I'm Having A Really Hard Time Just Existing Right Now.

I'm having a really hard time just existing right now.

My body is in so much pain. My mind is in so much pain.

I'm trying not to spiral but it's so friggin hard.

I'm deteriorating. The very few people close to me, are deteriorating. It feels like everything is just kind of falling apart.

I know I shouldn't isolate. I know I just need to get through the day and get some sleep tonight. (I was awake all night, yay insomnia)

I'm so tired of my body hurting. I'm so tired of my heart/mind hurting. (Depression and so on creeping back into its stronghold again since I had to go off the new meds I had tried and reacted horribly to a diff one not the recently complained about one)

Feeling very doom and gloom about existence.

Meh.

HR has consistently been 56 all day.

Very thankful it's husband's day off. He's been holding down the fort while I was out cold until just a lil while ago.

I'm an idiot.

So tachycardia and high pulse pressure feel about the same to me. I felt this, and assumed I was tachycardic. Collapsed on the couch and husband grabbed my meds to slow down my heart.

Low and behold, my heartrate was actually slow but with high pulse pressure. So because I panicked and didn't check my pulse in my haze before taking my meds, husband will now have to keep a close eye on me for the next while.

I reiterate. I'm an idiot.

(I didn't get any sleep last night and usually when that happens my tachycardia hits a loootttttttttt for the 24 hrs after an insomnia all nighter.)

CHECK YOUR VITALS. NEVER ASSUME.

Reblogging to show my kiddos when they wake up

Lego Swimming Pool Layout

It's almost 2am and still at 56. I feel so sluggish. Showering helped briefly but now I feel like I'm shutting down again.

I'm an idiot.

So tachycardia and high pulse pressure feel about the same to me. I felt this, and assumed I was tachycardic. Collapsed on the couch and husband grabbed my meds to slow down my heart.

Low and behold, my heartrate was actually slow but with high pulse pressure. So because I panicked and didn't check my pulse in my haze before taking my meds, husband will now have to keep a close eye on me for the next while.

I reiterate. I'm an idiot.

(I didn't get any sleep last night and usually when that happens my tachycardia hits a loootttttttttt for the 24 hrs after an insomnia all nighter.)

CHECK YOUR VITALS. NEVER ASSUME.

So I just laid down to start a new book from my doom box.

Read the author's note, which indicated there was another book before this one.

Thinking oh I should find the first book and read that so I'm not lost in this one.

...

. . .

I happen to have the last book..... in a 15 book series 🫠🫠

So now I must find and read the other 14 before this one not only for context on basically everything going on in it but also... *collection* 🤩🥲

Oh my gods why does my brain do this to me I just took a swig of the last of the water from my glass from last night that I had left in the living room and as I downed the big gulp my brain went "TOE JUICE"

Why?!

Whywhywhywhywhywhywhywhy

How very dare you

Brain

Storpit

It is 7am you bastard thought