Tw Ed - Tumblr Posts
Hii I need help loves can someone please do me a big favour can you be my coach please…
🎀Someone who can message me daily to motivate me
🎀Sending reminders not to eat work out more and loose weight ect this will help me out a lot will seriously love you for ever! Please help a Girl out Pm me x
recovery; a return to a normal state of health, mind, or strength.
This is how i have been since i can remember. I can never remember a time before i was very picky with what i ate, before i was revolted by most foods to the point i could only eat a few. There is nothing for me to return to, because i have never known life without this eating disorder.
i will never have a normal and healthy relationship with food. i will never be able to go to a restaurant and order something new, just because i want to try it. i will never be fully ‘‘recovered’‘ from this.
and that’s okay to me. i don’t find this a bad thing, not really. i’m ok with how things are, but i know i’m not healthy and i have no desire to change, but if i did, i wouldn’t focus on trying to recover, or trying new different foods. i would just worry about making sure my body gets all the stuff it’s supposed to, and i wouldn’t mind if i had to eat vitamins daily for the rest of my life for that.
i literally wanna cry
my parents have just gone out to take dog for a walk so while the house was empty i thought i’d try and find somewhere to take some pictures.
i tried the bathroom cos good lighting but there’s no space, so i went to the hallway cos i got a semi successful pic there a while ago, but there’s nothing for me to attach my phone to to get a pic at a decent angle and i tried balancing it on the hoover but i didn’t trust it not to fall and then i realised my brother is here and i don’t feel comfortable taking pics around other people but especially not him so now i’m in my room feeling sick and wanting to cry cos even just such a simple task as taking a selfie is just too fucking stressful and i just don’t wanna do this fucking survey thing at all
i don’t even wanna do the next appointment
i might just not
i could fake it?
pretend to sign myself in and just hide in the room for an hour so my parents don’t realise
i’m nearing the end of treatment anyway so i could just use that as an excuse, pretend it’s finished, not go back.
i just don’t wanna do it
(context: for ED therapy i’ve been tasked with sourcing some pictures for a survey to ask people questions about like, weight perception i guess? shit like if you saw someone of this size what would you think about them? and i am just so stressed out trying to deal with it)
Cant wait to have long stick legs
This could be you, don't give up on yourself
i have the longest legs
my legs give supermodel vibes
my legs are so thin that people get worried
i keep loosing thigh fat
my legs look like two sticks
im so thin that my legs are almost bones
i love feeling physically empty, there’s something ab it that makes me feel strong. i think thts the worst part
i think my ed is getting worse ,,im getting sucked into it more and more + im supposed to be upset/disappointed but deep down i’m happy :(
couronnez:
Vasily’s glance flicks to the pill box before her on the table, surprised at how casually she was handling the situation. If he would have to take any kind of medication, he’d likely feel ashamed like no other. He admires her for it. It’s brave. It’s probably just a normal task for her but he finds himself drawn to her more and more as he thinks about it. This smile is reserved for her and her only, no one else has ever seen him this charming before. He isn’t Nikolai but he knowns his way around such situations. He grew up with him after all. That’s why he notices the waiter’s stares, too. He was looking at her like he had done too the first time he’d met. All hearts in his eyes. Jealously rises in him quietly, feeling offended that the other man would even dare to gaze at his date in such an affectionate way. His attention switches back to her as she orders, deciding to ignore the waiter for now, not wanting to get into an argument on his first time taking out someone in a long time. Seafood. She’s allergic to seafood. Just like that he knows what he is going to avoid from now on.
Vasily is just short from lashing out as he watches the waiter continue to sweet talk, glad beyond measure that she doesn’t seem to realize the vain attempts of his.
She’s here because of you.
He thinks and knows that it’s the truth. He could offer the world and if not all of it, he had Russia. That ought to be enough.
I tend to get thirsty when I’m nervous.
Vasily melts at those words. Just like that he’s gone. Smiling. His bright blue eyes afire, brimming with enthusiasm.
❝ I’ll have the same. ❞
No thank you. No please. Vasily only has eyes for Ehri and when the waiter is finally gone, he leans forward slightly to talk to her.
