Just Ugh - Tumblr Posts
I edited this pic of Cody Fern...you're welcome!
@codyfernuk
He needs to win the "sexiest man alive" award! ❤️
😍
The way Dagan walks is just UGH!
Why are men so tall??? And why am I so short?? Unless he’s a midget I’m always craning my neck to see their face! Forget the tall ones, I hope you guys are fine with me speaking to your chest cuz that’s all I can reach✋🏻😓 Am I short? Yes. Does that stop me being angry at tall people? Absolutely not.
Your work has been a gift to mankind. You shaped the century. And I need you to do it one more time… THE WINTER SOLDIER 2014 | Portrayed by Sebastian Stan
Am I the only one that has over a billion ideas for either fanfics or original stories and like I lay the whole story out in my mind characters, settings and even a decent plot. But when I actually sit down to write the words DON'T WORK. No matter how hard I try the beautiful/crazy world I created in my head refuses to be put on paper. It's so frustrating because I feel that I have something so amazing that others would probably enjoy but can't because I can't English properly. Totally frustrating.
Ugh. I am still sick, and now taking a steroid inhaler twice a day, along with handfuls of other meds. Doctors can’t figure out what’s wrong, and my only theory is that it might be mold. So now I’m trying to get a decent mold inspector for my house, and praying we don’t have to replace walls/carpets, because PWLI still doesn’t have a job, and just... ugh.
To add to the list of things I hate and are pissing me off, here's another one. I absolutely hate when people start liking my posts. Commenting is cool but I don't want to know who's read my posts (I DO I DO I DO) and who's tapped the little heart button to drop a like. I hate when the notifications in my notification box start piling up in huge numbers because I lose sight of my answered asks and anything more substantial and relevant.
Can someone please help me out. I want to turn off the like button on Tumblr. Is that even an option? How do you turn off likes and prohibit people from liking your posts? Hmu 😭
If I see one more “they ran their fingers through my hair 🥺” again, just know that I’m throwing my device away and wincing at the mere thought of someone running their hand through my thick ass hair.
NATO Standard Phonetic Alphabet,
The phonetic alphabet was developed as a way to spell things out over radio communications that may be less then ideal, I.E. a lot of static or weak signal. All the words were chosen because they have a distinct sound that is easy to pick out. Military and police communications use the phonetic alphabet heavily and can be helpful to know for talking over CB’s or FRS (walky talky) radios.
QUEENMAKER | CHAPTER 4
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pairing chan x reader
genre ninth member au, enemies to lovers, angst, fluff, coming of age, social media, cancel culture, anxiety, depression, forbidden love,
summary To JYPE, the solution is simple; take the sole trainee that will not debut with your brand new girl group, and use her to replace the missing vocalist in your male group that insisted on starting as nine.
Unfortunately, to the fans and the members themselves, it isn't that simple.
status ongoing
taglist OPEN
previous | masterlist | next
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By sheer coincidence, or maybe just rampant bad luck, you do see I.N on the way to your second dance practise of the day, lurking around by the vocal rooms at the same time as you finish a lesson.
You almost walk away, truth be told, when his back remains turned to you, busy talking to someone you don't recognise. You've barely met, apart from scattered exchanges of words (which is still more than you've exchanged with Han, who only ever seems focused on the dance or on doing something silly in another corner of the room), and it seems...awkward, to go over and grab him and not let go, as Lee Know had so eloquently put it. Rude, too, when he is still a sunbaenim, in public and in the group that you're now a part of, two years your senior even though he is younger-
It's a weird situation to be in. That reality hadn't left your mind since Taerin had pointed it out on the day you'd first received the offer; and it's only the safety of that knowledge bolstered by the...unease of turning up to dance practise and admitting that you saw him and didn't bring him that propels you down the hall, trying to catch his attention without interrupting his conversation.
He glances over the moment that you pass by his peripheral vision, pausing midsentence to give you a small wave in greeting and then resuming what he was saying, half-turned as if you are part of the conversation. You hang back anyway, trying not to listen in as he finishes up and his friend departs, leaving you alone in the hallway.
