I Dont Feel Trapped Here

i don’t feel trapped here

under layers of familiarity and routine

where everyone knows my name

and the changes are so slow you don't even notice

i don't feel trapped

not yet

but i will leave

as soon as i get the chance to i will leave

been counting down the days for as long as i remember

like snufkin when the leaves turn

from green to yellow

from yellow to red

it'll eventually be my turn

slip on soon to be worn out shoes

heave my backpack onto my already aching shoulders

but not aching in a bad way

aching from excitement

from anticipation

aching to carry

carry the weight of few belongings

everything, my whole life now

tossed together in a 30l backpack

enamel mug in a string from the back

a one way ticket please

i missed you last night

i didn’t mean to but my mind started wandering

to why you haven’t answered my texts for months

a simple “hello” thrown out in space

left there till it withers away

but i still draw eyes like you showed me

i like to think that you’d notice that

little stars

all over my legs and arms

that one from the summer i was six

that one from when i was eleven

little white stars like milestones throughout my life

and the falling stars

meteors and comets

they come in groups

one two three

fifteen twenty thirtytwo

so many i cant count

make a wish

i haven’t been doing too well lately, there’s a lot of stuff going on and i can’t really bring myself to write

here’s something though

one day i’ll hold you for reasons other than holding onto anything that could keep me here

i really like candles

our world.

im not sure exactly what my idea behind this painting was, but it definitely has a message just not anything i can really put into words, up for your own interpretation i guess

it is a brain surrounded by lots of trash (earlier someone thought it was rocks and I’m here to say it’s absolutely not rocks) - i had a lot fun painting it and i’m really happy with how it turned out

tw/blood + implied sh

i had a dream again

that i was covered in blood

my hands

my arms

my eyes

and something was wrong

but when i woke up i forgot to ask

if that was normal

it flashes before my eyes every so often

like a reminder

-something i wrote a while back about experiences even further back, im doing alright and this isn’t anything that should make anyone worry (just making sure)