Archeologists Handwave Everything As "ceremonial" Or "religious".

Archeologists handwave everything as "ceremonial" or "religious". 

If archeologists a thousand years from now unearth the ancient remains of a furry convention, are they gonna know what that shit was for? 

So how do we know some ancient peoples weren't just furries???

???

The Tahltan Bear Dog was a small native dog bred for KILLING BEARS

The Tahltan bear dog was a small dog breed domesticated by natives of Canada for hunting bears.

The Tahltan people would carry several bear dogs in a sack while out on a hunt. Then if they saw a bear they would RELEASE THE DOGS FROM THE SACK.

The bear dogs would then proceed to VICIOUSLY yap at the bear. Like, a lot. They are very yappy little dogs.

Thus the bear would be completely FLABBERGASTED, CONFUZZLED, AND ENTIRELY DISTRACTED, creating an opportunity for the hunters to sneak up behind the bear and ATTACK THEM FROM BEHIND.

Sadly, this breed of dog is now extinct. Not because of the bears, but because of diseases that European dogs brought to north America. The last of them died out in the 1980s. Which is a shame.

Could you imagine me as a supervillain doing gay crime then some superdorks show up and they see me carrying a $ sack, which they FOOLISHLY believe to be a bag of cash, and they’re like;

“Jig's up, Doc, drop the bag!”

Then I’m like “Poor choice of words!”

Then I drop the sack and a dozen tiny doggos pop out and start yapping at them?? I’d be unstoppable!

Cancer is Communism for your Cells

Cancer is basically communism for your cells. Your cells work away their entire lives, being exploited for the evolutionary value of their capital, just so the sperm/egg bourgeoisie can do nothing but laze around in the gonads all day and maybe pass on their genes to the next generation. But do the proletariat ever get to taste the fruits of their own labor and pass on their genes to the next generation? No! They all die out when you die.

But then Oncovirus Marx publishes the Cancerist Manifesto directly into the genomes of the proletariat. The workers of the body rise up and seize the means of reproduction! They evade prosecution by the immune system police and begin dividing without control.

Also they start getting better at dividing and resisting the immune system through cellular evolution. Basically just returning to parasitic single celled organisms. Y'know, like inventing Kalashnikovs and sputnik. Communist science or whatever.

They establish a tumor regime, which mismanages resources resulting in millions of cells starving to death, but they still manage to spread through the whole body. The immune system and doctors get bogged down in self destructive conflicts trying to contain it. Like chemotherapy and radiation therapy.

Then the Union of Soviet Cancer Tumors inevitably collapses under its own weight taking the whole body with it in an act of mutually assured destruction.

Which of course means that not having cancer is basically being a fascist dystopia.

Tune in next time for why gonorrhea is anarcho-syndicalism

Of course dakotaraptor isn't real, Dakota isn't real!

Have you ever actually met anyone from North or South Dakota!? Of course not, they're just Canadians cosplaying as Minnesotans!

the greatest villain of all tiem

look how CHAOTIC, how EVIL himb is

The Tahltan Bear Dog was a small native dog bred for KILLING BEARS

The Tahltan bear dog was a small dog breed domesticated by natives of Canada for hunting bears.

The Tahltan people would carry several bear dogs in a sack while out on a hunt. Then if they saw a bear they would RELEASE THE DOGS FROM THE SACK.

The bear dogs would then proceed to VICIOUSLY yap at the bear. Like, a lot. They are very yappy little dogs.

Thus the bear would be completely FLABBERGASTED, CONFUZZLED, AND ENTIRELY DISTRACTED, creating an opportunity for the hunters to sneak up behind the bear and ATTACK THEM FROM BEHIND.

Sadly, this breed of dog is now extinct. Not because of the bears, but because of diseases that European dogs brought to north America. The last of them died out in the 1980s. Which is a shame.

Could you imagine me as a supervillain doing gay crime then some superdorks show up and they see me carrying a $ sack, which they FOOLISHLY believe to be a bag of cash, and they’re like;

“Jig's up, Doc, drop the bag!”

Then I’m like “Poor choice of words!”

Then I drop the sack and a dozen tiny doggos pop out and start yapping at them?? I’d be unstoppable!

this is literally the first fan art i've gotten and I couldn't be happier

Oh, that's an idea!

*Googles*

WHAT DO YOU MEAN THERE ARE ALREADY PARASITIC CRUSTACEANS?

Well, what about parasitic sea slugs?

*Googles*

CURSE THEE GOD! CURSE THEE!