What I See, What You See (1) - K.th.

what i see, what you see (1) - k.th.

genre: fluff, angst (9.5k)

summary: how you see taehyung, has changed too much over the years and how he sees you, hasn’t changed at all. 

part 2 of the story.

all works in the series can be real individually.  

masterlist    series masterlist

-

perhaps waking up to such a beautiful man should have pleased you, excited you even that your night was indulgent and filled with the intimacy you craved, but perhaps having to leave his bed in just minutes threw that happiness into thin air.

you stare with hands wrung tight around the blanket that protected your dignity, you stare with awe in your eyes at the man lying beside you. the sunlight gracefully blinked on his face as he tossed and turned before settling again and something about his delicate features made you want to run your fingers across his face.

you can’t believe you are here, in this bed, with him.

after staring at him for a few more silent minutes, you decide you must leave before the handsome man wakes up and discovers you in his bed.

there are certain rules to a one-night stand that need to be followed, at least you follow them carefully.

one, leave in the morning as soon as you can. no one wants a clingy one-night stand partner and the last thing you wanted was to humiliate yourself in front of this god-like man by overstaying your welcome.

two, don’t leave any trace of you behind, including clothes, phones, and other personal belongings that would be a hassle to retrieve from them.

three, don’t have any expectations and this one is rough, especially with how passionate-filled some nights can be, but one-night stands are not expected to make you a cup of coffee or a pleasant breakfast, it would be nice of them but it’s better to just head home and do that for yourself.

and all of these apply, no matter what the situation is.

now, you strongly believe in those rules, knowing well your way in the world of temporary strings, and no matter how beautiful this man was, or how beautiful he made you feel, you cannot stay any longer even if your hands ache to touch him one last time.

you roll off the bed with a small groan, all your muscles tightening at once as you slowly pad around for your dress and your purse. you sigh in relief when you spot them disposed of in a corner, blushing at the memory of how hasty you’d been to remove your dress last night or how hasty both of you had been, to be more precise.

just as you are about to leave, you hear a shuffle in the bed and freeze momentarily. you desperately hope he goes back to sleep so you can go without hiccups.

“leaving me already, heart?”

he remembers.

your breath stutters and your hands tighten around the doorknob at the low, rough voice that uttered the nickname you dreaded to hear but you don’t dare to turn around, your skin raises in goosebumps and your heart pounds exaggeratedly just at the sound of him which is why you do the wisest thing you can do at the moment.

you leave.

-

the coffee sitting in front continues to grow cold as you stare into nothing, you had another sleepless night, you kept tossing and turning and your work life being as hectic as it was, didn’t help at all

you think of him, you wonder how he’s doing, you wonder who he’s charming right at the moment with his honey-like voice. you wonder if he remembered everything or just pieces of what you had been.

you really shouldn’t if you were being honest, you have forgotten all your one-night stands the following morning with ease but it’s been weeks since you have been with him, and your mind doesn’t seem to shut up about him.

and you hate that.

you hate that your body grows cold and warm as memories come back to you faintly, you remember how soft his hair felt between your fingers but you can’t remember the color of his shirt or the color of his home. but you remember what you felt, you remember flashes of how your eyes met his, how his lips curved to say your name, how his hands never stopped touching you, and how you fell asleep in his arms feeling nothing but warmth. how it felt so good to be in his warmth again after all this time.

and worst of all, you remember utterly clearly what he said to you just before you left.

how did you ever find the heart to leave him after he called out to you like that?

“i must say, you look even better during the day.” you jerk in your seat, your knee hitting loudly under the wooden table as you glance up hurriedly to meet his eyes.

the object of your restless nights.

you would recognize those eyes anywhere.

he shouldn’t be here.

“is that how you usually respond to compliments?.” he chuckled breathily and takes a seat right across you, and you are yet to say a word to him, your eyes too wide and your heart too loud for you to reply to him.

“not usually, no.” you manage to say and he smiles graciously. “i was hoping i would run into you at some point” he confessed with a lop-sided grin and your brows furrow involuntarily.

“what for?” you ask with your heart in your throat. your mind betrays you as everything he did to you comes rushing back and you have to swallow the dryness in your throat away.

“you left without saying goodbye, i was hoping you would stay” his voice is soft and you could tell he was being genuine. “why would i stay? it was a one-night thing” you shrugged, looking away from him because it killed you to leave that morning.

you really did believe you didn’t have to stay because again, it was a one-night stand and nothing else, not even with the history that apparently you two are adamant to ignore. but you wanted to know why he assumed you would.

“well, it doesn’t have to be.” he shrugs back and you want to sink under the table, there is no way that he, of all people, was insinuating what you thought he was.

did he really forget you altogether? and all the years you spent with him?

“on that note, can i join you for the rest of your meal, heart? unless you are meeting someone, of course.” there it was again, that ridiculous nickname that made your mouth dry. and now, you knew that he remembered.

taehyung had some inkling that you weren’t going to push him away, there was no way he was letting you slip again.

“nope, not meeting anyone” you confirm and he nods, evidently very pleased with your answer. “then, you wouldn’t mind if i grab us something to eat, right?”  once you shake your head in reply, “i would like-“ and you are cut off with a finger to your lips.

“i remember, heart.” your lips tingle where he leaves his touch and as if nothing happened, he merrily skips away to order for you two. you sink in your seat as you place your hand over your rapidly pounding heart.

this was bad.

you two were never supposed to cross paths again. you felt like an idiot playing whatever shitty version of role-play this was.

though you can’t say you are entirely upset with seeing taehyung again.

but you were irritated with how flustered he still made you with few sentences, how he didn’t even try to make you feel that way but here you are, flushed and jittery.

a plate with quiche, some cinnamon rolls, and a can of peach soda enters your vision, you barely register him coming back to the table with your mind being so occupied by him.

and you purse your lips in the realization that this is exactly what you always got.

“your memory is quite good.” you hum while pulling your food closer to you and you can see how content he looks as he sits down. “so, i was hoping to get to know you better, we didn’t get to talk much that night, you can ask me whatever you would like.”

“what makes you think i want to keep talking to you?” you lean back with raised eyes, you wanted to see if he could handle some bruising to his intelligence, to see if he had changed at all.

he quirks his eyebrow but smiles nonetheless. if you wanted to play like that, so could he, “you would’ve told me to fuck off the second i sat down if you didn’t want to talk. i don’t see any benefit in beating around the bush when i know what i want and i just assumed that our good time together would naturally make you feel interested, correct me if i’m wrong though.”

he wasn’t wrong, you haven’t thought of anything but him for the past few weeks so he was safe to assume everything he did.

but you try to maintain composure, clearing your throat and sitting upright, you reply “you think too highly of yourself”, and he grins easily with a shrug, “if i don’t, who will?”

even though he said it playfully, he was right (once again), if we don’t value ourselves the way we want to be valued by others, it would be futile to ever wish for a value to be bestowed on us.

“so heart, you are free to ask me anything your pretty mind is curious about” he digs into his food and you nod your head, you have things to ask him if he’s so eager to answer.

“how long will you keep pretending that we don’t already know everything about each other, taehyung?”

the playful environment vanishes like a fog that gets chased away by the heat. sure, it was nice to pretend that you two were strangers and that this was all new, you were both new but the only truth you believed in, was the old, almost vintage kind of love that you lived through him.

until it all burnt to ashes and here you two were, acting like strangers to dull your longing for each other.

he pauses, setting down his fork and looking at you with pursed lips, taehyung was really hoping this wouldn’t be brought up, he was hoping that he could have you, a fresh start to your otherwise wilted story. his shoulders fall as a frown starts to appear on his brows.

“heart, can i ask you something now?” taehyung’s words are slow and they come out with a light shakiness to them.

“i guess, it’s only fair, so go ahead.” you nod and the tapping of your foot against the floor starts rapidly, it had always been one of those habits you couldn’t break.

your mind goes through every possible question he could ask you, you are not sure you could answer most of them, and you don’t want to answer most of them because you know taehyung, and you know he won’t ask you something simple.

“truthfully and i want the sincerest answer from you.” you hold your breath as taehyung levels his gaze with you.

“how have you been, y/n?” was not what you expected.

“it’s been too long.” not what you expected at all.

a simple question.

but it knocked the breath out of you, taehyung’s concern weaved around his words, his teary eyes indicated he had wondered about this before, about how you’ve been, about how long it’s been since he’s had the chance to ask you this. you wonder if it kept him up for as many nights as it did you because you have wondered endlessly about how he’s been too.

you couldn’t answer.

the night that entangled you two once again comes back to you.

he saw you dancing alone under the flashing lights.

he kept his gaze on you as you locked yours with his, urging your body to move in a way you never did before, throwing your head back and putting on a show.

show him what he’s been missing.

you don’t understand why you would ever act like you didn’t know him; you knew him more than you know yourself. you don’t know if you actually didn’t recognize him or chose to just forget your history for those few hours.

“what are you doing here?” you want to know, you want to know so badly so many other things that you can’t ask now so you settle to dodge the question as you lean back and away from him.

“you didn’t answer my question.”

“you are not answering mine.”

“i have an exhibition here, i was hoping to get to that after we talk a little more.”

so, he ended up pursuing photography in the end.

now, this was something you totally expected from taehyung.

“i would love for you to come and see it, y/n. there’s no one i want to show it more to.” those words would have made you swoon but now, they just irritated you and you willed your frustration away. you don’t speak a word, you don’t give a single indication of your thoughts, of your brewing anger.

but taehyung had always been stubborn.

“how have you been, y/n? i’ve waited years to ask you this.” the question hits you like a truck once again but this time, you force yourself to look away from the abyss of his eyes that held so much of the emotions you were scared of acknowledging.

it was absurd.

seeing him after all the time was absurd, and having this conversation with him was absurd.

taehyung’s grip on you, even now, was absurd. your throat starts to close up at the sheer weight of his return in your life.

“what do you do? how is your sister? please, say something.” you don’t miss how his tone begs you to speak but you could’ve never prepared yourself enough to see taehyung after this long, let alone sit down and talk to him like nothing happened.

“i’m sorry, taehyung” and before he could let another word out, you were running out of the café.

