James X Meowth - Tumblr Posts

y'all wanna see James and Meowth's experiment in action?

too hot for tumblr fanart below the cut

you have been warned

This is how the Meowth kittens are made

James is wearing socks because it's kinkier that way

Meowth's a vampire, James smells irresistible. "Rose and tuna." Snort.

Fur and flesh unite, lavender brushes the gold. Blast off imminent.

while trying to summon the haiku bot, i got inspired

So now you get haiku-ish arrangements of words about blueshipping.

-O-o-O-

Meowth, the charmed cat.

James, his quirky human queen.

Sailing the blue ship.

-O-o-O-

He did it again.

Went and fell for a rich kid.

Who needs Meowzie?

-O-o-O-

The lovers blast off.

"Get a room," Jessie tells them.

A tent is fine, too.

-O-o-O-

A tryst in the woods.

"What's that rustling in the bush?"

Oh, shit. It's the twerps.

-O-o-O-

A breeze up his skirt.

The tom cat fondles his queen.

"Oh, my, that tickles!"

-O-o-O-

This is not Professor Oak's poetry.

okay last batch of wannabe haiku today i swear

I present: The Charm Cat and His Queen.

-O-o-O-

Paws on tile, silent.

The queen's at his ablutions.

Steam veils his visage.

-O-o-O-

The cat's tail unfurls.

Heat rises in their chamber.

Now the queen disrobes.

-O-o-O-

A wand in a stream.

His queen kneels before the throne.

"Meowth, I'm m-pregged."

-O-o-O-

Warm cascades issue.

Kittens surf the afterbirth.

Eat the placenta.

-O-o-O-

It got spicy at the end.

it's another day, time for more attempts at poetry

More embarrassing seventeen-syllable poetry.

-O-o-O-

Blue eyes in the dark.

Moonlight flashes off his charm.

The green eyes open.

-O-o-O-

Such arches, such balls.

Finely sculpted toes and heels.

"Must lick James's feet."

-O-o-O-

The cat wants to play.

Tonight, Jessie is away.

"Ay, James, want sum fucc?"

I made not one, but two robots write my blueshipping fic: Has Science Gone Too Far?

Maybe science hasn't, but I have.

This fic is a duet between ChatGPT and (free trial) Sudowrite. ChatGPT wrote the first ten or so paragraphs, then I plugged that into Sudowrite and used the "write: guided" options (I typed in suggestions, key details, and plot points and basically told the ai what should happen). Minimal additional editing was done.

Personally, I still don't think AI can replace real human writers. Especially since without human writers, there wouldn't be a bank of writing for the AI to pull from.

Is the result passable? You be the judge (or don't, that's fine, too).

-O-o-O-o-O-

James woke up feeling strange. He couldn't quite put his finger on it, but something was different. He got up from his bed and walked over to the mirror, examining himself closely. And that's when he noticed it. His stomach was slightly swollen.

At first, James thought it was just a result of eating too much the night before. But as the day wore on, he began to feel more and more nauseous. He couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong.

As he sat in his room, trying to figure out what was happening, Meowth burst in. "James, we've got to go! The boss needs us for a mission!"

James looked up at him, feeling even more overwhelmed. He didn't know how to tell Meowth what was happening to him. He didn't even know how to explain it to himself.

They set out on the mission, but James could hardly concentrate. His mind was racing with thoughts of what could be happening to him. Could he be sick? Could it be something more serious?

As they made their way through the forest, James stumbled and fell. Meowth rushed over to help him up, but as he did, he noticed James's swollen stomach. "James, what's going on?" he asked, his voice laced with concern.

James looked up at Meowth, tears welling up in his eyes. "Meowth, I think I'm pregnant. With your kitten."

Meowth's eyes widened in shock. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. "How is that even possible?" he asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

James shook his head. "I don't know. But I can feel it growing inside me. And I don't know what to do."

Meowth pulled James into a hug, holding him tightly. "We'll figure it out together," he said, his voice gentle and reassuring.

James smiled, feeling relieved that Meowth was taking the news well. "But we have to tell Jessie," he said, his smile fading.

Meowth's expression became serious. "I know. She might not take it well."

