Missing Scalpels

Missing scalpels

Pairing: 'Hawkeye' Pierce x reader

Summary: You can't deny your attraction to Hawkeye. Things get steamy between you and him, but things don't work out. As Hawkeye tries to understand why, the rest of the camp is busy trying to catch a thief.

Warnings: self harm, depression, adult themes (but not explicitly nsfw)

A/N: Am I really adding another fandom to write for when I haven't written for some others in ages, if at all? You bet! I'm also in a very angsty mood, so have this...whatever this is.

You've always admired his hands. The ones he used to save lives, even though the purpose why was highly debatable. The same hands that were used to holding a martini glass, ever so gently, were now exploring wildly your body, like if he didn't map out every curve of it in time, he'd die.

Captain Pierce, more widely known as Hawkeye, was a notorious flirt. If you wouldn't know better, you'd even go as far as to call him frivolous. But you knew better. Or, at least you'd like to think you did. There was so much more to the surgeon than he let on and maybe that was why you were letting him mold you just the way he wanted, just the way he liked. Even though he probably saw what you were about to do just as some fun, to take his mind off the constant death lingering all around him.

A particularly sensual nip at your neck brought you out of your thoughts and you realized that at some point you had closed your eyes. Deciding to endulge your neediness, you opened them to take a peek at your temporary lover.

Normally you wouldn't be able to tear your gaze away from Hawkeye, especially when he looked so disheveled, but instead, your eyes were drawn to the lightbulb hanging over your heads. You felt Hawkeye sneak his hands under your shirt and a shiver ran through you. You could hear the surgeon chuckle, but you grew more and more restless by the second.

It took everything in you to take your hands away from his body, but you managed to grab his hands, that were getting closer and closer to your chest. "Wait..." you whispered. Hawkeye's movements stilled as he waited for you to continue. "Shouldn't we turn the light off?" you asked sheepishly. The surgeon chuckled again as his hands picked up from where he left off "Why? Don't tell me you're ashamed of yourself." he started placing kisses onto your neck again as he murmured "I would have to show you why you shouldn't be."

This time, it was your turn to chuckle. He didn't show it much, but Hawkeye could be sweet at times. "No..." you breathed out "But- but what if someone comes here?" you tried to mask your uneasiness, your hands still trying to slow his down. "That won't happen." Pierce reassured you "Everyone is trying to catch some sleep, before the next choppers arive."

This time, you grabbed his hands more firmly. With your head hanging low, you stepped away from him "I'm sorry, but I can't do this." Hawkeye looked confused. Why the sudden change of mind? "What- why? Is it because of the light? If it's that important to you, we can turn it off." he tried to reassure you again, but you only shook your head. The more you thought about it, the less appealing the whole ordeal was. You were sure that his skilled hands would feel what you were desperately trying to hide, even if he couldn't see it.

"I'm sorry. I really am. It's not your fault Pierce." you told him, before quickly slipping out the door, making a beeline to your tent, leaving Hawkeye alone and confused.

It's not like Hawkeye had never faced rejection before. But something about this case bugged him. He couldn't get you out of his head. You seemed into it, into him, at the start. Did the light bother you that much? But you said you weren't insecure about yourself. Maybe you just didn't want to admit it. But even though that seemed like the most logical answer, something still wasn't right.

"Hey, Hawkeye!" BJ snapped his fingers in front of his friend's face and watched with a smile as he returned to the present time. "Rise 'n shine, sweetheart!" BJ laughed. But seeing the lack of reponse from his tentmate made him frown "What's up with you? You've been like this since yesterday."

When Hawkeye still didn't answer, BJ began thinking. "Did something happen with (Y/N)?" he asked. Hawkeye had been preparing to take their colleague out the whole day, so maybe something went wrong? "Nothing." BJ quirked a brow "So it went well?" he pried further. "No, nothing happened." Hawkeye grumbled from his cot. BJ was surprised "They rejected you?"

"No, they seemed really into it at first, but...then they suddenly changed their mind." Hawkeye explained. BJ hummed "Well, happens sometimes." "I don't know. Something's not right." Before BJ could respond, the door to the tent opened, revealing a frowning Charles. "Ah, Charles! Seems you're in a great mood as always!" BJ exclaimed. "Just like anytime I see the two of you." the surgeon snapped back.

BJ sighed "Great. Now I have to share the same space with not one, but two grumpy idiots." Charles looked appalled "Well forgive me for my sour mood, but medical tools have been mysteriously dissapearing and nobody knows why and who did it! I think that that is a more valid reason to be 'grumpy' than mulling over a date gone wrong." Charles protested. The last statement grabbed Hawkeye's attention "How do you know about that?"

