Im Just Gonna Put This Idea Out There In The Wind, Because Its Been Bothering Me...

I’m just gonna put this idea out there in the wind, because it’s been bothering me...

What if instead of Wizards becoming Aurors in the Wizarding World, there were Witchers...? Instead of Dementors guarding Azkaban, there were six foot something tall dudes with two swords on their backs and dimiritium grenades to be popped off at any given time and any prisoner wears a collar of the same metal or it’s put into their food?

Do you really think Bellatrix Le Strange would’ve gotten out of Prison? Do you think a Witcher wouldn’t have used Axii on Sirius Black to make him tell the truth about who really sold out Harry’s Parents? You think they wouldn’t have figured out Petigrew was still around maybe when one walked by Ron Weasely at Hogwarts holding a rat or even at the train station, like “Hold up. Your rat smells like a 40+ year old man, let me just check it out?”

And the prospect of having modern Witchers...??? They still have swords, of course, because of tradition and they keep their medallions and all their mutations, but they find safer ways to make Witchers, maybe even make female Witchers...? With modern anesthesia to prevent quite so many children (the 3/10 survival rate raised up to at least like 7/10???) and maybe, just maybe they’re less hated than they are on the Continent? More so respected than feared, but obviously, some dude with cat eyes, two swords on his back and a scowl walked into a bar, you’re gonna be at least a little intimidated.

There’s also the thought that Witchers might also carry modern weapons, because why have a wand and exhaust yourself when you can bring a gun to a wand fight and shoot silver bullets...??? Can you imagine how much more danger Remus Lupin would’ve been in if Witchers were guarding Hogwarts when the Murauders were running around...? If one of them might’ve even been able to help him? Find his maker and help him break the curse...?

Can you even fathom how much James Potter might’ve idolized Witchers...? Sirius Black the cad to end all other cads himself...?

And how much faster would Voldemort have been dealt with? “Oh, you have an evil Wizard trying to start a war? Yeah, pay me five hundred galens and he’ll be dead by the end of the weekend.” But when they find out about the horcruxes they’re like “Huh...okay seven hundred and the end of the week” like there’s no way the fate of the world would’ve been dumped on Harry’s shoulders because it never would’ve come to pass. Harry’s parents probably would’ve lived and a lot of evil Wizards would be dead rather than locked up.

It’s just a concept in my mind that just seems like they could mesh so well together, but the plot points of the Harry Potter books just would be so completely different, because Witchers are prepared. For example, a School of the Wolf being invited to the Tri-Wizard Tournament? Oh, my God, you think a platoon of Witchers wouldn’t be assigned by Dumbledore to protect the school? Wouldn’t investigate the ingredients missing from Snape’s stores and smell Polyjuice Potion all over “Moody”, figure out he’s a newly escaped Crouch Jr. and immediately take him out? And probably Karkaroff, too just to be safe...? You think they wouldn’t recognize the Cup as a port key and warn everyone...?

Voldemort wouldn’t be able to get literally anything done if they had Witchers watching over/wandering the Wizarding world...and maybe even being born...? What if they could find a way to make Witchers that are fertile...? A new form of “pure blood” contention? Pure Witchers always quarreling with Pure Wizards and when some of their children refuse the “Path” lifestyle they can go to Hogwarts to learn more about magic, creature care and alchemy rather than hunting and fighting monsters?

Can you imagine how many of them would probably be more often than not sorted into houses like Ravenclaw or Hufflepuff over Slytherin or Griffindor? Witchers aren’t raised to have bold ambition or to seek glory through their bravery. Only to seek knowledge for the good of others and to help those in need...

Thank you for coming to my TED Talk...

If somebody hits me up with a “Hello there,” you better appreciate my reply of “GeNeRaL KeNoBi,” or the conversation won’t be lasting very long...

Cooking with Loki.

I’m gonna need all my DND people out here to think on this theory I just came up with after watching Venom last night and rewatching the Baldur’s Gate 3 trailer this evening...

As we all know, the Mind Flayers are inherently evil, xeno-centric space Nazis born of a hentai-watcher’s kinky nightmare. Fortunately, we’re not here to discuss that description I just burned into your brain.

What we will discuss however are their tadpoles. The small, sea-lamprey-like spawn of the Mind Flayers who implant themselves into a brain and feed off of it until they eventually take over the host body. Whatever. We been done knew that already.

BUT! What if it were possible to form a symbiotic relationship with the tadpole? As in let it continue to live behind your eye so long as the host eats brains to feed the tadpole’s hunger while in exchange maintaining use of the critter’s psyonic abilities? I mean, why not, other than the thought that the tadpole would never mature and kill you?

I mean, if that’s what comes out of a Mind Flayer after their aesexual reproductive cycles, then isn’t that the true state of Mind Flayers? What they were before I suppose the first tadpole came upon a host on whatever home world they hail from?

So, forgive me if I’m wrong, but what creature would refuse absolute protection, endless sustenance and very little effort on its behalf to the end of its days? That’s basically like keeping a cat that just lives in your head!

Has no one else ever contemplated this idea, or am I just alone on this one because I think Venom is funny?

How do people take short showers? Like I’m 5’8-5’9”, I have VERY long legs and I’m built like a Snoo-Snoo Amazon made of bricks. I have a lotta square footage to cover and that’s not even including my hair and skin routine. How fuckin’ small are other girls that they can get everything done in like 10 minutes...??

If I only had ten minutes of hot water, I’d be halfway through scrubbing one leg and might be done combing in my conditioner. I simply do not understand...

Accountant AU where the reader works for a small town firm called “Istari Financial.” Making her living after coming home from college, looking after the books for the following local businesses…

The local vineyard, “Greenwood Acres” which has been around longer than anyone can remember, run by a single father as head of the business and a very dedicated team of young employees. Everyone from college hires to long time employees, but nobody in town can quite tell just how old anyone is.

A local business ring run by the Durinson Family who own nearly every business in town. The local brewery, the auto repair shop, the car dealership, the pawn shop, etc. They run everything as a family, but all answer to the head of the family, a bachelor who’s yet to get married as he’s “married to his work.” Though, he secretly has his eyes set on someone in town. Who though? Nobody knows…

The bakery at the center of town, called “Lorien Confection” where the man behind the counter greets customers, serves icecream and brags about his wife while the white witch in the kitchen rolls out goodie after goodie by the dozen of sugar-coated goodness. The baker earning the title of witch as she always seems to know what people want before they do.

The coffee/tea shop doubling as a wholistic whole foods store run by three best friends who rejected their respected posh lifestyles and struck out on their own straight out of college to bring clean, organic food to the town sourced from local farms. A store called “Three Hunters Whole Foods.”

A fish farming organization called “Bard & Son Fishery,” that works hard to protect local wildlife conservation run by a father of three which provides clean, non-gmo fish, hydroponic-grown greens, vegetables and strives to teach young people about respecting the planet and sustainable farming on field trips for the local elementary school.

And who could forget the local bar/restaurant, run by the Baggins family, Uncle and Nephew, along with their friends who provide an atmosphere of home and hearth hospitality to any and all who cross their threshold…right up until somebody asks them to host a party that doesn’t involve their catering.

And last but not least, the readers worst enemy, “Mordor Credit,” the local bank out to screw everyone over and take their businesses. The reader often times being the only thing standing between them and a hefty audit…or worse, an eviction…