Overwatch Characters Watching Your Kid

Overwatch characters watching your kid

I've been thinking about writing some silly short stories about OW characters getting stuck watching someone's kid, but I figured I would make this guide for my headcannon for the kind of babysitter each of them would be.

Brigitte and Reinhardt would make you the most nervous with their methods. Lots of rough-housing, throwing them around and into the air, giving your kid sugar, letting them climb things, and overall just encouraging mayhem and rule-breaking. "You mom/dad doesn't let you do this at home? Well, they're not here, are they?" Your kid will come home thoroughly exhausted, but bitter about you not being as fun as they are.

Orisa would make the same mistakes as Brigitte and Reinhardt, but more out of ignorance and inexperience. Like letting your kid stay up too late, because she doesn't understand why going to bed at a decent time is important, or feeding them something that makes them sick because that's what they said they wanted to eat. Unintentionally lets your kid walk all over her, but once you teach her how it's done, she'll be your go-to option when you need a break.

Zenyatta would be so intrigued by the natural imagination and curiosity of children. He'd provide lots of different toys, art supplies, and time for unrestricted and uninstructed play. A one-man enrichment program. Just don't try to tell him there are boy toys and girls toys. Your kid will be allowed to play with whatever they want. He would also unironically have a blast playing pretend with dolls or action figures. I'm talking a 25-part narrative with backstories, lore, worldbuilding, and an Endgame-style final conflict.

Genji, Kiriko, Tracer, and B.O.B would be the kings and queens of "don't tell your parents." Extra screen-time, taking them out for ice cream, staying up a little later then their normal bedtime, etc. What I would call "a healthy amount of rule-breaking." They have everyone else convinced they are Responsible™ but you can't help noticing that your kid is always excited to hangout with them.

Ana and Torbjorn could be depended on the same way you can trust grandma and grandpa. They've had kids, so they know all the tips, tricks, and games to keep your kid clean, fed, safe, and happy. Just don't tell them some dumb shit like "organic, non-gmo fruits only." Your kid will be eating bananas from the supermarket like everyone else. But for more sensible rules, even the ones they don't agree with, they will follow them.

Echo will make you fill out a 200-question survey and write an essay on how you want your kid cared for. She will follow every instruction down to the letter, and send you updates every 30 minutes. If your kid sneezes, she will call you to ask about it. The downside is your kid will probably hate her for being such a rules monger.

Baptiste, Illari, Lucio, and Sojourn would try so hard to be responsible and follow your instructions, but puppy-eyes work on them 80% of the time. Your home will look like a warzone when you get back, but they'll help you clean up.

Lifeweaver, Pharah, Mei, and Zarya would get a whiff of that specific smell babies have that makes your DNA scream at you to make one yourself. They would be the sweetest, most gentle caretakers on this list. They'll spend most of the time snuggling on the couch, watching T.V. and drinking hot coco. Would let your kid give them a makeover, paint their nails, and play with their hair. Would read to and rock them to sleep, tuck them in really snug. They'd probably look forward to seeing your kid again, and every time you happen upon one of them, they'll only ask what's going on with the kiddo.

Sombra, Symmetra, and Widowmaker would rather be water-boarded then spend five minutes with those sticky-fingered cunt goblins you call kids.

Ashe, Hanzo, and Winston would happily agree to babysit for you, thinking they will be serviceable at it. How hard could it be? Then an hour later they call you, on the verge of a nervous breakdown, and beg you to come back, because your kid is crying or throwing a tantrum. They definitely have the potential to be great caretakers, but they would need someone to walk them through it at first.

Bastion and Sigma definitely WANT to give babysitting a try, but they understand why that's probably not a safe idea. They would question your intelligence if you asked them.

Cassidy and D.va would take your kid to McDonalds or somewhere else with else with a play-place, and let them go wild while they sit on a bench nearby. They will do the bare minimum amount of work to keep your kid alive, because they have better things to do. Would only babysit as a favor for you if no one else is available.

Mercy is married to her work, and Ramattra is dedicated to his mission. If you somehow convince them to watch your kid for even a single hour, they'll set-up a playpen with whatever toys they like, toss in a sippy cup and snack every now and then, and ignore their existence while they do their usual business.

Doomfist, Moira, Reaper, and Soldier: 76 would tape your kid to a chair the first time it annoys them. I know there's the fandom joke of S76 being the dad of the team, but he's always come off as grumpy and impatient to me.

Your kid would love the junkers (Junker Queen, Junkrat, Roadhog, Wrecking Ball) for all the wrong reasons. They would teach your kid how to make a grenade launcher out of plastic bottles and rubber bands, 37 new swear words, and how to punch people in the throat. Unless you want to get a call from the school about your kid blowing up the chemistry room, I would choose literally anyone else to babysit.