-

sometimes, you hated social obligations and you hated it even more when they were on saturday’s that you hoped to spend drinking and journalling.

you absentmindedly glance over the photographs hung in the museum your friend forced you to come to as a plus one. she promised good food and good-looking men, but so far only the food was satisfactory. the champagne flute clutched tightly in your hands had long lost its bubbles and you found yourself getting bored for the fifth time in the past hour.

usually, you loved exhibitions and you wouldn’t admit to another person that you had secretly hoped to find taehyung’s name somewhere among the sea of photos, maybe get some closure from how he left, and that grew into a casual affection for exhibitions.

but your mind was somewhere else entirely.

you turned around with a sigh, knowing that you didn’t have it in you to appreciate the photos today. and you do a double-take when you see taehyung’s face buried in crowds around the far corner of the room.

the closure you needed, two years ago, was standing a few feet away and not just the name, but also the face that glittered under the neon lights.

you thought closure would bring you comfort and some peace, but your ankles buckled underneath you as all color drained away from your face, and the champagne flute in your hand whined under your grip.

closure didn’t bring you comfort or peace, just a longing you couldn’t refuse or accept.

did he feel it too?

had he ever tried searching for you as you had so desperately for him?

he was already looking at you and you didn’t like that one bit, you didn’t like that he knew of your presence because now, you couldn’t just run away.

taehyung smiled his beautiful smile after you met his eyes, raising his glass to you. you blink once, twice, and whip your head back around.

what was he even doing here?

your ears picked up on the tell-tale sound of boots beelining towards your direction and it took every nerve in you to not gallop towards the door. your feet curled to move, to loosen their grip on the ground and sprint but you stayed stuck.

“find anything you like?” his smooth voice invades your space and you suck in a breath when he appears beside you with a jolly smile.

seems like your previous exchange hadn’t affected him at all. you don’t know if you find that stupid or admirable yet.

“sure, many actually” you shrug, trying to appear casual, trying to appear as if his presence here didn’t deter you at all, as if it didn’t make you want to curl into yourself and you gulp more of your warm champagne, the sour bubbles making you grimace immediately.

god, that tasted like a horse’s foot.

without a word, he takes the glass out of your hands and replaces it with his own.

“it’s better when it’s cold.” your lips part involuntarily at that and your heart hammers in your ears as you take in how he looks.

taehyung was wearing this beautiful crimson satin shirt, paired with trousers that hugged his long legs perfectly, a thin chain disappeared behind his shirt and his hair was pushed back, he looked extremely attractive and he knew it.

that didn’t change, you noted. taehyung had always been well aware of the effect he had on other people and he often took pride in his ability to make a person turn twice to see him. you used to find that arrogant but if you had his face, you would be the same.

taehyung, on the other hand, has to hide his smile behind his glass because he can’t believe that you, of all people in the world, ended up at his exhibit and he would be the biggest liar if he said your emerald, flowy dress didn’t drive him insane. he didn’t even try to peel his eyes off you when he saw you, just kept looking, enjoying his view and hoped you would look back.

the jewel-toned outfits you two matched, didn’t slip his attention.

“so, which ones did you like?” he pried his eyes away from you for the first time since he saw you and pointed towards the photographs. you could sense the urgency in his tone, he really wanted to know which caught your eye. “i haven’t looked at a photo long enough to pick a favorite, i’ve been…distracted.” you finally admitted.

taehyung’s lips split into the widest grin, he had always loved how honest you were and he knew this meant you didn’t know it was his exhibition.

“for me, can you please take a look?” his eyebrows furrow ever so slightly in fleeting concentration at the frames surrounding you two and your own eyebrows come together in confusion.

why did he look at the pictures with so much affection?

“uh, sure.” you mutter and turn to look at the photo, it was a close-up of the empty space inside a heart locket and the thin chain of the necklace was sprawled messily around it.

it looked familiar.

too familiar.

and then it dawns on you that it was the same chain and locket you had gifted taehyung around four years ago.

the world around you goes mute for a second.

your eyes hurriedly searched for the name of the photographer because it couldn’t be him, anyone but him, and anything but that necklace you had given him foolishly, thinking you would spend the rest of your life with him. in the middle of your frantic search, your eyes finally catch the name at the bottom right of the frame.

kim taehyung (v).

sea of photos.

his face.

his name.

it was everything you wanted.

just not now.

you spun as your eyes darted into every corner, to look at the other frames sprawled on the white walls around you two; sure enough, all of them had his name under them.

his exhibit.

the one he told you about.

god, you are so stupid.

of course, it’s the exhibition that he tried to get you to come to but you didn’t want to hear anything about it and you’re here anyway. by some shitty wrench in your fate, you ended up right where he wanted you.

“this is all yours” you mumble out breathlessly and taehyung’s lip is caught in his teeth as his eyes zero in on your reaction. you don’t look at him anymore as your back stands straight and you are stiffer with tension than ever and his face falls. he wishes it wasn’t his, just to erase the frown on your face.

“yes, it is,” he can’t bring himself to sound proud about the exhibition after he sees how uncomfortable you look.

ever since taehyung left you the way he did, you have gotten very good at one thing.

leaving.

a trait, you liked to joke to your friends now, that you picked up from him.

“i can’t be here” you whisper more to yourself than anyone else but taehyung’s ears pick up on your soft whisper and he further deflates. but he can’t let you leave, not again, not after you’ve seen the part of him that he’s desperately been waiting to show you.

so, as you turn to leave like you’ve trained yourself to in any situation that made it difficult for you to breathe, taehyung’s hand wrap around your wrist.

his touch is gentle, and his fingers are a little cold from the champagne flute he’s been holding since the beginning of the evening, but his touch crashes you into reality, a reality where taehyung was somehow back in your life and you couldn’t bring yourself to like that.

would it have been the same if he didn’t let you go that morning?

would you have paused and regretted every thought that made you leave?

“please, heart. for me, stay till the end.” you don’t miss the pleading in his tone and you don’t dare to look at his face, you know yourself enough to know that one look at him would have you crumbling on the floor with no resolve.

suddenly, you feel just the way the ‘university student’ you felt when everything blew away gently but surely like a dandelion.

you won’t stay.

you will leave, just like he did and you will not turn back, you will not think of kim taehyung ever again and you will do everything you can to avoid meeting him again. he was never supposed to show up in your life.

you will definitely not stay.

but the fluorescent lights in the museum continue to hurt your eyes and your fingers hurt from holding the flute of champagne which had long grown warm once again.

you stayed, after telling taehyung that you would rather burn in hell.

you stayed, after walking out into the cold night and promising to yourself that this is where it ends with kim taehyung.

you stayed, foolishly, but with a sick sense of owing this to taehyung.

the last visitor to the museum bows to taehyung and leaves, which left you and taehyung to be the last ones in the museum. he turns to you with amused eyes and his lips pulled up to one side.

he found it hilarious that you were the same person who was hell-bent on leaving just an hour ago and he can’t bring himself to wipe the smile off his face even if it sharply contrasts the deep scowl on your face.

“didn’t really think you’d still be here” taehyung walks up to you with breezy steps, and you scoffed, more at yourself than him, “i can still leave.”

he hums, dropping himself on a bench and looks up at you with the same smile that you used to love so much, “sit down, no funny business, i promise. i just want to talk, heart.” he tilts his head back with raised eyebrows, there is warmth in his voice and familiarity that you’ve grown to hate since he’s started using that nickname again.

but you sit down anyway.

at the end of the bench.

far away from him.

it isn’t lost on either of you that the bench is only big enough for two people so half your ass is hanging in the air and taehyung has to bite back a laugh at the way you seem to hover in the open air.

“this exhibition has been in the works for about a year now” he tells you and you cock an eyebrow at that. so, he’s known he was coming back for a year and that information sits bitterly in your mind.

“it seems to be a success” you mutter in an unbothered tone, your eyes flying over your nails in an attempt to look unbothered too but oh, your heart was practically singing with pride at the crowd that showed up.

“i was a nervous wreck, i really thought it would be just me and my assistant today.” he lets out a small laugh, laced with disbelief and you wanted to fight him at how little confidence taehyung carried regarding his craft.

you may hate him now but even you couldn’t deny that the exhibition was a huge achievement for him.

“well, if it makes you feel any better, i had a hard time finding space to walk around.” your heels click noisily, anxiously against the granite in your attempt to compliment taehyung. it felt strange, supporting him, talking to him, even sitting with him under dimmed lights felt strange and new.

somehow, you hated that taehyung seemed to have moved on to bigger and better things, you had wished that he was miserable, that he was crying every day, that he was lost in life with no direction.

“you wouldn’t have had that problem if you were walking around with the photographer himself, you know.” he cheekily remarks and you have to fight the smile on your face.

“the photographer looked a little too busy.” you let yourself relax a little, your back leans on the wall behind you and you suck in a breath at how much closer taehyung was. taehyung, on the other hand, is delighted and scoots further reducing the distance between you two. your eyebrows further reach your hairline but you don’t make an attempt to move.

you already fucked him, this was nothing.

“i’m never too busy for you.”

“it didn’t seem that way years ago.”

why did you just say that?

taehyung’s body jerks back at your harsh words and you, yourself are not sure where it comes from but it does, and you can’t bring yourself to take it back because that was how it felt then, like taehyung wanted to fly and you didn’t let his feet leave solid ground.

he looks away with a gulp, he has nothing to say to that, because he knows it’s true, he had been avoiding bringing up anything about the past but that just made you feel worse than the hell that the last few years put you through.

the fact that he was ready to flirt with you and make plans with you but never acknowledge the history you two shared, hurt you more than you would ever admit to another living soul.

“it’s not fair.” he declares with a hardened gaze and your eyebrows furrow in confusion. you felt taehyung should be the last one to talk about fairness.

“what isn’t?”

“how we ended, it wasn’t fair to either of us.” taehyung dares to look up at you as he says that, and even if he says it gently, him mentioning how you ended didn’t sit well in your mind and the developing knot in your throat made it hard for you to keep your eyes on him.

it really wasn’t fair, but not for the reasons he thought so.

“you know what actually isn’t fair at all?” you force yourself to speak, your voice laced with emotions that you thought you had buried but all of it bubbles over. you are seeing the person you loved during your entire youth, innocently, devotionally, and after they left you without an explanation or goodbye.

nothing in the world could’ve prepared you for this, nothing could’ve prepared you for taehyung again.

and you hated being unprepared, you hated how out of control everything felt.

taehyung knows what you’re going to say, he knows exactly what wasn’t fair and he’s struggled with the guilt of that knowledge for too long, so he keeps quiet, he doesn’t want to hear what it was. he’s tired of the hollowness that’s consumed him, body and soul, for the time he spent apart from you.

