Yesterday I Finally Found Courage To Aks For Help, Maybe Not Straightforward But They Got It, And What

Yesterday I finally found courage to aks for help, maybe not straightforward but they got it, and what I got for that?

"No, you're fine."

"You just need to smile."

"Maybe work with yourself. You know some tricks."

"Find positivity."

Ugh no

I mean I asked for help, I found the courage to do so and you just ignore that?

Thank you

But at the end they said they will look for a specialist

But I feel like they don't believe me

But they are checking on me... what's annoying

But they don't buy it

So I've been thinking and "diagnosing" (not mentally) myself lately and I think I got something about my past life

So I think I was a slave who was hanged for being a witch. I was starving from time to time for a fun of my lord and he was using me for his sexual fantasies.

I can't actually explain why I feel that way but I really want to find out if I am right. That would be funny to be right

Nvm I failed

But examinator was kind and we went right....

I will have another part of the driving exam today....

Please beg, pray, manifest so:

- we will go right

- examinator will be kind

- it will be easy

- I will pass it

Body check

I am proud of this so I'll share it

You can find it not so amazing and that's okay but I do

It's a big milestone for me especially when I've never weighted properly. I am happy with every progress I make

I no longer think I want to be anyone's friend...

I lost the joy of it, if it ever had

I am just done with them

I don't want their burden anymore

I just finished "basic psychiatry" at the university (it's one of my subjects)

And I fucking want to be diagnosed so badly

I want to know exactly what's wrong with me

I want to know every fucking thing

Maybe then I'll know who I am...