They both knew that Jessie had always been fiercely protective of their trio, and the idea of James and Meowth starting a family without her might cause some anger.

As they approached their base, James and Meowth could hear Jessie's voice from inside. They took a deep breath and went in.

Jessie was sitting at the table, going over plans for their next mission. When she saw James's swollen stomach, her eyes widened in shock. "What's going on here? Why is your stomach so big, James?"

James looked at Meowth, who nodded at him, silently encouraging him to tell the truth. "Jessie, I'm pregnant. With Meowth's kitten."

Jessie's expression turned from shock to anger.

"How could you two be so irresponsible?! This is going to get us in serious trouble with the boss! We all need to stay focused on missions, not starting families!" She slammed her fists on the table, the sound echoing through the room. "We need to figure out some way to keep this quiet, or we're all going to be in big trouble."

James and Meowth both knew that Jessie had a point. They needed to keep this pregnancy a secret, or risk being kicked out of Team Rocket entirely.

But as the weeks went on and James's stomach continued to grow, it became harder and harder to keep their secret under wraps. Soon enough, their colleagues began to notice the change in James's appearance and started whispering behind their backs.

One day, as they were getting ready for a mission, their team leader pulled James aside. "What's going on, James?" he asked, his voice low. "You've been acting strange lately and I've noticed your…condition."

James gulped, knowing that he couldn't lie any longer. "I'm pregnant," he said, his voice barely audible.

Their leader's eyes widened in shock, but he quickly composed himself. "Well, this changes things," he said, his expression serious. "We can't have you out in the field like this. You're going to have to sit this one out."

James felt a wave of disappointment wash over him. He had always been an active member of Team Rocket, and not being able to participate in missions made him feel useless. But he also knew that he had to think about the safety of his unborn child.

As James stayed back at the base, he started to feel more and more isolated from his team. He could hear their laughter and chatter from the other room, but he no longer felt like he was a part of it. And to make matters worse, Butch and Cassidy, their rival duo, found out about his pregnancy and started taunting him about it.

But as James sat alone in his room, Meowth came in and sat down next to him. "Hey, don't listen to them. You're still a valuable member of our team, no matter what," he said, placing a reassuring hand on James's back.

James sighed, feeling grateful for Meowth's support. "Thanks."

Jessie had been listening in on their conversation, and her heart went out to them. She stepped into the room with a determined look on her face. "Butch and Cassidy are not going to get away with this. We're gonna fight back!" she declared, fists clenched.

Meowth perked up, feeling ready for action. "You know I'm always down for a good fight!" he said eagerly.

James smiled, comforted by his friends' support. He knew that with Meowth and Jessie by his side, they could take on any challenge that came their way - even Butch and Cassidy!

The next day, the trio confronted Butch and Cassidy in an abandoned alleyway. With determination on their faces, they engaged in battle - Meowth taking direct hits from Butch's Machamp while Jessie fought off Cassidy's Golbat with her own Pokémon at her side. It was an intense fight that seemed to go on forever, but eventually Jessie and Meowth were able to come out on top. Butch and Cassidy were left in the dust, defeated by the team that had proven to be stronger together than apart.

As Jessie and Meowth stood triumphant over their defeated foes, James watched from the sidelines with pride. He knew that even in his current state, he was still a valuable and important part of their team - and no matter what challenge may lie ahead, they would stay united as one.

-O-o-O-o-O-

I quickly learned that (at the time of this posting) you can just keep making burner email accounts and keep getting free trials of Sudowrite.

two more haiku

The hair dryer's sound

Drowns out the falsetto squeals

"They're at it again."

-O-o-O-o-O-

Meowth and his James.

Name a more crackheaded ship.

You probably could.

this is becoming a strange recurrence

Spicy blueshipping haiku below the cut. Warning: it gets way too realistic about what experiences mpreg might entail.

-O-o-O-o-O-

Meowth loves round things.

James is pregnant and randy.

You can do the math.

-O-o-O-

Their white tomorrow:

Meowth is filling James up

Like a cream pastry.

-O-o-O-

Weezing's Sludge attack

Compares not to the might of

James, font of vomit.

-O-o-O-

James puked on himself.

"This shade is not my color;

Clashes with my hair."

-O-o-O-

The queen has cravings.

Chocolate-basted tuna.