“how you left. how you left wasn’t fair to us, how you left wasn’t fair to me.” your eyes gather tears at the corners and you are close to yelling at the end. it wasn’t fair that you never knew why he left and why he never felt the need to give you the goodbye you deserved.

you thought you did something, that you were at fault, that taehyung couldn’t possibly leave you the way he did, and you are overcome with frustration about how hard you’ve been on yourself because of him.

but what frustrates you most is that even after all this time, you have not moved on.

he has but you haven’t.

“i don’t know what to say.” taehyung’s voice comes out tight and it’s barely above a whisper and your irritation only increases.

“seems like not much has changed for you then” he never bothered telling you he was leaving, so to you, your anger was more than justified. taehyung breathed out heavily, his entire body language screamed how uncomfortable he was and you wanted to leave, again.

“i don’t want to fight. i just want to enjoy this minute that you are here with me, in my exhibit, in my presence, after way too long.”

‘and who’s to blame for that?’ it lies at the tip of your tongue but you don’t say it, you don’t want to bother yourself with him anymore.

you sink in your seat in a silent acceptance that you will let him have his minute, just this minute.

just this one minute.

taehyung relaxes too, his body sliding down the bench as a long breath leaves him and his eyes drift to your feet, how they stay pointed away from him, his eyes fall shut as the exhaustion from the day catches up to him, from seeing you again with the knowledge that you hated his every fiber.

but taehyung was stubborn.

“can we, at least, be friends?” you almost bark out a burst of laughter at his request, he must have gone completely insane if he thought you would even consider that.

“hear me out” you hear him say and your eyes are already rolling to the back of your head, but his soft tone stutters your thoughts. “we were friends, before everything” he takes a shaky breath, not wanting to specify what ‘everything’ was. you didn’t want him to specify what it was, either.

“before things happened, we were the best of friends, we had each other backs. i have a journey i want to share with you, as a friend and i want you to be able to confide in me like you used to.”  

now, that makes you pause.

because it was true, you were really good friends, all through high school and almost till the end of college, you never lost that ‘friendship’ element even when you got together.

memories that you buried over the years, crawled up your spine until they curled around your neck and painted taehyung in the light that you shone on him then.

it had actually pained you more that you lost taehyung as a friend than as a boyfriend.

it would be stupid for you and taehyung to gloss over your issues, to pretend that the years haven't passed without longing and much missing.

nevertheless, you could no longer vehemently throw away his suggestion. a strong, foolish tugging at your heart wanted to give taehyung another chance with your trust.

it was foolish, very foolish but you found that with taehyung, you had always been a little bit foolish.

“okay.”

taehyung’s head snaps in your direction as a smile starts to bloom on his face and you force your own twitching lips down, you had no idea why the urge to smile took over your face.

“no funny business” you pointed at him with your polished acrylic and he jokingly lifts his hands in surrender, his hands reaching up to put an invisible zip on his lips that made you giggle.

“none at all, ma’am, none at all” he sang as he scooted impossibly closer to you and this time, you don’t move, you just stare at him with a dopey grin and faltering heart.

you knew this wouldn’t end well for you; this would end exactly as it did then.

nevertheless, when his smile reaches full bloom, you can’t bring yourself to care about any of that.

it was okay, you would be hurt again and that would be okay.

-

when you said you wanted to be friends with taehyung, this wasn’t what you expected.

everyone around you stopped and stared at the large bouquet of orchids and petunias laying on your cabin’s table, most were gaping at the sheer enormity of it and you stood there with burning cheeks, both from the huge grin you couldn’t shake off and also the attention it garnered at your workplace.

that wasn’t even the worst part.

as you flipped the card that was tucked gently in the middle, you could only shake your head at the message he sent it with.

‘with love, from thv. (as a friend)’

“you need to learn to be more subtle, this isn’t very friend-like of you.” you half-heartedly complained to him, his proud chuckle came from the other side of the phone, and even with the device separating you two, your heart thawed at a little at the sound.

it felt strange to have access to his number, access to him whenever, it felt strange to just casually call him up and talk.

but it also didn’t feel forced, almost like a jerk in the road before its smooth again.

“subtlety isn’t exactly my forte so excuse me for that and as for the friend part, i did write ‘as friends’, didn’t i?”

he did, but friends don’t send bouquets the size of your head to your workplace, especially if it was friends that had an undeniable history with you.

but you couldn’t bring yourself to be as mad as you wanted to and you hated that, you were already melting at his words after vowing to yourself that you would never see his face again.

you hated it. not completely, just enough to know you hated it but not feel it so much.

“you can’t do this, taehyung” you weren’t sure if you were talking about the flowers anymore as your fingers lightly traced the petals.

orchids and petunias had always been your favorite and your skin tingled from the fact that he still remembered.

“you’ll get used to this, don’t worry.” his tone was teasing, certain, and oh, so confident, you couldn’t detach your phone from your ear even after the call ended and all that was left on the line was an incessant beeping sound.

you were right.

letting him back into your life would be a mistake.

but the petunias staring back at you, made you throw all caution out the window.

-

“where are you?” his voice stops you from turning to another page of your work file. “at work, where else?” you chuckled as you threw the file away from you.

this had become a regular thing for you two over the past few weeks, talking on the phone at random times of the day, talking about nothing significant but enough to know what was going on in each other’s lives.

it was some of the most mundane conversations you’ve ever had, you still didn’t look forward to anything more than his call now.

“and when will you be done?” you turned to look at the emerald clock in your office, that taehyung had gifted you years ago but you would rather he not know that you still kept it.

you should’ve thrown it away, a long long time ago.

“in like two hours, why are you asking me?” you bit your lip in anticipation.

you won’t get your hopes up, you will not wait for him to ask to spend time with you-

“okay, text me when you get home.” then, the call goes dead and you are left with your mouth dropped open.

what a fucking asshole.

you drag your file closer to you with increased irritation as you flip angrily through the pages. how dare he? how dare he come back into your life, completely muddle everything that helped you survive in the years he left you and then fucking have the audacity to cut your call?

you were never ever, and you mean it when you cement this to yourself, you will never pick up another call from that man.

you kept going through work like water, your anger boosting your productivity significantly and you don’t even turn to look at the time again, you had nowhere to be so you would rather just work.

“thought i would bring these to you myself, this time” your pen pauses its scribbling on the pages laid out in front of you and you don’t want to look up, you don’t need to, you know exactly who is standing by your door with another bouquet of petunias.

“you didn’t have-“ your words get swallowed down your throat when you look up to see him.

loose shirt.

ruby pants.

petunia bouquet.

and that smile on his face.

no one could blame you for not having anything to say.

“we have a dress code around here” you point at his flashy outfit but he shrugs, closing the door to your cabin and placing the bouquet right in front of you.

“i promise i’ll follow it next time, heart” he winks at you as he takes a seat across from you, leaving you to deal with your hot cheeks. taehyung’s eyes dart around your office, the pictures sitting on your desk with people he didn’t recognize, the papers that were arranged neatly in a corner, the color-coded folders, and finally, the coffee mug with multiple Brooklyn-99 stickers on it, you had always loved that show and he’s glad that hasn’t changed.

he had noticed so many changes around you, in you as well. you never painted your nails before, now you always had a fresh set of bright acrylics. you used to always have your phone on silent and he had to wait for hours for you to call back, now you were instantaneous in picking up calls. you even started nursing small succulents from what he’s told.

you no longer were the insecure person who didn’t know whether you would achieve anything in life, you didn’t mumble your words anymore, they were clear and confident and he fell half-in-love again with just that.

not that he ever fell out.

then, he sees the clock.

the clock that twenty-year-old him had thought was a perfect gift for his girlfriend, you had pouted then, you asked him what would you even do with a clock but now, it was hung where you worked.

the coldness that filled taehyung’s heart in that minute was palpable, now he knew that you had held onto some belief that he would come back, he couldn’t bring himself to imagine how cruel that waiting must’ve been.

he really fucked up.

“what are you doing here, taehyung?” you sigh in faux exasperation, seemingly none the wiser to his glance towards the clock, as you lean back in your seat. taehyung didn’t want you to know either, he would rather not bring up wounds that seared the two of you.

what was important to him was that you were in front of him, and he had only this one chance at making things right.

“picking you up from work and taking you to a picnic if you have nothing else planned.” your eyes widen on their own, you had never been good at hiding your reactions and taehyung had always found it amusing.

“it’s just a picnic, y/n. some wine, cheese, and pastries, i have it all ready, you just need to come along” taehyung smiles sweetly, and you almost smile back before shaking your head and sitting up straighter, “what if i have other plans?” you challenge him but both of you know you don’t have anything planned. again, you never were good at hiding how you felt and that automatically led to you being a terrible liar.

but he plays along.

“i will try to convince you that my plan is better” he shrugs, sitting up straight with you. his confidence. you both missed it and can do without it at the moment.

“and how is that?”

“well, it’s got me” he gives you a lopsided grin and you roll your eyes though a smile now dances on your lips too.

“somehow, i’m not convinced, kim taehyung.” you act unaffected, putting your files away and he chuckles at that, throwing his head back on his seat. you keep your head down, you want him to give you a good reason, you want him to not give you any option but follow him out this door.

then, he gets up from his seat, presumably to leave and your heart deflates but you don’t say a word, you don’t dare to look his way again and before you know it, your chair is spun and you yelp as your eyes meet his.

he didn’t leave.

oh.

that was…interesting.

taehyung has that small smile on his face, one that shows his security in himself, in his own skin, and one that infuriates you because it’s hard to hate a man when he doesn’t secretly hate some part of himself.

taehyung’s always been him, just him, very secure in his delicate but angled features, he’s long embraced himself wholly.

you’re so lost in admiring him, admiring his long eyelashes that frame his eyes just right, his unsymmetrical eyes which blink back drunken stars, admiring his beauty like you used to.

you don’t notice how he leans to your ear until his breath against your skin makes you shiver and grip your chair tightly.

“we can get chocolate cake and hot chocolate on the way” he whispers so seriously about the sweets, for obvious dramatic effect and you hold back your giggles, no longer feeling too aware of his presence. “have i convinced you?” he tilts his head at you, his own amusement growing at your curled lips.

