I Don't Know Whether I Should Die Just To Keep Up My Week Of Restriction Or Just Eat So That I Can Cry,

I don't know whether I should die just to keep up my week of restriction or just eat so that I can cry, hate myself and do another week of restriction 💀

✨️ I'm diabetic by the way ✨️

Maybe I am just a dumb ass bitch.

Like why am I doing this to myself. If I have the self controle to eat 500 cals a day why can't I just do this healthily.

Is it because I want fast results, because I don't want to exersize. I'm such a loser if that's the case...

But I love the controle, I love that I'm taking back my power. How my stomach literally hurts if I over eat.

... but does that make me an attention speaker, fuck it I am. I want people to worry about me. Wtf does that make me then? A narrsasitic bitch?

But I'm so scared of being who I was, shoving food mindlessly down my throat. Being the ugly fat friend who always asked people if they were going to finish their food.... wow that was a visceral memory.

Maybe I will just starve till I die. Fuck it

My lunch today purrr ✨️

Had a yakult and Banana for breakfast got a solid 200 before dinner. We in this for the long run baby 500 daily is getting easy, but lets not go crazy and fuck it up.

Beautiful library in Munich Bavaria

© Thomas

I gained 4 pounds 🥲🥲🥲 like how, was it because it's early morning and I had a large dinner. Maybe because I ate at 11pm. I only had two days this week of eating 600 Cals rather than 500 was that really the reason. All those days of restricting just to gain 4 pounds. Is it because I'm sick 😭

You ever feel tricked by how much you ate. Like I know I meticulously planned this dinner 2 days in advance am within my calorie limit. but I'm just so full.. :/

I'm going to gain weight I feel it. Tomorrow was my weigh day too 😭😭😭😭