Also beef jerky.

-O-o-O-

The queen's belly swells

Over the course of nine weeks.

Kittens incoming.

-O-o-O-

Wispy lightning bolts

Caress the queen's omphalos.

The cat nestles close.

-O-o-O-

Nourishing white pearls

Drip from James's tender teats.

The queen feeds their spawn.

-O-o-O-

can these even be called haiku anymore or are they a disgrace

I have compiled some of my blueshipping haiku into a collection and posted it to ao3.

It gets pretty spicy. The tags explain everything.

Do you think Satan stays in Hell because Earth's too cursed, even for him?

the goal is: create the most cursed poll and highlight why proper sexual education is necessary

James: I thought you didn't like getting wet. Meowth: I'm always up for a dip in your pool, Jimmy.

if this ship sinks, i won't blame the mermaids for eating my fingers off

I may have blueshipped too close to the vortex. Now I'm spiraling in a whirlpool of horny Gyarados and the submarine really isn't helping matters.

-O-o-O-o-O-

Meowth was a sucker for round things. In his gravid state, James fit the description to a “T.”

He gazed across the bed. James was laid out on his back, the moonlight from the window falling on the rise of his kitten bump. His hair fanned out over the pillow like so much blue silk. A slender hand nestled against his lower belly. A moon-pale, delicate foot poked out from under the sheets.

He let his eyes rest on that foot, with its finely shaped arch and soft toes. James often complained about the appearance of his swollen feet, but Meowth saw things differently. The few harsh angles were softened, emphasizing the smoothness of James’s skin. But maybe he was just so attracted to James, it didn’t matter what his feet looked like.

Meowth remembered the experiment that started this whole thing. They’d been asked by Team Rocket labs to participate in a special breeding experiment to determine if humans and Pokémon could interbreed. Since their team wasn’t exactly bringing in the powerful Pokémon, the higher-ups figured they could at least be useful as test subjects.

The fact that Meowth and James had already started a Pokébestial relationship was merely a bonus.

He let his mind drift back to their first breeding attempt. His Jimmy had been a virgin before the relationship, but he learned quick (at least when it came to sex). Within a few tries, Meowth had him squealing so loud, they probably woke the whole forest. Jessie invested in a comfortable set of earplugs after the first few times.

Meowth could hear the falsetto moan James had let out when he slid into him. He could almost get drunk on the memory of that potent perfume of roses, Victreebel saliva, and human pheromones that made up James’s signature scent. As James rolled his hips, the sides of his entrance caressed Meowth’s dick in a warm, wet embrace.

He remembered how James had gripped the sheets as he plunged deeper. James was panting like he’d pedaled the Magikarp sub around the entire Orange Archipelago. The pheromones radiated from hair as blue and wet as any ocean while Meowth plumbed James’s depths.

“Blast me off, Meowth,” James was moaning. “Blast me sky high so I can fall pregnant back to earth!”

So Meowth just started blasting.

That seemed to send James into orbit. His eyelashes fluttered and he twitched all over like he was getting shocked by Pikachu. Meowth vaguely remembered James biting the back of his fingers, as if he needed to balance the pleasure with pain. Meowth couldn’t be sure that was what was happening, though. He was wrapped up in his own climax as he planted his seed in James.

In that moment, he understood completely why Victreebel always wanted a taste of James. The smells coming off of James were sweeter than any Sweet Scent he’d faced in battle (not that he’d been in many battles; Meowth considered himself a different kind of Pokémon).

The scent reminded Meowth that it was now his cue to grab James’s dick and roll it between his paws. Gently, of course—his Jimmy was very sensitive. Just a few swivels were enough to push him over the edge.

Cats excelled at pushing things over the edge.

James’s rocket blasted off spectacularly. The ropes shot out like he’d just deployed a Poké-napping net. By the time he was spent, it looked like a Spinarak shot web across his stomach.

Meowth fell into the spot beside James as both of them basked in the afterglow. Meowth was purring. James was purring. Meowth grabbed James’s hand in his paw. James let out a barely audible sigh.

After they’d calmed down a bit, James had looked down at his stomach. “I made such a mess,” he said in mock remorse.

