A Quick Half-day Escape After Relentlessly Battled Through Pointless Meetings And Bad City Chaos.

A quick half-day escape after relentlessly battled through pointless meetings and bad city chaos.

Cubao Expo — May 30, 2018

Mayer me good.

Alright, let me talk straight through of how much I am terribly consumed by this human being I can’t even point out when it started, don’t get me wrong aside from the good looks (Grabe, Porshe. Let’s be honest here? Shempre points yon) his music weirdly formed my life positively. I wanted to do this for a long time, the idea and content is stuck inside my head; to specifically and whole-heartedly blog about how much I appreciate the songs because it heals me. I don’t know why. But, it does.

No day is too good without you, man.

*Kilig*

Geeks with wits > Bore snore hunks

Actually, let me be sabaw I just want to express tonight. Diba? We all have our standards/basis when it comes to the people we’re dating or whoever we try to love, right? Some of us are stuck with the perfect idea of the first love, college sweetheart or totga. I have replenished mine a long time ago, there is none, nor ever a reachable living thing. Lol kidding, yung totoo si John Mayer lang naman talaga, ilang beses ko na ‘tong fall back whenever I am in a process of a heartbreak. Like dude, no shit, take me with you pls let me weep all over your shoulder while you hum me the songs I deserve tapos hug mo na din ako. Hehe.

Okay, I’m gonna place a little bit of a humor, a little bit of my life feels. Listing down his songs I like best with commentary. Hirap nito. Why?  Because I like it all pero I’m basing it maybe sa play count and what hits/comforts me the most, I guess?

Feel the Mayergasms with me:

Your Body is A Wonderland

This is the first song I heard way back and if you try to understand his wordplay, it’s so sexual pero it’s written in such a graceful way na damn boy thanks a lot for being an effective + appreciative soft perverted romantic.

“One pair of candy lips and your bubblegum tongue.”

Perfectly describing what a good kiss feels like, for the visually *ehem* talented. Heh, hassle. Anyway, I like this song so much because of the rawness of it, capturing the nice essence of intimacy. I just can’t.

“And if you want love, we'll make it.”

*Rolls eyes*

Please.

In Your Atmosphere

Ever avoided a place because you don’t want to feel what is no longer? It hurts either way, being there and not being there. This song is all about that, torn apart for simply being torn.

‘Cause I'd die if I saw you, I'd die if I didn't see you there.”

All the bittersweet aches of places. The memories, the forgotten, it remains. I could play this song on loop and it just hits right through, it’s masochism.

I’m Gonna Find Another You

Title palang! It’s a recipe for disaster. It’s about getting over somebody by getting a similar somebody, that’s another level of pain you’re getting yourself into. Idk, I guess Mayer wrote this while drunk, ready to send a drunk text to an ex.

“If I'm forced to find another, I hope she looks like you.”

Ang ganda but at the same time ang wicked.

“But when my loneliness is through I'm gonna find another you.”

Sobrang solid nung part na yan, the love is there but with a hint of taunting and hopelessness for a replacement. This one’s a tragic song, ready your heart.

Come Back To Bed

Cutest and by far what I find the sexiest one. Saka intro palang nito, panalo. Ito, ito yung pang laban (I think) sa Your Body is A Wonderland, because this one also has that certain “urge” but has the will to amend with control but backing away also and swallowing the pride so as not to ruin the relationship/bond.

You can be mad in the morning, I'll take back what I said. Just don't leave me alone here. It's cold, baby. Come back to bed.

If lambing is a song, this is it.

Slow Dancing In A Burning Room

Probably the only close-to-break up song I like listening to.

I was the one you always dreamed of You were the one I tried to draw How dare you say it's nothing to me Baby, you're the only light I ever saw

This one is about a relationship you’re about to let go because there’s just too many wrongs, you can’t make it right anymore. Yung melody nito is so swabe, kaya kahit it’s a tragic song, you hold on to it. Like every other addicting toxic relationships we’ve been in.