"What's up?" he asks when the other boy is out of earshot.
A sheepish smile sets itself upon your face. "This might sound weird, but I was instructed to...drag you to dance practise, basically."
He stares at you for a second, uncomprehending, and then blanches, pulling several faces in a row. "I nearly forgot about that," he says, rubbing the back of his neck with one hand, and then frowns. "Wait, is that what Lee Know hyung said?"
"Basically," you answer, and pull out your phone to show him. One eyebrow raises, a look of disdain crossing his face even as he struggles not to laugh.
"He makes it sound like I'm always late or something," he complains as you start down the hall together, shifting his bag on his shoulder for better comfort. "For the record, I've never been late."
Unbidden, a smile plays on your lips. "Never?" you dare to ask, testing the waters just a bit.
You're pleased when he cracks a smile and a breathy laugh, unable to hide it under a straight face. "Maybe sometimes. Not as much as he wants you to think, though."
You're inclined to believe I.N, despite not knowing much of either side. While you've missed some of the boys in the first week of practise, never ending up close to each other by pure circumstance, you've spent the great majority of that time trying to follow along with Lee Know as he picks at details and mistakes and runs choreography back past the other boys - and toys with them as he pleases, straightfaced enough to make anything that comes out of his mouth sound believeable.
And anything could come out of his mouth, any bald-faced lie he feels like telling in the moment. In practise times, he is a serious and trustworthy teacher, but as soon as the music turns off, anyone is fair game and any topic that will cause havoc amongst the people gathered in the room is preferable.
It's kind of funny, when you're standing nearby and innocently listening in. You have a feeling it's funny when it happens to you as well, but his particular kind of wit hasn't turned towards you yet.
Lee Know is already waiting when you make it to the dance room, the music playing while he lazily marks choreography to the mirror. God's Menu, the track that's beginning to play in your dreams and your nightmares, when you find the time to have them. The bane of your existance, almost, except that the tune is horrifically catchy and the choreo is starting to make its way into your bones and at that point, it is hard to resent any of the track.
He turns as you enter, watching the door swing open in the reflection of the mirror, and then strides across the room to pause the music. "You brought him," he says to you, pleased, as Jeongin trails in behind you, closing the door with the bump of his shoulder.
"Hyung," he says before you can say anything. "Why am I being escorted to practice now?"
"No reason," Lee Know replies, deadpan; but there's an impish look in his eyes that says otherwise, the ghost of the smile that he's hiding curving in the lines of his face. You have a feeling you've both just been the butt of some joke he's only told himself, especially when the look that Jeongin gives you behind his back is long-suffering. Perhaps you hadn't been so right about him not toying with you yet.
Dance practise runs smoothly, as it always does, although there is far less goofing around at the beginning than there is when all eight boys are here together. This is a sombre duo, you notice; Minho is sharp-eyed and precise in what he wants, but gentle in his teaching - I.N is studious in response, trying to press every little detail into his limbs in the short time given.
You are serious about practise too, determined to get it right and trying to emulate the attitude that I.N puts forward as best you can, but...it is hard. Not the choreography so much, although it isn't easy, but the detail, the finer points that they have spent years honing while you were still scrapping for survival in the trainee rooms. They work with a practised ease, falling into a rhythm that molds to the other members that they've beaten into their bodies in the two long years they've danced with each other, but your body won't follow along so easily no matter how hard you try - always a little stiff, or a fraction slow, or too reserved when the rest are opening up. Always sticking out like a sore thumb, no matter the placement or the move.
Dancing was already a sticking point for you, an achilles heel you've worked and worked and worked to overcome, but this is...this is another thing. It's daunting, to come into this room every day and play yourself back on a video and notice the fractions of a second that pass by, the way everyone else moves around each other and you stand like a rock in the centre of their ocean, unable to follow an underwater current you weren't even made to feel.