Meowth had rolled over to watch James clenchingly make his way to the bathroom. He didn’t know why, but he fixated on the pearls of jism rolling down James’s thigh. Probably because they, too, were round. Meowth was always a sucker for round things.

Over the next few weeks, it took them a few more tries, but eventually Meowth knocked James up. And here they were now.

Meowth was brought out of his reverie by a soft yawn. James shifted in his sleep, then opened his eyes and gave Meowth a smoldering half-smile. The half-mast eyelids and pheromone cocktail fanned the two green flames.

His Jimmy was rustled.

-O-o-O-

The heat was rising within James. The urge was upon him again.

James knew he wasn’t really in heat, of course. He was still pregnant, and humans didn’t go into heat, anyway. But as of late, he’d been feeling as though he might start caterwauling if Meowth didn’t stick him right then and there.

Ever since James had entered the latter weeks of his pregnancy, his hormones had been driving him mad. He and Meowth hadn’t copulated since it started and James had discovered quickly that certain desires did not wane, even after they’d served their purpose. His libido was somewhat dampened in the early stages, however. It was hard to get in the mood when one was virtually a vomit fountain.

Fortunately for him, his morning sickness subsided as the gestation wore on. Now his only issue was that he was too sleepy to think about sex.

No…. That wasn’t quite right. James had enjoyed a number of erotic dreams over the past few weeks. They ran the gamut from simple but sweet (James, clapping his buttocks on Meowth’s cock in a sort of anal applause) to stimulating and steamy.

One such fantasy transpired thus. James had washed up, sans raiment, on an unknown shore. The population appeared to consist entirely of tiny talking Meowths. Their Lilliputian leader was a hot air balloonist and announced that he wished to welcome the nude giant. He climbed into a hot air balloon with a phallus affixed to the basket. Just as he was about to dock it in the cave on James’s backside, a tidal wave sprang up from the ocean. James had woken up drenched in sweat. He also needed to change the sheets.

Another saw him as a fiery Moltres, soaring high above the earth. Meowth bounded after him in hot pursuit. James swooped down, flames trailing behind, and landed in a circle of flaming stones. There, he waited and watched as Meowth caught up to him. Meowth marched right into the ring of fire, the words “I am the unburnt,” on his lips. He rode James the Moltres, but not through the sky. James woke from that one feeling very flaming indeed.

Yet another flight of fancy put him in a hall of mirrors in front of a Jack-in-the-Box. Though the reflections were distorted, James could make out that he was sporting pigtails and a clown nose. In place of a crank, the Jack-in-the-Box bore a perfect replica of Meowth’s penis. James instinctively knew to massage the penis on the box. Out popped Meowth, dressed in a harlequin print jester costume. 

At that point in the dream, James’s nipples began to throb; he looked down and saw that they had transformed into bright red orbs, a funhouse mirror image of his clown nose. Meowth seemed intrigued by this; he put his paws on James’s nipples and gently squeezed. Each squeeze produced a honking sound and an arc of milk that Meowth caught in his mouth. James’s nethers were a flower squirting a liquid that was decidedly not seltzer. James awakened from that one with a tent in his pajamas and his teats tender and leaking.

He also had a craving for cream pie and Meowth was the only chef with the recipe.

Back in the present, James felt a flush rise on his face. He was hit by a sudden rush of shame at his loss of mental control, their failure to capture Pikachu, even his dreadful lack of sexual knowledge before the experiment. Meowth practically had to explain sex to him, since his parents hadn’t seen fit to. So many shames; it rhymed with James.

Meowth must have read it on his face. “No, Jimmy,” he said, placing a comforting set of paws on James’s shoulders. “It’s okay. You got needs, too.” Meowth’s voice was gentle, but James could hear undertones of reciprocal rut. The timing was perfect.

“I need you, Meowth. Right now.”

James didn’t need to ask twice. Meowth helped him out of his pajamas—no easy feat, considering how swollen James was at the moment, even with the lubricious luster his lust did muster. Verily, the sweat might have hindered Meowth’s removal of James’s clothing. Waiting only made James more randy. In his delirium, he found himself half whispering, half chanting, “Come, kitty. Come, kitty.”

Meowth chuckled. “We’ll get dere, Jimmy. Don’t getcha panties in a knot.”

