The Superhero Just Did That Thing Where They Caused My Evil Facility To Self Destruct Then Begrudgingly

the superhero just did that thing where they caused my evil facility to self destruct then begrudgingly saved me and carried me to safety 😳😳😳

If you graph badassery against the ability to have sex; the line raises steadily until after the Chuck Noris point where it just drops off a cliff.

I call this the "Erkon Virginity Phenomenon", which describes how extreme badasses stop being able to get laid because women fear their size and/or they’ve transcended the very need for sex. 

This is why I’m still single. Totally.

Let's be honest, the year is only days that are not Halloween, and Halloween.

Evil inator #2: THE GOONER-INATOR!

It's a hypno machine that brainwashes people into becoming my loyal goons! With an army of goons I'll be the unstoppable GOON MASTER!

Why do all my lab assistants keep giggling? GET GOONIFIED! *goon zap*

I hate the trend of important fossils disappearing into private collections. They belong in a museum, or at least in my lab so I can build them into my new Mechatyrannosaurinator™.

Humans are the only species whose females have enlarged breasts their whole lives after puberty.

As anyone with large boobies will attest, massive fuckin’ titties are kinda inconvenient. Especially before the invention of fitted bras able to contain the power of your super stuffed up milkies. Also they get cancer a lot of the time.

So, it seems kinda weird to evolve massive honger donger, doinky boinkies, right? Why aren’t human women flat chested? Why evolve to be attracted to them?

You might think that we evolved bazongas because its a sign to men that the women can feed their baby. And you would be wrong! It turns out boobs evolved for an entirely different and much funnier reason.

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