"Bigger movements," Minho says as Chan's voice plays over the speakers, the nod of his head marking the choreography as he turns his back to the mirror and watches intently. Your kick is good, sky-high and bursting with energy, but the movement after it is quick, and then the throw-
"Bigger," Minho says again, arms reaching and pulling in example even as the music moves on. "Keep going."
You pick it back up at the prechorus, stretching for that extra movement he wants to see, trying to embed the feeling of it right down into your bones. It's hard, and it's tiring - your mind slips to something else, or your breath hitches funny in your throat, and your body wants to slip back into its old way of dancing, rather than stretching to its limits. You've always found details hard, to spot and to correct, your confidence in your own judgement lacking; unlike singing, where you were sure you knew what you were capable of and when you strayed from your goals.
The music ends with a final bow to the mirror, your mouth open and your chest heaving, the dance burning like liquid fire in your veins. You have to remind yourself to hold the pose and hide the weakness of your limbs for several seconds, a small moment you hadn't really thought to practise in the past - your eyes stray to Jeongin, taking up the spot just in front and to your right, waiting for him to break first before you relax too, shaking out your arms.
"It was good," Minho says, his voice lifting upwards in what you think is a hopeful tone. "Better than the other day."
"Still not good enough though," you reply, though you store the compliment away in the corner of your mind, pleased that he isn't saying you haven't learnt anything. Debut or not, you've always taken pride in being an excellent student, and you need that one thing to hold on to right now, when everything else is so up in the air.
"Not yet," Minho agrees readily, leaning back against the counter at the back of the room. His eyes meet yours in the mirror, the expression unreadable. "Not that it's an easy dance. Keep working on the details, and it will keep getting better."
You feel like there's an or else attached to that sentence that he isn't saying, a black cloud that hangs over you as his voice peters out and his gaze watches you thoughtfully, though what he's searching for, you don't know. All you can do is nod in response and push down the cold fear, letting his eyes drop away as he turns to say something to Jeongin that sounds much more positive than your review.
"Can we run through Top today too?" Jeongin questions when he is done, one sleeve wiping the sweat from his brow. "We're going back to that this week, aren't we?"
"Yeah," Minho confirms. "One week before we go."
"Top?" you question with a frown; the name sounds familiar, maybe from the extensive list of tracks sitting in a folder on your phone waiting to be listened to, but you can't summon any memory of the track itself off the top of your head.
"Our Japan promotion next week," Jeongin says. "You haven't heard it yet?"
"I think I have it somewhere, but I've been focusing on the album," you reply. "You're going to Japan next week?"
"You don't have the new schedule?" Minho questions.
"No?" you reply tentatively. "Not one with Japan on it, anyway. The only thing on my schedule is dance and vocal. No one's told me anything else." Not even Chan, though he'd been...busier this week. More distant, only around for group practise and then gone again. You've seen most of the boys around by themselves, practising one thing or another, but not Chan, who seems quite happy to leave you with Minho and focus on whatever duties he had that were drawing him away. Not that you could blame him, when you were just an additional problem thrown on him right before a comeback. If you were him, you'd probably find someone else to deal with it too.
Jeongin reaches out, patting you on the shoulder sympathetically. "No one tells me anything either," he says, so serious that somehow, he circles right back around to funny. It surprises you, so much that a smile cracks across your face unbidden; which in turn makes him laugh, a short breath that swallows itself back down before it can become a proper giggle.
Minho is immune to the humor, arms crossed over his chest. He looks like he has something to say, his brow furrowed in a particular way, but all he says is, "Lets do Top," and turns to the computer again, scrolling through the tracklist.
Jeongin turns towards the mirror, flashing you a smile as he picks a spot on the floor to begin. You shuffle out of the way before the music starts, dropping onto the couch in time with the first note and reaching for water. Minho wanders across the room in no real hurry, watching Jeongin pick up the first beats of the choreography on his own, the spaces where the other members are supposed to be around him gaping wide.
