My Blurry Pictures And I Are Back

My blurry pictures and I are back 🌸❤

I think I'm holding my happiness prisoner.

I'm no longer trapped in my past no, but in some twisted manner, I'm trapped in my present. And I'm running, and running and running but getting nowhere.

Am I unable to feel happiness or am I not letting myself be happy?

I have planned my life to the very last second and for some reason I have decided that I will be happy only when my life is the way I've planned it out to be.

I tell myself I'll be happy tomorrow. Tomorrow when I'm living better, tomorrow when I'm loved, tomorrow when I love.

And deep down, I feel that maybe I'm not letting myself be happy in my now.

Is it okay to be happy now?

Do I have to wait for every last wrinkle in my life to be ironed out and dealt with, before I can allow myself to smile and live and walk towards my good future?

Am I running and running and not reaching the future I have in my mind because I'm not letting myself be happy along the way?

I don't know.

I'm not happy now, but I think I'd like to be.

My days lately have been taking after the Skies above me, and I'm starting to find it amusing.

I don't want for your name to bleed in my mouth.

when naomi shihab nye wrote, “if you tuck the name of a loved one / under your tongue too long / without speaking it / it becomes blood,” v. when sylvia plath wrote, “in this light the blood is black. tell me my name.” 

unfriendly reminder: this is a sex worker positive space. I will not tolerate the disrespect of sex workers here, and if you cant agree with that without a doubt then you're not welcome here.