Life Tip #51

Life Tip #51

with dooms week nearing every student, it becomes more and more important to recommend ways of procrastinating that make it f e e l like you’re doing something productive!

watch award-winning documentaries eith oscars that you can vaguely connect to your final essay even though the two topics are completely unrelated and you are trying to convince your teacher you’re educated through abstraction of the fifth dimension

make a plan to study!! and a plan to make your plan!! and then a plan with friends to study!! and then not actually end up studying because none of your friends replied on the groupchat

learn to cook a new recipe! even if you don’t pass your exam, at least you can eat your green bean casserole that you added extra virgin olive oil to and cry!!

find a sugar daddy! since you’re going to inevitably fail, it makes sense to set up a financial plan for the future anyway.

pack your bags and journey off on a romantic and dramatized pursuit of happiness through an obscure town with 1000 residents or less and then write a best-selling novel about it when you’re done, mocking a capitalistic and classist society!!

build a castle out of raisins, become a meme sensation, wind up on ellen, and be gifted with a lifetime supply of raisins that aid you in your quest for power

handwrite every word in your textbook onto a canvas and pass it off a surrealism to a doubtful art collector

create a youtube channel dedicated to filming dogs walking and call it stress relief

Life Tip #54

power move: point in random directions while telling stories at a part that doesn’t make sense. watch your audience swivel around in confusion but then lower your hand and continue as if nothing happened.

ex. you: So I was walking my dog— (point at tree behind person)

person: (turns around, sees tree, no dog visible, turns back around) why did you—?

you: (lower hand) and you know, my dog’s a really wild boy, so i’ve been thinking about sending him to a doggy daycare or something, get some tips on how to make him stop peeing on the carpet.

Life Tip #67

delete tumblr and instead follow instagram accounts that repost tumblr posts. nobody should have to experience that stuff that happens on here firsthand

Life Tip #50

instead of thinking it as writing a thesis for your essay, think of it more as spill the tea-sis in order truly blow them away! what’s the ultimate hooker in your gossip article babe?? that’s how you’ll get them

Life Tip #59

how to tell if someone is actually a piece of bread:

chomp.

Life Tip #65

make out with your partner while in quarantine...ahaha jk...no really jk, we have to practice social distancing for public health bro