❝ I think I am gonna have some of that water, too. ❞
An attempt to make her feel at ease. Show her safety. Show her a bit of the vulnerability he rarely ever allows himself to wear.
❝ At least a bit of healthiness because I don’t like salads.❞
Vasily has been called a silly toddler by Nikolai several times because he’s the person to pick the greens out of his food. If there’s a remotely vegetable looking shape on it, he will not eat it. Blame his upbringing for it but his father had done it the same way.
He gifts Ehri another one of his smile’s and settles back into his chair.
Ehri has no shame regarding her illness. When you spend years thinking you were fine only for your own heart to let you down, you learn a thing or two about vulnerability. When you’re forced to slow down, be anchored to a bed and look Death in the eyes, suddenly there’s no room for playing pretend anymore. You just get to be utterly vulnerable, utterly yourself. At first, it is terrifying, paralyzing. To let people see you that way. Pale as death, struggling to even breathe. You can do nothing else than stare at the ceiling and think. Think about all the time you’ve wasted pretending your life away. About how many times you said i’m fine, thank you but never meant any of it. When you have to rely on people for your basic needs, you eventually learn to accept the help of others, to welcome it. Ehri won’t pretend anymore, not when it comes to her health. She can pretend she likes Business Management and Economics until she’s done with college, until she manages to gain some independence. This internship is her very first job since her days as a model. And she’d like to believe her impeccable grades got her this position but she’s also aware Tatiana Lantsov and her mom Keyen Kir-Taban have been talking. Talking marriage and grandkids. The other day she was supposed to have a date with Nikolai Lantsov at the Lantsov mansion. Date he canceled (thank god!) because of a family emergency, something about his cousin Rasmus falling down a staircase. And now—— Well, now, she was sitting at a table in a fine Italian restaurant on a date with Vasily Lantsov, CEO of Lantsov Corp AND Nikolai’s brother. What a weird funny universe she had just walked in. She wasn’t complaining though.
He’ll have the same, he says. No please. No thank you. She would’ve thought it was rude of him—— if she didn’t see his blue eyes afire like that. Damn. She catches her breath. Am i doing this? I—— I haven’t done anything. I’m not even trying. He’ll take some of that water. She smiles at that, understanding that’s his way of saying he’s nervous, too. Adorable. ❛ Maybe we should’ve order two then. ❜ She teases, feeling more at ease already. She wonders if he really likes the paccheri al forno or if he was just too wonderstruck by her just e x i s t i n g that he couldn’t come up with another order. She also notes that he didn’t take seafood either, like he was planning to at first. Because he wants to be safe. Because he wants ME to be safe. And she smiles at that too. Out of the blue. Because that thought alone makes her all fuzzy inside. And, just like that, she forgets she’s an intern and he’s the CEO. They’re just two nervous people on a date sharing a meal together and getting to know each other. He says he doesn’t like salads and she’s genuinely curious. ❛ Well, i cannot blame you for that. Lettuce on its own is pretty boring. There’s various types of cold dishes you might like though, if you’re willing to try. You just have to find the right fit for you. ❜ Her voice is soft and her tone not at all moralizing or patronizing. She isn’t there to turn him into a veggies lover. She just lets him know that the options are there and he can explore if he wishes to. No pressure. ❛ I’ve been on various diets in the past. Some of them I'm not really proud of…❜ She pauses, fiddling with the corner of her napkin. Being a model isn’t as glamorous as the magazines made it out to be. The industry is slowly killing its people with drug usage and insane diets and poisoning the youth with unrealistic beauty standards. She got rid of those habits though. The meal skipping thing, the eating disorder. She didn’t have the choice. With her health condition, it would’ve killed her. That’s a great wake up call there. Death. At least, for her, it was enough. You don’t want to die before your twenties. Especially if there’s a way you can avoid it. ❛ But i’ve learned from those experiences. And i’ve found that the best diet is eating what you love. One shouldn’t look at their plate and think ugh not again or ugh disgusting. I know i won’t be thinking that when i see my plate. And i won’t be feeling guilty about ALL THAT CHEESE either.❜ She giggles, toffee eyes gleaming with pure joy.
couronnez:
❝ Maybe we should have. ❞
He laughs, a sound that slips so very easily over his lips. It hasn’t, in a long time, he missed it. Just .. living. Being himself and unapologetically so. The food is long forgotten, a minuscule thing on an evening like this, with her sitting vis-à-vis from him. Her presence was mesmerizing. Otherworldly capturing. A moment spent in quiet, with him just taking in her sight, the beauty of her face and then -
❝I have yet to find something I truly like. But … ❞
He leans forward, conspiratorially, his smile widening so easily, it was clear he was no stranger to doing so. Mischief gleams in his eyes. A desire. He wants her to like him. To meet the TRUE Vasily Lanstov. Not the CEO of Lantsov Corporation.
