Life Tip #40

Life Tip #40

an actual life tip!! kiddos if you guys have abusive or restrictive parents and own an iphone that you like to use at night, pls keep yourselves safe by changing to black wallpapers so that the light of your screen is darker and won't get you caught as easily! also, instead of dimming your phone beyond what you can do normally using zoom bc that wastes a lot of battery, put your phone on the normal dimmest setting and turn your phone to graycale by going to settings -> general -> accessibility -> grayscale

this makes your phone black and white so bright colors won't hurt your eyes or give you away! pls stay safe out there kiddos

Life Tip #33

learn to wear high heels because not only will you be able to boost your height, but it makes amazing clack clack noises when you walk on solid floors and cute squishy noises when you step on the feet of your enemies!!

Life Tip #37

always stock up on soap you can store in your bags so that way, if somebody particularly repulsive stands to close to you or tries to talk to you, you can just dump it on them! 

pros: they now smell nice, have to find water to wash it off and get away from you, it’s not inconveniencing enough to be charged with assault, and it’s relatively cheap. 

cons: ??

Life Tip #36

don’t waste your time trying to create weird concoctions to get old stains out of your carpet when you can just replace the entire floor! seriously, why would you bother spending $5 on dish soap and water when you can spend $5000 to get rid of it? brilliant. fucking brilliant.

Life Tip #47

it’s the official one year anniversary of the truculentlife blog and i’m about to share some of the best advice i can offer!

1. if you’re gonna cheat, you better do it off of someone good. like god, if you’re a dumbass who can’t pass, what makes you think jackson, the sk8ter boy with long hair and no textbook is gonna be any help? you better sit your ass next to phillip who uses six different color highlighters in his notes and reads psych books for fun when testing or else you’re both book stupid and street stupid!

2. throw your phone in a ditch!! actually don’t, but when you have an entire day full of chores, pUT THAT PHONE SOMEWHERE YOU’LL BE TOO LAZY TO GET TO!! i literally just put it on the very top of my closet where i can’t reach it at all without getting a stool from another room which is so?? much ?? work?? as much as i love this site, that bitch is a distraction and i become a million times more productive without it!! imagine,,, getting rid of your distractions to get shit done? amazing.

3. if you wrap yourself up in three million blankets, you might be able to pretend it’s the heat of the warmth and love of the universe, though i suppose that’s really hard to imagine. universe, why are you so mean.

4. use hAPPY PLAYLISTS TO GET YOURSELF HYPED IN THE MORNING!! if you aren’t blasting “eye of the tiger” and that one really peppy song from trolls at five a.m. are you even living correctly??

5. cover your entire mirror in sticky notes talking about how amazing you are!! that’s right bitch, you’re fUCKING FANTASTIC! and those flaws? welp, can’t see them because you covered the entire damn mirror in sticky notes, too bad

Life Tip #44

want halloween to stay all year long? decorate your house by dumping buckets of orange and black glitter on it bc that stuff isn’t coming off :’) ever