“don’t say anything else and we’re good to go” you push him back with the pads of your palms, grabbing your bag and coat, turning to see his baffled face with a sly smile.

you forgot how taehyung wasn’t used to this version of you, you no longer were the bubbly university student in love, you hardened over the years, in both a good and bad way.

if you had to get used to his spontaneous bouquets, he had to get used to this version of you.

“i don’t think friends do this, kim taehyung but i’ll make an exception for this one time.” you tease, sauntering out the door and he’s left gaping in your cabin.

-

“not going to lie, when you said wine, i really didn’t think it was the kind that gets you drunk” you giggle as you pour another glass for yourself, and taehyung laughs at your slurred speech. “but i’m not complaining” you shrug and swig the glass all the way and to put it in a simple way, taehyung’s mildly shocked. you used to have the highest tolerance among all your friends in college, often being the sober one who made sure everyone got home even if you drank a lot but now, you were getting drunk on three glasses of wine.

he would’ve stopped you from drinking more but you looked totally relaxed for the first time since he met you again and you weren’t fighting him either, it’s a win-win situation for him. he’s already decided that you will drink as much as you want and he’ll take care of it.

“i really didn’t think that i’d see you again.” you sighed, an emotion behind that simple motion that taehyung didn’t recognize but it was enough to make him stop from pouring more wine into your cup, and look up at you.

you weren’t looking at him. you were looking at anything but him, your gaze was empty, the flush on your cheeks was now a faint dash of color, and your eyes were once again widened in caution.

he felt a fight coming.

he didn’t know what to do.

“why did you come back, taehyung?” you can’t help the question that tumbles out of your mouth, but you still hold yourself back from asking one that has plagued your mind for months.

say it’s for me, say you couldn’t live without me, say it was hell for you too, say it was to see me one more time.

taehyung has the answer, he knows why he’s back but he can’t tell you now, he can’t pop up in your life and make it all about him again, but taehyung doesn’t realize that’s all he’s been doing.

“just…for the exhibition” he says instead, clearing his throat uncomfortably and your hand pauses mid-air from taking another swig, you were stupid to think otherwise. “of course, that’s fair.” you force yourself to tell him and he doesn’t do anything but nod.

then, why did you find me?

why did you wake up next to me again?

why did you come back to me, with flowers and quiet apologies?

“exhibition’s over, why aren’t you going back to wherever you came from?” taehyung forces himself to breathe normally at the next question that leaves your lips, he almost laughs at how smart you are even when intoxicated but the stars tonight weighed down on his shoulders, they didn’t shine, they burned him.

he knows you’ll make him say it anyway, he knows you’re smarter than to take whatever bullshit answer he will give you otherwise.

so, he gathers his courage to tell you that the only reason why he ever planned for an exhibition here, was for you. why he ever felt himself get tethered to this place, was you. why everything he built from the ground up, was to show you.

but before his words fully prepare to fall from his lips, your head falls on his shoulder, your hands going limp on your side as your wine glass rolls away. the wine must have caught up to you, your eyes are shut and you stir as you settle into the curve of his body.

taehyung sucks in a breath as his body stays rigid for a few minutes.

taehyung is reminded of the many days that he woke up just to feel you.

then, he settles too, and lets his body fall around you in a familiar fashion.

taehyung will tell you one day, he will tell you everything. he promises to himself that he’s going to let you know of all the things he’s seen without you, how much it hurt to not see them with you, to feel all the things he did, without you.

but for now, he will just savor this night, he will just feel you.

-

“a what?” you almost spit out the orange juice taehyung had so generously prepared for you as soon as you woke up with a throbbing head.

thank god for weekends.

“a trip, i need to gather information about the location so that i can plan my shoot and theme around it” he shrugs and goes back to the sizzling bacon on the pan in front of him. you stare with a dropped jaw, the shock of waking up in his apartment this morning was enough for you to digest in one day, the shock of him making you breakfast and you watching him cook in his kitchen, was too much but you could handle it. you needed a separate day for whatever he was suggesting now.

“and why will i come to this shoot?” you were beyond confused; you were flabbergasted that he would even bring this up with you. there was nothing you could contribute to the shoot and you weren't enthusiastic about spending long, lonely hours with him.

taehyung thought you forgot everything about last night, he was extra gentle with you throughout the night, when he was shifting the blanket around you, when his hands hesitated to remove your scarf and coat, and when he clicked the door shut as lightly as he could. as if, if he moved too quick, you would wake up and fight him again, that you would hate him again.

you remember everything, especially the part where he didn’t give you an answer.

but that just wasn’t a conversation for the near future.

“because i have a feeling you will really love the location” taehyung turns around, crossing his arms across his chest with a broad smile and you force your eyes from the apron straining on his hips as he moves. “no offense but your feelings almost always end up meaning trash, taehyung” you roll your eyes and plop down on the bar stool near the counter as he gasps.

“i take full offense to that actually, what do you even mean?” he argues and you cock an eyebrow, “remember when you got me a cat as a gift for our anniversary because you had a feeling i would love it?” taehyung’s face turns red as he tries to defend himself, “that was an honest mistake.”

“i was fucking allergic to the poor thing, taehyung.”

“that was an unexpected complication, it was a one-time thing! besides, i’m so sure this time.” he continued to argue and you sighed, leaning back.

“where is it then?”

“i won’t tell you.”

your jaw drops again, “are you crazy? why do you think i’ll go if you don’t even tell me where we’re going?”

“because it’s with me?”

“that goes in the list of reasons of why i shouldn’t go, actually.” you give him a bright, sarcastic grin and he glares back.

“it’s going to be your loss” he feigns nonchalance as he turns around and continues to cook. you hate to admit it but you really do need a trip, work has been killing you and nothing exciting has been happening (except random flower bouquets and wine with someone), you can’t deny how curious you are.

and taehyung knows.

taehyung knows how it kills you when you don’t know something, he knows that you’ll love this place, it takes all of him to keep his smile from growing too big because he enjoys how you’re squirming in your seat, fighting the urge to just ask him.

you might have changed but taehyung knows you enough to know this much.

“taehyung.” you call out after deciding that you’ve tortured yourself enough and he hums, “yes, heart?” you roll your eyes yet again at the dreadful nickname.

“where is it?”

“not telling you.”

“seriously?” your face starts getting red from the frustration that bubbles in you and your fists tighten on the counter.

“yes.”

“okay, then i won’t come” you say with much reluctance, you want to go so badly and taehyung has to bite back a chuckle, “okay, heart, whatever you wish” he shrugs with that irritating smile, placing a plate of food in front of you and you glare at it.

you start eating slowly before raising your fork at him, “i mean it, i will not be coming, i do not care about whatever stupid place you’re going to.” taehyung nods along, “of course, why would you?” he continues to tease you and you narrow your eyes at him.

his tone suggested that he knew of your feigned ignorance and that irritated you to the core.

nevertheless, you give up, if he wanted to be a dick, you were going to let him be a dick.

but right before you left his apartment that day, he planted another seed in your head that kept you up for days.

“we leave in two weeks, whether you come or not, your ticket will be booked, all you have to do is show up at the airport, so it’s really up to you.”

“i’m not coming, taehyung” you repeat unsurely but outwardly, you maintained a firm stance and he tuts at you, knowing your act was slipping, and pulls you in for a short hug under his doorway.

a short hug that you dreamed about for days.

“surprise me, heart. you always do.” he whispers with a smirk, pulling away and slipping inside his room.

two weeks.                    

surprise him?

you scoffed, he was crazy to think that you would even think of coming.

-

you did think about it.

you thought about it so much that you ended up with two full suitcases in the airport that taehyung had texted you the details about. you had left the message on seen, not bothering to reply because you weren’t going, right?

well, your suitcases said otherwise.

you see taehyung’s figure somewhere in the distance, he wasn’t too hard to find, his satin shirt at a freaking airport baffled you but at least you found him. he was looking for someone in the crowd around him, and you wonder who. you really have no clue, none at all.

you look off in the other direction, it was bad enough that you showed up after swearing on your life that you wouldn’t, it would be worse if you walked up to him with your suitcases.

you had thought of not coming, you really did but curiosity plucked at your every nerve until you gave in and started packing. you didn’t know what you were packing for, but you figured a good mix of everything was safe.

“heart?” his gentle tone which wasn’t filled with as much shock as you would’ve liked, broke the chaos around you. you didn’t have to see him to know he was grinning ear-to-ear.

“i thought you said you weren’t coming?” taehyung continues, circling around you to stand right in front of your embarrassed face and he bites his cheeks to stop himself from grinning.

“i came to wish you a safe journey” you answer unconvincingly, you know that he knows but you are going to at least try to save your dignity, “you always bring suitcases to wish someone that?” he furrows his eyebrows to act as if he believed what you said.

“always.” he laughs out loud and you no longer fight your own smile, you almost forgot the warmth that spread through you whenever you made him laugh.

“i’m doing what you told me to” you finally answer him after both of you calm down and he tilts his head, urging you to continue.

“surprising you” he wasn’t surprised, not even close, he had known the second you squirmed in his house that you would come, but he lets you have this one, “i’m beyond surprised, heart. now let’s go, we’ve got a flight to catch” he takes your suitcases and holds them along with his, to his right and with his left hand, tugs on your sleeve till you give your hand to him.

when you place your hand in his, it felt like no time has passed at all, and even if uncertainty filled you about the trip, about whatever you two were doing, about where you were heading, holding his hand seemed to put all of that behind you.

“are you going to at least tell me now?” you ask him as you two wait at the security line.

