the slam of your brother’s car door.

He squeezes your hand three times, before letting it go.

What the hell was that?

Taehyung and you were eating ice cream on a park. Your thighs resting on your friend’s lap. Taehyung has learned that there are rare times you get clingy to someone you’re close with. 

“So, you’re saying you two are holding hands the whole ride back home?” You nod.

He gives you a look.

“What?” 

He was still giving you the look.

You slap his arm. “What’s with the look?!” You ask, irritated.

“That’s sus. That’s very sus.” He says before staring ahead and licking his ice cream.

You were about to say something but you sense someone looking at you at your peripheral vision. Turning you head, you found a familiar girl in a cute white dress staring. She waves at you. 

You quickly remove your legs from Taehyung’s and wave back at her while she makes her way to you. God, how is she this pretty? 

“Jieun!” You greet her and she chuckles at your enthusiasm. 

“Y/N! How have you been? And is this your boyfriend? He looks handsome!” 

Your eyes widen and your hands shoot up to wave in defense. Taehyung snorts. “She wishes.” 

“This is my college friend, Taehyung. I’ve been doing fine. How about you? I heard about you and Yoongi. I’m sorry. If you want me to kick his ass for you, I will.”

She shakes her head. “Oh! No. Yoongi and I weren’t serious or anything. It was just casual.” 

“Oh. I thought since I haven’t been seeing you around the house…” 

She nods and laughs. “I got promoted. Yeah, to be honest, it’s been a pain directly working under the boss. Your brother is lucky he only stays in the office. The hours are fixed. Now I don’t even have time to hang around anymore.”

“Then I won’t be seeing you at home any time soon?” You ask her, pouting.

“I don’t think so. But I sure will try!” Her phone rings. “Speaking of the devil. Gotta get these papers back to the boss. Bye! It was nice to meet you Taehyung!”

She runs off. But not completely before looking back at the two of you.

“I’m sure Yoongi wouldn’t mind keeping you company at home, Y/N.” She winks.

And Taehyung repeated slaps your thigh.

“Oh my God, what does she mean by that?!” 

-

The dress you wore was simple but pretty. It was a two-piece white satin dress with a square neckline. It matched with the black pumps you had. Taehyung had helped you choose the outfit because you had to look nice and you agreed with him.

It was your birthday, after all.

You wanted to opt for a private dinner with all the people you care about. Something intimate and simple just for the four of you. But Taehyung had to nag you to have a party so he can host and possibly get wasted. He couldn’t convince you but when Namjoon had heard the idea when Taehyung was in your apartment convincing you about it, he was exhilarated. What else can you do but agree?

The smell of the club fills your nose. Goosebumps arise from your skin as the breeze from the air conditioner hits you as you enter the place Namjoon has rented a table for the day. Mrs. Park was the one who recommended the place to Namjoon. It seemes that the woman had friends in Seoul. Ms. Wong, the owner of the place and the friend of your favorite diner’s waitress-slash-owner, agreed to give you a private room today for a very friendly price so you could celebrate your 21st birthday. 

Taehyung, as the self-proclaimed creative of the group, adorned the tables with colorful decorations. White and Pink balloons filled the tables and floor. He also personally got some random student from school to DJ for the night. Knowing your best friend, he probably got him to do so as a favor. 

You have invited your high school friends and Taehyung invited some of your mutual friends and acquiantances from the university. You told Namjoon he can invite some of his friends from work too. 

“And there’s the birthday girl!” 

The party hasn’t even started yet and Taehyung already has a cup of most definitely not water in his hand. You were about to scold him but was interrupted when your guests scream your name and greet you one by one. They all take turns to greet you, give you presents, and take pictures with you. 

When they were all done, god, were you exhausted. 

“Alright, everyone, you can go have fun. Drink or eat. I need to talk to my friend.” Taehyung pouts as he pulled you away from the people and sat you by the table.

“Have you eaten? We should’ve come together.” Taehyung slides you a plate of carbonara. 

“I thought Namjoon was gonna come with me but he had a slight emergency at work.” You say as you take a fork of the pasta in your mouth. 

“You went alone?! Why didn’t you call me?” His eyes widened as he interrogated you while you continue to eat.

You shake your head. “I didn’t come alone.” 

His eyes lit up. “You didn’t?”