Stop This Train

Sweetest one yet because he wrote this for his parents. Especially ngayon, adulting, minsan you just want to pause everything out because it’s too much.

Had a talk with my old man said, "Help me understand." He said, "Turn sixty-eight, you'll renegotiate, don't stop this train Don't for a minute change the place you're in and don't think I couldn't ever understand, I tried my hand. John, honestly, we'll never stop this train." 

I get a little teary when I hear this because it makes so much sense because slowly we understand life a little bit more and reality check, it’s always going to be the hard way. No such thing as easy way.

So scared of getting older I'm only good at being young.

Aren’t we all?

Comfortable

Our love was comfortable and so broken in.

2014. I remember I was in Tagaytay when I discovered this song and paulit-ulit yung play the whole trip because t’was so beautiful and haunting. Or maybe because, I was severely broken that time and this song really hugged me.

“I loved you. Gray sweat pants. No makeup. So perfect.”

Consider this song as my partly fleeting auto-biography.

Edge of Desire

“Love is really nothing but a dream that keeps waking me.”

This one I won’t get tired of, literally. Bagay for long drives, crying times at night, waiting game and desperation. Intro beats palang ng drums, caught up ka na agad na it’s gonna get you hooked.

“Don't say a word, just come over and lie here with me Cause I'm just about to set fire to everything I see I want you so bad I'll go back on the things I believe There I just said it, I'm scared you'll forget about me.”

Moments of extremes, the intensity of human desire, impatience and all the lack of self-control.This one caters it all and it happens, it’s okay, it’s human enough to let yourself want somebody so bad. Idk, listening to Edge of Desire could make me feel like I’m in my natural high in a non-taboo way. Love and lunacy.

------------------------- These are my faves but I do have more. I might update this list when I get to recall the other songs I forgot about. 

May 14, 2018 - Ellie

Woke up in the morning unprepared just to finally read a message saying my sister has already given birth to a beautiful delicate little girl. I’ve always been excited, from the very beginning ate whispered the news to me so as she felt very uncertain and scared if she’ll ever be any good. Yet, here we are. Good things happen when bravery takes place. I immediately bothered everyone at home and we were all happy. It felt really nice to see everyone excited and giddy. I didn’t go straight to the hospital though because I had to meet a few people in the afternoon and the hospital is somehow near the place I’m headed to anyway. Parents went there fast. Although, got a little life fail because when I’m finally commuting to the hospital at 7 pm, the Grab my friend booked for me was pinned in a different location so I got a little lost and found myself in Quiapo instead of E.Rod!!!!!! 

Lol, please blame my friend. 

Anyway, I got there at 9 pm! And they were all waiting for me! I immediately rushed near Ellie and stared at her for five minutes straight, I tried to poke her cheek several times, I wanted to kiss and sniff her but I had to stop myself. Ate was all medicated and dizzy, she didn’t have a normal delivery btw which pretty much hurts more in after-process.

Then, a few minutes later everyone left. But I volunteered to stay because I felt like ate needed a little help and assistance. Also, Kuya JL didn’t have any decent sleep yet and I really wanted to take care of Ellie. I stayed with them in the hospital, consumed a lot of coffee so I keep myself awake ‘til morning while I look after the baby who btw cries really loud. Hassle!!!! It took me awhile to learn how to make her stop, then I tried doing the hele-gesture-sways while I carry her. It does not work. And it’s so cute and creepy because her head felt like a marshmallow!!!! Then she just kept on crying so I tried singing, and then she stopped!!!!! Omg????? Later on, I found her sleeping na pero when I try to gently put her down in the hospital crib, she wakes up and cries again. Mahn, no choice. I ended up carrying her from 1 am to 4 am, singing her Norah Jones-ish lullabies, just so she keeps the noise down and I was feeling all powerful because it works. Felt my brain’s half dead, voice gone, but I felt in love also? Idk, but I really did.