Mauga would use your kids to get dates. He'll take your daughter to a dance class and talk to any single parents about how much of a family man he is and how difficult being a single dad. He'll take your son to play catch in a park so he has an excuse to take his shirt off and flex his muscles. He'll coach your kid to walk up to someone and say, "my uncle thinks your pretty, so maybe you can play with us."

Omnics and Gender

I've always imagined that after "The Awakening," lots of bigots insisted on calling omnics "it." I mean, of course they aren't biologically any gender.

So here are some headcannons on how I think some of my favorite omnics came to realize what they identify as.

Zenyatta and Ramattra: I think it's called "gender apathetic"? They don't care what pronouns someone uses for them. He, she, they. As long as it's not used as an insult or in a negative way. Humans tend to assume he/him pronouns for both of them, and they just kinda except that.

B.O.B: my hc is that he was some sort or construction or heavy labor worker. Hence why he's so freaking huge. After gaining sentience, he got a job as a butler. Maybe used his paychecks to get that mustache and abs that really sells him as male. Even though he has a gentle side (often only shown to Ashe), he still loves to fight, shoot, punch, run, and all that stuff. Also, in the Reunion short, Ashe says she's gonna rebuild Bob. I think this confirms that he doesn't mind being modified in such ways.

Orisa and Bastion: I couldn't find a human equivalent for this. Basically when Bastion woke up in that forest, and Orisa was brought to life, the first pronouns they heard assigned to them is what they adopted as their gender. Of course Efi built a GIRL robot. Girls rule, boys drool, after all. And I like to think that Torbjorn's wife, Ingrid, gave Bastion the idea of being male, insisting Torbjorn stop calling him "it."

Echo: pretty simple. In the simplest if terms, She's a copy of a woman that really existed. Therefore, she must also be a woman.

Lynx Seventeen: canon gender neutral. After Awakening, they kept thinking they HAD to pick male or female. But neither felt right. So after much time being indecisive and bouncing between pronouns, they probably saw a ted talk or a seminar talking about it and discovered their prounouns.

Maximillen: chose to present as male for no other reason then he noticed that in the line of work he wanted to do (illegal shit), women weren't always respected. He didn't want to have to deal with the injustice of being an omnic AND a woman. If he ever faces justice, he 100% will be putting on a wig to try to get sent to a female prison.

Luna: always had very feminine tastes. When she first started wearing dresses and designing her "hair," the only attention she got was from bigots telling her she's not a real woman or perverts with an omnic fetish. So she took up singing to express herself. Despite what a lot of people think, an omnic can't just install a new voice and suddenly know how to sing. It took just as much time, dedication, and passion to train her voice as a human would. Now she is the main act, artists and celebrities around the world come to see her, and she is the realest woman in every room.

Overwatch Lgbt+ headcannons

Pride month is over, but I'm still having a blast with all the fun and creative fanart, fanfictions, and headcannons about Overwatch characters sexualities. So I'm gonna share of my own, outside of the canonical ones.

Genji: idk what the term is, but he's bisexual but with a stronger attraction to women. In his wild younger years, I can imagine him coming to, hungover, in a hotel with several strangers in bed with him.

Junkerqueen: likes her lovers to be small, cute, and delicate. Is known to have them sit in her lap when she's on her throne, and steals good-luck kisses before the reckoning or other battle.

Junkrat: would fuck a bowl of Mac n cheese if he thought it looked at him the right way. Pretty sure gender is a type of beetle he ate last week.

Kiriko and Lucio: questioning, but they both have people they are scared to disappoint (family, fans, producers, etc.)

Reinhardt: equal-opportunity love machine. Out and proud. Will hit on any cute person he sees without shame. Half of me loves the idea of him and Ana getting together, but the other half thinks he tears through every town he goes into.

Zarya: eats pussy like she pac-man. A small part of me ships her with Lynx 17

Thoughts on Overwatch character designs (Winston edition)

Not a whole lot of differences between skins. A very mute color pallet (gray, brown, black), with the only sharp contrast being the sharp white. It draws my eyes to his chest and forearms, but I don't know why that would add to the design. I do like the blueish-black color of his face and beard. Helps distinguish him from his suit. Both skins are clearly designed after astronaut suits but redesigned forncombat, which does come across really well. It's also a good hint towards his lore. I wish his facial expression wasn't so angry looking. I'm sure this is a reference to his ultimate, but his voicelines and interactions make him seem more gentle, curious, and awkward. I wish his expression was one of thoughtfulness or curiosity.

Overwatch 1: a perfectly fine 5/10. A good concept with a nice design idea, but without the creativity to make him anything but a gorilla in a space suit.

Overwatch 2: an above average 6/10. It has more rounded, softer edges, and his proportions looke like they have been modify in a way i like (bigger head, broader hindquaters, stomach sticks out more). And I like how the metal on his head was re-imagined to look like a headpeice.

Juno's boring as shit. "Ouuggghh she's from space! Tee hee!" My brother in the Iris, you literally kicked off this game with a gorilla from the moon.

Lifeweaver