"Oh please, is there anyone who doesn't?" Charles rolled his eyes "Everyone knows that you two were up to no good yesterday and when today morning during breakfast they showed up looking like a kicked puppy, even a blind man would see something went wrong." When Charles saw the surprised look Pierce gave him, he couldn't help but sigh in annoyance "Don't give me that look. Everybody's noticed how they eye you up anytime you're not looking."

Hawkeye's gaze turned to BJ, who uncertainly nodded. Hawkeye frowned "Then why did they change their mind..." he muttered, mostly for himself. But not quiet enough, as Winchester piped up "(Y/N) rejected you? A wise decision. In my opinion. If I was in love with someone, I wouldn't want to start something when I'm not even sure if the other one takes it seriously."

Was that really the case? Were you in love with him? He can't deny he'd be flattered, but...what would he do? Somehow, he couldn't bring himself to break your heart. But did he feel the same towards you?

"So, how long has equipment been dissapearing?" BJ asked when Hawkeye got lost in dreamland again. He'd help him if he asked, but right now, it seemed he needed to sort something out within himself. "Four months." Winchester nodded "One scalpel each month. It's possible that tools might get lost or accidentally thrown out, but four times? Month after month? Even colonel Potter thinks it's suspicious." Charles continued and BJ nodded. It was definitelly weird.

"I need to go." Hawkeye shot up from his bed and out the Swamp before any of the two men could say a word. What was he going to tell you? He had to admit that he didn't think what would happen after he'd sleep with you. He never did. Because it just wasn't needed. He'd get his fun and made sure the other one had fun too and that was it. So why was it that the thought of you seeing him in a bad light made his stomach squeeze? Maybe he knew but wasn't ready to admit it. Not yet.

The fact that you couldn't be found didn't help either. He checked everywhere. Post-op, mess hall, your tent, hell, even the showers! But it was as if you'd vanished into thin air. Hawkeye decided to take a walk around, to clear his thoughts, before doing anything else. You had to be somewhere. And even if he was sure you were avoiding him, he knew you couldn't keep it up forever.

As the surgeon neared the minefield, he saw a figure sitting on the ground. They were sitting at the edge of the field, so Hawkeye crept closer, as to not scare them, which could result in a very nasty accident. As he got closer, he recognized your hair. How couldn't he? He kept imagining how it would feel between his fingers.

"Hey, (Y/N)..." Hawkeye called out softly. You stiffened visibly and Pierce frowned. You were hiding something. "Go away..." you said softly, but he was already on his way to you. With quick strides, Hawkeye was soon in front of you and the sight before him shocked him. There you were, sat on the dusty ground, one arm resting on your leg, the wrist bloodied, while the other clutched a scalpel.

"What have you done..." Hawkeye whispered. Tears rolled down your cheeks. It was pointless to try and hide now. "Put it down." Hawkeye pleaded, but you only clutched your weapon tighter "(Y/N), sweetheart, please put it down. We need to get those wounds cleaned." For a second, you held onto the tool, before letting it clamper to the ground. Next thing, Hawkeye was crouched next to you, doctor mode on as he kicked the offending weapon far away from your reach and pulled out a handkerchief from his pocket.

"(Y/N) this will need stitches." Hawkeye said and looked at you with sadness in his eyes. You shook your head. "Don't be stubborn, this could get infected!" he growled, trying not to lose his temper. "I know how to take care of myself Hawkeye! I've done this a dozen times already!" Horror took over the man's face "What did you say?" You were so screwed.

"Where?" Hawkeye asked grimly. You shook your head. "Where. (Y/N)." he commanded. "Arms, legs, stomach..." you mumbled. Hawkeye could swear he was going to start crying soon."Wait here." he instructed and jogged off. As if you were planning on leaving.

In five minutes, Hawkeye was back with a first aid kit and started tending to your arm. "So the thief was you. Sneaky you." he joked, but his voice was choked up. You couldn't smile in this situation, but luckilly, he understood. When he was done, Hawkeye raised his eyes to your tear stained face "Can I see them?" Your eyes widened. "Just to make sure they're not infected. You slowly nodded and stood up.

You started by taking off your shirt, followed by your pants. Your body held numerous scars, some of them already white and nearly invisible, but most red and raised. Pierce thought he was going to vomit. There were so many. He wasn't disgusted. He had seen more gore in the last few years than most people in their entire life, but this was something completely different. Seeing someone he held dear mutilating themself this way...the sight was horrible.