Witnessed the sunrise and when Kuya JL woke up I gave him Ellie and in one snap I fell asleep on the guest couch without me realizing. After that, I woke up at 2 pm and went straight to watch Ellie and carried her again, she’s so beautiful. I am her walking-singing human slave but I don’t mind! I love her :(

Then there, it was an intimate moment. Got a little emotional seeing ate grunt for so long because of the operation, it hurts to watch anyone go through something so painful yet so beautiful you can’t hate it. The love is there and it is so overwhelming.

You are loved, Ellie. 

You are love.

About a boy I love/d.

He likes wearing plain shirts, matched with romantic sleepy eyes, soft chuckles, and a voice that can calm/frighten me. Find it much appealing when his hair is all downright messy but that bothered him. I always thought it was perfect. He likes wearing his cap backwards which, to me, is amiable because he’s good at playing the part of looking all rugged but in an odd but fairly decent way. I loved that. Smooth with wordplay, always have the heart with words but preferred the quiet. Balance.

We fight over who owns the remote, I can’t even sleep deep when he wins but I try and then I get tired trying so I wait for him to slumber first. And then, in a small fraction of moments I win, I take control, I turn off all the things that bother me that could hinder my naps, I'd kiss his cheek quick, he grunts whilst unaware. I smirk because I like looking at him when he sleeps, I secretly take pictures of his nice thick eyelashes because I envy them. He wakes up annoyed. I roll my eyes but I cling anyway and do weird sniffs because I like his scent, he looks at me with a blank face, pulls me closer like a child who only longs for his old but soft favorite pillow.

He plans well, I’m the messed up assertive. That did not quite match, I think. Contradiction of the opposites, in the cynic point-of-view, it just isn’t. In the eyes of a romantic; it’s the terrible beauty of yin yang. He’s the epitome of great and it felt a lot like I’m the sin in the scene and I do find that concept honestly comforting.

I unwillingly recall voices at 3 am. Got old recorded voicemails I have no courage to play bec I'd long for him and it's hard not to.

"I'd write about you."

I write about anything that consumes me, I make art and songs out of subtle hints. He consumed what's left of me, strange, because despite it I felt whole, unfixed but not empty.

What are your ground rules/conditions/checklist if someone wants to win your heart back?

I think I misplaced my heart Idk where it is? Haha. Who are you? Hello, I’m answering still.

I’m probably the most uncomplicated but straight-forward) human being I think, I bore/scare the s out of the ones I date. Anyway, in terms of ground rules and checklists; the thing I’m really into is just being plainly direct? No mind games/manips, it’s a waste of time. Tell me what you want, say it, I give it to you; vice versa.

Next, this one’s important to me. I think the thing that I really need the most is having someone who understands life deeply or better than I ever could. Please. Still in the works, I am not honed nor ever a concept, I am trying. Just hold my hand while I solve this, I’ll hold yours.

Uhm, I don’t say this a lot but I terribly need a guide to spirituality and maybe that’s why I gravitate towards the religious…. well, most of the time. Haha? But, yes, I think? I lack that. Putting God in a center of a relationship works, it’s not a cliché because not everyone is in for that anymore. Rarely, especially in this generation.

Emotional support, yes, because I cry too, I lowkey cry a lot. Hihi. Hug me? Ty.

Probs be with who I could call up and cling to just to eat sushi while I'm still in my pajamas. Hehe.

Idk if growth and comfort could ever co-exist. Maybe? Maybe not. Maybe? Maybe. But it sure is a beautiful thing to witness growth and feel at peace because you’re home but still moving.

Travel junkie, has that severe hunger to feel responsibly free. Yes.

I felt a bit cheesy just by answering this one. I really don’t know if it’s adult-ish. Looool, forgive. Anyway, thanks stranger! :)

Let me look for the things I lose everytime. It comes back naturally, the idea, the inspiration, the warmth, myself, the love. It never stays long but it does not leave long as well.