As if on cue, the chair beside you from your left slides and someone sits down. “She didn’t, kid.”

Yoongi gazes at your friend who looks at you with raised brow and a sly smile. You pinch him before the person who came with you get any ideas. 

You turn to Yoongi. “What took you so long? You said you were just going to park.” 

He plasted a smile on his face, resembling a cheshire cat. “I had to pick something up.” 

You were curious to what was it but decided not press any further. Instead you ask, “do you know what time Namjoon will arrive?” 

He shrugs. “He said he’s on his way with some officemates.” He pulls the plate of food from you and grabs your fork with his left hand. You feel your cheeks turn pink not because he used the same fork you used. (Even if it was that, you still weren’t used to the domestic treatment of Yoongi to you.) You were blushing because his arm rests on top of your chair, making it seem like his arm was around your shoulder. You don’t think he notices how small the distance is with the two of you right now.

“You told me you ate already.” He gives you a side eye. He did ask you at home if you did but you answered yes. 

“I just thought I could grab a bite here instead of making you cook before coming here.” You reply honestly. 

Taehyung was watching the interaction like it was his favorite tv show. Such a shame that someone calls him to the dance floor. He doesn’t even bother ruining the moment and leaves the two of you on the table without a word. 

“Finish your food before you go drink.” Yoongi orders rather softly before handing you your fork back.

“Finish your food before you go drink.” You repeat in a mocking voice while taking the utensil in your hand. He doesn’t press on your teasing but you hear him tsk in return. 

In contrast to the loud music and colorful lights, the two of you sat in silence while you share a plate and ate. You pray to God for someone to save you from being alone with him before you explode. 

God must be real, because just as you took your last bite, you hear your brother’s voice calling you.

He wore a black coat over his white shirt, neck tie removed and a few buttons left open. By his side were who you assume were his friends from work. You can only recognize Jieun from them.

“Joonie!” You jump off your chair to wrap your arms around your brother. 

“Woah.” He stumbles a little from the weight you unanticipatedly put on him. He pats your back. “Happy Birthday, ugly.” He greets you. You giggle and let go. 

“Hi, Jieun! You came!” You say before hugging her as well. “I wouldn’t miss it for the world. And it was totally my fault that your brother was late.” You release her from the embrace, looking at her curiously. “So I came to apologize for that too. He had to fix a mess at work.” She pouts and you laugh and wave a hand. “It’s fine. As long as you’re here now.” 

Jieun hands you a paper bag and you thank her. Namjoon introduces you his other friends, who gave you gifts as well. You tell them they didn’t really have to but thank them anyway. 

The beautifully delicate woman’s gaze falls on the person standing behind you. Her eyes lit up in amusement. 

“Yoongi. You’re here too.” She acknowledges him. 

The man now beside you looks away, not meeting the eyes in front of him. “Why wouldn’t I be?” He shrugs. 

“Yeah, of course. The best friend.” You couldn’t help but sense a tone of bitterness in Jieun’s voice, making your doubt that they ended on good terms. 

You laugh awkwardly to remove the tension in the space. “Hey, Joon! I’m gonna go drink with my friends, if that’s alright?” You shift your gaze to Joon who was talking to his friends, not seeing the exchange that took place. He nods at you and tell you to enjoy. 

After with three mix of drinks Taehyung had given you, you were dancing the night away. “Twenty fucking one!” Your best friend screams. 

You were dancing with him before he was whisked away by some random man you don’t know. Now, you were dancing with your friends from high school and a few from university. Eunwoo, your seatmate in Statistics, being one of them. He was being close to you all night. You didn’t mind. He wasn’t doing anything inappropriate, just dancing and vibing closely to you. You mostly dance with Mina anyway. You forgot how much you missed her.

“So, that hot best friend of that brother of yours, huh?” She shouts while swaying her hips to the music. 

You furrow your brows and leaned in to her ear to let her hear you better. “What do you mean?” 

“Saw you two close together. Is something finally happening?” She teases, poking your exposed stomach from the crop top. You swat her hand away and shake your head. 

“He’s not interested in me like that. That was nothing.” You explained, partly convincing yourself as well. 

She raises a brow. “Did he tell you that?” She asks you. 

“What?” You ask even if you heard her clearly.

She gave you a lop sided grin. “Did you ask him if it meant nothing? Because if it meant nothing, why was he watching you more than your brother tonight?” 

