Mrsmorality - Big Headed Bitch - Tumblr Blog

so. i just read a little life. i will never be happy or smile again (not a joke)

i don't know if it's the narcissistic part of me responsible for my protagonist complex, but i consider everything i have to say as something very important to say (even though, deep down, i know... it's not), and equally important to be heard. it feels like i'm always about to say something magnificent, achieve excellence, but even when i can feel it at my fingertips, when i know i'm close enough to having an epiphany about life or discovering something huge about myself, it disappears. i'm always stuck in place, lost in my own mediocrity, licking my wounds and comforting myself with the thought that i could be more if i wanted to -- if i tried harder, if i raised my hand higher, if i had a little more strength. it turns out i don't, and i'm not magnificent either. most of the things i have to say have been said, in more beautiful and fuller ways, long before i even existed. the world seems to be complete. it feels like im just another one, even if i want to wrap myself in the thought that i'm different, that im something more

so, the best books i’ve read in my whole life so far:

- captive prince [trilogy]: of course i have to debut the list with them (even if the order of the books doesn't match my order of preference). it was simply the first that came to my mind, so commendable and memorable is the story. if you haven't read it yet, do it NOW. the best enemies to lovers of all the time, with a development worthy of a round of applause and a strong and supportive relationship on both sides. yes, captive prince. you know you’ll always be on my mind!

- the song of achilles: yeah. i could never forget this one. is the most realistic love story i have ever laid my eyes on, full of obstacles and sacrifices. i really liked what the author did here, abandoning the historical narrative that achilles and patroclus were just friends or even relatives. she gave a whole new meaning to the story, never failing to keep the original line. there isn't ONE thing about this book that doesn't fill my eyes. the best childhood best friends to lovers, showing their relationship since they were just friends in childhood, to the blossoming of feelings that went beyond fraternal affection, and the way they handled it as they grew up. it's beautiful. i really love it

- all for the game [trilogy]: i mean. of course this story could never be missing from my favorites list. what i like the most about the story is what's hidden behind the relationship between the characters. their feelings aren't obvious and usual, and if you're looking for a light story, this isn't for you. it's all heavy: the way they relate to each other, the way they deal with their own problems, their pasts. they’re broken people trying to put the pieces together, trying to figure out what to do with the glue they were offered. even so, they still find room in their minds to care (in distorted, but still, care) for their friends, teammates, lovers, and family members; they still protect each other, like one big dysfunctional family. everything about this book is not in the narrated words, but in what lies behind them: what lies behind each moment, each pause and each action. it is obvious, but subliminal, almost hidden. i love it. really. the complexity behind each character, his shaken psyche -- it's all breathtaking, it's all about keeping the attention. it can be hard to get past the first few pages but, man, once you do it's impossible to stop. also enemies to lovers

- the raven boys [tetralogy]: ok so i don't have enough words to describe or synthesize all my feelings for this book. i love every part of it: from the first sentence, that introductory line, to the last, the laudable ending. the story is impeccable, as is the plot on which it is based. the development of a course of action as well as the characters' relationship and their own conceptions of themselves and the world are simply things that appeal to me. the characters are amazing, real and liveable, and the bond of friendship they share is enviable. their love relationships, even if they're not all the book talks about, are breathtaking and make your heart flutter and melt. the key to the story is also hidden behind the action of the characters, behind silent cares and concerns, but there, always present. i love adam and ronan. i love how their relationship developed (friends to lovers), the patience with which it was structured, building slowly, before your eyes, under your nose -- but you didn't see it until the characters' feelings became more obvious to themselves and to each other, and began to submerge and overflow through every paragraph, every line of thought. it's beautiful. it's absolutely beautiful.

- autoboyography: this is among the books that came to me at an opportune time, so i have a huge connection to this story. it wouldn't be here if it didn't deserve it, and it does; this story is about love, about accepting it, and about reconciling that love, such a vital part of you, with religion and ingrained prejudices. it's a story you versus the world, you versus what you thought you were, what you wanted to be. it's about accepting that about yourself, so that you can be true to yourself, to the people you love. in the process, people who say they love you back will not always support your discovery or encourage your self-acceptance. this book is also about how we have to accept ourselves, regardless of what others think about it, because their opinion, however important, should never be everything, or overshadow your own opinion, your own wishes and desires. love is in innate acceptance, or at least the quest for understanding. it is in the understanding that the person is what he is, and that should be applauded, rather than just tolerated or ignored. this should be encouraged and cause for joy. you should never stop being who you are because of other people’s opinion, as long as you feel comfortable showing it. this book is about self-discovery and tolerance, in a world that represses the first and fakes the second. strangers to friends to lovers.