“you’re going to find out anyway, just a couple of hours. relax, heart.” his hands come to press on your shoulders and you lean back at him. this felt good, this felt great even. you couldn’t bring yourself to push away or start a fight or question how his arms now snaked across your waist.

you don’t say a thing and you do what he tells you to, yet again.

you just relax.

tethered - p.jm. (drabble)

genre: angst, closure (2.5k)

summary: jimin’s a shell of the person he used to be but you breath life to him, as you always do.

og fic - two feet tied

masterlist

note: this is a highly-requested drabble for my fic, two feet tied, i recommend reading this after the fic as it makes more sense that way, i hope you enjoy reading as always <3

jimin was worlds away from the life he used to live, he was away from the glitz, the glamour, the clenching in his chest every time a camera flashed on his face, and the person that clung onto him, only to rip his soul away.

he thinks of you.

he thinks of you, often.

jimin’s never been one to look back on the past but if it was as beautiful as his was, he couldn’t blame himself for never looking away from it.

jimin had been proud for a while, the joy that his fresh future brought him had him on his toes, it had his eyes wide and his mouth agape as he stared at the world glittering around him.

but his world now, was nothing beautiful, was nothing at all.

and he only had himself to blame.

jimin was no longer proud, he felt nothing at all on most days. he was his own undoing and he couldn’t move past the decisions he once made.

he retired as a dancer soon after his world got too shiny for him to keep his eyes open, soon after hyejin proved herself to be the wreckage she was and he opened up a bookstore to keep himself afloat. jimin wasn’t a reader but you were, you loved reading and telling him every single detail after, jimin’s heart was full when he used to fall asleep with your voice buzzing in his ear and some undying hope led him to the books that surrounded him now.

“should we put these away? the new books just came in, maybe we could display those instead?” jimin had hired a part-timer, jungkook, fresh from college, who kept him company on most days. jimin nodded at the young man who went off to finish his task and he was left all to his lonesome self.

a woman entered the bookstore with beautiful flowers in her hands and looked around. “can i help you with anything, ma’am?” jimin got up from his seat to assist her.

her eyes gleamed as she replied, “i’m just looking for jungkook, he said he would be finished by now?”

you used to look at him that way.

as if he wrote every magical song in the universe, as if he lived on the moon.

“he’s just out back, i’ll let him know, you can take a seat in the meanwhile” jimin scurries off to find his friend.

were they friends?

or was jimin so lonely, that his only companion of sorts was a college freshman, whom he was paying?

“hey, someone’s here for you” he swallowed the growing lump in his throat, which was getting harder to ignore by the day, and jungkook immediately snaps up with a broad grin. “already? man, i still have so much to do” he glanced at the cardboard boxes surrounding him, only to turn around to face jimin with puppy eyes.

jimin cursed under his breath. “fine, you can leave now.” he regrettably gives the younger man permission, who jumps up, gives jimin a hurried hug, and runs out of the store room. he hears loud giggles and sounds of happiness pouring in through the creak jungkook left in the door.

it filled jimin with an empty bitterness.

was he going to remain this way, a witness to love that he ruined for himself?

jimin was going to be in for a long night, he sighed as he rummaged through the boxes, he shouldn’t have let jungkook go but after seeing those two, the sheer excitement of seeing someone they loved was explosive and hard to not admire, jimin was left with no choice at all.

he’s felt lonely for the past year, it came in waves to him, some shorter ones that he was grateful for and some larger ones that took him away.

today, was a larger one that drowned jimin and he had no energy to float himself on the surface.

“hello?” he heard a faint voice from the front of the bookstore, jimin blinked away the tears he didn’t know were gathering in his eyes. he wiped at them furiously before rubbing the traces of all of his sadness on his apron.

“coming” he hated how his voice broke, how it felt so weak. jimin clenched his fists at his sides in an attempt to ground himself as he walked out to greet his customer.

“what can i help yo-“ his steps paused.

hell, his entire world paused.

jimin had never felt this mixture of continuous punches to the gut and the breath of sweet, fresh air that filled his every crevice.

“jimin?” he could hear you. he could see you. he could see all of you, so alive, so beautiful, you had your head held high while you cautiously examined him.

but jimin couldn’t speak a word.

humiliation rushed into his gut and twisted him inside out, he wanted to run away but he wanted to also just stand here and look at you.

look at everything he could’ve had but was too stupid to let it all go.

“it really is you, wow” you didn’t look happy to see him, which was expected and jimin shouldn’t have thought otherwise even his heart jumped at the chance for a second there. you turned away from him to face the counter while he kept shuffling his feet, he hadn’t imagined a day when he would see you again.

he knew he didn’t deserve to see you again.

“i didn’t think i would see you again” jimin admitted, finally stepping behind the counter to face you. your face stretched into a grim smile at his admission, one that was unexplainable.

you had never thought such a day would come either. you had never thought you would see the man you loved for all of your youth, stand before you so defeatedly.

but a part of you, a sick, deep part of you was satisfied with his state. he had betrayed you, and hurt you in unimaginable ways while you fought to keep your relationship with him alive.

so, even if it made you a bitter or petty person, you were glad he wasn’t all fantastic.

“how have you been?” you didn’t voice your own disbelief at meeting him, he shrugged at your questions, “better on some, worse on some.” his eyes drank you in for all of two seconds, you had just always been so beautiful and jimin knew he would always grieve the loss of you in his life.

you looked up and his head involuntarily dipped in shame again. he couldn’t look you in the eye after what he did to you.

“this is my shop by the way, bought it around a year ago” jimin tried to sound breezy as he showed you the shop but his heart was starting to cripple with you in front of him. “it’s a cute shop, i never thought i’d see you own a bookstore.” jimin was just thanking the stars in the sky that you weren’t pretending to not know him at all.

that’s a wound he would never heal from.

“i came in for the new ‘dark verse’ series book, do you happen to have it?” you asked him and jimin perked up, he definitely saw that book in the back.

but they weren’t to be sold for another week.

“i think it’s in the back” he rushed off to the storeroom and slammed the door behind him. jimin let his body fall on the door as everything came rushing to him.

you and him, the black swan audition.

him as the black swan.

hyejin.

the practice.

the lies.

the cameras.

the tears in your eyes.

the roses that fell around your shoes.

the image was burned onto him, onto his very soul, when hyejin had gripped his arm too tight, when your eyes met his and he felt the slash of pain run through his spine, the roses that crumbled in your hold.

that night when he was on top of the world after his best performance but your teary eyes kept him on solid ground, where he was nothing but a cheater.

he should have pushed hyejin away, he should have run after you and saved whatever he could, or at least, beg you for forgiveness.

now, it was too late and jimin was no one to offer himself to you.

“hey, it’s okay if you can’t find it, i know that the release isn’t for a while” your voice came from the other side of the door as a gentle knock echoed around jimin’s lonely form.  

he rushed over to the boxes, almost toppling over them, and snapped the door open in panic, an overwhelming fear took over him that you will say that and leave.

your eyes grew wide as you took in jimin’s flushed state and tired eyes.

you almost felt sorry for him.

almost.

“are you okay?” your hands clenched at your sides because you know you shouldn’t reach out and comfort him, not when he left you the way he did. he stiffly nodded, thrusting the book towards your direction.

it was the limited-edition version with a rare bookmark tucked into it.

it was for collectors and when you were together, you had always complained to him about how quickly these versions get sold out.

“of course, is that what you wanted?” his throat was heavy and he was struggling to speak, something you noticed immediately.

you had wanted him to suffer but not to this point, you couldn’t even see a bit of the confident, loveable jimin you knew, in the man who stood in the doorway.

“it is, jimin. thank you” you looked at the book with the intricate cover instead of the boring paperback one with more resignation than excitement. you had nothing to say to jimin even if you wanted to but seeing him in the state he was, you couldn’t help but extend a hand to him.

“we should talk, jimin.” you declare and he nods, unlike you, he had way too much to say. you walked past him into the store room and made yourself comfortable on the floor, patting the spot next to you for him to occupy.

jimin stared at the spot, your hands tapping it, and felt the clenching in his chest loosen an inch. he sat down without a word and kept enough distance to make sure you weren’t uncomfortable.

“i heard about your retirement” you started and jimin shamefully admitted with a nod, that he indeed let go of the one thing that brought life in him. “i couldn’t do it anymore” his voice was low and weak which twinged your heart.

“the dancing or the rest of it?” he knew what you meant, you didn’t mean the stage where jimin lived and died, you meant the cameras that had hurt his eyes and the woman who ruined him.

“the rest of it.” you hummed, picking on lint on your jacket as you contemplated how much you wanted to tell him. jimin constantly eyed you from his periphery, wondering which words of yours would be the last he hears, which line would be your goodbye to him.

“i was shocked when i heard about it, i never thought you would give up dancing, not after becoming black swan” you decided this was going to be the last time you ever talk to him, so you might as well lay it all out.

“i couldn’t do it without you, and i’m not saying this to make you stay, i know you deserve much better. i just needed you to know, that you were the reason i was half the man i was” jimin’s chest continued to free itself slowly from the cage it locked itself in and you blinked away tears as rushes of memories from your early days came back to you.

you hadn’t expected jimin to be so honest.

“how long did it go on?”

jimin faltered, he almost forgot that you knew nothing about the cheating itself.

“3 months” he gave you the definitive answer you deserved.

“oh.” you couldn’t say anything else as it dawned on you that it was for longer than you had thought. you didn’t like that it made you sad again.

“what do you do these days?” jimin was genuinely curious about the life you led now, he was sure you were doing something great, you were always destined for it.

you hesitated for a minute, “i am set to be the director for this year’s black swan.”

you pursed your lips and waited for his reaction; a burst of bitter laughter, a sneer, anger, irritation, embarrassment, these were all reactions you expected but maybe a bit of the jimin you knew still was buried in him.

because his face stretched to the biggest, sweetest smile you have seen from him.

your heart fluttered a bit.

that was the smile you had fallen in love with all those years ago.

jimin, on the other hand, though he knew the irony of the situation and what it meant, couldn’t help but feel his pride brimming.

“i’m so, so proud of you. i always knew you would do something big” his words were genuine, with sparkling eyes that twitched a smile on your face too.

you just wish it hadn’t been like this, not in the storeroom of jimin’s crumbled future, you wished it had been all that time ago, on that stage when you directed for the first time, that jimin had smiled this way.

jimin was your day one, your partner for years, he saw every painful thing in the industry that you did and pulled you out of many down days. so, hearing him say he’s proud even after everything, warmed your heart with the closure you wanted.

your eyes stayed on each other with small, unsure but unstoppable smiles on your face as all the time you spent together tunneled around you.

you were afraid that if you stayed in this room for a little more, you would fall in love again and that was not something you wanted.

and whatever jimin was scared of came true.

“i should get going” you got up slowly, dusting your clothes and taking your bag and jimin’s heart sank but the lightness in his body stayed.

“let me walk you out” jimin followed you out of the room, and you walked as slowly as you could to the front door.

jimin watched with silent steps as you turned around to see him.

possibly for the last time.

and he still had too much to say.