Your eyes immediately search for the man in the black and white baseball jacket, finding him drinking quietly in your table, the same spot he sat at earlier. When you meet his eyes, he immediately looks away. 

“See?” She whispers,

“He’s just worried about me.” You reason. 

“You sure about that? Do me a favor and stay close to that cutie from your class all night. Let’s see how he reacts then.”

Then a very sensual song plays. “Oh, you know this song?!” Eunwoo leans in your ear and shouts. You nod at him and laugh. “Yeah.” He didn’t have to scream if he was gonna lean in. 

“You wanna dance with me on this one?” He asks, smirking. You hesitate, about to look around to find your brother if he might see. 

“She does want to!” Mina answers for you before you can and pushes you to the man, making you land on his chest. Steady hands catch your arms before the both of you stumble. You feel your cheeks heat up at the close proximity of your face to him when you finally look up. 

“Woah there.” He whispers, and you see the way the lights hit his face. 

Eunwoo is attractive. In fact, he’s the most attractive guy in your class. It seemed that he’s interested in you, too. It wouldn’t be bad to indulge yourself in the presence of another man if the man you were eyeing won’t ever be yours, wouldn’t it? 

Maybe if you look at the other options, you would forget the unattainable one. 

Shaking your head off the thought, you push yourself off of Eunwoo softly. There shouldn’t be an option at all in the conversation. No one deserves to be a rebound or a choice.

First of all, you have to stop what you feel. 

You look back at the table to find the spot you were watching empty. Where did he go?

“Actually, Eunwoo. I think I’m gonna go and have some fresh air.” You admit. 

Eunwoo’s face fell. “Oh. Did do I something wrong?” He asks, suddenly looking small and scratching the back of his neck. 

“No, no.” Your hands shot up to deny his question. “You didn’t! I just feel stuffy all of a sudden.”

Then a genuine look of worry paints his face. “Are you okay? Do you need me to go with you?” 

You shake your head, “It’s fine. I’ll be back in a minute!” You add before making your way out of the dancing crowd, leaving your friends and Taehyung throwing it back in a circle of people. 

The sigh escapes your mouth when a whip of air hits your face as you stepped out of the establishment. 

“Didn’t like dancing?” 

Your head whips to the direction of the voice. There he stands, back resting on the wall and hands on his pockets. It was a cold night, you realize as the hair on your arms rise. Your hands shot up immediately to hold your arms in a cross position. 

“It’s cold out here. Why don’t you get back inside?” He asks another question before you even answer the first one. 

“I could ask you the same thing.” You snort before taking your place beside him. The same spot that felt so comfortable to you. Next to him, you feel safe yet unknown. You know you belong there but as what? As a friend? As a sister? As a lover? And you know it’s hardly the last one. But what else can you do but dream?

“I have a jacket. You, however…” He points out the obvious without looking at you. He was right. The dress you wore was showing too much skin for the cold not to affect your body in the most it can. But you can hardly think about the cold at the moment so you don’t give him an answer.

Silence filled the air for a few minutes. It’s always like this with Yoongi. Silence, comfort, and safety. It was never quiet with you. Not in your life. But whenever Yoongi come into it, it became quiet. He has made you feel at peace. He has made you feel warm. 

The warmth he offered sometimes hurt, you admit. But it was not his fault. You are greedy. You want more of the warmth than what he can offer. But you would take this hurt everyday than go back to the chaos and noise that you have known before him. And tonight, you feel you can allow yourself to be more greedy.

“Do I look pretty tonight?” The words come out of your mouth before you even think. The beating heart in your chest seemed to want to run away from your brain with how fast it went.

“What?” Yoongi undoubtedly found the question unusual as you have never asked him questions like this. You weren’t one to worry about your appearance. They know that you’re definitely insecure about a myriad of things but you refrain from letting people know about it. Indulging the people you care about your problems is just not you. 

“I’m asking you if you think I’m attractive.” You repeat, cheeks blushing and eyes set in the other direction. Where you’re getting your confidence right now, you’re not sure where.

“Tsk.” He cocks his head and began to remove his jacket. “You are attractive.” 

“No.” Your hands are now by your stomach, fiddling and playing together. “I’m asking if you think I’m attractive.”

There was a pause in the air for a few second. It seemed like he was thinking. “Come here.” 