❝ Perhaps, you could show me? ❞
She might, she might not. It doesn’t matter. He is not keen on finding out whether he likes salad or not - as long as it is made by her he will eat it. That’s the whole deal. Flirting and flirting shamelessly but hiding it away with an expertise previously unknown to him.
Then the conversation turns serious again. It’s about her past. Her modeling career. Vasily understands the struggles, the pain. He knows what she must have been through, starving herself to stay thin. To stay photogenic. What nonsense. Vasily thinks he has never seen a prettier woman in his life before.
❝ You shouldn’t. Absolutely not. You’re perfect … ❞
HE DID NOT. He didn’t just say that, did he? Those few words. Vasily holds her glance despite it all. Feverishly. His blue orbs filled with desire. Need. Longing.
❝ Your- … your looks I mean. Impeccable.❞
He smiles, hides it insecurity behind a layer of charm. Suddenly he wishes for nothing more but his wine. To calm his nerves. His heart is racing behind his sternum, his chest aching with the stress of it all but he doesn’t care. Cannot care. Not when he is so mesmerized by the woman sitting across from him.
❝ Anyway … may I ask … what those pills are for? ❞
That laugh. It had startled her. In the right way. It was beautiful, genuine. Nothing she’d had expected from the all famous Vasily Lantsov who’d gotten so drunk years ago he’d spilled his drink on her sister Makhi who was his date at the time. I have yet to find something I truly like, he’d said. She’d thought it was sad at first, sad that he hadn’t yet found something he truly enjoyed. But then he had leaned forward as if to share a secret with her. Perhaps, you could show me? he had said. And she had known he wasn’t just talking about salads. She’d looked down, shyly, as a smile spread across her pink lips. ❛ Perhaps i will. ❜ She had uttered, fiddling with the corner of her napkin before she’d talked about her past.
Toffee eyes were locked with blue ones. You’re perfect. Those are dangerous words. She slightly shifted on her seat, a nervous laugh escaping her. She didn’t know what to say or how to reply to this. Honestly, she didn’t think she was perfect. And didn’t aspire to be either. Not anymore. She knew he meant it well but something still stirred inside of her. It’s a compliment, the little voice whispered. Just take it and move on. ❛ Thanks. Many say the same about you, Mister Elected Most Eligible Bachelor of Russia. ❜ She ends up saying, hoping the smile and the teasing would dissipate her discomfort. He didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. Get over it! But she can’t. Lips part again and she’s about to open up about the situation but he suddenly wonders about the pills. ❛ Oh. ❜ She says, picking up the little pill box. She’s relieved. This is something she can talk about without tiptoeing. ❛ Those are Plavix. Well, blood thinners. I take them to prevent heart diseases. I’ve had issues with my heart in the past and had surgery to fix it. ❜ She explains. She is totally open about it. No shame, no discomfort. She’s at ease. ❛ I’m okay now though. Well, i still need to be careful but with the medication i can pretty much live my life as fully as before. ❜ She smiles. A reassuring one. She wants to reassure him. Let him know that she’s alright now and won’t die on him or anything, since she knows a lot of people get scared off whenever she speaks up about it.
so my dad triggered my ed and because of that I'm going to be extremely aggressive all September. because hungry and no sugar >:(
sorry everybody I hope I won't be too annoying
‘bread is bad for you’ ‘rice is bad for you’ sorry im not subscribing to the idea that staple grains that have been integral to cultures for centuries are evil. i love you carbs
gang cant know i fw ed tumblr🤫🤫
to wear a size 2 in Brandy Melville>>>>>>>