“Growlithes have knots,” James thought. “But Meowth has a French tickler dick.” He’d learnt that the first time they coupled. He wondered if Meowth could control each individual nodule, like a Tentacruel and its tentacles. He could never quite remember to ask.

He couldn’t very well ask with Meowth’s lips pressing against his. And as soon as Meowth’s musk wafted into his nose, he forgot completely. The human sense of smell was not as strong as a Meowth’s, but the pregnancy hormones had sharpened James’s nose. Notes of catnip stood out in a scent stream sweeter than that tree sap Victreebel and Heracross loved.

“Like da taste?” Meowth asked, lapping at James’s chin.

“Yes,” James breathed. Baked tuna: James had cooked it for their dinner that evening.

Meowth worked his way down, giving ample attention to James’s nipples. No honking resulted; the only sounds were Meowth’s sucking and James’s low moaning as Meowth’s tongue nodules dandled James's dugs.

“Like the taste?” James drawled.

Meowth grinned. “Your milk’s comin’ in early.”

Meowth moved ever southward, brushing over the great dome that housed their five kittens. James giggled as Meowth rubbed himself all over the sensitive swelling.

“Oh, James, you’re so round.” Meowth swirled his tail around James’s sides. He tongued James’s navel, the nodules tracing the feathery white stretch marks.

James barely heard him. “Goodness gracious….”

“You ain’t seen nuttin’ yet.” Meowth slid himself into James’s crotch. He lifted James’s penis and nudged a feline finger into the orifice beneath. Those kitty beans on his pork sword were getting James nice and marinated.

Meowth noticed instantly. “You’re soaked. Lucky for you, I love dis kinda wet.”

Meowth dove in headfirst. James let out a cry of pleasure as he felt the nodules on his inner walls. He rolled his hips as much as his condition would allow. Meowth gyrated his own hips, causing his penis to stir inside of James like a spoon in cake batter. James kegeled on Meowth’s cock. Would that he had grippers in his nethers; he could massage every node on Meowth’s dick.

Meowth threw his head back, his whiskers fanning around his face. “I’m comin’, Jimmy!” he declared to the stars above. “I think it’s time!” His tail whipped around like a helicopter’s blade.

James was too far-gone to stay quiet. “Fill me with your white tomorrow!” he cried.

Meowth filled James like a cream pastry. James nipped at the back of his forefinger joints. It did little to curb his enthusiasm. He hoped Jessie’s earplugs held up.

But, oh. Oh no. His own cannoli was about to go explody. He’d forgotten to put on protection; he’d have such a mess to clean up and, in his state, he didn’t know if he’d have the energy.

Meowth seemed to notice his mild distress. “Don’t worry, Jimmy. I gotcha.” He pulled out of James and disappeared below the bump.

“Bless him,” James thought, tears misting his eyes. “He’s going to save me the cleanup.” 

Meowth closed his mouth around James’s penis and commenced the fellatio. He was always such a sucker for round things.

-O-o-O-o-O-

*puts on clown nose, walks plank, lands in James and Meowth's sex sweat* TONIGHT WE DINE ON DOVE

Holiday Half Arse: A Less-Than-Festive Fic (part one of two)

At some point, twelve!me decided to write a fic that took place during several holidays. The holidays barely got referenced (Jessie attacks James and Meowth on Thanksgiving and if you do the math, the kitten was probably conceived around Halloween), but I didn't skimp on the drama.

Content Warning: First-person mixed points-of-view; Pokémon/Human romantic relationship; mpreg; colorful language; absolute character assassination of Jessie (she's super violent towards Meowth and pregnant James); Jessie gets offensive about out-of-wedlock kittens; very shaky understanding of psychological issues; pregnancy is quite rough on James; Officer Jenny is repetitive

-O-o-O-o-O-

(James's point of view)

I fell onto the bed.

I just couldn't seem to close the button on my fly. I tried everything I could to get the button in the hole. I didn't know what was wrong because I wasn't fat. Usually my pants would be falling off.

I finally got the button into the hole. I went over to the mirror and started to brush my hair. I saw that it seemed to have grown quite a bit longer in a short amount of time. I wondered why.

I looked in the mirror at my reflection. Meowth always told me I was beautiful.