When your eyes lift up, you find him offering his jacket to you. He was holding it by it’s shoulder part, the back facing him and ready for you to slide your arms into the empty sleeves. A black long sleeve shirt was left of on him, complementing his growing ebony hair that was reaching the back of his neck. He was yet to get a haircut and you’re thankful for that.

“My arms are gonna die, get in.” He pleads and you comply. You’re disappointed he doesn’t answer the question but you decide not to press into it further due to sudden embarrassment.

You step in and turned around, sliding your right arm first and then your left. You fix the jacket on you as you look straight ahead the empty sidewalk. This was his favorite one. The black one adorned with white details of dragons on the chest and the sleeves. 

“Put your hand in the right pocket.” He instructs and you did. You feel something box-like and fish it out of the garment.

It was a rectangular black velvet box not bigger than your palm. “Wha–”

“It’s your present.” He interrupts your confused reaction.

Inside the box was a gold necklace with a pendant not bigger than half an inch. It resembled a butterfly. The wings were carved by horizontal lines but was connected to four tiny diamonds on each wing’s inner part. 

“Is this real?” You ask, eyes squinting at the necklace now in your hand. 

“Are you saying I’m cheap? Of course, it is. I had my friend from work get it. That’s where I stopped by before going in.” He answers and takes the necklace from you from the back. 

Before you knew it, his arms were in your peripheral vision, ready to put the necklace on you. He clasps it around your neck and you feel the cold pendant on your hand, admiring it. 

Cold hands turn you around by the shoulders, making you face him. 

“You look beautiful.” 

And he smiles. His hands are still on your shoulders, literally making him an arm length from you. The smile on his face is the cutest you have ever seen. It’s toothless and his cheeks more fluffier than ever. The way his eyes sparkled competed with the street lights and the present stars the night sky above the two of you.

He looked so beautiful. 

You’re so fucked. 

You’re irrevocably in love with Min Yoongi. 

It was taking you everything not to step forward and put your lips on his. The self-control you were so adamant to maintain was trying to leave your body because of the rush of emotion you feel.

So you let it happen.

A thud on the ground was the only thing heard when the box from your left hand hit the ground. You don’t miss how his eyes widened at the contact of his soft lips to yours. His hands on your shoulder are now raised in shock. You froze, unaware of what to do next. This wasn’t supposed to happen like this. 

The moment you retract your lips however, his hands find their way to your cage your face. You swear your heart skipped a bit when he voluntarily pressed his lips onto yours and his eyes fluttered close. His plump lips move swiftly with yours, as if memorizing the very taste you.

Is this really happening?

You’re kissing Min Yoongi? You have been dreaming of this for years. You should feel happy. And you are. God, you’re ecstatic. But just like every moment of happiness you feel in your life, the anxiety that there will be an opposite reaction from the roulette of life sticks in your system. You push the ugly thoughts this time and let yourself bask in the excitement you feel.

His hands slide down to your shoulders, to your back, and finally your waist. He tugged your lower lip, tongue sweeping in your lips. There was a type of hunger in his kiss that confuses you. It didn’t feel lustful or wrong. It was not a satisfaction from a craving or a need. There was yearning that confuses you but you can’t help but indulge yourself in the moment. You let it happen and without thinking, your hand finds it way to the back of his neck. 

The icy cold of your palm must have woken him to reality because it made his whole body stiffen and he steps back, breaking the kiss in a swift movement.

“I–” He stutters, face red and out of breath. 

Before he or you can catch his breath or be able to choose his words, the door swings open.

“There you two are!” 

Your one and only brother looks at your surprised face and then at Yoongi, who was looking like he has seen death himself.

“You okay there, bro?” Namjoon asks, looking at his friend in suspicion. You panic, realizing your idiotly clever brother is trying to read the room and figuring out what had happened just before he stepped out of the building.

“Yeah! We were just going in. Yoongi’s getting cold.” You reply for the still frozen man instead when he doesn't answer for a second. 

Your brother still seemed a little confused but nods anyway. “Come on in quick, you guys.” He says before heading back in.

As soon as the door shut close you turn to the man in front of you. 

“Yoongi.” You call him, a hopeful call. It was a call for him to address what happened. It was a pleading for him to step out of his trance. It was you telling him “what now?” in one call of his name.

