Talk Dirty

talk dirty

pairing- jaehyun and mark?

genre- crack..probably

rating- all ages dw

word count- 1.2k words

summary: After having said the absolute worst thing when asked to talk dirty, Mark finds himself being helped by Jaehyun in a very peculiar way.

fully based off of an episode of friends

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“No way!” Jaehyun is left speechless after hearing what Mark had just said about the girl he was currently seeing wanting to talk dirty to him. Apparently, things had gotten heated and Janice, Mark’s present girlfriend had taken the poor guy by surprise after having asked him to say what he wanted to do to her. “No kidding, dude! I panicked so bad!” Mark is waving his arms frantically, obviously trying to explain what emotions had been coursing through his body at that time.

“Well, what did you say?” asks Jaehyun and suddenly, Mark is no longer being loud and turns his head down in what seems like embarrassment before mumbling something incoherent. Eyebrows raising up in curiosity, Jae asks his best friend again, “Hey, Mark? What’d you say then?” “Nothing..” is his short reply, obviously lying as Jaehyun raises Mark’s head with his hand and starting to pester him again.

“Come oonnn, It couldn’t have been that bad.” his constant whining finally forces Mark into telling him what he said to Janice when asked to talk dirty. “Fine, listen...I said bulb..”

Not being able to hear Mark through his sneeze, Jaehyun leans in to catch the last word properly.

“Huh? Didn’t hear you.” Rolling his eyes and trying his best to stop his face from going red, Mark speaks a bit louder than last time “V-Vulva..”

The revelation results in Jaehyun choking on nothingness and Mark hiding his face in his hands from the intolerable embarrassment being thrown his way. “What the fuck? Vulva? Mark are you alright?” Recovering from his fit, Jaehyun looks at his friend with pure unadulterated chocked etched on his face, his mouth slightly open in disbelief.

“Hey! It wasn’t that bad, we ended up cuddling.” Mark tries his level best to defend himself in this situation and Jaehyun pulls a face “Oh how many times?”

The sarcasm is evident through his tone and Mark weakly frowns.

“Ok, ok. Look here, you can practice on me!” Jaehyun is finally sitting upright on the brown couch again and his suggestion has Mark being the one going through the shock now. Jaehyun’s tone grows as he completed the sentence, excitement clear in his voice.

“Please be kidding.” Mark is still shook by what his friend just said but it doesn’t seem to have an effect on Jaehyun because the older male is now pulling his best friend up by his skinny arm and positioning him near the television and the entrance of their roommate’s door, where Johnny was still napping.

“Seriously Mark! Look you can practice on me. If you can’t talk dirty to me, how are you even gonna talk dirty to her?” Jae puts a hand on his hip, striking a sassy pose and Mark groans at the incredulity.

“Jae, I’m not gonna talk dirty to you.” Trying to sound stern but miserably failing, Mark turns around to head towards the entrance door when he’s pulled, by his shirt this time and made to stand facing Jaehyun one more time.

“Just do it, Mark. It won’t be awkward if you don’t make it awkward.” “Ugh!” Pulling a wretched face for the last time, Mark agrees at last and Jaehyun speaks up again. “Goodie!” Clapping his hands Jaehyun smiles, “Now tell me all the things you wanna do right now.”

Closing his eyes and trying not to gag, Mark starts describing what Jaehyun only supposes are his dirties fantasies.

“Ok, I’m in my room..” Encouraging him, Jae says “And…?” “That’s it. I’m in my room. You’re not there. We’re not having this conversation. I’m outta here”. Stunned, Jaehyun manages to catch a very unenthusiastic Mark just before he makes a run for the door. “Mark! Let’s just do this, I’m letting you practice on me. It won’t be bad I swear! Now come and tell me that you want to caress my butt!” In his sudden outburst, Jaehyun says something that has Mark looking as disgusted as ever. “Jae, please. Can we not do this?”

“No, no. Fine, I’ll start okay?” The one who proposed the idea shuts his eyes. “Oh, Mark. You get me so hot..” Jaehyun’s facial expressions may be hot to some people. But Mark is not in those some people because seeing his best friend telling him that he wants his lips on him, even if it was just for practice, had him blank.

Jae opens his eyes and Mark is slightly taken aback by how he managed to not throw up by the show his friend put on. “See? It wasn’t that bad, right? Come one. Now you try.” Jaehyun is smiling as Mark sighs before asking him to turn around. Furrowing his brows, the older out of the two pulls a face and Mark is immediate in speaking up “Hey! Be happy that I’m even doing this, I don’t want you staring at me when I say..that..stuff..”

Huffing, Jaehyun turns around “Ok, I’m not looking. Go.”

Mark clears his throat and starts speaking, “Okay, I want to..uh..feel your, uh, soft, hot skin with my lips.” Smiling in appreciation, Jae raises his eyebrows if to show that it wasn’t that big of a deal, even though Mark couldn’t see him and urges him to say more.

“I uh…” The door of Johnny’s bedroom opens and he is surprised to see the two men standing there with their eyes closed. He’s about to ask them what’s happening when Mark beats him to it. “I wanna take my tongue and..” Johnny’s lips part in astonishment. He’s not able to believe what he was seeing, rather hearing. “Wha..” his voice is unheard and Mark continues “And, and..” Jaehyun is spurring him on, probably knowing what Mark was saying. “Say it, say it.” He sounds almost impatient and at this, Johnny’s lips lift up in a smirk which clearly indicates his amusement. He leans against the desk after figuring out that Jaehyun and Mark were talking to each other like they didn’t know there was someone else in the room, which they probably didn’t. Not wanting to miss the live show, Johnny waits for either one to say something again.

“Run it all over your body until you’re trembling with..with…” Johnny is trying his absolute best not to burst out laughing at this point, the scene to funny for him not to let out even a squeak which would result in the two unsuspecting males discovering their friend watching them talk dirty to one another. He fails, and lets out a snort that obviously has Jaehyun and Mark immediately snapping their eyes open, their faces morphing into terror upon realising that they weren’t alone.

As if a tin-man not having been oiled in years, the two boys turn around almost robotically to be met with John’s wheezing form, his eyes filled with tears of mirth and hands on his stomach to balance himself.

Stuttering, Jaehyun and Mark widen their eyes when they realise that Johnny had heard them and Mark is the first one to open his mouth but no sound comes out, he’s too shocked by what just happened to be even thinking straight.

Finally recovering from his laughing fit, Johnny looks up at both the males who look ready to jump off a cliff.

“..with?”

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so sorry this is trash, i can’t believe i wrote this

btw, i made another blog @the-rooftop-fight show some support there if you want!