What Does It Feel Like To Have Smooth Fingers? To Have Smooth Nails, Maybe Even Long Ones? To Be 8 Years

What does it feel like to have smooth fingers? To have smooth nails, maybe even long ones? To be 8 years old and not have to hide your toes in shame during gym/P.E class because they're chewed and incomplete and ugly? To not be scolded and called gross when you don't even notice what you're doing, told that you'll just grow out of it?

To try everything you can think of to stop it. Gloves, nail polish (even the kind that's disgusting, because even that will be ripped away), everything. And to have nothing work.

What does it feel like to not have the nails of your little toes grow in two? To not have a flappy little extra nail that gets caught on everything and hurts you? To not sometimes be missing such a large amount of skin on your big toe that you can't walk without wrapping it in bandages?

To let your scabs heal normally, to not have them last for months and months and months because you just keep picking at them everytime, to not have open bleeding spots on your arms, to not know the way they crunch in your mouth.

To not suffer with infections; on your toes, your back, hardly ever being aware of them because they're just par for the course?

What does it feel like to look at the newly-healed skin on your big toe, and see anything other than a snack?

I don't know. I don't think i'll ever know.

Me: my fingers hurt:'(

My brain: stop biting them and peeling the lose skin off

Me: No! It tasty! >:(

For such a long time, i truly tried to convince myself i saw the word 'human' as nothing more than a synonym for 'homo sapien'.

But that's just how i wish it was. I truly wish 'human' meant nothing more than this species, that i could identify with the word that way.

But i am a 'human' only in that i am a part of the 'homo sapiens' species. But as long as ppl continue to delude themselves into thinking that there is some specific requirement for the label, that some groups don't qualify for whatever reason they come up with, that anyone has the right to look upon another and declare them unworthy, i won't be able to claim myself as one.

I wish i was human, yet when ppl say the word i feel no connection to it.

bfrb's are so funny, like "you perceive a flaw? make it worse." ok cool, thanks. impeccable logic there. this will absolutely not cause potentially life long problems.

no, no I will not let it heal