His eyes finally meet yours. They were hardly readable. You don’t know what he’s thinking and it kills you inside. 

“Yoongi?” You repeat, softly this time. Like you know what he’s about to do.

“Let’s…” His eyes stray from yours. “Let’s go inside.”

His feet carry him three steps before you grab his arm to stop him. Your nimble fingers catch his thick biceps and he looks back at you with pain in his eyes.

“Y/N, please.” He pleads, eyes moist.

“Are we really not going to talk about it?” You questioned almost angrily.

The hand from his other arm touches yours, gently taking it off. “It was a mista–.” Your mouth gapes open at his choice of words.

“A mistake?” You finish his sentence with a raised voice. How can it be a mistake when he kissed you back? He’s confusing you. 

“No! That’s not what I meant.” He rubs his face with his hands and looks up sighing. “Can we talk about this later? Namjoon’s waiting.”

He doesn’t even wait for your answer and leaves you in a rush out in the cold street.

When you come back in, your feet carried you to where Taehyung was. He was still at the dance floor but just lightly dancing and engaging in conversation with his friends. You must have been walking in distress because his face immediately falls to worry when he spots you.

You look straight at him with moist eyes, silently telling him you need him. 

“Hey, I’ll be right back, yeah?” Taehyung bids his friends goodbye and drags you into the women’s comfort room and into a cubicle. 

“What happened?” Taehyung whispered. 

The corners of your lips turn downward and the tears you were holding back finally fall. You cried like a baby and you cover your face with your fists. The alcohol in your system must have had affected you more than you think it did with the way you were more emotional than usual. 

“Hey, hey. Calm down.” Your best friend tried to soothe you, grabbing your hands away from your face and wiping your tears. “You’re gonna ruin your makeup.” 

You slap him on the chest repeatedly. “My makeup is the least of my priorities right now!”

“I know. I know! I was just trying to make you laugh! I’m kind of freaked out right now because I’ve never seen you cry and I’m gonna be honest here, you’re actually kind of an ugly crier.” He rants as he tried to stop you from hitting him. 

When you stopped hitting him and there wasn’t an overwhelming feeling to wail and cry, you pushed the lid of the toilet close and sat on it. You look up at your friend who stands in front of you. There was a moment of silence and the only thing that can be heard is you sniffing.

“Not gonna lie, you look like you’re about to suck my dick right now.” Taehyung jokes again and he covers himself with his hands after saying it, afraid to be hit again. Instead, you glare at him and huff.

“We kissed.” You confess. 

“You what? Who?” His brows furrow in confusion, crossing his arms by his chest.

You gave him a look, not wanting to say the name. The man in front of you stares, thinking for a few seconds, then his eyes widens and he clasps a hand on his mouth when he gasps loudly. 

You shush him and he sits on bended knees to get closer to you. “You kissed Yoongi?! How the fuck did that happen?” He shouts in a whisper. 

“I kissed him and he kissed me back.” You answer and Taehyung watches as your face scrunches up and the tears well in your eyes again. He immediately brings out a handkerchief from his pocket and shushes you, offering you words of comfort like a little kid.

“And assuming you’re crying now, it didn’t end well?” He asks as he wipes your tears with the cloth. You nod with a pout over your tears and Taehyung smiles sadly. He always admired how you love so pure and delicately. He wishes Yoongi could see you the way he sees you. 

No, he doesn’t like you like that. But he wishes he could see that you were more than a little sister who’s been hurt. You’re a strong kind woman. The kind of person who would give up everything just to help someone. He wishes that not only Yoongi but also your brother could see that you only allow yourself to be vulnerable in front of them. 

“Do you want me to speak to him?” He genuinely offers, a bitter tone on his voice.

“No. He said we’ll speak after the party.” You answer, finally halting from crying.

Taehyung helped you collect yourself and fix the way you look before going out again. It was all your goal to not see or approach Yoongi for the rest of the night but you can’t help it when the first thing you see the moment you stepped out of the comfort room is his face.

There he was, sitting on a bar stool, away from the private tables. 

Unlike earlier when he stayed away from heavy drinks, there was a glass of whiskey in his hand. The regret of wearing white creeps in because you think it might’ve made you stood out against the dark ambiance of the place. You know because his eyes shift in your direction when Taehyung was dragging you out.

