Live Without Shame

Live without shame

"Hello, Grace" You say to Robbie's mother. You are standing at the stairs of her small house, at Robbie's childhood home, holding your children's hands.

"Come on in, darlings"

You nod, letting go of your children's hands, they cautiously go inside.

"This was your daddy's home" You say with slight break in your voice. Grace puts her hand on your shoulder.

"Go make things right with your family, I'll look after them" She whispers in your ear.

You place your hand on top of hers, squeezing it gratefully.

Then you kiss your children's heads as goodbye.

You walk to the door, putting your hand on handle. You turn towards Grace, saying that you'll be back. She promises you to look after them as long as you need. You nod and leave the house. You walk the short distance from the small house to mansion.

You then pull the bell, Cecilia comes and opens the door.

"Cee"

"Y/N?"

"May.. May I come in?"

She steps aside to let you in. You look sadly around the lobby, looking towards the library. Cee squeezes your hand in comforting manner.

"Where's mother and Leon?"

"In the drawing room"

You walk slowly towards it, hesitating to open the door.

"I'll be there the whole time" Cee whispers. You and Cee have kept in touch during these five years, but you swore that you wouldn't contact any other member of your family, especially not Briony. But now has come the time to do that, as you promised Robbie that you would make things right with your family. You open the door, stepping in.

Leon and your mother look up.

"Hello"

"Hello" Leon says.

"What are you doing here?" Your mother asks.

"I.. I promised him that I would come and make things right between us"

"Well, then, sit down"

Hours later, you have spoken everything through, your family met your children and you're preparing to leave.

"Darlings, remember to behave, okay?

Mommy loves you very, very much"

You kiss their heads once again. Then you leave the mansion. You walk to the tree which has gravestone under it.

"Hello, my love" You say while crouching down to touch the stone. You leave wild flowers on top of the grave. Then you turn and leave.

Days later, you're lying among people at Balham tube station. Then you see the lights flickering and hear the thunderous roar of water.

You are seen gracefully floating through the water, hair fantailed around your head. Then the scene fades to black and to older Briony.

"In the end they had their happiness"

Now there are two gravestones side by side under the tree at Tallis grounds. The leaves of the tree move in the wind, the wind whispering the story of two lovers who were at last reunited.

I think Supernatural might be taking over the Tumblr again.

Next step would probably be taking over other social medias (if it hasn't happened already) and/or the world.

(this is just my ramblings about Supernatural)

I'm officially in my Glen Powell-era.

The final act of kindness/I gave them their happiness

Tired voice can be heard saying: "I never made that journey to Balham. So the scene in which I confess to them is invented, imagined."

"And, in fact, could have never happened because Robbie Turner died of septicemia at Bray Dunes on the first of June, 1940, the last day of evacuation"

Months later, you're lying amongst people at Balham tube station. Then you see the lights flickering and hear the thunderous roar of water. The water drowns everything under it.

"And I was never able to put things right with my sister, Y/N, because she was killed on 15th of October, 1940, by the bomb that destroyed the gas and water mains above the Balham tube station"

You are seen gracefully floating through the water, hair fantailed around your head. Then the scene fades to black and to older Briony.

"So my sister and Robbie never had the time together they both longed for and deserved, which, ever since I've always felt like I prevented. But what sense of hope or satisfaction could reader derive from an ending like that? So, in the book, I wanted to give Robbie and Y/N what they lost out on in life. I'd like to think this wasn't weakness or evasion, but a final act of kindness"

She thinks for a moment.

"I gave them their happiness"

Robbie and Y/N crunch across the pebbles and splash gleefully through the waves, below the towering white cliffs on their way back to their white clapboard cottage.

The end.

Kisses on fingertips

A call.

One simple call from them.

That's all it took.

For you to shatter completely.

The day had started just like every other day before, with the routine you had honed down over the years to get the kids to school on time. After dropping them off, he went to work, you went back home and later ran some errands.

You were just finishing up putting the groceries away, when the call came.

Without checking the caller ID, you hit the green button, answering the call.

“Hello?”

“Am I speaking with Mrs. Seresin?”

“Yes, you are”

“I am deeply sorry to bother you, but…”

Whatever the voice on the other end of the call said, was a complete haze to you apart from the part that you should come to the base as soon as possible.

So you did.

And how you wish you hadn't.

Because nothing could have prepared you for the news you were about to get the minute you stepped in those doors.

You saw both admiral Tom Kazansky and captain Pete Mitchell standing there waiting for you in the middle of the lobby, dressed in the white uniforms, forlorn looks on their faces.

