Overwatch Characters Watching Your Kid

Overwatch characters watching your kid

I've been thinking about writing some silly short stories about OW characters getting stuck watching someone's kid, but I figured I would make this guide for my headcannon for the kind of babysitter each of them would be.

Brigitte and Reinhardt would make you the most nervous with their methods. Lots of rough-housing, throwing them around and into the air, giving your kid sugar, letting them climb things, and overall just encouraging mayhem and rule-breaking. "You mom/dad doesn't let you do this at home? Well, they're not here, are they?" Your kid will come home thoroughly exhausted, but bitter about you not being as fun as they are.

Orisa would make the same mistakes as Brigitte and Reinhardt, but more out of ignorance and inexperience. Like letting your kid stay up too late, because she doesn't understand why going to bed at a decent time is important, or feeding them something that makes them sick because that's what they said they wanted to eat. Unintentionally lets your kid walk all over her, but once you teach her how it's done, she'll be your go-to option when you need a break.

Zenyatta would be so intrigued by the natural imagination and curiosity of children. He'd provide lots of different toys, art supplies, and time for unrestricted and uninstructed play. A one-man enrichment program. Just don't try to tell him there are boy toys and girls toys. Your kid will be allowed to play with whatever they want. He would also unironically have a blast playing pretend with dolls or action figures. I'm talking a 25-part narrative with backstories, lore, worldbuilding, and an Endgame-style final conflict.

Genji, Kiriko, Tracer, and B.O.B would be the kings and queens of "don't tell your parents." Extra screen-time, taking them out for ice cream, staying up a little later then their normal bedtime, etc. What I would call "a healthy amount of rule-breaking." They have everyone else convinced they are Responsible™ but you can't help noticing that your kid is always excited to hangout with them.

Ana and Torbjorn could be depended on the same way you can trust grandma and grandpa. They've had kids, so they know all the tips, tricks, and games to keep your kid clean, fed, safe, and happy. Just don't tell them some dumb shit like "organic, non-gmo fruits only." Your kid will be eating bananas from the supermarket like everyone else. But for more sensible rules, even the ones they don't agree with, they will follow them.

Echo will make you fill out a 200-question survey and write an essay on how you want your kid cared for. She will follow every instruction down to the letter, and send you updates every 30 minutes. If your kid sneezes, she will call you to ask about it. The downside is your kid will probably hate her for being such a rules monger.

Baptiste, Illari, Lucio, and Sojourn would try so hard to be responsible and follow your instructions, but puppy-eyes work on them 80% of the time. Your home will look like a warzone when you get back, but they'll help you clean up.

Lifeweaver, Pharah, Mei, and Zarya would get a whiff of that specific smell babies have that makes your DNA scream at you to make one yourself. They would be the sweetest, most gentle caretakers on this list. They'll spend most of the time snuggling on the couch, watching T.V. and drinking hot coco. Would let your kid give them a makeover, paint their nails, and play with their hair. Would read to and rock them to sleep, tuck them in really snug. They'd probably look forward to seeing your kid again, and every time you happen upon one of them, they'll only ask what's going on with the kiddo.

Sombra, Symmetra, and Widowmaker would rather be water-boarded then spend five minutes with those sticky-fingered cunt goblins you call kids.

Ashe, Hanzo, and Winston would happily agree to babysit for you, thinking they will be serviceable at it. How hard could it be? Then an hour later they call you, on the verge of a nervous breakdown, and beg you to come back, because your kid is crying or throwing a tantrum. They definitely have the potential to be great caretakers, but they would need someone to walk them through it at first.

Bastion and Sigma definitely WANT to give babysitting a try, but they understand why that's probably not a safe idea. They would question your intelligence if you asked them.

Cassidy and D.va would take your kid to McDonalds or somewhere else with else with a play-place, and let them go wild while they sit on a bench nearby. They will do the bare minimum amount of work to keep your kid alive, because they have better things to do. Would only babysit as a favor for you if no one else is available.