"Please don't tell anyone Hawkeye." you pleaded as a fresh wave of tears made their way out of your eyes. Hawkeye wished he could argue with you, but he knew that if he told somebody, you would be immediately sent somewhere as bad as the war. So he nodded "But I'll be keeping an eye on those." he gestured to your wrist "And also that you don't steal any more scalpels, ok?" he smiled and it warmed your soul.

How to write kids, if you don’t remember being one or haven’t lived with any

1. Kids never feel as small as you see them. A three year old thinks a one year old is a baby and a six year old is grown up. A six year old thinks a three year old is a baby and a twelve year old is an adult. Age is about perspective. One year is a huge age difference to a little kid.

2. Little kids might not be conscious of their physical limitations, but they can still be frustrated by them. A seven year old might see an adult do something relatively simple, like draw a straight line or perfectly crack an egg, and try to do the same thing, only to be frustrated when it doesn’t work.

Imagine suddenly having an injury that makes a skill you use every day become difficult- you feel you should be able to do the thing, and you understand the thing should be easy for you, but it isn’t. It can be immensely frustrating to have a brain that grasps a concept that language or fine motor skills haven’t caught up to.

3. You know when you forget a word, and have to make something up on the fly to describe the word? That’s pretty much exactly what learning your first language is like.

You know what you intend, but you don’t have a way to express it, and it can move you to tears with frustration when everyone around you is suggesting the wrong thing, or seems completely certain they understand what you mean, and they don’t.

You don’t have a word for “Later”? You might try saying “next time”, or, “after”, or, “before tomorrow”.

This might result in saying, “Are we going to the park next time?”, “Are we going to the park before tomorrow?”, or, “Are we going to the park after?”, all of which can result in different answers.

4. Kids feel like adults are a different species. They don’t get why we do certain things, and they don’t understand why we don’t want to run around with them all the time.

If sitting still is boring, coffee tastes bitter, and long conversations only happen with weird-smelling strangers who talk to them like they’re stupid, then they truly will not understand why anyone would *want* to be left to have coffee with a friend without welcome distractions to make it bearable.

Aren’t you bored? You aren’t doing anything. How could you possibly be stimulated without any food or toys or music or anything? Why don’t you just leave? Do you *have* to be there, the way you had to go to work? Adults are weird.

5. Children have complex social relationships that are just as varied as yours.

A room full of third graders might look like indiscriminate chaos to an adult, but pick a well connected kid, and they’ll tell you that Megan is the fashion icon who can do hair really well, Thomas is the athlete, Gray gets mean when he has to share so nobody wants to play with him, Paisley can’t read and the boys make fun of her for it so don’t make her work in a group with Anthony, Dillon put a bug in their food once so they’ll never trust him again, and Matthew’s parents let him watch family guy so he says bad words and makes grown-up jokes that make other kids uncomfortable.

You don’t see this stuff because you aren’t inside the society. They are, and they do.

6. Time. Moves. So. Slow. Five minutes really does feel like half an hour. Sit still for five minutes? That’s like you sitting in a waiting room at the DMV for an hour. Wouldn’t you get annoyed and impatient? They haven’t learned to hide their irritation yet. That’s really the only difference.

7. “Reading in your head” requires understanding that you have a Voice, which people can hear, and Thoughts, which are audible only to yourself. This can be a difficult concept to grasp. If a kid is reading out loud, and you tell them to read quietly, there’s a good chance they’re going to whisper or mouth the words instead of going totally silent the way you might. Splitting the self into multiples like “Internal monologue VS public perception” or “What I look like VS how I think I look” is alien and bizarre. If a kid thinks they look like a Dragon and you laugh at them? Ouch. They might be mad for a while.

8. Repetitive chores make no sense when your awareness of time doesn’t extend beyond a week or so. Why should I wash my blankets? They don’t look dirty and I don’t smell anything bad. Blankets don’t get dirty unless you put dirt on them. If you put a blanket in a washer, you can’t use that blanket AT ALL the ENTIRE TIME it’s being cleaned. That might be an hour, but it will *feel* like a week. And you have to do that every two weeks?? That’s overkill. Why even bother?