Little bit to the left were his friends, his squadron, the people who he flew with almost daily. Also dressed in their whites, having similar expressions as the two men before your eyes.

As you walked forward, you looked down to admiral Kazansky’s hands, realizing he's holding something. As soon as you see what he's holding, your eyes get blurry with unshed tears.

Both captain Mitchell and admiral Kazansky take a step towards you, as you come to a stop just meters away from them.

Captain Mitchell stops a mere meter away as admiral Kazansky comes to stand right in front of you, placing the items in your right hand.

Few tears slip down your cheeks, when you receive the confirmation for what the items are. The white cowboy hat you are holding in your hand drops down to the floor.

They are dog tags and a picture that is slightly burned from the bottom right corner.

His dog tags with his wedding ring dangling in the chain.

His sunglasses.

Your picture.

Flag on the pole outside at half-mast.

People around you dressed in uniforms.

Your legs give out under you, and you collapse down to your knees right next to the hat. Still holding the items. Tears running down your cheeks. Admiral Kazansky kneeling in front of you, letting you sob against his shoulder.

You are watching as the wings get punched into his casket, silent tears streaming down your face.

Your kids are standing next to you, your oldest Benjamin holding your middle ones, Cade's hand and your youngest Eden holding the pant leg of Benjamin.

You walk forward as soon as the last person around the casket has left.

Crouching down, you place your forehead against the smooth wood surface of the casket. The folded flag rests on your lap.

After a while you straighten up, pressing a kiss on your fingertips and placing them on the surface right next to the golden wings.

The sky is greying by the minute, a few droplets of water starting to come down from the skies above. It's as if the sky is mourning with you.

Arriving home after the funeral, you just stand in the hallway that opens up to a living room, staring down at the flag in your hands. Everything seems so dull, like all the colors got sucked out of the world.

You walk to the kitchen, behind you on the shelf is a white cowboy hat, and on the floor there is a pair of worn boots.

In the kitchen you gently place the flag down on the table.

“Mom?”

You look at your seventeen year old son, who has a sorrowful look in his eyes.

Eyes that are just like his dad's.

You look at his features, every one of them bears a resemblance to him.

Him.

You can't even get yourself to think, let alone mention his name.

Jake.

At that thought your eyes start filling with tears again, Benjamin wraps his arms around you, soon you feel two sets of smaller arms wrap around you as well.

Cade.

Eden.

The four of you just stand in the kitchen while outside your home it's a downpour of rain, the flag still folded and lying on the table behind you. One piece of you is missing.

At first it seemed so hard to get back to the routines, even with help from others.

But you knew it was what Jake would have wanted, for you to keep going. If not for your sake, then for the kid's sake.

But day after day, week after week, year after year, the heartache gets tolerable even though it never fully goes away.

Years go by in a blur, the kids are growing fast, going through all the heartbreaks when trying to find the one and only for them, the first time your kids bring girlfriends and boyfriends home, when they eventually get married and countless other memories and traditions.

You remember waiting at the hospital waiting room, with Cade and Eden and their spouses.

Footsteps echo on the floor.

“Mom”

You look up at Benjamin.

He smiles at you, offering his hand. You take it, standing up and walking with him down the corridor. Benjamin stops in front of a door, and opens it. He guides you inside, where you see Mia, Benjamin's wife lying on the bed.

Benjamin goes over to her, kisses her temple and lifts someone up from her arms.

“Mom, I'd like you to meet your grandson”

You take a careful step forward, looking down at the sleeping bundle in your son's arms. You gently trail a finger down the newborn's cheek.

“His name is Jake”

You freeze, look up at Benjamin and see his soft smile. Your eyes get watery.

Benjamin places the newborn in your arms, and as soon as he's done that, baby Jake opens his eyes.

There you see the eyes you have always loved staring back at you.

You sob a little at that.

“He's got the eyes”

“I know, mom” Benjamin places an arm around you, both of you watching down at the baby you are holding.

Over the years, you are blessed with more grandchildren, even with one great grandchild.

One day you are watching your family at the BBQ party that is being held at Benjamin's home. The strays of sun hit you in the face, making you inhale the late summer air. The wind blows some leaves that have already dropped from the trees around the yard.

You get up from the stairs you have been sitting on, and walk to Benjamin. He hears you walking towards him, and turns around.

“Everything okay, mom?”

You nod.

“Go gather you sister and brother, there's some place I'd like to visit”

Soon you are walking with them among rows of headstones, until you stop in front of the one you were looking for. The one with a small jet engraved on the right corner of the headstone, as per your request.

As the wind blows and the sun slowly is disappearing behind the horizon, you wrap the cardigan a little bit tighter around you.