Mercy is married to her work, and Ramattra is dedicated to his mission. If you somehow convince them to watch your kid for even a single hour, they'll set-up a playpen with whatever toys they like, toss in a sippy cup and snack every now and then, and ignore their existence while they do their usual business.

Doomfist, Moira, Reaper, and Soldier: 76 would tape your kid to a chair the first time it annoys them. I know there's the fandom joke of S76 being the dad of the team, but he's always come off as grumpy and impatient to me.

Your kid would love the junkers (Junker Queen, Junkrat, Roadhog, Wrecking Ball) for all the wrong reasons. They would teach your kid how to make a grenade launcher out of plastic bottles and rubber bands, 37 new swear words, and how to punch people in the throat. Unless you want to get a call from the school about your kid blowing up the chemistry room, I would choose literally anyone else to babysit.

Mauga would use your kids to get dates. He'll take your daughter to a dance class and talk to any single parents about how much of a family man he is and how difficult being a single dad. He'll take your son to play catch in a park so he has an excuse to take his shirt off and flex his muscles. He'll coach your kid to walk up to someone and say, "my uncle thinks your pretty, so maybe you can play with us."

Omnics and Sexuality

I've posted about omnic characters' gender identity, so now let's talk about sexuality. I know lots of fanartist and fanfiction writers will give them genitals or make it so that playing with their wires will achieve something like an orgasm. My hc is that omnics can't feel physical pain or pleasure. Some like the emotional closeness of sex acts, some have no strong feelings about it and will do it for their partners' sake, some are actively grossed out by it, and everywhere else on the sexuality spectrum.

Zenyatta: Maybe Demisexual or Asexual. If my memory of the lore is correct, him becoming a wandering guru meant that he is not officially a monk anymore? So if he wanted to, he could try intimacy. But I hc that he's never really thought about it or experienced a want for that sort of intimacy. So, at this point in his life, his sexuality is very undefined. I don't think he's even seen a human naked. His anatomy knowledge is that guys have a penis, girls have vaginas. What actually are these things? No idea!

Ramattra: would die before having a human partner. So I hc that his sexuality would just be a copy of his omnic partner's. If taking off their clothes and touching each other is what they need to feel connected, Ramattra will oblige. If physical intimacy is completely out of the question, that's great. As long as they can still cuddle, hug, and hold hands.

Bastion and Orisa: despite being war machines created for combat and bloodshed, I hc they are mentally very young and probably don't understand what sex is. Maybe in a couple years, they'll mature and do some self-discovery. But right now, they have no more sexuality then a human child does.

Lynx Seventeen: Pansexual. Attracted to confidence, reliability, generosity, and loyalty. When their partner, omnic or human, trusts them enough to be vulnerable and intimate with them, they take it VERY seriously. With an omnic partner, they will ask 20 questions about how best to satisfy and make them feel loved. With a human partner, they take it as a mission of utmost importance to figure out how to give this particular human the best orgasm of their life. Lynx will have a stopwatch in one hand and a spreadsheet on the nightstand, archiving data on what actions get the desired responses. After they shatter your world, be prepared to take a survey on how good it was for you.

Bob: idk if there's a word for it, but he is attracted to femininity, regardless of the actual gender or gender identity of the person. On omnic rocking heels and a backless dress? Yes, please. A male human with makeup on point and nails perfect for running down his body? So sexy. A tiny waist to grab onto? Long, slender legs? Soft, sweet hair? Be still, my beating heart!

Luna: bisexual. Sees beauty in masculinity and feminity. Her type is short, sweet, energetic, and friendly. LOVES a short king that isn't scared to let her take charge. Has to be good with PDA and lovey-dovey stuff.

Maximillen: Straight. Wants feminine women. Considers it an ego boost to be the one to enjoy a beautiful woman, and be chosen by her over a male human.

I think omnics would be very close to the LGBT+ community because they both experience similar hate and being told how to live or identify.