9. Kids have opinions about adults. They will have a sense about whether an adult is “real-kind” or “fake-kind”. An adult who listens respectfully to what they have to say, asks thoughtful questions, and takes their concerns seriously? That’s a good adult. An adult that oversimplifies their struggles, ignores their complex social rules, and gives bullshit advice like “just walk away from bullies” and “turn your chores into a fun game”? That’s not a trustworthy adult. That’s an Adult™. An Adult™ doesn’t consider them to be a real human being with thoughts and emotions. An Adult™ sees them as an inferior, amusing pet. And they will actively sabotage An Adult™ like that.

10. Emotions are physical at a young age. Joy might make their body buzz until they can’t help but wiggle or jump around. Sadness might be a huge physical pain in their throat and heart. Everything they experience is still relatively.New to.them, so there is very little frame of reference to decide if this is a “big hurt that will last forever and ever and never go away”, or a “small hurt, that can be fixed easily and won’t matter in five minutes”. If someone lies to them about getting a cookie, that very well might be all the betrayal of your best friend sleeping with your husband.

Fortunately, a child probably won’t be able to burn all your clothes in the yard without your notice.

Headcanon for Loki Laufeyson, please? With a shy, ace SO who's easily embarrassed. If that's ok? Thanks!

Pairing: Loki Laufeyson x gn!reader

Warnings: none

A/N: I'm so sorry this took so long to write! I've been slipping back into depression and I'm getting hospitalized in a few days, so I've had a lot on my hands. But I've finally gotten the inspiration to create again, so I hope you'll like it! I've also tried to make this as gender neutral and race neutral as I could, but definitely tell me if there's something I could do better!

I personally think Loki wouldn't normally pick someone shy to be in a relationship with, but I have to say it, it's a little bit of a power trip for him.

I don't mean this in a bad way, not at all, he'd never take advantage of you in a way that would seriously harm you.

It's just...I guess you could say he feels a bit more...important? In a way? Useful? Yeah. He feels like there's finally someone who really needs him, either for protection or consolation.

Not that he thinks you can't take care of yourself! . . . Well maybe a little bit, at first, but he really can't help it!

He is naturally protective over people and things precious to him, but he still sees you as an equal, so if you tell him he's being overbearing, he'll ease down on the protectiveness.

If there's one thing he truly desires though, it's to show you off to the world. Whether it be taking you to numerous Asgardian balls or intergalactic gatherings. He is just very proud of you as a partner and wants everyone to be jealous. He swears you don't have to talk to anybody! He'll do all the talking abńd praising for you both, but his heart swells when he introduces you to someone and then sees your embarassed expression.

After a while he'd give you a break and take you further away from all that ruckuss and cup your face in his hands, to feel for himself how warm your cheeks are. If you really want, you'll leave the party early.

If you endure that, the next day (or few days) will be all about pampering and relaxing. He'll do stuff with you that you want to do and you'll have a nice day in, before you're ready for him to embarass you somewhere again.

But he enjoys the quiet days with you as much as the ones where he can show you off. The ones where you're simply...existing in each other's presence. It's quiet and nice and...domestic. And he loves it.

As for your sexuality (hello fellow aces!), he is very respectful. No matter what your relationship with sex is, he respects it. He won't deny that if he had the chance to, he'd worship every part of you and make you feel like the most beautiful person in the world, but he doesn't mind he won't get to do that in this particular way.

He completely understands that sex, while an important sign of intimacy for others, isn't really that important for some and he's totally fine with that.

Besides, he has other ways to make you feel beautiful and appreciated <3

YEEEEEEES! Thank you so much for writing this! It's so good! Oh my gosh, the tiktok thing pffffft 😂 It would definitely be like that tho! Amazing, great job!

Hi! Could I please ask for a Bruno x gn!reader, where the reader's punk, who looks really rough on the outside, has the whole punk aesthetic going on, is a bit of an outcast themself for being this way, but also isn't afraid to stand up for Bruno and others in need? Also they are very soft and loving towards him and would do anything for him. I just think this trope is really cute shy bf and rough but loving partner 😊 thank you!

★☆ punk s/o

bruno madrigal x reader

warnings: none i think, if there is please tell!

pronouns used: they/them for reader, he/him for bruno

a/n: i also really love this trope <3 i hope i brought it justice!! thank u for requestin

- i'm sorry but i think brunito here would be a little intimidated when he first saw u. in his defense, you were just so different from most of the townspeople. your accessories and black nails were not part of the 'normal' around here and tbh that made you seem a little mean (especially with how tough u looked). he’s not trying to stereotype you, he swears.

- but after getting past the scared phase, he actually realized that you were so. cool?!

- bruno really liked the jacket that you wore on a daily basis, finding it interesting because of all the pins, patches, & studs. this made him wonder if there are stories why you have the add-ons.