“thank you for not pretending that we’re strangers even if i deserve it,” his words stopped you from leaving, “thank you for trying all that time ago, and no amount of apologies from me will make up for the shit i did, so take care of yourself and please remember that before everything, i still loved you the most.”

i still love you the most.

jimin bit his tongue from saying that, it wasn’t fair on you for him to say that after what he did.

you blinked back the tears that were barely holding onto your lashes since you saw jimin again. you hadn’t realized you had much to say too.

“we will never be strangers, jimin. i loved you for half my life, i cannot ever think of you as a stranger but i don’t think i’ll ever meet you again, it doesn’t mean i don’t wish you well, please take care of yourself, you are so much more than this.” you stepped forward shakily and pressed a weak kiss to his cheeks that were stained with tears too.

you begged your lips to forget his skin.

and jimin clenched his fists by his sides to prevent himself from engulfing you in one, final hug.

instead, he just smiled with teary, sparkling eyes as you stepped away from him with a smile as well, and disappeared into the evening.

both of you were meant for more than this but he messed up and now, you both had to say goodbye to the one you loved the most. jimin will always grieve the potential your love had, the memories you could’ve made even more of but instead of grieiving with regret, he will grieve with fondness.

your situation wasn’t fair but jimin was glad that he could have this closure with you, that you departed with the goodbye you deserved.

he no longer felt his chest would snap in two or that his eyes were aching.

he breathed in the air around him and imprinted your words into his heart.

he was more than this and jimin was going to make something of himself, because you gave him the courage he needed, as you always did.

and no matter how many years pass, he will remember how he loves you and how you were the best part of his life.

jimin, as he stepped back into his storeroom, didn’t feel that his feet were tied to his guilt and he hummed happily while setting the books aside, paying special attention to the one you asked for.

he decided he was going to take his dear companion jungkook for a dinner and then tell him that the store is closing and that the younger guy was always welcome in his life.

jimin was going to dance again.

for the memory of you.

It's my 9 year anniversary on Tumblr 🥳

i did not know its been that long😭

this will be getting a drabble which will be placed in the future because a lot of you were asking for it and i am also excited to write a bright future for this mc❤️

two feet tied - p.jm.

genre: fluff at the beginning, angst, deals with infidelity in detail (11.5k)

summary: do you think of love when the world is at your fingertips? or a story in which jimin dances on the dangerously thin line between love and obsession.

note: i do not mean to romanticize or glorify cheating in any manner, take this as a work of fiction only.

all works in the series can be real individually.

masterlist    series masterlist (colors!universe)

“we’ll announce the leads now, please come forward if your name is called, and if not, better luck next time” is a simple sentence really.

but your heart wrenched uncomfortably in your chest as you anxiously waited for the results. it was not like your entire life and career depended on those names.

you couldn’t stand still, neither could jimin as your hands wrung behind your backs and your weights kept shifting from one foot to another.

this is it.

Keep reading

I just discovered tft and im so mad, i can see jimin plateauing early in his career and getting left in the dust by hyejin cuz shes a greedy bitch who doesn't care about him. He stays in his old apartment with oc bc he cant afford a better place anymore and he regrets cheating on her in the long run. Meanwhile, oc skyrockets and is now a decorated whatever-she-wants-to be, happily married to the kind of man jimin wishes he could be, with kids!!! And then jimin misses oc so much, he watches one of her shows and gets crushed cuz that was supposed to be him being happy for her but he unforgivably fucked it up. Oh, and oc just pities him, that is, if she still gave a fuck about him 🙄 i love jimin irl but fuck, hes the king of all unforgivable fuckers in the universe!! ((i love ur writing by the way mwa))

this is definitely an interesting take, and yes our irl jimin is the loveliest, kindest and everyone support FACE (set me free pt.2 pre release track on 17th March and album release on 24th March, pls look forward to it !) and tft is all fictional, please remember that too. something i did have in vision for their future, was not hyejin leaving him but jimin realizing that being with her, went against everything he believes in so he does leave her. and i absolutely believe that oc went ahead and soared in their career and personal life, jimin will try to come back but they've already moved forward and jimin respects that. this is what i had in mind but i love how you came up with this, i really appreciate every message and review that comes in for my work, thank you so so much and have a lovely day <3

almost, always - k.sj.

genre: fluff, angst (6.2k)

summary: how much of life will pass you by without loving anyone? or a fic in which you yearn and yearn and yearn for life and seokjin.

all works in the series can be real individually.  

(reposting because it didn’t upload properly before)

masterlist      series masterlist (colors!universe)  

your life had been exactly as you had imagined.

simple, monotonous, spontaneous nights that seemed to throw a blanket on the routine, but it had always been just that, just a few moments to make up for the others that you could barely call ‘moments’.

you reasoned to yourself that maybe life was just this, an endless routine with speed breaks in the middle to make it exciting with a drunken night, a hook-up, a date, a relationship but they all fade, and you’re left on the train of routine again.

because why would anything be exciting if it happened every day?

partying every day would make you sick of the hazy lights and the moving bodies, drinking every day would make you used to the recklessness it achieves, and smoking every day would make clean air feel like too much.

but regular life isn’t exciting enough either, is it?

how would it be exciting if you spent all of your youth cleaning tables and making coffee for tired strangers?

“steve carter!” you called out loudly to the busy café as you placed his order on the counter.

a black coffee.

you had always judged people for ordering black coffee, something about a person genuinely wanting to have that soul-less drink every day, unnerved you.

a blonde, white man came to pick up the cup, looked up at you, rolled his eyes, and walked away briskly.

you would scoff at his behavior if that wasn’t how people usually treated employees in the service sector and you definitely had bigger things to worry about than some man with attitude.

as afternoon flew, you dreaded your night shift even more but god knows you need the money. you had so many birthdays of friends this month and as much as the look on their faces when they open their gifts made it all worth it, it still was a large cut from your wages.

you loved your friends but would you even talk to these people five years down the lane?

was it mean of you to think about your friends this way?

you can’t remember the last time you had a positive thought about anything, at least one which is not followed by a million doubts about the goodness in it.

it was hard for you to believe that people can be truly good because you knew the worst parts of yourself and you knew those worst parts existed in everyone in different ways, how can you trust anyone with those parts in them?

night came.

you hated the moon.

it was pathetic to have to borrow light just to shine. if you shine, you shine, if you don’t, you don’t. you didn’t see a point in its borrowed glow.

maybe you just hated everything. maybe you will never love before you become ash.

the bell dinged.

the otherwise silent café filled with loud laughter and you groaned internally.

groups of friends were annoying to deal with, they always laugh too much when they place an order and some think it’s funny to crack jokes on the server giving them their order, you’ve seen it all and you were too tired of it to defend yourself.

you reluctantly looked up as a figure walked up to the counter to see a man smiling as he approached. if you hated rude customers, you hated those who thought they were better than others by smiling at servers, even more. if you’re smiling at employees to satisfy some self-validation you need, you’re worse.

“hello, what can i get you?” you mumble just loud enough for him to hear. “what do you have?” he hummed as he kept smiling and you almost glare at him. when he didn’t look like he got the hint, you pointed to the menu that was hanging above your head with a blank stare, “this is what we have.”

he purses his lips as you point out his error but when he looks back up, there’s no embarrassment on his face nor any annoyance, he just smiles again.

you are irritated by his smile already.

but it does make you tilt your head at him, usually, by this action itself, an employee pointing out the obvious is seen as rude. customers want to be nice to the employees who are ever so grateful, ever so cordial, and ever so obedient, as soon as an employee shows human traits besides the ones required for serving, a customer sees no need to see them as human.

but he smiled, and he’s still smiling.

“i should’ve looked up” he chuckles at himself and you know that if you agree, you’re going to be out of a job, so you stay silent. “i’ll take six black coffees and one hot chocolate, please.”

black coffee.

of course, everyone wants that soul-less drink at this hour.

“what should i put the name as?”

“kim seokjin on the hot chocolate, please.” he hands you his card.

kim seokjin.

it was a nice name, you weren’t going to lie. and hot chocolate is a nice drink, your favorite actually, you wonder if it’s for him or someone else.

“it’ll be ready in ten minutes, thank you sir.” you punch the order in and slide the card over the counter. you don’t look at him again, his smile unnerves you. as you make the drinks, you wonder why you can’t get his smile out of your mind.

objectively speaking, you have seen more beautiful smiles but most of them were just that, just beautiful. smiles for vanity. but he seemed to genuinely want to smile, not really caring to be beautiful, just caring to smile.

you shake your head at yourself, the night shift was finally getting to you.

“kim seokjin!” you yell as you place a tray on the counter, and instead of him, someone else comes to pick up the order, they also smile at you. a beautiful smile. you just hand the tray over and go back to wiping the counters.

but out of the corner of your eye, you don’t know why but you look over to where they were sitting with hesitant glances, you watch him to see if he chose the garbage drink or the drink that made you feel ever-changing seasons.

you wait as the friend places the tray on the table.

you wait as everyone hurriedly takes their drink, conversing all over each other.

you wait for everyone to move so you can see what he took.

you wait as everyone falls back to their seats and take a sip from their drinks.

you wait as your eyes fall on him and then his hands which held a mug.

he took the hot chocolate.

he smiles at the taste.

you smile at the counters you wipe.

-

“but why would you need afternoon shifts? you have a baby at home” you couldn’t help but judge your older co-worker who wanted to take your afternoon shifts and give you the night shifts. she purses her lips at your tone but doesn’t say anything.

“my husband’s working nights, someone needs to stay home with the baby. so, please let me work in the afternoon instead, i’ll talk with the manager myself.” she pleads with you and you shrink a little, maybe you judged too quickly.

you always do.

you didn’t have any reason to deny night shifts, you don’t have a kid at home to use as an excuse, so you agree with a sigh that has your co-workers breathing out in relief.

nights were boring.

you played with the keys on the computer and aimlessly swiped on tinder to pass the time, but nothing could really make the boredom feel any better.

the bell dinged.

your heart lurched for a second as a burst of familiar laughter poured into the café.

it was the same group.

six black coffees and one hot chocolate.

same guy.

same smile.

this was your fourth time seeing that smile.

not a beautiful smile, just a smile.

just kim seokjin.

you unconsciously follow his body as it moves across the store, you didn’t realize how long your eyes were following him until he was coming towards you. you spun around to hurriedly grab some mug and start wiping it.

it was a clean mug.

