So I Just Laid Down To Start A New Book From My Doom Box.

So I just laid down to start a new book from my doom box.

Read the author's note, which indicated there was another book before this one.

Thinking oh I should find the first book and read that so I'm not lost in this one.

...

. . .

I happen to have the last book..... in a 15 book series 🫠🫠

So now I must find and read the other 14 before this one not only for context on basically everything going on in it but also... *collection* 🤩🥲

Words cannot properly express how much I hate being neurodivergent sometimes.

I HAVE to shower. Every day. If I do not. I am not okay.

Due to pots primarily, I overheat in my sleep. So literally every day I wake up I have got to shower. I can feel every inch of skin every strand of hair covered from sweat residue.

If I cannot wash that off every day. I become overstimulated immediately and extremely unhinged. I cannot think I cannot focus my mood is extremely negative I simply cannot function with that sensory status.

Today was day 3 of not having been able to shower (due to spoons and being a parent) and I snapped. I was shaking and crying and even yelled at inanimate shit in my house because I wanted to rip my hair out and shred my skin.

I finally had enough and I got into the shower.

Stood there a moment. Shaking. Crying. Bitching. Then berating myself for being such an unhinged pos. I got lightheaded and sat down. Cried more.

I have a little shower thing I say that helps. So I repeated it. Calmed down. Then I stfu and did my routine. Continued to improve. Kept saying my little thing every so often. Kept feeling better. Lighter.

Finally I just got out and did my after routine. Got dressed. I'm lying in bed still feeling stupid for the fact that 60% of my unhinged meltdown was washed away in the shower. My body is now all sensory goodness and we can all get on with our day.

I hate being like this. These not so whimsy sides of neurodivergence. I'm exhausted from the meltdown and from the task of showering itself.

Thanks for reading. Vulnerable snippet of my day today. Hope you're all doing better than I.

It's almost 2am and still at 56. I feel so sluggish. Showering helped briefly but now I feel like I'm shutting down again.

I'm an idiot.

So tachycardia and high pulse pressure feel about the same to me. I felt this, and assumed I was tachycardic. Collapsed on the couch and husband grabbed my meds to slow down my heart.

Low and behold, my heartrate was actually slow but with high pulse pressure. So because I panicked and didn't check my pulse in my haze before taking my meds, husband will now have to keep a close eye on me for the next while.

I reiterate. I'm an idiot.

(I didn't get any sleep last night and usually when that happens my tachycardia hits a loootttttttttt for the 24 hrs after an insomnia all nighter.)

CHECK YOUR VITALS. NEVER ASSUME.

it should be illegal to take a nap and still have a headache when you wake up. like no i shut it off and back on again why are you still here

I feel like he is missing a top hat

Oh my gods why does my brain do this to me I just took a swig of the last of the water from my glass from last night that I had left in the living room and as I downed the big gulp my brain went "TOE JUICE"

Why?!

Whywhywhywhywhywhywhywhy

How very dare you

Brain

Storpit

It is 7am you bastard thought