- he also admired how you carried yourself, not backing down if you needed to defend someone or others...even if the others outcasted you for how you dressed

- sometimes he would want to go up and tell the people who treat you mean that they suck, but then he gets clammy and hides behind a pillar. its the thought that counts, right?

- so anyways, when you properly met bruno, he stumbled over his words a lot and did not make eye contact. its just that in his mind at the time couldn't get over that this cool person (aka u) was literally talking to him?! like what.

- anyhoo, you were the one initiating all the hangouts and friendly stuff since bruno isnt the type to do it lmfao

- during these times the two of you spent together, thats when he became more romantically interested in you. tbh bruno really felt bad since he thought you were some rude person who would get pissed at the slightest things when in fact, you were entirely different… at least to him you were. and he loved that u were sweet to him <333

- anyways, he actually confessed first. (go bruno!) it was endearing how flustered he got, especially when you agreed to be his lover.

- fast forward to when you properly met his familia and bruno told them you two were dating during dinner...

- omg they were SHOOK! camilo spat out his water and even luisa’s jaw dropped. it was just a surprise is all, being that bruno is this quiet, reserved guy and you were this punk and rough person.

- but all that mattered is that in the end, they loved you! the other madrigal’s saw how you softened just for him and how you defended him with no hesitation. you were perfect for their brunito. <3333

- p.s bruno would wear your accessories time to time. definitely would let you put makeup on him like eyeliner and such (if you do use makeup)

- when dating you, its like the tiktok thing where its like u say u have a guard dog and u then show ur s/o LMFAO

proofread kinda, my bsf edited this 😭

Groove

Pairing: Hizashi Yamada x reader

Warnings: none, just toothrotting fluff

A/N: I love me some cockatiel man! He's just so charming. I've been really depressed recently, but this has been stuck in my head, along with other ideas, so Imma try to write it down.

Hizashi loved coming home after a long day. You were usually home before him, unless something at your job went wrong and you had to stay there longer to help fix it. Ah, he loved how strong you were. So many people at your job looked up to you, and though it was tiring sometimes, you never turned down anyone who needed help. Sometimes he wondered why didn't you choose to be a hero as well.

But when he opened the door, keys jiggling in the lock, you didn't rush to greet him like you usually did. Hizashi frowned a bit. Maybe you didn't hear him or maybe you were busy. But why haven't you at least called out a greeting? The hero took off his signature leather jacket and boots and made his way further into your shared home, to at least greet you first before he'd let down his hair and relax.

He peeked into the bedroom- you weren't there. He looked in the bathroom, but again- you weren't there. It was when he got to the living room, where you also weren't, that he heard thudding coming from the kitchen. Hizashi smiled to himself. You were probably just making a snack for yourself. You liked to experiment in the kitchen, looking for easy snack recipes was your fairly new hobby. And he was always glad when you tested your one minute, three ingredient recipes on him.

The blond made his way to the dooorway of the kitchen. He expected you to whirl around the kitchen, looking for this and that, checking your phone from time to time to re-read the recipe you were following, as you usually did. It seemed he had came too late today, because Hizashi could see the oven was turned on over your frame, which was dancing around the kitchen, possibly waiting for the meal to finish baking.

Hizashi couldn't help but find you adorable. You were wearing big bluetooth headphones, eyes closed, hands on said headphones, as you danced around the kitchem shamelessly, head bobbing to the rhythm like some kind of DJ.

Hizashi quickly pulled out his phone before taking a few pictures of you. How could he resist? You were just too cute! He couldn't wait to rub this in Shota's face at work. Even the thought of Eraserhead's frown made the usually loud man silently giggle. He put his phone back in the pocket of his pants, before moving towards you.

You were lost to the melody and lyrics of the song you were listening to, when suddenly you felt two arms wrap around your midsection. Your eyes shot open, fight or flight instincts kicking in, before the mysterious person moved your headphones from one ear, to whisper sweetly "Relax, it's just me."

Upon realizing who interrupted your dancing session, you let your body relax, as your boyfriend's hands moved to grab your hips. He started swaying from side to side and you followed his lead, both of you enjoying the peaceful moment.

After some time, you felt Hizashi turn you around in his arms, yours interlocking behind his head as he placed a sweet kiss on your lips. You half opened your eyes to look into his, covered by sunglasses still and greeted him "Welcome home."

Y/N: I still have no idea how I’m attracted to you... Bruno: Yeah, well, you’re stuck with me, and no take backs, honey.