Its Funny To See Other Alterhumans Talking About How They Want To Be Able To Curl Up In The Way That

It’s funny to see other alterhumans talking about how they want to be able to curl up in the way that a lot of animals (mostly canines) do when they sleep sometimes. I can more or less do that with my spine, but I stopped because it’s not how spines are supposed to bend. Whoops.

For context: my body is abnormally flexible and it causes all sorts of problems. Most of the hyper-flexibility is in my ankles, but I can almost curl up like a dog. It’s not a super comfortable position, given the problems associated with bending my spine in a way it isn’t meant to go. Remember, just because your body can bend a certain way, does not mean that it should.

Adding this to those transmasc/transfem anthro lion siblings I made a while back

movie with a twins crossdressing/swapping identities plot but both siblings have to stop at some point and have a serious discussion because they both realized they’re trans and they need to figure out if this means they should just a) swap identities forever and transition in secret but as a different person or b) give up the act and just transition normal style

This empty feeling. Does it ever go away? I’ve got nothing to live for, and nothing to die for. Nothing at all. I’m just sick. Sick of crying myself to sleep night after night. Feeling so fucking tired all the time. No amount of caffeine could ever make a dent in this exhaustion. I hate being around people, but I hate being alone. I’m so sick of waking up alone. But I know it’s for the best.

I just want to feel normal for a day. Not in pain. Not terrified. Not shaking with fear or rage. Not questioning my existence. I just want to know what it would be like to not have this empty feeling in my chest. To not feel like a time bomb.

I don’t know which is worse. Having someone or being alone. It’s a nightmare either way.

I don’t want to die. I just… don’t really care one way or the other most of the time.

I know that whatever my exact illness is, it isn’t “that bad.” As in, it’s not going to kill me. It just feels like I’m dying most days. And some days I couldn’t care less about that.

But tomorrow will be the same as today. I’ll get up, go to work, and mask until I go to bed. Then the feelings will come rushing back and all I’ll want to do is cease to exist. I don’t know how to change. I don’t know who I am without my sickness. These monsters in my mind are the only ones who have never left me.

I just want to be okay. Even just for a minute. Sixty seconds of peace. Is that too much to ask for?

So, you’re telling me that there are people in this world who wake up feeling rested? Whose joints might be slightly stiff in the morning, but end up feeling okay later in the day? People who aren’t in pain all the time?

I don’t believe that. They must be faking being “okay.” I simply cannot fathom the idea of feeling like that.

100,000,001 is divisible by 17. Fuck you.

Really not beating the nerd allegations with my fossil collection, huh? If it helps, I also play D&D - wait. Wait no. That makes it even more obvious that I’m a nerd.