Nd-babblinggoblinfromthevoid - I Don't Even Know... - Tumblr Blog

Words cannot properly express how much I hate being neurodivergent sometimes.

I HAVE to shower. Every day. If I do not. I am not okay.

Due to pots primarily, I overheat in my sleep. So literally every day I wake up I have got to shower. I can feel every inch of skin every strand of hair covered from sweat residue.

If I cannot wash that off every day. I become overstimulated immediately and extremely unhinged. I cannot think I cannot focus my mood is extremely negative I simply cannot function with that sensory status.

Today was day 3 of not having been able to shower (due to spoons and being a parent) and I snapped. I was shaking and crying and even yelled at inanimate shit in my house because I wanted to rip my hair out and shred my skin.

I finally had enough and I got into the shower.

Stood there a moment. Shaking. Crying. Bitching. Then berating myself for being such an unhinged pos. I got lightheaded and sat down. Cried more.

I have a little shower thing I say that helps. So I repeated it. Calmed down. Then I stfu and did my routine. Continued to improve. Kept saying my little thing every so often. Kept feeling better. Lighter.

Finally I just got out and did my after routine. Got dressed. I'm lying in bed still feeling stupid for the fact that 60% of my unhinged meltdown was washed away in the shower. My body is now all sensory goodness and we can all get on with our day.

I hate being like this. These not so whimsy sides of neurodivergence. I'm exhausted from the meltdown and from the task of showering itself.

Thanks for reading. Vulnerable snippet of my day today. Hope you're all doing better than I.

So I just laid down to start a new book from my doom box.

Read the author's note, which indicated there was another book before this one.

Thinking oh I should find the first book and read that so I'm not lost in this one.

...

. . .

I happen to have the last book..... in a 15 book series 🫠🫠

So now I must find and read the other 14 before this one not only for context on basically everything going on in it but also... *collection* 🤩🥲

I feel like the black one is too classy and safe.

The green hued one is too matchy I think?

The bronze is bolder but not quite IT

He needs more pizazz

I feel like he is missing a top hat

I'm having a really hard time just existing right now.

My body is in so much pain. My mind is in so much pain.

I'm trying not to spiral but it's so friggin hard.

I'm deteriorating. The very few people close to me, are deteriorating. It feels like everything is just kind of falling apart.

I know I shouldn't isolate. I know I just need to get through the day and get some sleep tonight. (I was awake all night, yay insomnia)

I'm so tired of my body hurting. I'm so tired of my heart/mind hurting. (Depression and so on creeping back into its stronghold again since I had to go off the new meds I had tried and reacted horribly to a diff one not the recently complained about one)

Feeling very doom and gloom about existence.

Meh.

Reblogging to show my kiddos when they wake up

Lego Swimming Pool Layout

Okay we've officially lost one of our only 2 sets of sheets. My husband and I have incredibly sensitive skin and the only sheets we use are stupid expensive.

If anyone can help us get a new set of sheets we'd be immensely grateful. They're currently $70. Fucking yikes. & that's the cheaper one, the other is $115. The audacity.

Thanks for reading. If you can't help, signal boost please!!

Venmo

I'm trying to sell some clothes and misc stuff to chip away at it but my wardrobe/stuff is not worth a lot 🫠

It's almost 2am and still at 56. I feel so sluggish. Showering helped briefly but now I feel like I'm shutting down again.

I'm an idiot.

So tachycardia and high pulse pressure feel about the same to me. I felt this, and assumed I was tachycardic. Collapsed on the couch and husband grabbed my meds to slow down my heart.

Low and behold, my heartrate was actually slow but with high pulse pressure. So because I panicked and didn't check my pulse in my haze before taking my meds, husband will now have to keep a close eye on me for the next while.

I reiterate. I'm an idiot.

(I didn't get any sleep last night and usually when that happens my tachycardia hits a loootttttttttt for the 24 hrs after an insomnia all nighter.)

CHECK YOUR VITALS. NEVER ASSUME.

HR has consistently been 56 all day.

Very thankful it's husband's day off. He's been holding down the fort while I was out cold until just a lil while ago.

I'm an idiot.

So tachycardia and high pulse pressure feel about the same to me. I felt this, and assumed I was tachycardic. Collapsed on the couch and husband grabbed my meds to slow down my heart.

Low and behold, my heartrate was actually slow but with high pulse pressure. So because I panicked and didn't check my pulse in my haze before taking my meds, husband will now have to keep a close eye on me for the next while.

I reiterate. I'm an idiot.

(I didn't get any sleep last night and usually when that happens my tachycardia hits a loootttttttttt for the 24 hrs after an insomnia all nighter.)

CHECK YOUR VITALS. NEVER ASSUME.

I'm an idiot.

So tachycardia and high pulse pressure feel about the same to me. I felt this, and assumed I was tachycardic. Collapsed on the couch and husband grabbed my meds to slow down my heart.

Low and behold, my heartrate was actually slow but with high pulse pressure. So because I panicked and didn't check my pulse in my haze before taking my meds, husband will now have to keep a close eye on me for the next while.

I reiterate. I'm an idiot.

(I didn't get any sleep last night and usually when that happens my tachycardia hits a loootttttttttt for the 24 hrs after an insomnia all nighter.)

CHECK YOUR VITALS. NEVER ASSUME.

I haven't seen dancing pumpkin guy ONCE this year, are you guys okay?

kids these days don’t know how lethal stagnant water is

Threeeeeeeee for meeeeeeeeeee

Reblog if you are ASEXUAL, SUPPORT ASEXUALS, or really really want to WEAR A REALLY FANCY BLACK CAPE

All fucking three BITCH

We got a very country grandpa type of guy out for the appraisal. (Yay) So most anxiety went away because he had good energy, easy to talk to about stuff with the house.

I'm so glad it seemed to go well. Now we wait to find out if/how much the loan we need got approved.

it should be illegal to take a nap and still have a headache when you wake up. like no i shut it off and back on again why are you still here

Yep

Oh my gods why does my brain do this to me I just took a swig of the last of the water from my glass from last night that I had left in the living room and as I downed the big gulp my brain went "TOE JUICE"

Why?!

Whywhywhywhywhywhywhywhy

How very dare you

Brain

Storpit

It is 7am you bastard thought

Oh my gods why does my brain do this to me I just took a swig of the last of the water from my glass from last night that I had left in the living room and as I downed the big gulp my brain went "TOE JUICE"

Why?!

Whywhywhywhywhywhywhywhy

How very dare you

Brain

Storpit

It is 7am you bastard thought

Neat

YOU WANNA LEARN ELVISH?! HERE YA GO!