Dont Bother Them Theyre Reading

don’t bother them they’re reading

"i have so much to do :///" my brother in christ you are still scrolling

So well written :')

I never knew rock bottom had so many levels, and though today I’m half empty, the other half is love. I don’t know how to swallow all the words I never said, how to keep your name from dragging old loves back into my vocabulary. I never wanted to fix you. I just wanted to hold you until you didn’t care if you thought you were whole or broken anymore. How many nightmares have I woken up from looking at my hands to see if the blood stains are still there? sometimes you have to close a door. Not to keep the bad things out, but to keep the bad things in.

I loved you when there was nothing left to love except these shadows.

death by a thousand cuts

a slight sting is all i feel

when your words fall like darts

against the piece of my soul

that i bared to you

you turn another blind eye to me

and i make another excuse for you

another brick on the wall of defense

i've built around your name

should i beg for your love?

get down on my knees

and ask you, "please?"

please love me

like i love the sky

in all its hues and shades

please accept me

with my deformed clouds

and flashes of rain

but all i get are safety pins

piercing my skin

over and over again

you hurt me in ways

i can't seem to name

we seem to be doing just fine

until we're not

and you say our end came out of nowhere

but it was death by a thousand cuts

i'm starting to run out of fingers

to count the amount of times

you've made my heart flutter in its cage.

a gentle brush of shoulders

or an insult mixed in with smiles

when you grab my arm

to stop me from doing something stupid

or you shake my hand

and hold it for a second too long.

the sound of my name from your lips

carries with it more weight

than the two syllables ever held

and i can't help but want to know you

to travel the paths that led you here

to read the map which points

towards the mountains you've climbed

and the rivers you've swam across.

i want to know what you've left behind

and the secrets you're hiding

i want to know

if you prefer moonlight

to bright yellow sunshine.

dogs or cats? pink or blue?

an endless list of questions

i want more

and more

like a book whose pages are yet to be filled

and i'll wait for you to write down your stories

until we run out of paper and ink

Was it out of comfort that we stayed together? Because when I think back to us, I only remember a sense of warmth, of not having to think before I speak or worry about what you’d think of me. I can’t think of the reasons I loved you or the reasons you loved me. ‘Best friends’ – the two words that kept us tied together but separated by a line. A line drawn in the sand near the waves; a line we might have unknowingly crossed countless times. Maybe during the five-hour phone calls at midnight or a heart emoji at the end of a text, one that meant a lot more than it should have. But at 16, you were the only love I knew. At 19, you slip into my mind sometimes, and I smile back at the years that have passed. I sometimes think of what could have been, but she’s made my life a lot easier. You’re with her now, and the line is a firm one, carved into wood, and a boundary clearly established. A line that has reduced us to old friends who keep in touch.