- we are the ants: this book is not a novel, although there is the development of one in the backstory. this book is about dealing with mishaps, with veiled depression, with a lack of faith and hope not just in the world around you, but in yourself. self-doubt is the worst thing, the most discouraging thing. if you don't believe in yourself, don't think yourself worthy of happiness or good things, how will you appreciate the world and how will you accept such things when it offers it to you? this book is a great journey. reality is behind every moment and bad and hopeless thought represented in every paragraph, but the journey continues, day after day, through the feeling that there is more in the world than what you are experiencing, that things can be better tomorrow. in friendships and in love lies a little willpower that recharges you for another day, for another obstacle that can bring you down (and that's okay. we fall and get up day after day, and that's okay), but not even that and it all. you must believe in yourself to fully revitalize yourself, to keep your feet on the ground and stand firmly on your feet, no matter how hard the world tries to bring you down. this book is about choices and the lack of it. it is about pain and depression, which is not always obvious, which you are not always aware of. it's about everything and nothing. it's about getting up after successive falls, when all you wanted was to stay on the ground. it doesn't matter if your legs are shaky when you get up, or if, as soon as you get your balance back, the world hits you and knocks you down again. keep getting up. as long as you are alive, you can still choose and try to realize how you want to live, what you want to be. nothing is definitive. bad feelings don't last forever (not even the good ones). life is cyclical, but with good company, a few glances at the bluish or gray sky, feelings that rise in your chest, discovering things you've never experienced, the wind in your hair -- things you never cared or paid attention to, minimal things, but that keeps you -- it's worth every takedown. strangers to friends to lovers

omg i miss them too this isnt fair maggie do smth about it plssssssss

i think we don't talk enough about the fact that adam's contact on ronan's cell phone is saved as “MANAGEMENT” and that ronan & him talk to each other whenever possible and ronan responds almost immediately and avidly even though he has a clear aversion to cell phones (here. they hate me: Ronan’s phone buzzed. He swept it up at once, which meant it could be only one person: Adam Parrish. For a few minutes, he listened to it very hard, and then, in a very quiet, very small, very un-Ronan voice, he said, “Alter idem” and hung up) AND in addition he & declan made a daily schedule and there was reserved a part of his day to "TEXT PARRISH"....... and also “Adam Parrish wanted him, and he wanted Adam Parrish”..... or that one “dreamt of you” and THAT FUCKING PART:

“His voice was missing his accent but now it sounded properly like him as he murmured into Ronan’s skin:

You smell like home.”

i mean... they just........ god.

so... im kinda of missing andreil... too much :/ guess im about to read [again]

OKAY LISTEN: i know we’ve all played the “DANE DEHAAN AS ANDREW MINYARD” game before. but (hear me out) BUT

you should all rewatch kill your darlings anyway. fucking look at him. everything he says in that movie is bored and unfeeling unless he’s high on something. just fuckin rewatch the movie please do me a favour

EVERY DAY, and I REALLY mean it, EVERY DAY in my miserable life I remember (that) line in the dream thieves: “Ronan’s second secret was Adam Parrish”. you can’t imagine how much I screamed when I read this and it has been in my mind ever since. I mean, will I ever be able to forget it? damn, NO!

“Nooo don’t murder half of the population you’re so sexy aha”

- probably magiano at some point

Magiano: what do you wanna do tonight?

Adelina: hmmm, world domination

Magiano: doesn’t that sound a bit too ambitious?

Adelina: you’re my world

Magiano: awwwww

Magiano: ….

Magiano: wait what

you: enzo and adelina!!!

me, an intellectual: enzo and raffaele

this post cured my depression

Hc that Andrew is actually CONSTANTLY blushing over Neil but nobody has any idea bc he only blushes w his ears and his hair has always been just a little too shaggy so nobody ever sees it happen (except for Neil who is constantly running his hands through it and smiling down at Andrew from above when they’re lying in bed)

Everyone accepts andreil’s relationship for what it is and it’s all good and fine and maybe Matt thinks that Neil deserves someone who is a little more affectionate and open with their feelings but w/e Neil’s obvs happy so he tries not to say anytying

And then during Neil’s second year, right before the Christmas banquet, Andrew finally, finally gets a really nice haircut that might just be a style Neil offhandedly liked when Allison had been hounding him about cuts for his own atrocious hair.