It would’ve been fine. You would’ve been okay if he just ignored you and carried on drinking. That was you were supposed to do too, anyway. 

But the thing that made your heart shatter was when you found who was sitting beside him–Jieun. You see her touch his arm and whisper in his ear. Taehyung has pulled you away from the scene before you see what happen next.

The night passed and you were left to act like nothing happened. You faked smiles and avoided Yoongi all throughout the night. Eunwoo did not approach you more that night which you were thankful for. It seemed he got the point that you weren’t interested in anything more. You danced with your friends, open your gifts in front of many, and wasted the night away with alcohol.

On the way home, you chose to ride with your brother. As you sit silently beside him, you were wishing he didn’t sense how there was a shift in yours and his best friend’s aura. 

Your mind brings you back to the kiss that still lingers on your lips and you wonder how the night had turned upside down. “How was that for a birthday, huh?” Namjoon asked.

“Was fun, yeah?” You only chuckle in response and looked out the window. You can feel him stare at you from your peripheral vision. 

“Who gave you that necklace?” He suddenly asks and you realize he must’ve been looking at the jewelry around your neck.

Your hand flies up to touch the necklace, once again being reminded of the man you’ve been trying hard to forget since hours ago. “Yoongi gave it to me.”

You don’t miss the way his expressions harden ir the way his knuckles turn white from the grip on the wheel. “Huh.” He only reacts.

“What’s wrong?” You ask, curious at his reaction. 

“Oh, nothing. The necklace is just familiar, that’s all.” He smiles at you before setting his eyes back at the road fully.

You feel the charm of the necklace up with your thumb and index finger, feeling the rough texture of it. 

Familiar? 

The drive home was normal after that. You didn’t have much conversation and only sang to some songs on the radio. When Namjoon was parking, Yoongi was already waiting outside his car. You watch him as he stands there with his hands in his pocket, kicking the ground like a kid impatiently waiting. 

“I asked him to wait so he could help carry some of your gifts.” Joon explained without you asking. You nod. “Ah.” 

When you stepped out the car, your eyes meet with Yoongi’s. It’s as if a million words holds them. 

“I’ll go ahead first. I need to wash up.” You say to both of them and break the contact with Yoongi. 

You did as you told and don’t look back at your brother and his best friend who were busy getting your gifts from the car. 

You lie in your bed, unable to sleep for hours. Finally giving up on trying, you sit up on your bed. Feeling a slight parch on your throat, you decide to get a glass of something to drink in the kitchen. But before you do, you text the man who was on your mind–the culprit of you not being able to sleep tonight.

u up? - 3:48 am

Not even a minute later, your phone dings with a notification. He must’ve been not able to sleep as well.

why - 3:48 am

meet me in the kitchen. - 3:49 am

Before leaving your room, you take a check on your appearance. You wore an oversized band shirt and comfy lounge shorts. You run your hand over your hair to brush over the stray strands that went in different directions over your aggressive turning on the bed. When you were satisfied with how your hair looked, you went out of your room and into the kitchen. 

He still wasn’t there when you arrived so you sat down on a bar stool by the kitchen counter and waited for him with a boxed chocolate drink in your hand. 

Yoongi finally steps out of his room, cheeks a bit swollen for some reason. He wore an oversized shirt like you but instead of pajama shorts, he wore grey sweatpants. Your eyes meet at the glow of the light coming from the kitchen. The corners of your lips turn slightly upward into a sad smile.

Before he sits down beside you, he grabs a glass of water from the fridge. He sets it down beside your drink giving you a small smile.

There was an uneasy silence for a few seconds as you both sit there and stare at your drink. 

“I’m–”

“So–”

You both speak at the same time, words overlapping.

“You go first.”

“Go ahead.” 

You chuckle and he sighs. “I’ll go first.” You declare. He only nods and takes a sip of his water. 

Your finger runs over the edges of the boxed drink, not being able to make contact with the person you’re speaking to. For a moment, your brain is telling you to don’t say it, as if it knows you’re only going to cause yourself pain if you do it. But a bigger part of you just wants to rip it off like a band aid.

“I like you.” You confess.

“Ever since I was in high school, I had this stupid crush on you.” You chuckle, an overwhelming emotion rushing through you. Your lower lips jutted out and you feel the warm tears trickle to your eyes. 

God, why can’t you do shit like this without crying?

