this is a shitpost account run by several raccoons in a trench coat (yes we’re a diagnosed system, no further questions your honor)
963 posts
I Need. To Rob. The Moon.
I need. To rob. The moon.
More Posts from Racoons-in-a-trenchcoat
My last two brain cells trying to write the conclusion of a paper I ENTIRELY bs’d
For anyone who’s owned a cat you know this is accurate
This absolutely made my day and I’m definitely stealing like all of these
One of the baristas at a nearby Starbucks makes me lose my mind every time I’m working there by saying things that are not outside the spectrum of normal human words but are just slightly off-the-wall.
Barista: Welcome to Starbucks, home of delicious, what deliciousness can I put in motion for you today?
Customer: … Can I get a trenta pink drink please?
Barista: Go big or go home, we here at Starbucks appreciate your commitment, what else can I get started for you?
***
Customer: Nitro cold brew with shots of espresso please.
Barista: Brave of you to commit to staying awake for three days, anything else today?
***
Barista: *slams open drive-thru window* HI HOW ARE YOU?
Customer: …I’m pretty good.
Barista: Are you ready to be even better? Because you’re about to be. *hands them their coffee*
***
Barista, realizing that a drink was made wrong: *slams open window* SO how do you feel about surprises?
Customer: ….they’re okay.
Barista: Great because I’m about to give you one.
***
Barista: You have two drinks so I am going to hand you two straws which means, FANTASTIC news, these straws double as drumsticks. / You have one drink so I am going to hand you one straw and, promise not to tell anyone, this straw doubles as a magic wand.
***
Barista: Here are those cake pops, I plucked them fresh from the tree myself.
***
Barista: *slams open window, holding drink* Amazing, fantastic, delicious, you are a very lucky man/woman!
***
Barista, realizing drink is being delayed or remade: Looks like it’s gonna be just one minute so they have time to put the extra love in.
***
Barista: I’ll be with you in one hot second. *beat* WOW that second sure was hot!
Anyway she has a few dozen catchphrases she rotates appropriately and it’s both distracting and fantastic to listen.
