I Need The Help Of Crocheters Everywhere!!!

i need the help of crocheters everywhere!!!

im making a shawl for my best friend and i found a lovely pattern for it. the thing is, i only got about half way through when i lost the pattern!!!

and let me tell ya its like this thing dropped of the face of the earth.

i found it the first time by scouring google for like an hour and it was just perfect. there was a yourube tutorial for it and im nearly positive that the title was something like

‘beginner crochet shawl tutorial’

but i swear im going insane cause ive been searching for weeks for this thing. it was a simple pattern that was a mix of double crochets and singles with some front and back post stitches in there.

it was a triangle shawl but im 100% certain it was not a granny square style one and it didnt have big gaps in it either, its meant to be warm, so i dont believe there were really any treble crochets in there either. and it was not a one or two row repeat situation either. there was like 5-7 row repeats to give it cool texture.

i remember there was apart of the video that paused on the rows to repeat as well and it was like a written part on the screen.

even if this pattern was completely deleted off the internet, i would like to know so i can at least frog and start over with a different pattern, cause its driving me insane. i just need to know

please help me find this pattern!!!

heres part of it so it can be compared

the brain rot i have for him is so real that i made this after watching the amazing digital circus 3 times and used no pattern just absolutely raw dogged it with sheer determination and spite

i stream classic games btw :)

Adding on to this ^ yesterday i went and spent the day with my friends that i get to see maybe once a month if im lucky, we spent the day having fun and playing dnd

this morning is sunday, i get yelled at by my dad that if i dont go to church then im taking advantage of all ‘our all mighty god’ has given us and even if i feel sick i have to go and i was afraid of the consequences if i refused :)

i am an adult still living with my parents and my dad has promised he wouldnt force me to go to church anymore because i didnt connect with the faith anymore, but obviously that doesnt apply if before that i enjoy my life

and its wild, cause if my dads new girlfriend has a teensy tiny headache he dotes and whines and She doesnt have to go but if im nearly throwing up but can walk i have to go still

its fucked up man

before i had gotten close with ex-catholics i was under the assumption that "catholic guilt" was mostly about sex, or serious topics.

but i was naïve. it's apparently about every positive experience. enjoying a meal? you're so lucky, children are starving. spending your day off cosy in bed? wow, so selfish, homeless people are freezing to death.

every former or present catholic i've met has a very obvious anxiety disorder and it's so painfully not a coincidence.

our society is truely a hellscape if people are throwing hissy fits over a male cat with a ‘female coat’

like thats just straight bullshit at this point, people will do anything to justify being transphobic

Fondly remembering the time that a cat owner casually entered their calico Maine Coon in a cat fancier’s competition and the judges lost their minds because the cat was 1) male and 2) able to bear children