Theater Major - Tumblr Posts

I've started writing on, and dog earing the books that I'm reading. I hadn't been doing so before not for the lack of thoughts but I was afraid to do so, as though some "devine retribution" awaited me if I did xD

But recently, I read on a nice Tumblr post on annotating books, "you owning them is what gives them meaning". And since then, I've been looking at my books in a new light.

I've read countless books and have had a wealth of opinions on them, but not one to flip through and reminisce. Sad, don't you think?

So now, with love, I now scribble my raw thoughts on them, I make them "mine". Hoping maybe someday, a few good decades down the road, some fresh mind will find my books in a thrift store, flip through them and agree.

🌸❤

What do you do when you feel yourself lose the confidence you once used to have?

How do you get yourself back?

I lay awake at nights these days, asking myself over and over again,

"where did she go?"

My blurry pictures and I are back 🌸❤

I think I'm holding my happiness prisoner.

I'm no longer trapped in my past no, but in some twisted manner, I'm trapped in my present. And I'm running, and running and running but getting nowhere.

Am I unable to feel happiness or am I not letting myself be happy?

I have planned my life to the very last second and for some reason I have decided that I will be happy only when my life is the way I've planned it out to be.

I tell myself I'll be happy tomorrow. Tomorrow when I'm living better, tomorrow when I'm loved, tomorrow when I love.

And deep down, I feel that maybe I'm not letting myself be happy in my now.

Is it okay to be happy now?

Do I have to wait for every last wrinkle in my life to be ironed out and dealt with, before I can allow myself to smile and live and walk towards my good future?

Am I running and running and not reaching the future I have in my mind because I'm not letting myself be happy along the way?

I don't know.

I'm not happy now, but I think I'd like to be.