Yet Another Thing I Don't See Talked About In The DID Community: The Host Anxiety Of Letting Go Of Front.

Yet another thing I don't see talked about in the DID community: the host anxiety of letting go of front.

Obviously it doesn't happen to every system, as some systems don't even have a host; but can we talk about the fear and anxiety about potentially never coming back to front if you fully let go, as a host? I dealt with it for a year and a half until I was able to actually start letting go and sitting off front for long periods of time. But there were times when 5 minutes off front fully caused me panic attacks.

This fear especially comes when you are a baby (newly discovered) system. This feeling that you built a life for yourself, and suddenly, you feel like you'll lose it to other people. And it's not that you want it all for yourself, but losing it entirely is what's scary. And there is usually a whole inner world behind you... who knows what happens inside of it, what it can do, who lives there? As well as, it's scary to let go of control of events IRL. Who knows how others would handle it, even if you know them well already?

And that's just our reasons.

Moral of the story: y'all are not alone, and it gets better.

-host

Me wanting to have an internal discussion to settle a specific thing once and for all and wanting to know which direction we're taking

No one related showing up today

The one who does feels no attachment or involvement to the matter at hand at all.

We end up having an internal discussion about something completely unrelated (but it still felt nice)

Dear Denial Holders,

You deserve to take your time to process things. If you're in denial because you're overwhelmed by recent discoveries then that's okay and you deserve time to process, but please let others know you need some time to heal.

Yeah you may not be believed that you have xyz disorder but a disorder isn't needed to deserve treatment for symptoms and help with being co-regulated through the distress caused by them.

Trying and not feeling listened to doesn't take away from you deserving improvement, but it may take a toll on trust so be prepared to understand everyone is deserving of different levels of trust.

No matter if you end up disregarded, denying your symptoms doesn't take them away so it's just a bump in the long run

You're not lying, you're expressing what you feel at this current time. if you ended up having misinterpreted something that's okay because that happens to many people with more complicated mental health profiles. at least trying takes you in the right direction of knowing what Will help.

You are not qualified to know every piece of system information out there. It's okay to not know aspects of your condition. It's okay if aspects of it are endlessly confusing. It's alright and human to be distressed by not knowing. However, being a system is full of unknowns and therefore, you are allowed to not know.

DID is more than just having parts. Its also,

• amnesia

• confusion

• headaches

• nausea

• repeated childhood trauma

• anxiety

• spikes in fear. Anger. Or shame

• mood swings from parts

• body dysphoria

• depersonalization

• derealization

• self puzzlement

• loss of control

• flashbacks

• dizziness

And more.

DID is not "friends in your head" its traumatic, scary and uncomfortable. Its not fun it's a terrifying TRAUMA BASED disorder. And it should never be romanticized - Vesper

You are not a bad person for having used escapism as a coping mechanism when you were younger. You are not at fault for why you did. You did what you needed to in order to survive. It is not your fault you ended up developing it as an unhealthy coping mechanism. You were a child who needed to survive and cope.