Meowth is my boyfriend. Yes, that's right. I'm a human with a Pokémon boyfriend.

Meowth came in the room.

"James?" he said to me.

I didn't really hear him.

"James?" he said again.

"What?" I said.

"You okay?" he asked.

"I'm fine," I said.

"Breakfast is ready," Meowth said.

At breakfast, I ate more than usual. "Someone was hungry," Jessie said as I washed the dishes.

We spent the entire afternoon trying to make up plans to capture Pikachu. We couldn't really decide which one to use, but we did agree on one thing. No more pitfalls for a while.

I was suddenly exhausted, so I went into the bedroom to take a nap. I woke up two hours later. Meowth was sitting next to me, watching me sleep.

"Jessie tried to cook again. It didn't work. Now we need to know what topping you want on the pizza," Meowth said.

I was about to answer, but then I got the urge to run into the bathroom and vomit.

(Meowth's point of view)

I ran after James. I found him in tears kneeling on the floor, wiping his mouth.

"James, what's wrong?" I asked.

James took a while to calm down. "I….I….I'm…." was all he could get out.

"Take it easy," I said, patting his hair.

James took a breath. "I just keep throwing up. I don't what's wrong with me. What if it's serious?" he said.

I thought for a minute. "You've also been eating more."

James gave me a look.

"And you've been getting tired easily. And you've been pretty emotional, even more than usual."

James's look intensified.

"I'm saying you might be pregnant, Jimmy."

James was shocked. "I-I can't be," he said.

"Here, take this test."

I gave him a pregnancy test to pee on. He did it and a blue plus sign appeared on it.

James looked down at his stomach. "How did I not know?"

"You're probably not that far into it. Also Meowth kittens are a lot smaller than human babies, so you won't show as much," I said. "The kitten is probably already feisty."

James smiled. "I could've told you that part."

(James's point of view)

The good part of the experiment was Meowth and I would have a kitten.

The bad part was I'd be uncomfortable and not that attractive.

I was in bed often, so my hair was so messy, I looked like I had lice. It was just bad luck that my freckles from the sun hadn't gone away. They made my face look even more flushed than it already was. My eyes were getting swollen from sleeping. I also had dark circles under my eyes.

Here's the uncomfortable part. I had to throw up every five seconds in the morning and early afternoon. It felt like torture after I did. I was so weak I couldn't walk back and forth from one room to the other, so I fell asleep in the bathroom a lot. My cravings for food were driving me crazy.

And the kitten was kicking so hard, I felt like birthing it every time it kicked.

Every single thing bothered me.

Once, Jessie said, "That kitten will be out of wedlock." I screamed, "I don't care! That doesn't mean it doesn't deserve to live!"

"Touché," Jessie said.

I ran into the bathroom, crying. I heard Jessie and Meowth talking through the door.

"You didn't mean anything bad, did you?" Meowth was saying.

"If the kitten is born out of wedlock, it's a bastard kitten. That's just how it is," Jessie said.

"How could you say that? Or even want to say that to James? He never said anything about your Pokémon."

"The kitten isn't his Pokémon, Meowth. It's his child."

"So why you gonna dis it like that?"

"Don't talk back, you furball! Someone needs to tell James the truth and if you're too stupid to know it, I'll just have to tell him."

"I'll make sure you don't." Meowth's voice was cold.

"Is that a challenge?!" Jessie yelled. I heard a scream and Meowth crying.

I rushed out of the bathroom. Jessie had shoved Meowth against the wall. Meowth was in tears, wailing.

"Jessie, what are you doing?!" I screamed.

Jessie came over to me and started pushing me.

"This is our business. Don't butt in!" she yelled.

I saw Meowth staring at us, still crying.

I had to stand up to Jessie.

(Meowth's point of view)

Jessie pushed James into the bathroom.

"So, you want to make this your business?" Jessie said in a threatening tone of voice.

The door was open so I could see what was happening.

Jessie slapped James across his face. James started crying.

"Why did you beat up Meowth?!" he yelled.

"That is none of your business!" Jessie hit James again.

"Stop hitting him, bitch!" I screamed.

Jessie yelled, "Stay out of this, ass-cat!" She kicked the door shut.

I ran to the phone and called the mental institution.