“hello, can i place my order?” his song-like voice forced you to acknowledge him. your hands tightened on the mug, why were you even cleaning it? why did you care about him catching you staring?

“o-one second!” and why the fuck are you stuttering?

you wiped your palms on your apron, you hadn’t even noticed how sweaty they were and walked up to the till with the most unbothered face you could make.

“what can i get you?” you clear your throat, not even trying to look up at him, and on the other side of the counter, seokjin tilted and dipped his head so his eyes would meet your downcast ones.

when they met, he smiled and you, well, you looked further down.

“just six black coffees and-“

“one hot chocolate” you finish punching in the order, not noticing that he hadn’t finished his sentence. seokjin’s eyes widen at you before they become half-crescents as his smile reaches full bloom, “exactly that.”

you don’t care.

you don’t care that he has the same favorite drink as you.

you don’t care that his smile looks like a floating cloud.

you don’t care that somehow your brain remembers his half-crescent eyes even after they’ve long disappeared.

you don’t care that you take extra time to make the heart on his hot chocolate.

you are the least bit bothered about kim seokjin.

this time, a beautiful smile doesn’t come to pick up the order, it’s the real one again, his eyes squint at the heart you spent so much time making and he smiles to himself, it’s much different from his usual one. it’s softer, more hidden, and much more beautiful but also more real, if that was even possible. he shakes his head at himself as he carries the tray to his loud friends.

the chaos continues, and you continue to sneak glances at him whenever you could. the way he talked with a certain gentle playfulness with them, the way he argued with a pout, the way he seemed to make everyone at the table laugh.

you want to laugh with him, you are not the funniest person but you could try.

when he stands up to leave with his friends, you pretend to wipe the counters as you try to catch your final glances of him for the night.

turn back.

turn back.

turn back.

turn back.

your shoulders that were bunched in anticipation, fall with a heaviness when he leaves without another look nor another smile. you could have used one more smile from him for this dreaded shift.

will it always be just this? just glances to quench your curiosity but not a brush of his skin against your fingers? will you always just look and never find out? will your eyes feed the hunger your heart felt? will you always remain this starved?

you sigh and step away from the counter, shaking your head at your loud doubts.

maybe you are a little bothered about kim seokjin.

-

seokjin had never been much of a café person, he always felt they were too quiet and that he was disturbing the people around him by simply existing and he wasn’t even a fan of coffee.

but café’s at midnight held a certain charm to him.

especially with his friends who had the ability to make any place as lively as it could be.

especially with a barista who seemed to like drawing hearts in his hot chocolate.

he had thought he had somehow conjured up the smile you gave your counters, the flustered state you were in, and the many glances toward his table, in his imagination.

did he try to be funnier than he usually was so that you would think he’s a cool guy?

seokjin would say no.

his friends would say yes.

his friends would also insist on going to the same café so that he could see the cute barista who seemed to have caught his attention.

“you want us to do what?” jungkook gave his friend an ugly look. “don’t come to the café anymore.” seokjin firmly declared (requested, really).

“you know the only reason she might think you are even half-cool is that we laugh at your horrible jokes, just so that she would look, right?” jimin stated the fact that they all knew and seokjin grew red from embarrassment.

“well, i want to talk to her. alone.” he murmured the last part, he didn’t need his friends to hear that too loudly but oh, they never let go.

the next hour, seokjin spent it begging and bribing his friends who wouldn’t budge but at the cost of finishing their errands from time to time, convinced them enough to back off.

now, seokjin would go alone.

he will get a hot chocolate.

and hopefully, a smile from you.

-

night shifts were tiring you out, you only got a few hours of sleep before you had to run to classes and it never got easy.

but as you carefully practiced hearts to draw on drinks, you knew you didn’t hate it all too much either.

he hadn’t come yet, you didn’t get the smile that kept you going today, there was no loud chaos or laughter in the café either and it was starting to worry you.

maybe he wasn’t coming back.

maybe the hearts were too much.

maybe his friends warned him about the barista who kept staring at him.

maybe he just didn’t like the hot chocolate and was smiling at another barista.

but you don’t care. you will keep telling that to yourself until you stop caring, until you stop anticipating his presence in your mundane routine.

the bell dinged.

your head snapped up faster than you would ever admit.

it was kim seokjin.

only kim seokjin.

that was odd.

no black coffee.

he’s always surrounded by his friends and you had taken the liberty of admiring him whenever you could, only because you were positive that his friends had all his attention, the chances of him catching you were zero.

“hello!” seokjin approached the counter with a wave and his usual smile, but this time, his greeting wasn’t too formal, he greeted you with familiarity, he greeted you as a friend would. inside, seokjin trembled, his hand froze in air as he desperately wished that tonight would go the way he wants.

you hesitantly lifted a hand up too.

you didn’t want to be his friend.

never his friend.

“one black coffee, please” you almost recoil when he says that.

a black coffee?

who was this guy?

how the fuck were you going to draw a heart on a black coffee?

“…black coffee?” you repeated, just to make sure you hadn’t heard him wrong and this wasn’t some parallel universe where he chooses black coffee over hot chocolate.

“yes, just one” he nods and you purse your lips as you type the order in, you can’t believe you like this guy. “it’ll be right up.” you mumble back and sigh as he smiles and proceeds to take a seat.

you will not acknowledge that his seat gives him a perfect view of the counter, where you’re working.

“kim seokjin!” you hold the cup instead of placing it on the counter, you hold your breath as he walks over, he reaches out for the drink in the same minute that you thrust it forward and your hands graze his.

both of your heads snap up, the little touch leaving your insides bursting with wild butterflies and you could feel your face heating up as the moment lulls over you two. you gauge each other’s reaction.

does he hate it?

does she hate it?

should i move?

but i want to stay in this temporary bliss of contact, your hands seem warm, i want to freeze them in mine.

reality comes to you slowly, a gentle wake-up call to you both that you can’t stand there forever and both of you move away.

no! wait, touch me more.

the cup falls between you two. you don’t even move but seokjin lunges to reach for the cup.

half of it is empty by the time it’s in his hands.

he wants to crawl inside the ground with the way you’re smiling at the scene, you want to crawl into his arms and pat his exertion away from his face. but both of you don’t let it show, because how could you? you don’t know each other.

you expect him to walk back to his seat, demand another cup, and maybe even throw a tantrum. but you also know that won’t happen. you don’t know him but you know that he wouldn’t do such a thing.

seokjin stays right where he stands, coffee dripping from the side of his cup. this wasn’t how he had imagined it would go.

he sips his drink.

his face falls into a grimace.

and you hold back your giggles.

“hot chocolate?” you gleefully ask him and he nods with a scowl still on his face, “yes, please, never black coffee again.” he grumbles as he walks away to his seat.

in that minute, you decide that you like him again. just a little.

and seokjin thinks of how many other ways he can bribe his friends to stay away because if it meant another minute of your smile that seemed to put the moonlight to shame, he might just say that he’ll finish all their assignments, as long as they stay away, as long as he gets to see you, alone, in glances.

he looks up to see you aimlessly scrolling on your phone, only to scold his eyes to look down when you glance at seokjin. you look away, as if you’d never looked at him in the first place, but your red cheeks are a traitor. he’s no better, a similar red blankets his face.

he will be satisfied with these glances for now.

just for now.

-

the bell dinged.

a new night.

a new way to look at seokjin without his knowledge.

but you won’t get to. it was probably the temp making his hot chocolate as you sipped on the lukewarm wine that was served at your friend’s birthday party.

you can’t believe a 20-something-year-old still wants house parties, still wants to serve cheap wine and vodka with neon lights falling on their heads. you guess if you were as rich as she was, you would try to be immature for as long as you could too.

you had thought everyone was too depressed to enjoy that kind of shit anymore but here you were, the expensive gift you got her (cost of four shifts, actually) lying under her bed as she fucked someone on it and you were stuck between people who sweat too much and men who got handsy with the excuse of being intoxicated.

if you hadn’t felt the social obligation to be here, especially because she considered you her closest friend, you would be making hearts on hot chocolate for someone, who several feet away, made you feel the buzz that you assumed everyone around you felt.

will the temp make his heart today?

he better not, making hearts for seokjin’s hot chocolate was your thing.

“hey?” it couldn’t be.

it shouldn’t be.

you wish you could pretend you didn’t recognize that voice.

he should be in the café right now, having his hot chocolate with his friends around him, he’s supposed to be laughing his head off at something they say, he’s not supposed to be here in this sweaty pool of adults who refuse to grow up.

“hot chocolate.” leaves your lips in a disappointed sigh to mask the underlying roaring excitement you felt, you didn’t want to see him here but the world really was small. he smiles when you face him, you wonder what it’s like to have a smile that forced you to just let go of everything that worried you.

“took a break from that for whatever this is, for today.” he doesn’t fail to mention it’s for today.

just for today, i’ll drink this cheap wine. tomorrow, i’ll be back for the hearts you make in my hot chocolate.

tomorrow, i’ll be back for you, just to never have the courage to come up and talk to you, just to have enough courage to look at you in glances.

but today, he will talk to you, even if words fail him, he will talk to you in whichever way he can.

“i’m assuming you know the birthday girl?”

“her closest friend, apparently” you shrug and he laughs silently into his cup, “apparently.” he muses with a smirk and you roll your eyes playfully.

“what are you doing here?”

why are we talking like old friends?

“a plus one.” oh.

so, he was here with someone.

nothing good ever comes into your life, does it?

“of a friend!” he yells in a rush, a few people turn to see what the noise is all about, and a dark red flush takes over his ears and neck. relief dances on your skin as you stifle a laugh at the scene he’s caused.

he meets your amused eyes with his embarrassed ones, quickly looking away to gulp the rest of his wine, he needed courage, he needed to stop boring you, and he needed to get to know this person who’s been on his mind.

“so-“ he starts.

“s-“ you start.

you both stop, a wide grin taking over his face as your frown disappeared into your skin. today was going to be good. “go on.” you gesture to him.

“do you want to maybe go upstairs, to the balcony? it’s quiet there, we can talk” seokjin says with great difficulty, pausing, resuming, but saying it.

you deflate.

yeah, all men were the same. all they ever wanted was one thing, a quick fuck, why else would he want to go where no one else is there?

but you are attracted to him, it’s been a while since you have gotten laid, so you will give it to him.

you will never make hearts for a man in your life again.