"Are you at the front for the chorus?" Minho asks over the sound of Hyunjin's voice playing through the speakers, Jeongin joining him at the side of the room as the verse plays out.
"Yes," Jeongin replies.
"Oh, I.N-ah!" Minho crows, and then picks up the dance as Hyunjin's part ends and Seungmin begins, his voice clear and crisp as the beat behind it drops out. "Main dancer I.N-ah!"
Laughing, Jeongin follows, joining in time with the music. You watch, mesmerised as they work their way through the chorus and then back into another verse; this is obviously choreography made for a whole group, not to be done on its own, but even with the obvious gaps in the timing, it looks...cool. Fun, you're surprised to think, even though the fast, sharp movements never seem to stop and I.N obviously tires the longer it goes on, his action softening and his body starting to forget the movement that comes next, limbs hesitating a fraction too long.
Minho oscillates between dancing and watching, eagle-eyes following every small shift in the other boy's body from start to finish. It's impressive, how much he can see at once, how there are so many timings missing with the other members and yet he knows where and when everything is supposed to hit, his brow furrowing or his head cocking to the side when something isn't quite right.
"You know what to work on for that," he says when the music ends, shrugging when Jeongin's eyes find him in the mirror. You move for him, leaning over to the computer to pause the music before the next song can start playing.
"Everything?" Jeongin guesses wryly, pushing his hair back out of his eyes.
"We haven't done it for a while," Minho says. "Wait until we all do it. You're going to be the only one in time."
"Because I'm at the front," Jeongin says, but he manages to smile anyway, turning away from the mirror in search of his water bottle.
Minho is unsympathetic, following him across the room. "Well if we put you at the back, how will anyone see how cute you are?"
Jeongin twists sharply. "That's true," he says, masking the laugh that threatens to spread across his face. "You're smart, hyung."
"I know," Minho replies, and then he turns away, picking up his jacket. "Are you going home now?"
"No, I have a lesson."
"I.N-ah, are you practising everything today?" Minho's voice rises with each word, the grin on his face growing wider and wider. You lean back against the counter as you watch, amused at the way they bounce off each other as Minho pokes at his ribs and I.N laughs, skittering away out of reach. "You're so cool. You're going to be a rockstar."
"Get out of here," Jeongin says, shoving him away.
Minho laughs, stepping towards the door, and then turning to you. "You were good today," he says; his voice light, but not uncaring. "You're going to sing next time."
"Thankyou," you say, your head dropping, unable to accept the compliment face-to-face. Someone outside catches Minho's attention in the next moment, drawing him towards the door.
"Hey," Jeongin says before you can follow, drawing up beside you. "Give me your number, and I'll tell you when I'm in here practising."
You blink at him, your hand automatically reaching for your phone before stalling again. So far, only Minho has asked for your number, to organise times for these practises. "Are you sure?" you question. "You don't have to do that."
I.N nods, his phone already in his hand. "As your sunbae, I have to make sure Minho's teaching doesn't kill you," he says, a smile tucking itself away behind his cheek as he pretends to be completely serious. "As my elder, you should be here to make sure he doesn't kill me."
You're the first to laugh again, the sound bursting out of you unbidden at the face he makes, the specific way he intones each word. He looks pleased at your reaction, a smile lighting up his face. "Deal," you say, and you pull out your phone, tapping his number into a new contact.
TAGLIST
@kokinu09 @rainfallingfromthesky @lixie-phoria @mysweethannie @chlodavids @hanniemylovelyquokka @tfshouldidohere @lauraliisa @puppysmileseungmin @kalopsian-thoughts @puppy-minnie @readerofallthingss @dvbkie099 @kthstrawberryshortcake-main @acker-night @d-chagi @lynlyndoll @borahae-reads @ihrtlix @yienmarkk @minhwa @i2innie @jinnie-ret @conwunder
The possibility of aromantic living situations
Busy this Valentines Day as an aroace person thinking about the relationship between capitalism, family structures, and property (very normal thing to think about I know). In a book I read recently, The Mushroom at the End of the World; On the Possibility of Life in Capitalist Ruins by Anna Lowenhaupt Tsing, she talks about one of the goals of capitalism is scalability. Scalability is about making sure that a unit can work on every different sized model. Endless growth is an important part of capitalism, and if all your 'units' are the same size, you can easily create the same thing, just bigger, only requiring more of the same parts, rather than creating new parts. E.g. if you have a square block, you can create the exact same shape just bigger (read: making more money) if you have four more of the same square blocks.
