When You Tell People To Message You Whenever They Need It But Deep Inside You Want To Be Left Alone

When you tell people to message you whenever they need it but deep inside you want to be left alone

You look at their status to see if they're online or not and if so then you wait for them to leave

You want them to either message you as quickly as possible and be done with it or not to message you at all...

But you said "message me when you need me"

If I can't help why make me feel like I can ?

I will put my everything into helping but it's for nothing...and you knew that

You knew but still let me do my shit

For what ?

FOR NOTHING!

Don't do that

God, I promised I'll be there for you yet everything is against that:

I fell asleep

My parents took my phone

God, let me be and do my work

Here we go again

I'll just pass the driving exam and I'll be able to go for long night drives

Just let me pass that shit

Yesterday I finally found courage to aks for help, maybe not straightforward but they got it, and what I got for that?

"No, you're fine."

"You just need to smile."

"Maybe work with yourself. You know some tricks."

"Find positivity."

Ugh no

I mean I asked for help, I found the courage to do so and you just ignore that?

Thank you

But at the end they said they will look for a specialist

But I feel like they don't believe me

But they are checking on me... what's annoying

But they don't buy it

Beginning of 2023 in numbers

Age: Will be 20

Height: 166cm

How long with adoptive parents: 14 years

Horse riding: 14 years

English learning: 14 years

Selfharming: 10 years

In kpop: 8 years

Headache: 4 years

Attempts: 2