Thoughts on Overwatch character designs (Tracer edition)

The energetic and optimistic young lady that the franchise always seemed to be trying to frame as the main character.

Overwatch 1: Orange and blue (complimentary colors) are used to draw your eye to her important aspects. Her orange goggles make you focus on her eyes. The tights emphasize her sleek design. Also invokes the speed and fragility she is known for in the game. But most importantly, it makes you immediately notice her chrono-accelerator (I think that's what it's called). Even if you've never heard of the game, you know that the glowing device is something important. And I love her hair (it always looks ruffled up by the wind as she zips around) and her flicked up collar. The boring browns are kept in the background, so we can focus on what's important. The only things I don't like are the weird fins on her forearms (makes an otherwise sleek design look more clunky) and those plastic-looking crocs (I imagine they are suppose to invoke moon boots, but it does not match well).

Overwatch 2: Most of my original points still stand, and they fixed the awkward forearms and ugly shoes. But I don't like the extra bits of orange added to her fingertips, shoulders, etc. And i dont like the fonts and stripes added to her tights. It makes her design a bit too busy. When I look at her, my eyes are drawn all over the place. They also took away the scuffing you can see on her OG skin, which I thought added character. But worst of all, the made her chrono-accelerator, arguably the #1 aspect of her design and lore, smaller and less noticeable, and put a jacket over some of it. It's also surrounded by some weird white bits, and the blue is more faded and neutral as opposed to sharp and eye-catching.

Overall, I rate her OW1 skin as 9/10. Couple small things I didn't like, but it does an excellent job of hinting at her character and lore.

OW2 skin is just a 7/10. They fixed some things I didn't like, bit also added a bunch of unnecessary details that I feel takes away more then it gives.

Overwatch Lgbt+ headcannons

Pride month is over, but I'm still having a blast with all the fun and creative fanart, fanfictions, and headcannons about Overwatch characters sexualities. So I'm gonna share of my own, outside of the canonical ones.

Genji: idk what the term is, but he's bisexual but with a stronger attraction to women. In his wild younger years, I can imagine him coming to, hungover, in a hotel with several strangers in bed with him.

Junkerqueen: likes her lovers to be small, cute, and delicate. Is known to have them sit in her lap when she's on her throne, and steals good-luck kisses before the reckoning or other battle.

Junkrat: would fuck a bowl of Mac n cheese if he thought it looked at him the right way. Pretty sure gender is a type of beetle he ate last week.

Kiriko and Lucio: questioning, but they both have people they are scared to disappoint (family, fans, producers, etc.)

Reinhardt: equal-opportunity love machine. Out and proud. Will hit on any cute person he sees without shame. Half of me loves the idea of him and Ana getting together, but the other half thinks he tears through every town he goes into.

Zarya: eats pussy like she pac-man. A small part of me ships her with Lynx 17

Lifeweaver

Thoughts on Overwatch designs (Mercy Edition)

The "angel" look was a perfect design choice for her. Her skin and hair (white person with blonde hair is a very common betrayal for angels in art), her tragic backstory for motivation, her playstyle within the game. It all fits the angelic aesthetic so well.

Ow1 skin boasts a bigger halo, smaller wings, is more conserverative with the colored accents, and I like her hair better (doesn't make sense to have loose hair getting in your face when fighting). However, the oranges and yellows don't quite go with the "angel" gimmick, and i don't understand their placements. I like splashes of color, but there needs to be thought put into it. And I wish the wings were bigger and had more attention put into them. 7/10 a perfectly safe, cute, pleasant design that fits into the world she's in, and stays true to her concept.

Ow2 gives the wings more detail and orange and yellow have become golden accents, which fits her angel gimmick more. I love her skirt, with the sides that look like metal feathers, and the front and backs look like banners you would see carried by a warrior. I wish the halo was more noticeable, and she had her ponytail back. And the brown part of her torso muddles the look a bit, while black kept it together more. 7/10

Both looks have small things I like and dislike, but nothing that blows me away or draws my eye.