The nuclear family is one of those squares that forms the basis of so much of society from housing to child raising to everyday finances. It is no secret that the nuclear family (mum, dad, and kids) is seen as the ideal and moral family structure in most of the west. And colonialism has had a big part in exporting this to other places around the world. But for many people, especially aro folks, this structure just doesn't fit what we want out of life.
And I've just been thinking about how that idea of the nuclear family is related to property and wealth and how it disadvantages queer folks. In the country which I live in, there is a massive housing crisis and owning a house is a pipe dream for many because of the cost. Property is culturally seen as probably the main way in which you build wealth/capital because you don't get taxed on it (there is no property/capital gains tax) and there are SO MANY tax benefits for landlords its insane. So when housing is linked so majorly to wealth and capitalism it makes sense that you would want it to be scalable.
And what is the most scalable living/family structure? The nuclear family. So, since housing is market driven, theres no incentive to create other types of houses/living situations except those designed for the nuclear family. Because property/housing is so ingrained in capitalism, that its an investment, and you want to be going for a big portion of the market.
This just creates an endless cycle of property enforcing traditional nuclear family structures, and nuclear family structures enforcing property. Because there is no incentive to provide anything different and there is limited ability to be anything else. And even if a person, or developer or whatever wants to create something non-typical (e.g. cohousing and coliving, at least in my country) because its not scalable or market friendly, good luck finding a bank to give you a loan, or a developer to work on it, or hell even the government to have proper land classifications to make such a project possible.
It just frustrates me so much as a non-partnering aromantic person because I feel like I have no options and I have to fit my circular shape into a square just so that people can build a bigger model of the exact same thing. And I think its something that we don't talk enough about in the queer community, and that we make ourselves into these square blocks because there is no other way to be, and in doing so just enforcing the very structures that oppress us.
So anyway, rant over. Hopefully my brain dump made sense and resonates with some of y'all. And go read The Mushroom at the End of the World, its really eye opening.
just saw a whole bunch of fics shipping a canonically aroace character who is canonically sex and romance repulsed...just...why...you wouldn't do that to a gay or bi person would you? So why is aroace any different
What does it feel like to have smooth fingers? To have smooth nails, maybe even long ones? To be 8 years old and not have to hide your toes in shame during gym/P.E class because they're chewed and incomplete and ugly? To not be scolded and called gross when you don't even notice what you're doing, told that you'll just grow out of it?
To try everything you can think of to stop it. Gloves, nail polish (even the kind that's disgusting, because even that will be ripped away), everything. And to have nothing work.
What does it feel like to not have the nails of your little toes grow in two? To not have a flappy little extra nail that gets caught on everything and hurts you? To not sometimes be missing such a large amount of skin on your big toe that you can't walk without wrapping it in bandages?
To let your scabs heal normally, to not have them last for months and months and months because you just keep picking at them everytime, to not have open bleeding spots on your arms, to not know the way they crunch in your mouth.
To not suffer with infections; on your toes, your back, hardly ever being aware of them because they're just par for the course?
What does it feel like to look at the newly-healed skin on your big toe, and see anything other than a snack?
I don't know. I don't think i'll ever know.
Phantom pain
(Reference to 4.0 Archon Quest)
there's something so raw and soul crushing about spending your late childhood+teen years suicidal then growing up and actually wanting to live, after an ungodly effort, only to see your health deteriorate because of chronic illness.