"It's an emergency!" I screamed.

"Hey, calm down. What's wrong?" the person on the phone said.

"A maniac beat me up and is beating up my friend. I think she's trying to kill us."

"We'll be right over."

They got to our cabin fast. "Where is she?" one of them said.

"In the bathroom," I said.

The people opened the door. The bathroom was not a pretty sight. It was completely trashed. James was sitting against the wall, crying, while Jessie threatened and cursed at him, waving a wrench. I could see a few bruises on James.

"You interfere with me fucking up Meowth, you'll get fucked up, too, cunt!" she yelled.

"See? She's a psychopathical fuckass!" I screamed.

The people stared at me, looking surprised.

"Sorry. Excuse my language," I said.

They still stared.

"You're a talking Meowth?!" they said.

"Yes, but please arrest her!" I yelled.

The people dragged Jessie out of there in a straitjacket.

"I'll get you both even if it's the last thing I do! One day you bastards will get the ultimate fuck-up!" Jessie screamed.

"Is everything okay?" Officer Jenny asked.

I didn't hear because I was trying to get James out of the bathroom.

"James, she's gone. Please come out of there," I said.

"Is everything okay?" Officer Jenny asked again.

"I can't get James out of the bathroom. I just want to know if he knows everything is all right," I said.

Officer Jenny knocked on the door. "You can come out now."

James didn't come out. I could hear him sobbing and sniffling.

"Please come out, James. The mental institution got her and took her away. We're safe now," I said.

James opened the door a crack and peered out. He came out, picked me up, and hugged me.

"Attaboy," one of the people said.

"Is everything all right?" Officer Jenny asked.

"Everything is fine now," James said.

Later that evening at dinner, it was weird when I was setting the table and I only needed two place mats, two plates, two cups, two napkins, and two sets of silverware.

"What are we having for dinner?" I asked.

"Tuna," James said. James had been craving tuna all day.

When we sat down for dinner, James took out a bottle of chocolate sauce.

"What are you gonna do with that?" I asked.

"I'm going to put it on my portion," James said. I asked him to pass the bottle so I could try it, too.

After a while, James said, "It tastes okay, doesn't it?"

I nodded. "It's perfect. Right, Jess—oops, I forgot. Jessie isn't here."

"I'm going to miss her even if she did abuse me." James had tears in his eyes.

"At least our kitten is safe," I said.

"Yeah. That's one thing to be thankful for," James said.

-O-o-O-o-O-

Moral of the story: Officer Jenny is ineffective in domestic abuse cases (at least in whatever AU this takes place in).

Thank you, everybody who voted! The results certainly surprised me (I thought all six of them would be vanilla extract).

I need to get to writing

Do you think Satan stays in Hell because Earth's too cursed, even for him?

the goal is: create the most cursed poll and highlight why proper sexual education is necessary

Holiday Half Arse: Nyarth Nativity (part two of two)

Twelve!me should not be trusted to plan a Christmas dinner or name mpreg kittens.

Part one is here.

Content Warning: First-person mixed points-of-view; Pokémon/Human romantic relationship; mpreg; absolute character assassination of Jessie (she’s super violent towards Meowth and pregnant James); very shaky understanding of psychological issues and mental institutions; James, Meowth, and their kitten eat the placenta

-O-o-O-o-O-

(Meowth's point of view)

Before we knew it, it was the middle of December. James had gotten pregnant in October, so the ninth week was getting closer.

One day we were sitting in the living room, watching TV. Actually, I was sitting, bored at all the corny Christmas commercials and James was lying down, half-asleep. The couch wasn't the most comfortable place to fall asleep, but I couldn't blame James for not being fully awake. All those commercials were so cheesy and boring.

A commercial came on. I thought James would be falling asleep, but it was a telephone commercial. It was about a couple who couldn't be together for Christmas. They decided if they couldn't be together, they should at least call collect so they save money.

To my surprise, James burst into tears.

"That commercial was so sad. We're lucky we can be together for the holidays," he said.

"We can be together every day," I said. I hugged James. He hugged me too. He winced.

"Did my claws come out?" I asked.

"No. The kitten just kicked," James said.

James was a little round. The kitten would come any day. I wasn't sure if I could call James's Team Rocket uniform a maternity outfit.