You place the wild flowers down in front of the headstone, reading the engravings.

“In loving memory of our beloved:

Lt. Jake Seresin,

a father, husband and a son.”

You kiss your fingertips, placing them against the cold stone, feeling a slight warm sensation under your fingers as if the headstone recognizes you. That was the last time you visited the cemetery.

You are lying in a warm bed, surrounded by your kids.

Benjamin is by your right side, whilst Cade and Eden are by the left side.

You fondly look around the room at the people you love. You cough, and Benjamin offers you to take a sip of water from the glass, but you shake your head. You take a breath.

“I need you to… promise me one last thing”

They nod.

“After I'm gone bury me… next to your father”

“Of course, mom”

“And everything else can be found on your testament, mom, we know”

You smile at them.

“Eden, would you hand over that box from the side table?”

Eden turns and grabs a small dark wooden box with Seresin engraved in the lid.

She passes it to you, and you trace your finger across the engraved name. Pressing a small kiss on your fingertips, placing them against the lid. Your eyes shut momentarily but soon open again.

You open the box, taking whatever items are inside out and placing them on the bed.

Stack of pictures and a letter from along the way.

Dog tags with his wedding ring in the chain.

His worn sunglasses.

The necklace he gave to you on your first anniversary.

His necklace that has your and the kids' names engraved.

You lift up your necklace with shaky hands, placing it on Eden's palm, closing her hand around it. She always has adored the necklace and now it's hers.

Next you take out Jake's necklace, giving it to Cade. He has been fascinated by it since he was a small boy, so you decided it should be his.

Then you pull out the dog tags, lowering them down on Benjamin's palm.

“Mom, I can't take the tags”

“I might've worn them every day since his passing but they are yours now”

You take off your wedding ring, handing it to Benjamin.

“Put it on.. the chain with your dad's ring”

He does as told.

“Now I need you to promise me to cherish and pass down those items with the story behind them.. for future generations”

You take a small wheezy breath, grabbing a hold of the sunglasses, clutching them tight.

Your eyes start to blur.

“I love you all”

“We love you too, mom”

“Rest now”

“Tell dad we said hi”

Your eyes flutter shut as your chest stills. You have a faint smile on your lips.

Your children kept all their promises to you just like they said they would.

They buried you next to Jake.

They cherished and passed down the items you gave them.

They made sure every single generation after them knew how the story of Seresin's went.

Your eyes open, seeing everything so brightly. You look around, realizing you are at the beach behind the Hard Deck. There at the beach, as you walk closer you see Pete and Tom sitting in foldable chairs, and multiple people playing volleyball in the sand.

As you near the squadron, Tom turns his head, smiles and nudges Pete. He also turns and smiles at you, nodding towards the water line where the group of pilots are playing.

You nod at them and smile, going past them.

You stop right by the edge of the makeshift volleyball field.

One by one they stop playing, until the one person you have waited so long to see again, turns around and sees you. He drops the ball. Then you and he both move towards each other as if gravity is pulling you together. In a way it always has been and always will be doing so.

Soon you are standing face to face, looking each other straight in the eyes.

He cups your cheek, and you place your hand on top of his.

Then his lips crash against your in a fierce kiss. You pull apart, he rests his forehead against yours, both breathing heavily.

His sunglasses resting on top of your head.

“Hey”

“Hi, sweetheart”

You might have some catching up to do with all of them, but luckily you've got all the eternity for it.

Part 2

The letter

Pictures

Benjamin is 17 years old, Cade 14 years old and Eden is 6 years old when they lost their dad.

A/N: I finished writing this between 4 and 5 in the morning, so pardon me if there's any mistakes. I have to admit writing this got me crying.

If anything is unclear, just ask and I'll try my best to explain.

Had to repost cuz Tumblr was being irritating and didn't let me edit the post, only because my original post had disappeared somewhere.

Sorry for the hassle!

Stay with me

Y/N lying in her bed, under the covers. Dean walks in, gently raising the covers up.

"Sweetie, you're burning up" He has his hand on her forehead.

"I feel cold"

Dean leaves the room, soon coming back with a thermometer. He puts it in her armpit, when it beeps, he takes it out.

"You have fever"

She huddles closer to Dean, seeking warmth. Dean brushes her hair out of her face. She grabs his hand.

"Stay with me?"

"Sure"

He gets in the bed, after taking off his shoes. They snuggle closer to each other and Dean wraps his arms around her. Soon they are both asleep, Sammy sneaking in and snapping a picture, saying:

"This definitely will go to the album" before sneaking out.