Image Source: Dramaticpokemonpictures

image source: dramaticpokemonpictures

Is this toxic enough?

i think we as a society need to start accepting that fictional love stories need to be a bit toxic for us to go insane over them… like, sometimes you kinda need the two parties to be obsessed with each other and fucked up and willing to bring each other back from the dead instead of moving on and go to therapy i’m sorry😔

my faves when they try to break the fourth wall in my e rated slashfic

me, using a ouija board to write fic: I'm ghost-writing the WIP

Holiday Half Arse: A Less-Than-Festive Fic (part one of two)

At some point, twelve!me decided to write a fic that took place during several holidays. The holidays barely got referenced (Jessie attacks James and Meowth on Thanksgiving and if you do the math, the kitten was probably conceived around Halloween), but I didn't skimp on the drama.

Content Warning: First-person mixed points-of-view; Pokémon/Human romantic relationship; mpreg; colorful language; absolute character assassination of Jessie (she's super violent towards Meowth and pregnant James); Jessie gets offensive about out-of-wedlock kittens; very shaky understanding of psychological issues; pregnancy is quite rough on James; Officer Jenny is repetitive

-O-o-O-o-O-

(James's point of view)

I fell onto the bed.

I just couldn't seem to close the button on my fly. I tried everything I could to get the button in the hole. I didn't know what was wrong because I wasn't fat. Usually my pants would be falling off.

I finally got the button into the hole. I went over to the mirror and started to brush my hair. I saw that it seemed to have grown quite a bit longer in a short amount of time. I wondered why.

I looked in the mirror at my reflection. Meowth always told me I was beautiful.

Meowth is my boyfriend. Yes, that's right. I'm a human with a Pokémon boyfriend.

Meowth came in the room.

"James?" he said to me.

I didn't really hear him.

"James?" he said again.

"What?" I said.

"You okay?" he asked.

"I'm fine," I said.

"Breakfast is ready," Meowth said.

At breakfast, I ate more than usual. "Someone was hungry," Jessie said as I washed the dishes.

We spent the entire afternoon trying to make up plans to capture Pikachu. We couldn't really decide which one to use, but we did agree on one thing. No more pitfalls for a while.

I was suddenly exhausted, so I went into the bedroom to take a nap. I woke up two hours later. Meowth was sitting next to me, watching me sleep.

"Jessie tried to cook again. It didn't work. Now we need to know what topping you want on the pizza," Meowth said.

I was about to answer, but then I got the urge to run into the bathroom and vomit.

(Meowth's point of view)

I ran after James. I found him in tears kneeling on the floor, wiping his mouth.

"James, what's wrong?" I asked.

James took a while to calm down. "I….I….I'm…." was all he could get out.

"Take it easy," I said, patting his hair.

James took a breath. "I just keep throwing up. I don't what's wrong with me. What if it's serious?" he said.

I thought for a minute. "You've also been eating more."

James gave me a look.

"And you've been getting tired easily. And you've been pretty emotional, even more than usual."

James's look intensified.

"I'm saying you might be pregnant, Jimmy."

James was shocked. "I-I can't be," he said.

"Here, take this test."

I gave him a pregnancy test to pee on. He did it and a blue plus sign appeared on it.

James looked down at his stomach. "How did I not know?"

"You're probably not that far into it. Also Meowth kittens are a lot smaller than human babies, so you won't show as much," I said. "The kitten is probably already feisty."

James smiled. "I could've told you that part."

(James's point of view)

The good part of the experiment was Meowth and I would have a kitten.

The bad part was I'd be uncomfortable and not that attractive.

I was in bed often, so my hair was so messy, I looked like I had lice. It was just bad luck that my freckles from the sun hadn't gone away. They made my face look even more flushed than it already was. My eyes were getting swollen from sleeping. I also had dark circles under my eyes.

Here's the uncomfortable part. I had to throw up every five seconds in the morning and early afternoon. It felt like torture after I did. I was so weak I couldn't walk back and forth from one room to the other, so I fell asleep in the bathroom a lot. My cravings for food were driving me crazy.

And the kitten was kicking so hard, I felt like birthing it every time it kicked.

Every single thing bothered me.

Once, Jessie said, "That kitten will be out of wedlock." I screamed, "I don't care! That doesn't mean it doesn't deserve to live!"