I did learn that the kitten moved more whenever James ate anything sweet.

It seemed like the kitten could come out in the eighth week.

-O-o-O-

On Christmas Eve, James seemed to be really enthusiastic about having the kitten near Christmas.

He went into the bedroom to take a nap. A few minutes later, I heard James call me. He was breathing hard.

"I….I think it's time," he panted.

James pushed while I caught the kitten as it came out. One final push popped out the kitten.

The kitten was okay, of course. James was also okay. He still hurt a little, but he was okay.

"It's beautiful," James breathed.

"Just like you," I said. Then I bit off the kitten's umbilical cord.

The kitten opened its eyes. It had emerald green eyes like James.

James smiled at me. "It's a girl," he said.

"What's her name?" I asked. James was sure to come up with a meaningful name.

"Her name is Jessowth," James said. He started to breastfeed the kitten.

"Jessowth. Interesting name," I said.

The next day, on Christmas, James and I were happy to cuddle up in front of the TV with our daughter. We decided to have the placenta for our Christmas dinner that night.

"I guess we can't have sex tonight," James said.

"Oh, don't worry. The kitten and your love makes up for it," I said.

James began to cry.

"I'm sorry. That was just so sweet. You….You know I really love you, don't you?" James said.

"Yes. And I love you too," I said. "And anyway, you have to wait four or five weeks. You don't want to strain yourself."

James smiled. "You're the doctor."

(James's point of view)

Our little kitten seemed to grow so fast in just five weeks.

Jessie wasn't yet out of the mental institution. I was a little glad. A violent person shouldn't be around a newborn kitten.

After about ten weeks, I began getting sick again: eating a lot and vomiting. And I was craving foods I didn't normally eat.

After three hours of that, I just got out the Pokémon pregnancy test. A few minutes later, Meowth came into the bathroom.

"Are you okay, James? You look flushed," he said.

"Meowth, I'm pregnant again," I said.

"Another kitten?! Wow, you're producing a lot of kittens," Meowth said.

"It's just one," I said.

"Well, we're raising one kitten. We can raise another one," Meowth said.

Meowth was actually little more than a kitten himself. He was an adult (if he was human, he would be only slightly older than my eighteen years), but he hadn't evolved into a Persian (and he didn't plan to). One could say I was having kittens for a kitten.

Both Meowth and Jessowth are my kittens to watch over, care for, and protect.

Epilogue (Meowth's point of view)

Jessie eventually came home from the mental institution. She and James are friends again.

Jessowth is talking. She sounds like a female version of me.

Jessowth seems to be kind of wary of Jessie. Maybe she knew Jessie abused James when he was still pregnant with her.

James is delighted to be having another kitten. He's pretty far along.

We're all one big happy Team Rocket.

-O-o-O-o-O-

Moral of the story: Maybe don't name your newborn kitten after your formerly abusive friend, no matter how much she's improved. Also: tired of that boring bird for Christmas dinner? Try placenta!

James: One little bowl like this is worth an absolute mint! Jessie: James, you could use a breath mint. Have you and Meowth been French kissing again? *James and Meowth nervously glance at each other.* Meowth: Yeah....Kissin'. Dat's all we did....

image source: dramaticpokemonpictures

Is this toxic enough?

i think we as a society need to start accepting that fictional love stories need to be a bit toxic for us to go insane over them… like, sometimes you kinda need the two parties to be obsessed with each other and fucked up and willing to bring each other back from the dead instead of moving on and go to therapy i’m sorry😔

Someone take the poll feature away from me. I don't know when to stop

Most cursed poll attempt: round two.

So if I understand this correctly this example should illustrate:

"A Better Pill to Swallow" (that Pokémon episode where Team Rocket drank a potion that made them extremely attractive to Pokémon and Meowth fell in love with James) can be ship fodder or catnip (pun intended) for shippers.

It is not a shiptease or ship bait because it's really unlikely that the writers of Pokémon intended for the audience to ship James and Meowth.

I wish more people understood the difference between ship fodder/catnip for shippers, and an actual shiptease or bait.

The former is just a character dynamic or type of story that is fun to extrapolate from.

The latter is intentional on the part of the writers and much much less common.

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