“sure, let’s go” seokjin can’t read your face, but upon your agreement, follows you up the stairs.

your face scrunches into a frown again, you knew it was too good to be true, you knew that men like him were always too good to be true but you let your heart slip anyway.

never again.

aside from her never-ending heels collection, one thing you will envy about your friend is the massive terrace she had. you always escaped here when she would snore.

the cold air greets you again, its embrace is familiar, its embrace is what you needed to put you back in the ground where love was all but a joke to you.

you don’t turn back to see if seokjin is coming, he doesn’t ask you to look back, he’s flustered as is.

seokjin’s never felt this refreshed to meet a person. he’s always been able to predict someone he’s met, their habits, their interests, their mannerisms, but you, you just felt brand new. a totally blank slate that he didn’t know what to expect.

“you know, i was pretty shocked when you got a black coffee that one time” you recalled as you leaned on the railing, your wrists going limp at the edge, “thought i’d see what the hype is all about.” he replies, leaning next to you, but maintaining a distance.

“and you found out it was shit” you hummed and he grimaces at the memory of the bitter, dead flavor that coated his mouth, “shit is a nice way to put it.” you laugh at the face he makes.

“you don’t know my name.” it dawns on you that you never actually gave him your name, “i don’t know anything about you.”

“would you like to keep it that way?”

do you want this night to be just one of many that mask the monotony in my life?

do you want to forget about this once we leave this night behind?

“not at all” his reply is quick, “if you’d let me, i would like to know everything.” he was a charmer, you will give him that, you wish you were foolish enough to just fall, fall and fall for a pretty face and pretty words.

maybe being naïve was the key to keeping people in your life.

“you don’t have to flatter me seokjin, we’re already alone” a bitter laugh and your name follows your words and he frowns. you feel confused at the furrow in his brows, wasn’t this the moment that he would just take you?

“i don’t understand?” he moves closer, not intentionally, but by instinct, he wants to understand why there’s this deep loneliness in your eyes even as you laugh.

“isn’t that what we came here for?” you gesture to the empty terrace with a heated face, it was devoid of sound, devoid of witnesses. it doesn’t dawn on him, seokjin had always been a little behind things like this.

you inch forward to him, he couldn’t be as innocent as he looked to be, you had a feeling he was just fooling you, that he was playing around with you, so you were going to test him.

seokjin’s eyes widen as your feet approach him, in slow, drawn-out steps, the grip he had on his wine glass slips a little as you look up at him with eyes clouded with, desire? determination? he wasn’t sure anymore.

he wasn’t sure what you were doing, but he couldn’t look away, he couldn’t move away.

his heart thundered as you approached him, his hand places the wine glass unsteadily on the edge of the wall.

never in his life before has seokjin ever felt so trapped and free, you were an inch away and his hand balled to a fist at his side. he couldn’t touch you, not now.

your face lined with his, a hairline distance between you two as your eyes shifted from his eyes, to his rounded cheeks, to his chiseled jaw, to his lips that looked like clouds. you had never wanted someone all to yourself, you had never wanted someone so badly but you were on a mission here.

with the lack of personal space, you waited for him to prove to you that he’s just like other men, at some point, they always do. you look up at him with welcoming eyes, invitation clear on your face. any man would go crazy, lose control, and blame it all on the bedroom eyes you gave.

you wait for him to grab you in urgency, you wait for him to ravish you under the moonlight, you wait for him to do anything that will make you turn and run away once tonight ended but seokjin just always had to be different.

seokjin watches you for a beat, two beats, three beats, enough beats for his heart to settle a little.

he grabs your hand, then your other hand, slowly, unsurely, giving you the space to move away, to back off if you didn’t like it. but your lips part, both in surprise and anticipation. your stomach turns in the most wonderful way when he nuzzles his cheek against your hands with a desire deep in his eyes, the warmth in his face envelopes your hands but his body stays away, his body lets you make the call.

ravish him. or not.

pull him into a kiss. or not.

let your mind give up fighting this. or not.

he’s proved you wrong.

seokjin waits and waits patiently as you continue to struggle internally, you hadn’t thought it would go this way, you hadn’t thought his grip would be so soft but grounding, you hadn’t thought that he would look so much prettier up close, you hadn’t thought the night would make you yearn for something you never had.

so, you pull him in, drag him in, and he doesn’t move a muscle until your lips are on his, and then, then seokjin decides that he will let the moonlight take you two away from reality. then, seokjin knows you want this too.

whatever you two were supposed to be, whatever you two felt, melted between your lips. words died, lungs exhausted, skin burned and froze, both of you were suspended in this moment of the bliss of nothingness.

a splash of color spilled on the blank slate he had thought you to be, a mix of greys and whites and blacks and reds, seokjin thought he’s always looked good in those colors. he looked good in your colors.

when you pulled away, seokjin’s hands stayed nestled around the curve of your jaw as he observed the state of you, your lips were red and swollen, your body fought to be closer to him and your eyes were closed as if you couldn’t bear it was over.

seokjin’s eyes dance over your face as his heart settles after racing for so long, he’s never seen a more beautiful sight.

you looked like the night, not the lonely, drowning dark of it as you would have assumed, but the stars and bare, flickering illumination that made everything look more magical. you looked like the nights that people lived for, people got ready for, the nights that people celebrated.

“your eyes don’t look so sad anymore?” your mouth opens and closes at his wandering question.

i’ve always hated the world around me, i only didn’t hate it when you were taking my breath away, when you were killing me and pouring life into me again. but i’ll tell you all this another day. if there is another day.

“i just got kissed real good” leaves your lips in hushed giggles and your laughter only grows when seokjin’s red flush takes over his neck and ears. he rubs the back of his neck with a wide smile on his face.

the real smile.

the smile that tilted your universe on its axis but kept you steady.

“maybe you should kiss me more, then.” he tries and fails to sound unfathomably confident as he says that but one eyebrow raise from you has him breaking into chuckles again. “are we getting too smart, kim seokjin?”

“i don’t know about smart, but i’m definitely getting too lucky.” he leans his forehead on yours and a sigh of bliss leaves his parted lips.

you made him feel lucky? has anyone else said this, have they only ever called you a burden, a baggage, a weight they can’t pull?

“i make you feel lucky?” rushes out of you, you were desperate to know if you were capable of making another person feel that way. seokjin can’t tell if you’re joking or not. but he sees the pool of tears that gather at the corners of your eyes and that’s when he knows, you have never heard those words before.

“one random night, my friends decided to get shit drunk and wander around for coffee, i turned up with them at this small café that we never looked at before. they tell me they were too drunk to order, i complained and came close to fighting them but i gave in. i came face to face with someone i want to figure out for the rest of my life. i would say i’m pretty fucking lucky.”

every word that leaves him have you gripping tighter to his shirt. as if he will say all of this and go, never come back, leaving you with the beauty of a memory but not the relief of a routine.

his hands slip from your jaw to close around the hand that pulls his shirt, and he tugs you closer, seokjin’s smile is softer, it’s eroded in the edges at the knowledge of your struggle to believe or not, run or not, stay or not. he wasn’t going to stop if you run, but he wasn’t going to stop chasing after you either.

“you really mean that?” you have to ask, people say this and leave, people say lots of things they don’t mean, people say things out of awkwardness, out of circumstance, out of emotions that overwhelm them but they throw those words away just the same.

“what do i have to do to make you believe me?” ask me anything, right now, the world is dancing at my feet and i want to give it to you.

“never take black coffee again” he smiles, largely, a small laugh as he steps away from you only to drift back just as quickly, “done, never black coffee again.” seokjin’s hands rub circles on your cheeks and you were right, his hands were warm, his hands held you with gentleness, not afraid that you’ll break, but afraid that you will slip away.

“you have to come everyday to the café or i’ll forget you.” i can never forget you, you’re etched into every night i’ll see out the window, every mug of hot chocolate i’ll hold, every smile around me that is beautiful but not true, but you can’t know that now.

“is that all?” he hums in amusement as he brushes your hair back, he had never planned on going anywhere else. you think for a second, two seconds and he just lets his fingers get used to your skin that dips beneath his touch.

beautiful, beautiful, beautiful.

“you have to never stop smiling.” his smile was one that your heart caught and refused to let go, his smile made you feel that every horrible day would fly by in a breeze.

“i have one condition too” seokjin declares and you stand straight.

“you have to smile with me.” your breath hitches as he states his condition, you didn’t expect that, you weren’t one to smile much, “i’ll try” you can only try, you can’t just erase the years of hate you hold for your life.

“that’s enough for me” you can keep trying forever and i’ll wait forever, but i won’t give up, i won’t leave.

for the first time, you don’t feel the weight of expectations, of a good life, of a good partner, of a good touch, of a good love, you feel light, you feel that you can do anything. you felt excited, the same rush that spontaneous nights brought in, the same rush that unconsciousness brought, the same rush that you’ve been failing to catch up to all your life.

but even if you don’t know seokjin all that much still, you knew this wouldn’t drift away into nothing, it wouldn’t just be something you will yearn for, something you just remember, it will be something that you will live everyday.

“should we go down downstairs?” he notices the goosebumps rising on your arms and you do feel cold, the night was preparing to be day again afterall.

“no.” seokjin laughs at your answer, “then, come here.” he tuts at you before dragging you in by your arms and letting you nestle your body in his warmth.

you had a feeling you would never be cold again, you had a feeling he wouldn’t let you be cold ever again.

there would be another day.

-

the bell dinged.

your hands tightened on the mop you held; you knew who it was.

you popped up from behind the counter and seokjin smiles as soon as he catches a glance at you.

his heart clenches for a second, was it possible for a person to be more beautiful everyday? nothing else could explain you.

your eyes gaze dreamily at him, you always hated the moonlight but as it shined on him, you declared it wasn’t too bad.

“here you go” you hand him his daily hot chocolate, you drew a new kind of heart every single day he came in. you were running out of ideas as the days increased but that was fine. he takes the hot chocolate in one hand, your hand in another, and drags you to a table nearest to the counter.

his smile softens at the heart you drew today. it always did.

and when he meets your eyes over the cup, you smile back.

there would be another day.

there would always be another day with seokjin.

-

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