"Touché," Jessie said.

I ran into the bathroom, crying. I heard Jessie and Meowth talking through the door.

"You didn't mean anything bad, did you?" Meowth was saying.

"If the kitten is born out of wedlock, it's a bastard kitten. That's just how it is," Jessie said.

"How could you say that? Or even want to say that to James? He never said anything about your Pokémon."

"The kitten isn't his Pokémon, Meowth. It's his child."

"So why you gonna dis it like that?"

"Don't talk back, you furball! Someone needs to tell James the truth and if you're too stupid to know it, I'll just have to tell him."

"I'll make sure you don't." Meowth's voice was cold.

"Is that a challenge?!" Jessie yelled. I heard a scream and Meowth crying.

I rushed out of the bathroom. Jessie had shoved Meowth against the wall. Meowth was in tears, wailing.

"Jessie, what are you doing?!" I screamed.

Jessie came over to me and started pushing me.

"This is our business. Don't butt in!" she yelled.

I saw Meowth staring at us, still crying.

I had to stand up to Jessie.

(Meowth's point of view)

Jessie pushed James into the bathroom.

"So, you want to make this your business?" Jessie said in a threatening tone of voice.

The door was open so I could see what was happening.

Jessie slapped James across his face. James started crying.

"Why did you beat up Meowth?!" he yelled.

"That is none of your business!" Jessie hit James again.

"Stop hitting him, bitch!" I screamed.

Jessie yelled, "Stay out of this, ass-cat!" She kicked the door shut.

I ran to the phone and called the mental institution.

"It's an emergency!" I screamed.

"Hey, calm down. What's wrong?" the person on the phone said.

"A maniac beat me up and is beating up my friend. I think she's trying to kill us."

"We'll be right over."

They got to our cabin fast. "Where is she?" one of them said.

"In the bathroom," I said.

The people opened the door. The bathroom was not a pretty sight. It was completely trashed. James was sitting against the wall, crying, while Jessie threatened and cursed at him, waving a wrench. I could see a few bruises on James.

"You interfere with me fucking up Meowth, you'll get fucked up, too, cunt!" she yelled.

"See? She's a psychopathical fuckass!" I screamed.

The people stared at me, looking surprised.

"Sorry. Excuse my language," I said.

They still stared.

"You're a talking Meowth?!" they said.

"Yes, but please arrest her!" I yelled.

The people dragged Jessie out of there in a straitjacket.

"I'll get you both even if it's the last thing I do! One day you bastards will get the ultimate fuck-up!" Jessie screamed.

"Is everything okay?" Officer Jenny asked.

I didn't hear because I was trying to get James out of the bathroom.

"James, she's gone. Please come out of there," I said.

"Is everything okay?" Officer Jenny asked again.

"I can't get James out of the bathroom. I just want to know if he knows everything is all right," I said.

Officer Jenny knocked on the door. "You can come out now."

James didn't come out. I could hear him sobbing and sniffling.

"Please come out, James. The mental institution got her and took her away. We're safe now," I said.

James opened the door a crack and peered out. He came out, picked me up, and hugged me.

"Attaboy," one of the people said.

"Is everything all right?" Officer Jenny asked.

"Everything is fine now," James said.

Later that evening at dinner, it was weird when I was setting the table and I only needed two place mats, two plates, two cups, two napkins, and two sets of silverware.

"What are we having for dinner?" I asked.

"Tuna," James said. James had been craving tuna all day.

When we sat down for dinner, James took out a bottle of chocolate sauce.

"What are you gonna do with that?" I asked.

"I'm going to put it on my portion," James said. I asked him to pass the bottle so I could try it, too.

After a while, James said, "It tastes okay, doesn't it?"

I nodded. "It's perfect. Right, Jess—oops, I forgot. Jessie isn't here."

"I'm going to miss her even if she did abuse me." James had tears in his eyes.

"At least our kitten is safe," I said.

"Yeah. That's one thing to be thankful for," James said.

-O-o-O-o-O-

Moral of the story: Officer Jenny is ineffective in domestic abuse cases (at least in whatever AU this takes place in).

Someone take the poll feature away from me. I don't know when to stop

Most cursed poll attempt: round two.

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