Now, they’ve been together for a year and a half/almost 2 years by this point. Neil’s scars are light pink and soft bc of the creams Andrew rubs into them every night and it doesn’t hurt to smile anymore inside or out so that’s what he spends the whole banquet doing- smiling at the upperclassmen, smiling at Nicky, smiling when Kevin chokes on his drink around a cute bubbly goalie from Atlanta, smiling smiling smiling at Andrew all night, tickling his palm with the short sides of Andrew’s hair, tracing the shell of his ears with light fingertips, kissing his knuckles when nobody is looking, mouthing off at an asshole from North Carolina.

And God his ears have just been red all fucking night. It takes a while for anybody to notice and Nicky is first bc he’s always looking over his shoulder for his family. At first he thinks it’s the alcohol, but then he sees Neil snag Andrew’s belt loop for a quick tug and release and his ears practically glow as his eyes track Neil from an impassive face. He nearly spills his drink trying to snack Matt’s shoulder to get his attention and point it out

Nicky and the upperclassmen all make a pact to never ever mention it bc they know how private and defensive those two can be and they don’t want to risk Neil toning down his obvious flirting or Andrew cutting off his own ears bc he probably would

theguardian.com you cant just SAY things like that to me im gonna have a fucking MELTDOWN now

“you changed” bro i became the eyes and hands of a magical sentient forest that my best friend/boyfriend took out of his fucking dreams and now i have psychic powers

Underrated Andriel Moment:

When Neil asks Andrew to stop shooting the balls at their teammates feet and Andrew asked to see his scars in return.

Boy really said “imma make him take off his shirt”

What can I say. Kaz is really romantic.

i think it’s the funniest fucking thing that neil can get andrew to do literally anything he asks and his default response when people ask how he did it is just like “i don’t know” or “he thinks it’s funny”. no, you actual dipshit, he’s in love with you, get with the program, please, you’re embarrassing yourself.

i just finished the secret history and yeah. they were all in love w each other. ALL OF THEM.

Henry Winter, immediately after Bunny's death: this is so sad. Richard, play despacito.

neil breaking through andrew's walls:

neil josten says “ooo you wanna kiss me so bad” in the middle of arguments with andrew

busy thinking abt how like. adam hates touch & its foreign to him BUT at the same time, that’s how he shows affection. because trusting his friends also means trusting them to be gentle and not cross any boundaries. so he fist bumps gansey all the time, and sure it’s a dudebro guy pal thing to do, but it’s also a demonstration of the fact that this is someone who adam trusts and is close to. ESPECIALLY so with ronan, who’s really the only person in the books who adam both initiates and allows extended contact with.

even way before they actually get together, adam lets ronan “check” his hands by holding them, and he’s more than fine with it when he props his legs up on adam. and again, it’s not profound gestures or displays of trust, but it’s the fact that adam views touch as something foreign and rigged with the potential for danger, and even when he’s at the gansey’s party and a stranger just brushes his arm, it’s enough to set him off. so the fact that he not only allows and trusts, but initiates, the contact with the gangsey is a really subtle show of the fact that not only do they make adam happy, but enough so that he trusts them with things that in general he doesn’t trust at all

okay so we all know ronan’s “i’m always straight” line right but uhhh did you guys catch ganseys response….. “Gansey suspected that none of them was being completely honest with their replies” lmaoooo

an au where the foxes didn’t find out about andreil in baltimore and they’re totally oblivious to it despite andrew and neil being anything but subtle

they don’t figure it out until neil is chilling with matt in the girls’ room. dan ordered takeout and allison put on some raunchy 90’s romcom that no one’s really paying attention to

matt turns to neil and asks “so how’s andrew?” it’s been a year and a half, after all, and the monsters have calmed down somewhat following the aftermath of last year, so surely andrew still can’t be messing with neil?

neil, not realizing matt was asking if andrew was still bothering him and hadn’t clocked that literally no one has picked up on the fact that andrew and neil don’t really hate each other let alone have been in a relationship for the past year replies, “i think i’m in love with him.”

matt just fucking chokes on his orange chicken

i swear i try to think of something else but everything that echoes in my mind since i finished if we were villains is “Worthy prince, i know’t” and “don’t kiss james like that again” and “ ‘yes, i was’. it’s not the whole truth. the whole truth is i’m in love with him still” AND the fucking poem that james left. i just. i hate them?