I Missed You Last Night

i missed you last night

i didn’t mean to but my mind started wandering

to why you haven’t answered my texts for months

a simple “hello” thrown out in space

left there till it withers away

but i still draw eyes like you showed me

i like to think that you’d notice that

i don’t feel trapped here

under layers of familiarity and routine

where everyone knows my name

and the changes are so slow you don't even notice

i don't feel trapped

not yet

but i will leave

as soon as i get the chance to i will leave

been counting down the days for as long as i remember

like snufkin when the leaves turn

from green to yellow

from yellow to red

it'll eventually be my turn

slip on soon to be worn out shoes

heave my backpack onto my already aching shoulders

but not aching in a bad way

aching from excitement

from anticipation

aching to carry

carry the weight of few belongings

everything, my whole life now

tossed together in a 30l backpack

enamel mug in a string from the back

a one way ticket please

little stars

all over my legs and arms

that one from the summer i was six

that one from when i was eleven

little white stars like milestones throughout my life

and the falling stars

meteors and comets

they come in groups

one two three

fifteen twenty thirtytwo

so many i cant count

make a wish

i haven’t been doing too well lately, there’s a lot of stuff going on and i can’t really bring myself to write

here’s something though

picking up the pencil

it's been a couple weeks

hello dear old friend

nice to see you here again

like a tuft of grass

in a seemingly endless mire

thank you for the hand

mister apollo

painted for the first time in a while today, it was very therapeutic

maybe perhaps i will post the painting when it’s finished

Beetle

lately i've been feeling the numbness again

the one when your arms get heavy

and you dread every conversation

i can't muster up enough energy to

..i don't know

i stay up cursing myself for an illness that convinces me he's my friend

is he?

maybe it's just a slip up

maybe it'll blow over

hopefully