Life Tip #33

Life Tip #33

learn to wear high heels because not only will you be able to boost your height, but it makes amazing clack clack noises when you walk on solid floors and cute squishy noises when you step on the feet of your enemies!!

Life Tip #40

an actual life tip!! kiddos if you guys have abusive or restrictive parents and own an iphone that you like to use at night, pls keep yourselves safe by changing to black wallpapers so that the light of your screen is darker and won't get you caught as easily! also, instead of dimming your phone beyond what you can do normally using zoom bc that wastes a lot of battery, put your phone on the normal dimmest setting and turn your phone to graycale by going to settings -> general -> accessibility -> grayscale

this makes your phone black and white so bright colors won't hurt your eyes or give you away! pls stay safe out there kiddos

Life Tip #46

assert your dominance by slamming your bare face into a fresh pile of snow with no context or explanation. if i saw somebody do that from outta nowhere, i wouldn’t know what the hell was going on but damn does that radiate bde

Life Tip #29

with Valentine’s Day nearing towards us, it’s time to start saving up to buy yourself an entire box of temporary tattoos because you’re never too old to fall into the scams of corporate marketing!! and since when did you ever have to stop receiving cute gifts anyway, put that entire box of Hello Kitty glitter tattoos on your arm, you gorgeous fucker

Life Tip #38

always buy a bunch of stress relief products and spend at least four hours in the bath tub relaxing!! if you aren’t stressed, you don’t have problems!~

Life Tip #45

always teased for being short? start calling tall people names like “squirt” and “short-stack” ! not only will it catch them off guard, they’ll probably try to defend themselves only to be shot down again! let them feel the revenge of the under 5′2s !!

“wait, i’m above average, you can’t call me that”

“whatever you say, pipsqueak”