“I know you don’t feel the same way. You said the kiss was a mistake–” 

“It wasn’t a mistake.” He interrupts you. This makes you look at him and he finally sees your reddening eyes, tears threatening to spill. It was a sight that broke his heart. The way he was causing you pain is agony to him.

“What?” 

He shakes his head. “The kiss wasn’t a mistake. I’m taking responsibility for it.” 

Oh. 

It’s like that. It wasn’t because he liked it or he liked you back. He was just taking responsibility for it. 

“I’m sorry, Y/N. It was great.” He looks at you straight in the eyes. You don’t notice the tears that have trickled down your face non-stop. 

“But I don’t think that something should happen between us more than that.” He continues after pausing. “For obvious reasons.”

Obvious reasons… your brother and your age gap. Fucking bullshit. 

He lifts himself off his seat but before he can walk away, you grab his arm. He stills in his stance, looking at your hand on his arm before looking straight to your eyes.

“Wait,” you gulped. You don’t think you should ask this. That way, you may be able to prevent the inevitable pain. But still, you weren’t thinking. If you don’t ask now, you’re afraid you will regret it forever. So still, you ask.

“Did you not feel anything?” you squeaked. Beneath the dim light, you see his eyes flash with something unreadable.

His eyes shift away from yours and down to the hand still grasping his arm. He thinks for a few seconds, probably pondering on how to break it to you. Slowly, he shakes his head. 

“No. I’m sorry.” 

With the words he let out, your hand falls from him and onto your sides, laying limply like the life in it was lost. 

He left you there in the kitchen for your heart to break alone. When he fully disappears to his room, you were left to support yourself with your hands on your face, weeping and your heart crashing all over the place. 

What a fucking birthday.

-

The silence in the atmosphere sent chills to your skin when you entered the apartment. The lights were turned off but the television was turned on, muted. Yoongi was lying on the couch, asleep. At least, that’s what he’s showing. You guess he’s just pretending to be asleep because he’s avoiding you because of what happened yesterday.

You headed to your room in silence and decided to take a nap. If only you knew, this nap was the nap you will remember forever. 

Screams were the first thing you heard. Then alarms, then horns of cars, then crying–needless to say, it was too overwhelming for you to stay asleep. You rise from your bed in panic, heading to the window to see what the commotion was about. 

Your hand flew to your mouth as you watched a helicopter crash into a far building. Then you looked down. Cars were all over. Some crashed together. One crashed into a pole. There were injured people everywhere. 

The first thing you thought of was Namjoon. Namjoon was outside. 

You scramble to get your phone that was buried in your sheets, quickly dialing Namjoon. You don’t pray a lot, but it seemed a good time to start. “God, god, please. Namjoon, please answer.” 

When he didn’t, you tried again. Then again. Then again.

You groaned and decided to give up when it seemed hopeless for the nth time. You’ll just have to see him for yourself. After slipping your phone into your pants’ pocket, you grab your jacket from your closet and wear it. 

“Yoongi!” you scream as you step out of your bedroom.

“Yoongi, you gotta help me. I can’t reach Namjoon! Something fucked up is happening outside. We need to go get him!” You turned on the lights to wake up Yoongi. But when your eye drifts to the couch, nobody’s there. 

“Yoongi?” You call out, hoping that Yoongi comes out of his room.  You chuckle, trying to make light of the situation with tears forming in your eyes, in hopes that you’re in a very bad nightmare right now.

“Yoongi? This isn’t funny. Where are you? What’s going on?” There’s an unexplainable fear that suddenly hit you.

Yoongi wasn’t in his room, you checked. He isn’t in Namjoon’s either. Not in the bathroom. So you called him too. He didn’t answer. You called Yoongi, then Namjoon again. He didn’t answer. 

That’s when your eyes caught the breaking news on the TV that was still muted. You unmute it. The reporter, the most well-known professional in the breaking news segment was in distress, tears falling from their eyes like waterfall. “Yes, this just in, an unknown force is making people disappear and turning them into dust. Including my partner, our own Mr.--” Whatever she was saying, you tune out, eyes only watching actual footage of people disappearing in the news then drifting back to the empty couch by your side.

Yoongi’s gone… and Namjoon probably is too. And with that realization, you find your knees getting weak and hitting the hard floor with a thud. 

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